Lowering My Expectations etc.............
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swfloridagal
Posts: 50
Humble doesn't mean I'm feeling sorry for myself. I've come to learn that it means I accept ALL of what I am. The good and the bad. The strong and the weak. The strengths and the challenges in all areas of my life.
I used to measure my life based on what I could do physically. Cleaning, cooking, exercise, competitive sports, owning things, making things look pretty, being the fastest, the smartest and all physical measurements of my "success". Then my body was injured and got crippled from the injuries..... and on top of that..... I got a couple debilitating diseases. I have had to grapple with measuring my life not based on my physical accomplishments, but find some other yardstick to measure my worth.
I got a video called "Easy Yoga for Easing Pain". This lady demonstrated gentle movements and spoke so slow I wanted to press fast forward to get her to MOVE! I was thinking to myself "OMG, this is ridiculous! She is going to put me to sleep she is moving and talking so slowly!" I immediately judged her and the video as being too easy, too juvenile, too gentle, and not challenging enough for this competitive ex-atheleteI I was already stressed out from the pain when I put in the tape and I just made myself more stressed by my thoughts of how inappropriate the DVD would be (and that was just the first 30 seconds of watching it).
I noticed how my mind was functioning based in the realm of how my body used to perform - with ease, strength and stamina. My thinking slipped into how things USED to be as opposed to how things ARE. I expected my body to perform like it used to. I noticed how my thinking was measuring myself what I USED to be as opposed to what I AM. My expectations and my thinking were not in my body as it is now - functioning in constraint of the chains of chronic pain. I was comparing to what I used to be. I was expecting to be able to perform how I used to. I was judging the instructor on the tape to what I used to be able to do. My body quickly reminded me that was THEN and this is NOW. My body and the pain and the limitations and the grunts and the groans quickly brought me back to reality and acceptance.
I changed the way I was thinking as I sat in front the video tape and listened to her soothing voice that just one minute ago was annoying me!
That shift in my thinking.... or change in my attitude.... made for acceptance that this is how I am today. I am limited. I have pain. I have injuries. I have a disease. I can accept it or fight it. I can compare to how I used to be a long time ago, or I can compare myself to how I was doing yesterday rather than years ago. I can lower my expectation to that of a person living with pain. I can treat my body with the love, compassion and attention one would give to an injured animal or child who is hurting and needs love and special attention.
Once I adjusted my attitude and thinking, I set about following the gentle movements on the video and accepting the slow, gentle voice the instructor was using to guide me through some gentle yoga. As it turned out, the video was more challenging than I thought! I found it hard to do some things and easy to do others. The worst part of the entire process was coming into it with my expectations too high for my injured body.
Once I lowered my expectations and accepted my limitations it was much easier to do the video and feel peace and serenity within myself. The stress disappeared and my body relaxed as I breathed thru the poses and could feel the stress and pain ease up in my tight muscles. I was gentle with my body and not asking it to "perform" but rather to heal and know that I am caring for it with love.
I turned greif and despair into gratitude for what I could do instead of pouting about what I couldn't do. A simple change in my attitude made all the difference in the world.
I used to measure my life based on what I could do physically. Cleaning, cooking, exercise, competitive sports, owning things, making things look pretty, being the fastest, the smartest and all physical measurements of my "success". Then my body was injured and got crippled from the injuries..... and on top of that..... I got a couple debilitating diseases. I have had to grapple with measuring my life not based on my physical accomplishments, but find some other yardstick to measure my worth.
I got a video called "Easy Yoga for Easing Pain". This lady demonstrated gentle movements and spoke so slow I wanted to press fast forward to get her to MOVE! I was thinking to myself "OMG, this is ridiculous! She is going to put me to sleep she is moving and talking so slowly!" I immediately judged her and the video as being too easy, too juvenile, too gentle, and not challenging enough for this competitive ex-atheleteI I was already stressed out from the pain when I put in the tape and I just made myself more stressed by my thoughts of how inappropriate the DVD would be (and that was just the first 30 seconds of watching it).
I noticed how my mind was functioning based in the realm of how my body used to perform - with ease, strength and stamina. My thinking slipped into how things USED to be as opposed to how things ARE. I expected my body to perform like it used to. I noticed how my thinking was measuring myself what I USED to be as opposed to what I AM. My expectations and my thinking were not in my body as it is now - functioning in constraint of the chains of chronic pain. I was comparing to what I used to be. I was expecting to be able to perform how I used to. I was judging the instructor on the tape to what I used to be able to do. My body quickly reminded me that was THEN and this is NOW. My body and the pain and the limitations and the grunts and the groans quickly brought me back to reality and acceptance.
I changed the way I was thinking as I sat in front the video tape and listened to her soothing voice that just one minute ago was annoying me!
That shift in my thinking.... or change in my attitude.... made for acceptance that this is how I am today. I am limited. I have pain. I have injuries. I have a disease. I can accept it or fight it. I can compare to how I used to be a long time ago, or I can compare myself to how I was doing yesterday rather than years ago. I can lower my expectation to that of a person living with pain. I can treat my body with the love, compassion and attention one would give to an injured animal or child who is hurting and needs love and special attention.
Once I adjusted my attitude and thinking, I set about following the gentle movements on the video and accepting the slow, gentle voice the instructor was using to guide me through some gentle yoga. As it turned out, the video was more challenging than I thought! I found it hard to do some things and easy to do others. The worst part of the entire process was coming into it with my expectations too high for my injured body.
Once I lowered my expectations and accepted my limitations it was much easier to do the video and feel peace and serenity within myself. The stress disappeared and my body relaxed as I breathed thru the poses and could feel the stress and pain ease up in my tight muscles. I was gentle with my body and not asking it to "perform" but rather to heal and know that I am caring for it with love.
I turned greif and despair into gratitude for what I could do instead of pouting about what I couldn't do. A simple change in my attitude made all the difference in the world.
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Thank you for this post. I, too often, find myself frustrated that I can't function up to what I used to be able to do before I became ill. Then I remember how far I have come since I was completely bed-ridden. Even though it hurts, I am up and about for most of the day now, when a year ago I couldn't even sit up for an entire movie. I can now get up and fix myself (or the family) a meal when back then I had to wait for someone to feed me. I am still asking for help if I can't do something, but I am glad for each time I can now do things on my own. Now I just have to be careful not to over-do because it does cause more pain overall, but you don't know if you don't try. I just have to do the best I can now, with my 'new' normal.0
