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How to break up

jenbit
jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
in Social Groups
Ok people I have decided to break up with Mr. NG. I dont feel that we have the right connection The party on saturday was a big wake up call. All of the couples around me made me realize that we didn't have that. Multiple of my friends male and female both asked who my bf was and couldn't believe it when I told them. It made me realize the whole thing has stagnanted and is heading south .

So now how do I do this without breaking his heart. I only broke up with one guy before and it didnt go well. Thoughts, opinions and advice please

Replies

  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
    I'm not sure why people seem to believe there's a way to break up with someone without hurting their feelings. Fact is, if he likes you and wants to be with you, there's NO WAY you can NOT break his heart.

    Be honest and kind to minimize the impact. Tell him you don't feel the connection and that you're sorry but things changed too dramatically too soon (not even a month and he's consistently canceling on you? Bluh.) and you'd like to call it quits before things get bad.

    Edit: Oh, try not to be too accusing. Instead of just saying "YOU did blah blah blah" say "I don't want to feel like I come second all the time." ya dig? The former could put him on the defensive and it's best to avoid that...
  • MikeM53082
    MikeM53082 Posts: 1,199 Member
    Do it via text. Or just poof on him.

    In all seriousness, just tell him what you told all of us. Pretty much when you look at other couples and how they act toward each other, you don't think you and Mr. NG have that.

    Be gentle, but straightforward.
  • afv417
    afv417 Posts: 466 Member
    Be truthful. It will hurt both of you, regardless.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Does it make me a horrible person to do it over the phone (phonecall)
  • disneywm76
    disneywm76 Posts: 573 Member
    Honestly, I think a phone call would be better than a text. That way if he has questions you can answer them without it being a long, drawn out process. And kudos to you for recognizing early on that it won't work. :flowerforyou:

    Oh, and no it doesn't make you a horrible person to call!!! You're just doing what needs to be done.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    I recall that he might have already been part of your social circle before you started dating? If that's true, then a call or in person will be necessary so nothing is awkward later on.
  • RunIntheMud
    RunIntheMud Posts: 2,645 Member
    I guess I'm more in favor of in person...but, over the phone is definitely better than text.

    And, I agree with everyone. Just tell him what you told us. Be honest, but not brutal. You don't want to crush him, but you don't want him to think there is any chance of staying together.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
    Awwww, I'm sorry it's not working out :frown:

    No great advice. Breaking up is hard to do :flowerforyou:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    Well I just texted him to call me . Waiting for the call ..I hate this part
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
    good luck Jen

    I've only had one person I dated long enough to really have to "break up" I knew he loved me..and he was a sweet guy..just not the right guy..hardest thing I had to do was hurt him but it would have hurt him more if I kept on with the lie.
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
    It is hard for sure. Just be honest and make it clear that it is over. Not if he changes or does something different, if that is the case. My ex husband had me believe that there was hope .. and there never was. That would be my only advice.

    I'm sorry it isn't working out for you. :smooched:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    He didn't take it well. He told me he loved me and always well and then hung up on me.
  • 4themoney
    4themoney Posts: 797 Member
    my guess, is that if you texted him to call you, he's gonna know it's coming......

    i'm sorry things aren't working out. i hope it goes smoothly. ((HUGS))

    sorry, posted at the same time.

    ((HUGS))
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Sorry Jen. Breaking up sucks, on both sides!! Just remember, it IS part of dating! I tell myself that and it makes me feel better.
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
    Ugh! How do you feel?

    Honestly tho .. if he treated you this way this early in the relationship ... If you love someone then you should want to spend time with them .. especially in the beginning.
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    I don't feel bad. I feel guilty I didn't know he was in love with me. Honestly who waits to tell someone that until they break up with you. I would have broke it off earlier if I knew he was in love with me. I wasn't in love with him
  • Jennifer2387
    Jennifer2387 Posts: 957 Member
    Well, that is good that you are doing well. I don't think he is motivated enough to hang with you girl! lol. You are so full of life and energy and he just seems more laid back, slower and a home body.

    Hugs!
  • JanieJack
    JanieJack Posts: 3,831 Member
    I don't feel bad. I feel guilty I didn't know he was in love with me. Honestly who waits to tell someone that until they break up with you. I would have broke it off earlier if I knew he was in love with me. I wasn't in love with him

    It could be that he was overcome with a rush of emotions at that moment and declared his love but didn't "really" mean it. I say this because your original post said it was stagnating, which doesn't sound like a man truly "in love."

    Try not to feel bad about breaking his heard. Even though you are truly awesome, I doubt you actually DID break his heart. Even if you did, it was best for both of you to go separate way and find someone more compatible. This, in the long run, is the most loving act.

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