Single people, 2nd class citizens??
poncho33
Posts: 1,511
I had an interesting conversation/argument the other day I thought I'd share. So the background on this is: My sister in-law is in a wedding out in the sticks, there are no hotels available. The bride has arranged some town homes they can rent for $300/night, 3 night minimum. 3 couples and a single gal are staying in this town home, the town home has 3 bedrooms.
First off I don't think I need to tell you who isn't getting a bedroom and will be sleeping on the couch. Why is this not even debatable?? Single person automatically gets the couch.
So I asked how they are going to divide up the costs. Here is what my sister in-law said, "4 ways, it's not my fault Ann is still single." My counter argument is that it should be divided 7 ways as Ann will use as much space/make as much of a mess as an individual but not a couple. Plus that way she gets a discount for being on a couch.
My question is, are single people 2nd class citizens in certain situations? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that way?
First off I don't think I need to tell you who isn't getting a bedroom and will be sleeping on the couch. Why is this not even debatable?? Single person automatically gets the couch.
So I asked how they are going to divide up the costs. Here is what my sister in-law said, "4 ways, it's not my fault Ann is still single." My counter argument is that it should be divided 7 ways as Ann will use as much space/make as much of a mess as an individual but not a couple. Plus that way she gets a discount for being on a couch.
My question is, are single people 2nd class citizens in certain situations? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that way?
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Yes. I go to a busy diner and they always try to get me to sit at the counter where there is barely any space between seats. If I showed up with another person (whether it is a SO or just a friend), it's never even been suggested. I've had roomates that moved a girlfriend in and tried to argue that since she slept in his room she shouldn;t have to pay rent , just a portion of the utility bills, etc.0
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That situation sucks! It's one of the reasons holidays annoy me sometimes (although this year was tolerable for me).0
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Ann needs to be louder lol... I would take the couch since it really is built for one person and your not going to fit a couple on it but we wold not be spliting 4 ways if I have to sleep on the couch we split 7 ways or I don't go..... I bet she just didn't put it the right way. I don't have this issue alot since alot of my friends are single. Alot of times it will be girls in one bed and guys in the other room or several times a bunch of us have squeezed into one bed. I guess it just depends on the people your with0
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I've felt like the third wheel before, but at the time I had a close buddy who was married.
He was the one who wanted to hang out, so I rolled with it.
As far as the rent situation ^^ that would start a ****storm with me.
I think people have a tendency to look down on singles, simply because they subconsciously feel that single people are single for a reason.0 -
A couple of weddings I've been in/invited to, they were watching their guest count and I was asked not to bring a date since I wasn't seeing anyone steadily, and if I did bring someone it wouldn't be a significant other. So the wedding doubly sucked.0
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I would speak up about the townhouse. I wouldn't want to spend the same amount as the others when they're on beds in a private room and I'm stuck on a couch.
Christmas Eve was it for me. I showed up for the Candle Light Service at church right before it started and it was packed. I was already emotional because the kids were gone, but as I scanned the crowd looking for familiar faces, the usher grabbed my arm and asked "just 1?". I confirmed, but told him I'd just sit in the back and find a friend. He said, "oh no...we need to make sure everyone is seated" and proceeded to yell up to the front usher "we need a single seat". "Just 1?" yells the other...ugh. So, I walked down the middle aisle, by myself and he seats me saying "I'm going to put you in this set of 3 seats in case a couple shows up, then we have 2 empty seats for them".
Thanks guy. :grumble:0 -
That cabin should be split 7 ways or Ann should be paying less since she is not getting a room (privacy) or a bed.
I have done the rent situation and I caused a lot of issues when the girl moved her boyfriend in, but since he only slept there and went to work during the day according to her, he didn't need to pay. It was to bad I didn't agree with her thoughts on that one and we ended up splitting rent 4 ways even though I moved out a month later since that guy was a creep- watching porn in the living room, watching me and my other roommate sleep.
Also, I have done the couple trip where we had one bedroom- 3 couples and 2 girls. My boyfriend couldn't get off of work so I went alone on this trip- there were 2 double bed bunk beds in a hallway, a pull out sofa sleeper and a queen bed in the only bedroom (which was one me and the other girl were promised). Well, when we got there, one of the couples thought it would be fine to switch off nights in the bedroom so they get alone time- I raised enough hell that we got the room- which also served as the girls changing room and we actually had another girl sleep in there most nights since her and her bf fought the whole trip.0 -
I read an article yesterday that proved that single people are financially discriminated against in all sorts of ways - I'll see if I can find it again and post the link...
From one of my US colleagues:
http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/01/the-high-price-of-being-single-in-america/267043/0 -
Being single and the youngest in my family I have always gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to sleeping arrangements. I remember even growing up having to give up my bed and sleep on an cot, couch or air mattress.
The girl in this situation needs to speak up as I am sure there is multiple things she is having to pay for fully that the rest of the couples get to split.0 -
Hi! Been a member of this group for a while now--mainly a lurker, but this topic hits home with me...
I used to take vacations with my friend and her family (family of 4), and me and my daughter. I would always have to pay for 1/2 the trip. Didn't seem fair--especially since getting a room or cabin for 6 people is more costly than getting one for 4.
Many years ago I rented a 2-bedroom apartment with a friend. After a few months her boyfriend moved in and every weekend his 4 or 5 (can't remember how many exactly) kids came over. It didn't take long before I was out of there! She couldn't understand why I was upset because "they all slept in her bedroom".
I also get irked when I look into taking a little getaway vacation by myself. I get 4 weeks of vacation time/year--more than my daughter. We've been on a couple of cruises together, but there are times she can't get off of work so I've looked into taking one alone just to get away. The cruise lines typically charge you for 2 people even though it's only one person. All good though...it just ends up saving me the $$ because I refuse to pay the double rate.0 -
I had an interesting conversation/argument the other day I thought I'd share. So the background on this is: My sister in-law is in a wedding out in the sticks, there are no hotels available. The bride has arranged some town homes they can rent for $300/night, 3 night minimum. 3 couples and a single gal are staying in this town home, the town home has 3 bedrooms.
First off I don't think I need to tell you who isn't getting a bedroom and will be sleeping on the couch. Why is this not even debatable?? Single person automatically gets the couch.
So I asked how they are going to divide up the costs. Here is what my sister in-law said, "4 ways, it's not my fault Ann is still single." My counter argument is that it should be divided 7 ways as Ann will use as much space/make as much of a mess as an individual but not a couple. Plus that way she gets a discount for being on a couch.
My question is, are single people 2nd class citizens in certain situations? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that way?
Dude, your sister-in-law is RUDE. Every vacation I've ever taken, even with couples, it's always been split per person. And if the person is getting the couch, they pay even less. Not her fault her friend is single, good lord, what are we, aliens from another planet?0 -
I had an interesting conversation/argument the other day I thought I'd share. So the background on this is: My sister in-law is in a wedding out in the sticks, there are no hotels available. The bride has arranged some town homes they can rent for $300/night, 3 night minimum. 3 couples and a single gal are staying in this town home, the town home has 3 bedrooms.
First off I don't think I need to tell you who isn't getting a bedroom and will be sleeping on the couch. Why is this not even debatable?? Single person automatically gets the couch.
So I asked how they are going to divide up the costs. Here is what my sister in-law said, "4 ways, it's not my fault Ann is still single." My counter argument is that it should be divided 7 ways as Ann will use as much space/make as much of a mess as an individual but not a couple. Plus that way she gets a discount for being on a couch.
My question is, are single people 2nd class citizens in certain situations? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt that way?
Dude, your sister-in-law is RUDE. Every vacation I've ever taken, even with couples, it's always been split per person. And if the person is getting the couch, they pay even less. Not her fault her friend is single, good lord, what are we, aliens from another planet?
We have had some epic debates in the past. On Christmas we (my brother/his wife, Sister and her bf) go in on gifts for my parents together... she tried to pull a 3-way split... I informed her if she wants her name on the card she will be paying a share for herself and my brother. I won that one.
She has never been single, so I don't think she could even begin to know how rude that comment was... and yes I did ask her why it had to be someones fault or fault needed to be given at all for someone being single... she didn't say anything.0 -
I also get irked when I look into taking a little getaway vacation by myself. I get 4 weeks of vacation time/year--more than my daughter. We've been on a couple of cruises together, but there are times she can't get off of work so I've looked into taking one alone just to get away. The cruise lines typically charge you for 2 people even though it's only one person. All good though...it just ends up saving me the $$ because I refuse to pay the double rate.
I wonder if they do that on singles cruises??0 -
She sounds lovely. lol Definitely should be divided by the number of people. Only fair way to do it...
Bruce Springsteen shows....have been twice with married friends. It is difficult to get a single ticket for a show like that. So I sat in a totally different section of a huge concert venue by myself. Fortunately, I'm friendly and have no problem chatting with people around me, but definitely felt like a bit of an outcast.0 -
I also get irked when I look into taking a little getaway vacation by myself. I get 4 weeks of vacation time/year--more than my daughter. We've been on a couple of cruises together, but there are times she can't get off of work so I've looked into taking one alone just to get away. The cruise lines typically charge you for 2 people even though it's only one person. All good though...it just ends up saving me the $$ because I refuse to pay the double rate.
I wonder if they do that on singles cruises??
I looked into a singles cruise one time, and I thought it was a bit pricey. I haven't looked into one lately though...that's an idea! Thanks!0 -
Oh this kind of stuff happens all the time, sadly. My sister and her fiance always give me one gift together at Christmas and birthdays, but I buy for each of them. If we go out for meals they usually have a 2 for 1 coupon for the two of them, which they never mention in advance. They pull the "couple thing" all the time.
She has also requested that since I split from my ex that I come alone and not bring a "random" to her wedding so she can save the cost. Yeah..because being a bridesmaid in her A type bridezilla-y wedding is already costing me a fortune and was going to be oh so amazing anyway. I cannot even get revenge by taking advantage of the open bar, because there won't be one.
Am trying to figure out how to show up as the older, less successful, single and poverty stricken bridesmaid/sister without wanting to cry/stab out my eyes! Clearly alcohol will need to play a big part in my night. Too bad all her friends are basically couples so there is a strong possibility I will be placed at the kid's table!
Happily, the wedding and reception is taking place downtown and there are a number of restaurants/bars located close by. Look for me there pre and post wedding!0 -
Split per person with a slight discount given to couch-girl. And Jim!!!! We've missed you!!!! (Or at least I have). Lol:flowerforyou:
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Yep, this has happened to me. I went to a hotel with 3 friends. Two were together as a couple. I told them I'd be pissed if I had to sleep on the couch and that if I did...I wouldn't be paying them the same amount. They took the bedroom and made me sleep on the fold out couch so I didn't pay the full amount. This also happens with some of my friends who have kids. They'll invite me over to a get together and it ends up being a bunch of couples with children and then the single me. Guess who ends up being handed all the kids? Me. Uh, no thanks.0
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I always get stuck with the couch. I just tell everyone that I sleep in the nude and I hope they don't mind looking at my junk if they get up before me.0
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Oh yea, no question that single people are 2nd class citizens.
Even though fewer adults are married these days, it is still assumed that most people are in a relationship at any given point in time. The social more structure is tiered. Marrieds are at top, those in committed relationships are near the top or in middle (depending on individual circumstances such as length of relationship). Those in early stage relationships (6 months or less) are near the bottom. A fully single person is a life form like amoeba or pond scum according to the social more structure.
Two holidays every year are all about a reminder of one's relationship status. The obvious one is Valentine's Day. The less obvious one is New Year's Eve. Imagine how soul sucking it is to make it to midnight and have no one to kiss. The fully single person at that moment knows how lousy that feels.
If you are fully single and attending a wedding, you are seated with all the cast offs.
There are tons of subtle reminders of relationship status day in, day out.0 -
The way your sis did it is sh*tty. Things, cost-wise, should absolutely be split per person depending on who gets what. But "Ann" agreed to those terms so it's really her own fault. You're only a second class citizen if you let yourself be. I would never agree to a set up like that.
That being said, if it's a matter of space, logically it makes complete sense for two people that would sleep together anyway get the slightly larger arrangement, and the one person gets the smaller arrangement - how else would that be split?
I've never encountered that kind of prejudice before, but maybe it's where I live, how I live and who I surround myself with.0 -
Two holidays every year are all about a reminder of one's relationship status. The obvious one is Valentine's Day. The less obvious one is New Year's Eve. Imagine how soul sucking it is to make it to midnight and have no one to kiss. The fully single person at that moment knows how lousy that feels.
I have been "fully single" for the past three new years and valentines day and not once have I felt lousy about it. You really shouldn't let yourself feel that way either. I brought in this past new year with my sister, best friend and two other peeps. We were drunk and screaming along with Bohemian Rhapsody and shouting HAPPY NEW YEAR as loud as possible.
This upcoming valentines day I have every intention of partying with my newly single roommate and having a grand ol' time.
Like I said, you are only a second class citizen if you let yourself be. You will only be lonely and pathetic if you perceive yourself that way. Being single does not define a person. DM you can be a cool dude but you're so wrapped up in this weird stuff, let yourself enjoy life.0 -
That being said, if it's a matter of space, logically it makes complete sense for two people that would sleep together anyway get the slightly larger arrangement, and the one person gets the smaller arrangement - how else would that be split?
With the way my sis in-law wanted to split the bill, I see no reason why Ann wouldn't have every right to a room, and one of the couples can sleep on the couch. When it comes to even pay I don't think it matters who takes up more space or has more people. Same pay same rights.0 -
That being said, if it's a matter of space, logically it makes complete sense for two people that would sleep together anyway get the slightly larger arrangement, and the one person gets the smaller arrangement - how else would that be split?
With the way my sis in-law wanted to split the bill, I see no reason why Ann wouldn't have every right to a room, and one of the couples can sleep on the couch. When it comes to even pay I don't think it matters who takes up more space or has more people. Same pay same rights.
Right, that's why I agreed it should be split seven ways and then she gets the couch while each couple gets a bed. I totally agree that your sisters mentality was wrong - but Ann should have spoken up if she found something wrong with the set up and she didn't so... eh. Her own ish.0 -
Second class citizens? Yes! It's like something has to be wrong with you to be single. And although many of you are miles beyond this, try being a virgin/never been kissed. That gets people shocked and wondering what is wrong with me that I haven't even been kissed!
Poncho that sucks for Ann!! Absolutely unfair!0 -
I dont ever feel prejudiced for being single amongst my friends. I get invited to everything and sit and mingle with the couples on every social occasion, weddings included.
As for splitting a bill, there is one situation that I can think of. When a couple tend to buy a 'round' (in a pub) between them, rather than individually. But I've always found that this is more the 'wallet shy' couple more than couples in general!!
The house should be split per person!! NO freakin way would I be paying the same as a couple!! :grumble: No problem sleeping on the couch or a single room if that's all that is available. But agree that if I'm made to pay couple rates then I want the double room!!
I agree with Kits, if you make yourself feel like a second class citizen, then you'll be treated as such. As NYE is my fave night of the year, I tend to kiss every and any one!!!! :bigsmile:
DM - NYE is prime pulling night of the year, if you stay at home moping then you're losing out. There are plenty of singles out looking for kisses in my experience over here in London town
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If I was Ann I'd be suggesting that there was no way I was paying for a quarter of the space and getting less than they are getting with two people.
If she got a room in a four bed house, maybe.
For the sofa, frankly I'd expect to pay less than a 1/7th - maybe a little contribution as 'thanks'. I wouldn't expect to pay to stay on a friend's sofa.
When renting a room out and my flat mate's girl friend came to live with us, his rent went up and bills were split in to three. Rent not doubled, but a bit higher as I now had a fuller house.
As for New Year's - surely the trick is to be out finding someone to kiss (Sadly, I was sat in doing work until 3am, then kept up by a house mate that brought a load of people back at 4am, but that's another matter.) 0
