men, i need your brains :-)
4themoney
Posts: 797 Member
so, i met this guy, online, a year ago. we went on dates from beginning of nov to end of dec.
i cut it off because things seemed fishy ( as in it didn't seem he truly WAS single....)
well, we've kept in touch. saw each other once in jan, in passing. then once in sept. and had lunch once in late oct/ early nov.
i don't contact him. ever. but he stays in touch with me on a steady basis. i'm talking the most time that has gone between him contacting me is probably 3 weeks. and it's been this way for a year. we live about 45 min away from each other. so, we don't usually run into one another unless i'm up in his stomping ground.
he usually states how he misses me. now keep in mind, these are not booty calls because there is no booty calling. never has been. we text or talk on the phone. and it ALWAYS happens right after i've been on a date with someone new. as in that day, or the next day.
in aug/ sept i was on a date, and this guy ( i'll call him NY) texts me while im in the middle of it. it happened again the next time i had a date. i was on my way home and NY texts me.
the last two dates i had same exact thing happened. either the day of, or the next day NY gets in touch. this summer i didn't date AT ALL, but NY was texting or calling me steadily throughout the summer. i did ask him if he wanted to go on vacation with me, but i always asked the day before i was leaving.......
anyway. i had that date 2 weekends ago and BOOOM! NY texts. we had small talk and then he writes " i miss you." i didn't respond. then this week he gets in touch again...... again more small talk. but it ALWAYS comes back to am i dating anyone. and when i tell him i'm not he doesn't believe me. AND he got pissy that i was on match.com.
i'm 99% sure he's either married or in a live- in relationship with someone. which is why there is no booty calling. i've told him if he wants to date me he needs to ask me out, let me go to his house and see where he lives, and stuff like that...... but so far that hasn't happened, which is another reason i'm sure he's in a committed relationship.
why i need your brains men is, PLEASE help me understand WHAT all of this is!!! help me understand guy logic!! WHY does this guy do this? WHY ??????? i don't understand any of it, and i need a man brains to explain it to me.
thanks!!!
i cut it off because things seemed fishy ( as in it didn't seem he truly WAS single....)
well, we've kept in touch. saw each other once in jan, in passing. then once in sept. and had lunch once in late oct/ early nov.
i don't contact him. ever. but he stays in touch with me on a steady basis. i'm talking the most time that has gone between him contacting me is probably 3 weeks. and it's been this way for a year. we live about 45 min away from each other. so, we don't usually run into one another unless i'm up in his stomping ground.
he usually states how he misses me. now keep in mind, these are not booty calls because there is no booty calling. never has been. we text or talk on the phone. and it ALWAYS happens right after i've been on a date with someone new. as in that day, or the next day.
in aug/ sept i was on a date, and this guy ( i'll call him NY) texts me while im in the middle of it. it happened again the next time i had a date. i was on my way home and NY texts me.
the last two dates i had same exact thing happened. either the day of, or the next day NY gets in touch. this summer i didn't date AT ALL, but NY was texting or calling me steadily throughout the summer. i did ask him if he wanted to go on vacation with me, but i always asked the day before i was leaving.......
anyway. i had that date 2 weekends ago and BOOOM! NY texts. we had small talk and then he writes " i miss you." i didn't respond. then this week he gets in touch again...... again more small talk. but it ALWAYS comes back to am i dating anyone. and when i tell him i'm not he doesn't believe me. AND he got pissy that i was on match.com.
i'm 99% sure he's either married or in a live- in relationship with someone. which is why there is no booty calling. i've told him if he wants to date me he needs to ask me out, let me go to his house and see where he lives, and stuff like that...... but so far that hasn't happened, which is another reason i'm sure he's in a committed relationship.
why i need your brains men is, PLEASE help me understand WHAT all of this is!!! help me understand guy logic!! WHY does this guy do this? WHY ??????? i don't understand any of it, and i need a man brains to explain it to me.
thanks!!!
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Replies
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It still goes back to trying to deal rationally with the irrational,you just can`t resolve it.
My WAG is that he is as you say involved,probably unhappily,likes having a "friend" on the side as that adds spice and excitement to his life and he doesn`t want to lose it.
It is as most things...not gender unique.
A human failing.0 -
there is no spice or excitement though. i mean our convos are rated G and literally are small talk, like me getting a job and looking for a house.....
good point about the ration/ irrational though......0 -
There is nothing to explain. If he wont show you where he lives, he is homeless or has someone living there with him (married or not).
Move on stop taking his calls and texts.0 -
This isn't a "man" thing. Like Carl said, this is just some weirdo.
Stop talking to him. How are you not supremely freaked out by his behavior?0 -
there is no spice or excitement though. i mean our convos are rated G and literally are small talk, like me getting a job and looking for a house.....
good point about the ration/ irrational though......
Keep in mind though if he is unhappy and lonely in a bad relationship,just being a friend can be a pleasant distraction for him.
I am not trying to garner sympathy for him or make excuses...he needs to deal with his life as an adult.0 -
i'm 99% sure he's either married or in a live- in relationship with someone. which is why there is no booty calling. i've told him if he wants to date me he needs to ask me out, let me go to his house and see where he lives, and stuff like that...... but so far that hasn't happened, which is another reason i'm sure he's in a committed relationship.
Have you ever asked him straight out? Or accused him straight out, of being in a relationship? I'm not saying you're wrong, but you dont know it for a fact. We're talking about assumptions in another thread, perhaps he lives in a hovel and is embarrassed to invite you over?
There could be a million reasons............this is my favourite saying of the year. Thanks Jim (Poncho!) :flowerforyou:0 -
I have no way of knowing what this guy is thinking. I also have no idea what your thinking. If you think he is married or in a relationship and don't want to date him because of it, why are you responding to his communications?0
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why i need your brains men is, PLEASE help me understand WHAT all of this is!!! help me understand guy logic!! WHY does this guy do this? WHY ??????? i don't understand any of it, and i need a man brains to explain it to me.
I'm trying to figure out *your* logic. As in why? Why oh why are you bothering with this guy?
If you are strongly attracted to him, perhaps irrationally so, but can't help yourself, then just tell him you do not date married men, or men in committed relationships, no exceptions.
And under no circumstances should he ever contact you until he's single. And if he does contact you and claim to be single, tell him you'll be happy to meet him on Saturday evening for dinner.
--P0 -
Let it go. Go on with your life. If he really wanted you, you'd have a prominent place in his life by now.0
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The only way to get this guy off your radar is to stop responding. I'm a girl and I know he's up to no good. If a guy doesn't asked to SEE you or want to date you he isn't worth your time or texts, or attenions. Back away slowly and you won't get burned!0
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I don't really bother with him. I respond
To his small talk the same I do with my friends from here that I've never met, because I'm polite.
He doesn't ask me out, so there isn't some crazy attraction that I can't resist. I'm just curious why he keeps coming back?? I don't give him anything. But, then again I don't give people here
That call or text me Anything either......
I have asked him if he's married. Straight up several times and he's always been adamant that he's divorced. Well, I mean I asked him. I haven't asked since December of 2011, when I told him I wouldn't date him anymore.
I have makes that contact me every single day.... From MFP. Should I think they are creepy too??? Because I don't. I'm not hung up or into this guy. I view him as a friend. I guess I was just curious as
To why a guy would keep in touch like this..... But it really isnt much different than the MFP guys that are in touch w me, right??0 -
he keeps coming back because you respond. it's that simple.0
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I think it is creepier that he always ends up texting you when you are on dates....or the next day, even if you haven't heard from him in awhile---seems like more than coincidence to me.........0
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I think it is creepier that he always ends up texting you when you are on dates....or the next day, even if you haven't heard from him in awhile---seems like more than coincidence to me.........
I thought this was creepy too. I could understand a text or two as coincidence, but almost every time you are out with someone it seems he pops up and he got pissy that you were on match. Well, that sounds like he wants more then a friendship, or sees this as more than a friendship.
If you want to be friends (or more) with him then keep texting and talking to him, if you don't stop responding.0 -
I work in federal law-enforcement. May I say this is why there are stalker laws on the books! Obviously he has some resource available at his beckon call to watch you but i suspect you have deducted that by now. If you're not a runner - I suggest you start now.0
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First off, I would just stop responding.
Second, it's easy to look up divorce decrees and such on the net. Get his name and go find out! Just so you know and you're not always wondering.
Third, tell yourself that you deserve more than this loser.
(It is also creepy that he does text after you go on dates, etc. Do you post that info on your social networks that he might see? If you're not, seriously take a good look around your surroundings especially when you are out on dates. I don't want to creep you out, but weirder things have happened than a guy stalking a girl who hasn't retuned his advances.)0 -
keep in mind, that i don't date often at all. i went on a couple of dates in jan/ feb, and he did not do this. a couple in march/ april and he didn't do it then either. then i didn't go on a single date from may til sept. and in sept i had 3 dates, but two were back to back. he contacted me the night of the first date and we were still in touch the day of the second date. the 3rd date, he did not contact me.
i had one date in early nov. he contacted me after that one, a day or two later. and then i had two dates 2 weeks ago and then this past weekend is when i got the "i miss you." so, from jan to nov i had like 15 dates max, and the texting afterwards didn't start til sept..... and only 6 dates from sept til today.
my ex was a stalker, still is. so, i know what it feels like to be stalked. this guy lives 45 min away and hasn't been by my house in over a year. he could be following my cell number, i know there is a way to do that with the smart phones. but, i'm not sure how all that works. so, i suppose it's possible.
i'll see what happens if i don't respond..... i respond to everyone that texts me, i try not to be rude or ignore people. sometimes i take a long time to respond, but i always try to respond.0 -
i'll see what happens if i don't respond..... i respond to everyone that texts me, i try not to be rude or ignore people. sometimes i take a long time to respond, but i always try to respond.
Then send one last message, informing him you will no longer respond, that you would appreciate it if he no longer contacts you, as well, and wishing him all the best in his life. Finito. Closure.
--P0 -
Sounds like a keeper.
EDIT: Sorry, wrong thread.0 -
well, i think i took care of it. we shall see.0
