Rejection :/
Hogfan22
Posts: 39
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
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Replies
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Don't sleep with them. It is better to build a relationship based on common interest, wanting to know that person and just wanting to be around that person in general. Don't let sex be the starting point, become committed before sex is involved.0
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Not too dumb of a question at all. Women go through the same issue as well, unfortunately. I don't know too much about how you are approaching your potential female companions when it comes to dating....but usually women respond to realizing that you are around for the long run when you take things slowly, show high amounts of respect, and show patience. The women who rush are usually the ones who are either looking for or asking for a boy toy (sometimes without even knowing it!).0
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"Don't sleep with them. It is better to build a relationship based on common interest, wanting to know that person and just wanting to be around that person in general. Don't let sex be the starting point, become committed before sex is involved."
^^This. And maybe change the profile pic. While those abs are definiately something to be proud of, they may be sending the wrong message.
I know for me, the guy that I am sleeping with is not the guy that I want to settle down with. We connected on that level first and I do not see him as anything else than that.0 -
Ok, I'll answer this question as seriously as I can.
First off, you are in a position that a lot of guys would love to be in. Being the boy toy has upsides. And if you're going to get rejected, rejection as a boyfriend while getting sex from the lady is not that bad compared to rejection on both a physical and emotional level.
And to the women out there that say that women aren't visually oriented, take a look at this guy. This guy is a manifestation that looks matter to women.
Alright, now to the original question.
You should give women a reason to stick around besides the physical. Obviously, they want to be around for the physical. But what else do you bring to the table? Are you a good conversationalist? Charming? Something else awesome about you?
It is a two way street as well. Perhaps some of these women who are rejecting relationships with you may not be relationship worthy themselves. Ponder that for a bit.
Do ask for what you want from the ladies and be a strong communicator.0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
Maybe wearing a shirt?
--P0 -
I'd say you're seeking out the wrong types of women. Not sure what I mean by that in specific terms as I dont know you or the type of women you attract. However, most women want a relationship, so if you're getting used as a toy, perhaps you need to change the type of woman you're attracted to and go for someone a bit more serious about settling down.
Basically, stop doing what you're doing, or going where you're going, cos it aint working. Try somewhere new and a different 'type' ..........
Just a thought :flowerforyou:0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
Maybe wearing a shirt?
--P
Oh right, so it's ok for women to flash their boobs every Friday, but come Sunday we girls can't get a look at a 6 pack and V??
Tsk!!
:bigsmile:0 -
And to the women out there that say that women aren't visually oriented, take a look at this guy. This guy is a manifestation that looks matter to women.
At no point has it been said that women are blind to good looking, physically attractive men DM. What the main rule is that we dont base our relationships 'just' on looks.
For an intelligent guy, I dont know why you can't get this????????
And if the OP is basing his attractiveness 'just' on looks, then that would be why he's not landed a relationship - case in point?0 -
Date me!
I don't know maybe really get to know them hold back the physical side alittle bit. Or pick girls with depth..I'd like to know the answer myself.0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
I'd say make your intentions clear from the start , better to get dumped after a week rather than a year down the line when you realise you don't want the same things.
Maybe try with different types of women as to the ones you usually date.0 -
And to the women out there that say that women aren't visually oriented, take a look at this guy. This guy is a manifestation that looks matter to women.
At no point has it been said that women are blind to good looking, physically attractive men DM. What the main rule is that we dont base our relationships 'just' on looks.
For an intelligent guy, I dont know why you can't get this????????
Cool, glad that's cleared up.
I got it.
For the record, men don't base relationships just on looks either. :drinker:0 -
Look for some quality, less superficial women. Where do you meet most of yours?
Perhaps connecting over one of your hobbies (golf, guitar) on a friendship basis first would be a nice change.
As to your abs etc.. I think you should keep them hidden if you are online dating.
Post here all you like though..we don't mind.0 -
And to the women out there that say that women aren't visually oriented, take a look at this guy. This guy is a manifestation that looks matter to women.
At no point has it been said that women are blind to good looking, physically attractive men DM. What the main rule is that we dont base our relationships 'just' on looks.
For an intelligent guy, I dont know why you can't get this????????
Cool, glad that's cleared up. I got it.
For the record, men don't base relationships just on looks either. :drinker:
Yes, I'm also aware of that. And what most of the women have been trying to convince you and Mike of for about a year now when you incessantly go on about looks/top tiers/9s/10s .......... great that you get it now :flowerforyou:0 -
Where do you live? I'm looking for a serious relationship and willing to travel!
But seriously, be honest about what you want, and be pickier about who you try to date. Get to know them before getting too physical. And don't let on that you've been a 'boy toy' in the past as that might make the wrong woman assume that's all you want even if you're telling her you want more. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Well you're a good looking guy and in extremely good shape...just looking at you I'd think you're a "player"...i know not to judge a book by its cover...but its how it is. Hope I haven't offended you, bro!0
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I'd say you're seeking out the wrong types of women. Not sure what I mean by that in specific terms as I dont know you or the type of women you attract. However, most women want a relationship, so if you're getting used as a toy, perhaps you need to change the type of woman you're attracted to and go for someone a bit more serious about settling down.
Basically, stop doing what you're doing, or going where you're going, cos it aint working. Try somewhere new and a different 'type' ..........
Just a thought :flowerforyou:
Great advice.
You have a good body and I am sure that attracts women (in a very superficial way). Consider where you are meeting women and what kind of women.0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
What am I reading? :sick:0 -
like the others have said
hold back on sex and don't wear stuff that's too revealing.0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
What am I reading? :sick:
SMH Mike!0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
I hope this isnt that dumb of a question
Solid brag my man, you are in such an envious position!
You've got the hard part done, now I'd say work on the other things that women look for to show them that you are more than a boy toy.
Of course I'm just assuming that you need to work on those things but thats coming from a guy who has done things backwards, lol
Best way I can relate this is to a NASCAR race team, some of them start with the best car available, and find a serviceable driver. Some start with the best driver avaiable and build a car to suit him.
They both are in the race but which one do the fans love and which one wins the championship more often?0 -
After about a year and a half of being single im tired of girls not taking me seriously and just thinking I can be their boy toy and thats it when all I really want is a meaningful relationship .. What is the best way to make sure that they know Im here for the long run when in fact I tell them at the beginning "Im not here just to be your boy toy"?
Maybe wearing a shirt?
--P
Oh right, so it's ok for women to flash their boobs every Friday, but come Sunday we girls can't get a look at a 6 pack and V??
Tsk!!
:bigsmile:
You can flash your boobs all you want (actually, highly encouraged). But then don't whine that many people, especially those who don't know you very well, tend to treat you as a girl toy.
--P0 -
On a (slightly) more serious note, I highly recommend NOT having a serious relationship at 23. Wait about 10 years.
--P0 -
Serious relationship can mean 1 year, 2 years, 4 years... Maybe you're in it for life in the beginning, but they don't usually last this long. His (possible future) LTRs will have all the time in the world to fail before he hits 33. Trust my experience on this!On a (slightly) more serious note, I highly recommend NOT having a serious relationship at 23. Wait about 10 years.
And I personally think having experienced at least a serious relationships by the time you hit 30 y.o. is very healthy.
Women themselves have said that they appreciate a man who has lived with a girl, who has a "stable" side.
So I for one totally get why the OP might want a LTR.
As for the advice, what the others have said is very good advice:
- Avoid revealing pictures on your profile (if you are doing online dating) : just keep that for later,
- IF you are being whiny about your failed attempts at relationships with girls, don't be : nothing screams more "Nice Guy (TM)" and makes girls roll eyes more than someone who keeps whining that "life is too hard". Should you act like this, you would immediately lose your long term appeal for the woman as most women are attracted to a confident guy.
- Don't have sex to early. If have had sex with the girls you have been seeing this past year and a half, it shouldn't be too difficult to hold off in the beginning of a relationship that matters to you.
- Maybe something in you is off putting to these women. So - if you can - ask for feedback (maybe the sex? maybe the conversation?).
- Random tips: don't date shallow women. Date women who are about your age. Date women who have a brother. Don't date overly feminine women. Date women who like the same activities as you, that you meet through these activities. Date women OUTSIDE of your normal circles of friends (maybe you have been labelled toyboy in your circles, it can be difficult to get rid of a label). Date a "not so confident" woman, she will love you to death and you can spoil her all you want.
The bottom line is: there is no way to be sure that the woman understands you are in it for the long run. Being a man in his early 20s is actually a hard place to be. You don't have enough facial hair to be taken seriously by "adults" (so you're still seen as a kid by many people) and younger women are often acting "weird" to say the least (they haven't been "broken" by life yet, they don't have this "realistic", down to earth side).
There are some women worth it out there, keep looking. Also, if it helps at all, it gets easier as you get past 25 years old.0 -
The bottom line is: there is no way to be sure that the woman understands you are in it for the long run. Being a man in his early 20s is actually a hard place to be. You don't have enough facial hair to be taken seriously by "adults" (so you're still seen as a kid by many people) and younger women are often acting "weird" to say the least (they haven't been "broken" by life yet, they don't have this "realistic", down to earth side).
There are some women worth it out there, keep looking. Also, if it helps at all, it gets easier as you get past 25 years old.
Wowzer!! I never knew this!! I had my first serious relationship at 19. He was 19 too. Ended when we were 24. Yeps, so by the time we were the OPs age we were 5 years into a serious relationship. And he definitely had facial hair and other hair too!! :bigsmile:0 -
One of my boys has this issue. Hoenestly I've been out with him (wingman) and can see why. I might be part of the way you present yourself and flirt. Some men ,not wanting too, come over a thinking of women as nothing but sex toys and women will return the favor0
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One of my boys has this issue. Hoenestly I've been out with him (wingman) and can see why. I might be part of the way you present yourself and flirt. Some men ,not wanting too, come over a thinking of women as nothing but sex toys and women will return the favor
I think that some women want what they can't have. You're in excellent shape, maybe have a great career ahead of you, and sounds like you don't lend yourself to douchebaggery. Along comes a woman, you're looking for a meaningful relationship...you seem maybe a little disinterested, so she uses what she has been programmed to use...sex. It's a perfect storm for those wanting to play games.
I would never say, don't have sex, because I wouldn't take my own advice. I would say, just continue being selective, enjoy your youth, and she'll come along some day.0 -
Honey, you are picking the wrong type of woman. But you are young, you'll find her, just have fun until she comes along. I'm pretty sure most of us Single Peeps ladies would love the chance. Does 11 years younger make me a cougar? :blushing: I'm taken and very happy any way...Kerry, PJ, he's all yours!0
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Be upfront from the get go about what your intentions are.0
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Well you're a good looking guy and in extremely good shape...just looking at you I'd think you're a "player"...i know not to judge a book by its cover...but its how it is. Hope I haven't offended you, bro!
I agree with this. With those abs and the overall Frat-Boy look, I'm guessing you're not going to get taken seriously. Especially if you are meeting women out in bars while you are hanging out with friends. Friends who probably have the same general look to them.0 -
Are you for real dude? You were messaging me a few weeks ago trying to get me to exchange nudie pics. When I finally told you that I wasn't interested and it wasn't going to happen, you still wanted to "send" photos and asked for an email address. The worst part is, I sent you my friends moms email address to prank her and you never followed through. So thanks for ruining that joke I guess.0
