How do you know when you are "over" someone?

Moe4572

Most you you know that I got 'dumped' last week (via text), and had no real closure. I don't know how to know when I am "over" someone---with my divorce, we did the whole dating/trying to make it work for like 4 mos, and so it slowly came to an end and I was over him by the time he told me the dating thing wasn't working and he wanted "out". So was a slow process. With last relationship, I was the one who broke up with him--completely different set of rules there because I wanted the breakup, and should have done it earlier than I did.

So, we only dated for three months, and my friends suggested going back on the dating site, which I have done, and am talking to a couple of guys that are interesting, but not sure when I would be up to meeting anyone. Is that unfair to them? I have not told them I am just out of a relationship, though I would if they asked.

Some people say takes years to get over someone even if they only dated them a short time....I don't see that being the case AT ALL, but not knowing what went wrong really leaves things open ended and it sucks! I did write an email to see what went wrong, knowing full well he would not respond and he didn't.

And, wow, I have gotten more attention on POF than ever before........same profile, new pics..only a few guys worth talking to though

Carl01

"Over"...not sure one ever is once they invest their heart.

"Past"...when another person stirs a passion.

Moe4572

"Over"...not sure one ever is once they invest their heart.

"Past"...when another person stirs a passion.

That actually totally makes sense....thanks Carl:flowerforyou:

shammxo

I know when I'm "over" someone if the thought of them with someone doesn't make me want to vomit. Or the sight of them doesn't cause me physical pain.

I've only had to get "over" one guy... So I may not be an expert.

TheKitsune6

You know you are over someone when you aren't filled with extreme emotions at the thought of them. You're definitely ready to move on once you meet someone and get those butterflies again.

It takes a bit of time, and it varies from person to person but it will happen

Mellie289

I'm over someone when I don't think about him any more. My day starts and ends without a single thought of him. If he comes to mind in some way (seeing a picture, someone brings him up, he posts on my wall on FB), I don't imagine being with him anymore and I'm not even curious what he's doing.

Prahasaurus

Men always lose interest over time (relatively speaking), but in long term relationships, we are able to maintain a decent level of interest throughout (although it will rarely be like those initial few months). I suppose the key in a long term relationship, from the male's perspective (won't even pretend to speak for the ladies!) is to do whatever it takes to retain some of that initial infatuation.

I know I'm over someone when I just don't think about them often. I'll receive an email or a call from my ex about the kids (or whatever), and it will be the first time I've even thought about her since our previous contact. That sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I think we men are capable of flipping a switch quite quickly and moving on, perhaps much faster than the ladies.

I've been married once, dated countless women throughout my life. Of all of those, there are only a few that I occasionally think about. So let's assume 3% of the women in my life have managed to maintain some kind of precarious hold over my mind. Not saying I want to get back with those few (perhaps 2 or 3?) women. But I do think about them occasionally. I do wonder what would have happened if we stayed together.

One was my first serious girlfriend, my high school sweetheart. So perhaps this is typical? And interestingly enough, she broke up with me when we finished high school (usually I end relationships). I was going to college in a different town, a long way from home. She was going to university close by. I never discussed it with her. I guess I assumed we'd still date somehow. She was more mature, and was waiting for an adult conversation on how we were going to proceed. It was a timing issue. Perhaps if I had met her when I was 30 (and she was available), things would have turned out differently. Instead, she dumped me, began dating another guy six months later. They got married two years or so after that. She was gorgeous and intelligent, with a great sense of humor. Kind, decent. Her husband is kind of bland (I know, sour grapes...). He was (perhaps still is?) a mid level manager in a tire shop (or something like that). She's a high school teacher. I hope they have a nice life together. She wanted a simple life in our hometown. And she's got it. I think they are still together. So perhaps she chose wisely. I hope so.

Another was a girl I dated in college, my final year or so there. She was two years younger. Super smart, tall, blonde, athletic, beautiful. Again, I graduated, moved to another city 3-4 hours away for work, and it was time to make a serious commitment (or end it). We kept dating for a year or so long distance, but I was more interested in running off to Europe to have an adventure. And so it ended. Again, hope she found a great guy.

Rambling now... :-)

--P

Mellie289

Men always lose interest over time (relatively speaking), but in long term relationships, we are able to maintain a decent level of interest throughout (although it will rarely be like those initial few months). I suppose the key in a long term relationship, from the male's perspective (won't even pretend to speak for the ladies!) is to do whatever it takes to retain some of that initial infatuation.

I know I'm over someone when I just don't think about them often. I'll receive an email or a call from my ex about the kids (or whatever), and it will be the first time I've even thought about her since our previous contact. That sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I think we men are capable of flipping a switch quite quickly and moving on, perhaps much faster than the ladies.

I've been married once, dated countless women throughout my life. Of all of those, there are only a few that I occasionally think about. So let's assume 3% of the women in my life have managed to maintain some kind of precarious hold over my mind. Not saying I want to get back with those few (perhaps 2 or 3?) women. But I do think about them occasionally. I do wonder what would have happened if we stayed together.

This would describe me to a tee (except flip men and women as appropriate, and I can count the number of men I've dated).

I would say one place I big difference is I never wonder what would have happened if I stayed with a former partner, but I do occasionally think about a guy who was never mine. He was taken and we were friends. I have always wondered 'what if' for that one - unrequited lust, I guess. For everyone else, it's over, really and truly.

MissingMinnesota

This will sound stupid but I always know I am over someone when I stop checking their horoscope when I check mine.

DMZ_1

Perhaps when you are "under" someone else. Being on top of someone else also helps.

All jokes aside, I think it is important to work through the emotional issues of a serious breakup before seeing new people. Sometimes professional counseling may be in order.

4themoney

i've read that it takes about one month for ever YEAR you are together. well, you were together 3 months, so maybe divide? maybe a couple of days to a week for every month you were together?

in all seriousness, you might need a bit of time before you want to meet someone, but that might not be because you need to get over someone, it might be because you were "dumped" or because you yourself need a little bit of time with YOU yourself.

i went on dates with a guy for a month, a lot of dates. we saw each other like 10+ times in a month. i was under the impression he was into me and things were moving in the right direction, then one day he's just not there and he pulls the rug out from under me. i left him alone, but he eventually did come to me and tell me he started seeing an ex girlfriend again.

i don't think i have EVER had anything like that happen to me in my entire life. so, it affected me more than i thought i would. i didn't have to get over him, because while i liked him i wasn't in love with him. and it had only been a month, etc. but, i needed some time to deal with the slam to my EGO! that alone was enough work!!!! it took me a couple weeks to even WANT to talk to a guy again. it's like in his one action i lost trust in men, in general. and it was about 6 weeks before i accepted a date from anyone again. and about 2 months before i let my guard down a little and decided to trust someone's word.......

but none of that was because i had to get over HIM. does that make sense????

pa_jorg

For me, it was when I stopped asking the question you just posed. When you have to ask, you're not over them. Once you are, it's just a feeling of clarity and peace about the situation.

jenbit

Perhaps when you are "under" someone else. Being on top of someone else also helps.

All jokes aside, I think it is important to work through the emotional issues of a serious breakup before seeing new people. Sometimes professional counseling may be in order.

Actually this isn't a joke for me. Having sex is one of the quickest ways to get over someone. It helps you close the door on the past and move forward (not suggesting you go out and jump some random guy though )

TheKitsune6

One was my first serious girlfriend, my high school sweetheart. So perhaps this is typical? And interestingly enough, she broke up with me when we finished high school (usually I end relationships). I was going to college in a different town, a long way from home. She was going to university close by. I never discussed it with her. I guess I assumed we'd still date somehow. She was more mature, and was waiting for an adult conversation on how we were going to proceed. It was a timing issue. Perhaps if I had met her when I was 30 (and she was available), things would have turned out differently. Instead, she dumped me, began dating another guy six months later. They got married two years or so after that. She was gorgeous and intelligent, with a great sense of humor. Kind, decent. Her husband is kind of bland (I know, sour grapes...). He was (perhaps still is?) a mid level manager in a tire shop (or something like that). She's a high school teacher. I hope they have a nice life together. She wanted a simple life in our hometown. And she's got it. I think they are still together. So perhaps she chose wisely. I hope so.

For some reason, this really struck me.

AnnaPixie

When I dont think about him sexually any more. And when I don't miss him in my life.

I think those are the main two tell tale signs.

I dont think you can put a time limit on it either. Sometimes it can happen overnight, and sometimes it can take years!

I hope you get over him quick Moe, you're going about it the right way by trying to find someone else. Only time will tell. :flowerforyou:

BelMckenzie

Perhaps when you are "under" someone else. Being on top of someone else also helps.

All jokes aside, I think it is important to work through the emotional issues of a serious breakup before seeing new people. Sometimes professional counseling may be in order.

Actually this isn't a joke for me. Having sex is one of the quickest ways to get over someone. It helps you close the door on the past and move forward (not suggesting you go out and jump some random guy though )

Yeah I think it is easier to get over someone (especially short term relationships) by meeting or having sex with someone else. I know I am over someone if I feel fine sleeping with someone new since I won't do that if I were hoping to get back with the "ex". However in a long-term relationship I would need to work through my emotions before being able to be in another relationship.

Roadie2000

How do you know when you are "over" someone?

For me, it's usually when I'm "under" someone else.

atjays

I'd have to say it is when you can hang out with someone and the other person doesn't cross your mind. pretty powerful moment when you realize it later and know the pain has subsided and you've found someone that holds your attention like that. It's a good feeling.

RosscoBoscko

been almost a year, so I'll let you know when I know.

Men always lose interest over time (relatively speaking), but in long term relationships, we are able to maintain a decent level of interest throughout (although it will rarely be like those initial few months). I suppose the key in a long term relationship, from the male's perspective (won't even pretend to speak for the ladies!) is to do whatever it takes to retain some of that initial infatuation.

I think we men are capable of flipping a switch quite quickly and moving on, perhaps much faster than the ladies.

Personally think that's a massive generalisation, and definitely doesn't apply to me. Wish I did find it easier to move on, would make current situation a lot easier.

For me, it's usually when I'm "under" someone else.

Unfortunately that hasn't helped either. Doesn't change my feelings, but may be due to being a fwb situation rather than emotional attachment.

La_Amazona

I knew I was over my ex husband when I felt indifferent towards him. If I still feel hurt or pissed at someone, I'm not over them.

kimad

I'd have to say it is when you can hang out with someone and the other person doesn't cross your mind. pretty powerful moment when you realize it later and know the pain has subsided and you've found someone that holds your attention like that. It's a good feeling.

I like this one!