Sex at Dawn
Prahasaurus
Posts: 1,381 Member
So, I finished the book that spawned the "Monogamy versus Polygamy" thread. Although, to be precise, the correct term is polyamory, since it's not about one man with many women (or vice versa), but many men with many women. In short, the author's thesis is that we are very promiscuous animals, but since the advent of agriculture, we have tried to surpress our true sexual nature, with predictable consequences: affairs, guilt, lying, broken marriages, etc., etc. The link to the book is here: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Stray-Modern-Relationships/dp/0061707813
I think the author does a great job in making his case that we were (are) promiscuos. Where he comes up short is on the key question: "So what?" In other words, what do we change now in light of a new understanding of our past? I think the genie is out of the bottle, and modern society more or less demands a relationship model built on monogamy, with all of the inevitable failings associated with it.
In any case, it's a great read, and here are some of the facts presented in the book, given randomly. Warning: quite sexual, perhaps TMI, if you're squeamish or prudish, stop reading now (which guarantees everyone will continue reading):
1 - We probably lived in groups of 100 - 150. Men and women had sex together, quite often. Women had multiple partners, they were almost certainly not monogamous.
2 - Competition among men happened within the women, at the cellular level. Women did not choose ONE mate, nor did men fight it out to take control of a harem of women. A woman had sex with many men, and her body helped "choose" which sperm would ultimately inseminate her. Oftentimes the strong, virile male would have sperm that was not a great fit for the woman, and her body would tend to block that sperm more aggressively from inseminating her. Her body knew better than she did which sperm was most likely to produce a healthy baby.
3 - The male penis is designed to scoop out sperm to lower the chances that others will inseminate the woman. Thrusting creates a vacuum effect that also eliminates competitive sperm. After ejaculation, the head of the penis gets smaller, reducing the likelihood that the man's own semen will be expelled. This most likely evolved in an environment where multiple men were having sex with multiple women.
4 - Women are loud during sex, more so than men. This excited nearby males, who then came over to have sex with the woman, as well. It was dangerous to attract attention, since this also attracted predators (lions, tigers, etc.). But women did it to increase the number of males that mated with her. These sounds are highly erotic for men, and men can distinguish women having sex in a noisy environment quite easily. We are programmed to hear this, it is a huge turn on, a major sexual stimulant. Men like loud women. :-)
5 - Even today, men find watching multiple men having sex with one woman extremely erotic. If you look at porn viewing statistics for men, multiple men with one woman is a more popular genre than multiple women with one man. Makes little sense, since men should prefer looking at more naked women. Not true...
6 - Modern women are more culturally conditioned to lie about sex. In a study, men/women were shown erotic pics, then asked questions. At the same time, they were hooked up to machines that measured blood flow to the penis/vagina. The result? Men were quite predictable: heterosexual men said they liked naked women, and their blood flow was consistent. Homosexual men the opposite, as expected. Women, on the other hand, lied. Hetero women claimed to be turned on more by naked men than was actually the case. They claimed to not be turned on by naked women, when in fact they were. Not as much as they were by naked men, but more than they were admitting. Women's sexuality is less concrete than men's. Women are more flexible. Also, modern women lie about their number of sexual partners. Men tend to report their numbers more or less accurately.
7 - Men prefer sexual variety. If they have a blonde, they later want a brunette. If their wife is skinny, they look for fat. Men are programmed in this way to prevent (or reduce) incest. Which is why they seek out variety. It's also another reason why relationships flounder over time. The woman becomes more like a "sister" than a lover, and this is a huge turn off for men. Key takeaway for women: it's critical for women to mix it up, change their look, do whatever they can to continually add variety into the bedroom. Otherwise, men get bored, sperm levels drop, and they lose interest.
8 - Men's overall well being is linked to testosterone levels. From sexual appetite, to overall health and happiness. After being with the same woman over time, testosterone levels begin to fall. Having kids (or, rather, taking care of kids) also causes a huge drop. Having affairs, on the other hand, increase testosterone levels, increasing a man's energy level, happiness, etc. (although in modern society, it also causes guilt). A new woman for sex means chemical changes that increase a man's happiness. However, over time with the same woman (again), testosterone levels fall, so the effect of the affair wears off. The new woman is no longer helping, and the affair fizzles. The man is back where he began, looking for another testosterone fix...
9 - Men with higher levels of testosterone live longer, and live healthier lives. Regular affairs can prolong a man's life, even the quality of life. However, again, the guilt increases stress, which lowers the quality of life.
10 - Birth control pills alter women's sense of smell, which alerts them to which men's sperm is probably more compatible within their bodies. Women who meet a man while on the pill are often surprised to learn they are not as attracted to the same man after they go off the pill, e.g. when trying to have a baby.
11 - Women developed large breasts around the time we began walking upright. It was probably to mimic the look of the buttocks on women when sitting in trees. It was a new fertility signal for the modern, walking primate. Breasts were the new buttocks. :-)
12 - When ovulating, women find "virile" men sexier. They are also less likely to use birth control during sex.
The book is filled with interesting research on male and female sexuality. Highly recommended.
--P
I think the author does a great job in making his case that we were (are) promiscuos. Where he comes up short is on the key question: "So what?" In other words, what do we change now in light of a new understanding of our past? I think the genie is out of the bottle, and modern society more or less demands a relationship model built on monogamy, with all of the inevitable failings associated with it.
In any case, it's a great read, and here are some of the facts presented in the book, given randomly. Warning: quite sexual, perhaps TMI, if you're squeamish or prudish, stop reading now (which guarantees everyone will continue reading):
1 - We probably lived in groups of 100 - 150. Men and women had sex together, quite often. Women had multiple partners, they were almost certainly not monogamous.
2 - Competition among men happened within the women, at the cellular level. Women did not choose ONE mate, nor did men fight it out to take control of a harem of women. A woman had sex with many men, and her body helped "choose" which sperm would ultimately inseminate her. Oftentimes the strong, virile male would have sperm that was not a great fit for the woman, and her body would tend to block that sperm more aggressively from inseminating her. Her body knew better than she did which sperm was most likely to produce a healthy baby.
3 - The male penis is designed to scoop out sperm to lower the chances that others will inseminate the woman. Thrusting creates a vacuum effect that also eliminates competitive sperm. After ejaculation, the head of the penis gets smaller, reducing the likelihood that the man's own semen will be expelled. This most likely evolved in an environment where multiple men were having sex with multiple women.
4 - Women are loud during sex, more so than men. This excited nearby males, who then came over to have sex with the woman, as well. It was dangerous to attract attention, since this also attracted predators (lions, tigers, etc.). But women did it to increase the number of males that mated with her. These sounds are highly erotic for men, and men can distinguish women having sex in a noisy environment quite easily. We are programmed to hear this, it is a huge turn on, a major sexual stimulant. Men like loud women. :-)
5 - Even today, men find watching multiple men having sex with one woman extremely erotic. If you look at porn viewing statistics for men, multiple men with one woman is a more popular genre than multiple women with one man. Makes little sense, since men should prefer looking at more naked women. Not true...
6 - Modern women are more culturally conditioned to lie about sex. In a study, men/women were shown erotic pics, then asked questions. At the same time, they were hooked up to machines that measured blood flow to the penis/vagina. The result? Men were quite predictable: heterosexual men said they liked naked women, and their blood flow was consistent. Homosexual men the opposite, as expected. Women, on the other hand, lied. Hetero women claimed to be turned on more by naked men than was actually the case. They claimed to not be turned on by naked women, when in fact they were. Not as much as they were by naked men, but more than they were admitting. Women's sexuality is less concrete than men's. Women are more flexible. Also, modern women lie about their number of sexual partners. Men tend to report their numbers more or less accurately.
7 - Men prefer sexual variety. If they have a blonde, they later want a brunette. If their wife is skinny, they look for fat. Men are programmed in this way to prevent (or reduce) incest. Which is why they seek out variety. It's also another reason why relationships flounder over time. The woman becomes more like a "sister" than a lover, and this is a huge turn off for men. Key takeaway for women: it's critical for women to mix it up, change their look, do whatever they can to continually add variety into the bedroom. Otherwise, men get bored, sperm levels drop, and they lose interest.
8 - Men's overall well being is linked to testosterone levels. From sexual appetite, to overall health and happiness. After being with the same woman over time, testosterone levels begin to fall. Having kids (or, rather, taking care of kids) also causes a huge drop. Having affairs, on the other hand, increase testosterone levels, increasing a man's energy level, happiness, etc. (although in modern society, it also causes guilt). A new woman for sex means chemical changes that increase a man's happiness. However, over time with the same woman (again), testosterone levels fall, so the effect of the affair wears off. The new woman is no longer helping, and the affair fizzles. The man is back where he began, looking for another testosterone fix...
9 - Men with higher levels of testosterone live longer, and live healthier lives. Regular affairs can prolong a man's life, even the quality of life. However, again, the guilt increases stress, which lowers the quality of life.
10 - Birth control pills alter women's sense of smell, which alerts them to which men's sperm is probably more compatible within their bodies. Women who meet a man while on the pill are often surprised to learn they are not as attracted to the same man after they go off the pill, e.g. when trying to have a baby.
11 - Women developed large breasts around the time we began walking upright. It was probably to mimic the look of the buttocks on women when sitting in trees. It was a new fertility signal for the modern, walking primate. Breasts were the new buttocks. :-)
12 - When ovulating, women find "virile" men sexier. They are also less likely to use birth control during sex.
The book is filled with interesting research on male and female sexuality. Highly recommended.
--P
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