If Your Spouse Cheats on You.
MikeM53082
Posts: 1,199 Member
Question of the day.. if your SO cheats on you *and* ends up being with the new partner, would you rather if be with someone better or worse looking than yourself?
I'm sure you'll be sad (obviously), but which would you rather? I had this conversation the other week and my male friends said they would rather it be with a worse looking guy. Primarily because they would be bitter and wouldn't want them to have a good looking guy.
My female friends say they would want it to be with a good looking girl. Primarily because they'd view this as a confidence boost in a weird way. They stated that if the guy is now with a really pretty girl, it would mean that I am a pretty girl as well.
Edit: Doesn't just have to be a spouse.. it could be a boyfriend/girlfriend situation as well.
I'm sure you'll be sad (obviously), but which would you rather? I had this conversation the other week and my male friends said they would rather it be with a worse looking guy. Primarily because they would be bitter and wouldn't want them to have a good looking guy.
My female friends say they would want it to be with a good looking girl. Primarily because they'd view this as a confidence boost in a weird way. They stated that if the guy is now with a really pretty girl, it would mean that I am a pretty girl as well.
Edit: Doesn't just have to be a spouse.. it could be a boyfriend/girlfriend situation as well.
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Replies
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First I'd like to say... I don't get why women cheat?? I guess guys are just the bigger people when it comes to committed relationships.
As for your question, I wouldn't really care what he looks like, just that he's smaller than me incase I ever run into him after 10 too many beers.0 -
Strangely enough this topic actually applies to me lol...... MY exhusband cheated on me while I was pregnant and when I found out and we split up he and the girl got together. In fact they are still together now ( 7 yrs later) so I guess they were meant to be....
How can I put this nicely ...She has the dreaded pretty face syndrome, She is shorter than me weighs more than me and is bossier than me. Honestly when it happened I was very much WTH what a downgrade lol. I still don't understand his pick but he must see something that the rest of us don't. However if it would have been a hotter girl it probably would have hurt my cofidence more. So yeah I have to agree it would be etter with someone less pretty0 -
Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.0 -
All of the women my ex cheated with were plump, to put it nicely. The girl he ended up with was skinny but looked very rough.0
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Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.
How would have you felt if she was a bombshell instead of a troll? I'm sure you'd be hurt either way.. but I'm curious.0 -
Mine cheated on me with a short-petite girl... she's 18 years younger than him. She's cute. I feel sorry for her... that's it.0
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I know this isn't answering the question, but I think alot of times it has nothing to do with outward appearances.
My last boyfriend was super hot, his ex wife was short and chubby... I felt like he had such an upgrade, and she had such a downgrade with her new man who was about 10 years older than my boyfriend and also chubby.
But after we broke up and I found out that he had a huge gambling addiction, I thought she got lucky meeting a nice man, and I got stuck with the gambling liar. So joke was on me I guess lol....
But in the end, I would probably say uglier, but who cares... they weren't loyal to me, and in the end she gets stuck with a cheater ugly or pretty. Will probably happen to her too.0 -
First off, let me be crystal clear that cheating is unacceptable to me. I do not tolerate it. I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
But if it were to happen, I would prefer her to cheat with a guy who is not as good looking as I am. What about you Mike?0 -
Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.
How would have you felt if she was a bombshell instead of a troll? I'm sure you'd be hurt either way.. but I'm curious.
It would have been a huge blow to the ego. And it was at first. Anytime a man rejects you in favor of another woman it hurts. The divorce got me running again. I wasn't in bad shape at all before the divorce. My ex used to get pissed because "men were hitting on me". I was oblivious to it because I wasn't looking for it (I was married and took my commitment seriously). Troll may have been a bit harsh...she was cute, but she just wasn't something I expected.
Even if he had ended up with a bombshell, you have to consider that he's only looking for one thing with her. And, if he cheated on me, he's going to be cheating on her, no matter how hot she is. The initial woman he cheated with was quite good looking, that hurt. But, then I had to realize that it wasn't about her (or me), it was about him. It was about his lack of self control. When he knocked up the other, I breathed a sigh of relief, because he was now another's problem to worry about.0 -
First off, let me be crystal clear that cheating is unacceptable to me. I do not tolerate it. I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
But if it were to happen, I would prefer her to cheat with a guy who is not as good looking as I am. What about you Mike?
I would prefer it be with someone who's not as good looking at me. At least then I could cut her up with my friends and make light of the situation. This might help me get over it too.
Edit: Cut her up meaning making of her. Not cut her up Dexter style. lol0 -
Most guys look pretty similar with a shattered nose and no front teeth, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
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I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
Expand on this, cause I think a cheater is going to cheat and a non cheater isn't... I swear I've given girls every reason to cheat in the past and they haven't.0 -
Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.
How would have you felt if she was a bombshell instead of a troll? I'm sure you'd be hurt either way.. but I'm curious.
It would have been a huge blow to the ego. And it was at first. Anytime a man rejects you in favor of another woman it hurts. The divorce got me running again. I wasn't in bad shape at all before the divorce. My ex used to get pissed because "men were hitting on me". I was oblivious to it because I wasn't looking for it (I was married and took my commitment seriously). Troll may have been a bit harsh...she was cute, but she just wasn't something I expected.
Even if he had ended up with a bombshell, you have to consider that he's only looking for one thing with her. And, if he cheated on me, he's going to be cheating on her, no matter how hot she is. The initial woman he cheated with was quite good looking, that hurt. But, then I had to realize that it wasn't about her (or me), it was about him. It was about his lack of self control. When he knocked up the other, I breathed a sigh of relief, because he was now another's problem to worry about.
Cheating is never exceptable.... However my ex has yet to cheat on his GF and they have been together 7 yrs. I don't alway believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people feel that cheating is the only way out of a mistake, and they take the cowards way out0 -
Edit: Cut her up meaning making of her. Not cut her up Dexter style. lol
As long as you keep a creepy box of slides in your AC box, I say cut her up.0 -
I think it sucks either way. But I feel like it definitely would be even harder if she was better looking. When my ex cheated on me, it was with this girl we worked with. She was short, chubby and a had a pig nose. It sucked and it hurt, but I would've felt worse if it was one of the pretty girls we worked with.0
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Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.
How would have you felt if she was a bombshell instead of a troll? I'm sure you'd be hurt either way.. but I'm curious.
It would have been a huge blow to the ego. And it was at first. Anytime a man rejects you in favor of another woman it hurts. The divorce got me running again. I wasn't in bad shape at all before the divorce. My ex used to get pissed because "men were hitting on me". I was oblivious to it because I wasn't looking for it (I was married and took my commitment seriously). Troll may have been a bit harsh...she was cute, but she just wasn't something I expected.
Even if he had ended up with a bombshell, you have to consider that he's only looking for one thing with her. And, if he cheated on me, he's going to be cheating on her, no matter how hot she is. The initial woman he cheated with was quite good looking, that hurt. But, then I had to realize that it wasn't about her (or me), it was about him. It was about his lack of self control. When he knocked up the other, I breathed a sigh of relief, because he was now another's problem to worry about.
Cheating is never exceptable.... However my ex has yet to cheat on his GF and they have been together 7 yrs. I don't alway believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people feel that cheating is the only way out of a mistake, and they take the cowards way out
Out of pure curiousity, how do you know he hasn't cheated on her? maybe he is getting better at it, maybe she accepts it?0 -
Worse... Mine ended up knocking up one of his *kitten* buddies before our divorce was final. I was devastated at first because she's 11 years younger than me, but then I met her troll *kitten*...
They got married, she's still looking the same and all of the baby weight hasn't come off. She dresses frumpy and yeah.... I call her Karma.
How would have you felt if she was a bombshell instead of a troll? I'm sure you'd be hurt either way.. but I'm curious.
It would have been a huge blow to the ego. And it was at first. Anytime a man rejects you in favor of another woman it hurts. The divorce got me running again. I wasn't in bad shape at all before the divorce. My ex used to get pissed because "men were hitting on me". I was oblivious to it because I wasn't looking for it (I was married and took my commitment seriously). Troll may have been a bit harsh...she was cute, but she just wasn't something I expected.
Even if he had ended up with a bombshell, you have to consider that he's only looking for one thing with her. And, if he cheated on me, he's going to be cheating on her, no matter how hot she is. The initial woman he cheated with was quite good looking, that hurt. But, then I had to realize that it wasn't about her (or me), it was about him. It was about his lack of self control. When he knocked up the other, I breathed a sigh of relief, because he was now another's problem to worry about.
Cheating is never exceptable.... However my ex has yet to cheat on his GF and they have been together 7 yrs. I don't alway believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people feel that cheating is the only way out of a mistake, and they take the cowards way out
Out of pure curiousity, how do you know he hasn't cheated on her? maybe he is getting better at it, maybe she accepts it?
We're all actually very good friends...... Plus he and I have the same core cirle of friends and they have big mouths lol......And his GF is totally the not accepting cheating person I think she would kill him0 -
Cheating is never exceptable.... However my ex has yet to cheat on his GF and they have been together 7 yrs. I don't alway believe that once a cheater always a cheater. Sometimes people feel that cheating is the only way out of a mistake, and they take the cowards way out
I agree that there are exceptions... But, from the people I've known it's been rare exceptions. This could be because of who I am around. I also know this wasn't my ex's way of getting out. He honestly believed he was entitled to do what he wanted. I also found out after the papers were signed that he had been doing it for over 10yrs. Good riddance to bad garbage was all I could say.0 -
I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
Expand on this, cause I think a cheater is going to cheat and a non cheater isn't...
I tend to agree with Poncho, usually cheating says more about the character of the person doing it than the current relationship.0 -
I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
Expand on this, cause I think a cheater is going to cheat and a non cheater isn't...
I tend to agree with Poncho, usually cheating says more about the character of the person doing it than the current relationship.
Now that I read how you wrote that, I almost want to say for a guy if he's a cheater he will cheat... however for women, I think the state of the relationship does have a lot to do with it.0 -
In my opinion, cheating more about the trust being broken, than it is about the sex. The fact that they lied to my face, is what I find hurts more.0
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I also aim to give a significant other reasons not to cheat.
Expand on this, cause I think a cheater is going to cheat and a non cheater isn't...
I tend to agree with Poncho, usually cheating says more about the character of the person doing it than the current relationship.
Now that I read how you wrote that, I almost want to say for a guy if he's a cheater he will cheat... however for women, I think the state of the relationship does have a lot to do with it.
Yes, the state of the relationship. I believe in making the relationship as great as possible.0 -
Most guys look pretty similar with a shattered nose and no front teeth, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
LOVE THIS..lol0 -
my ex husband cheated on me with someone who was skanky trash. It was a huge blow to my self esteem. I think it would have been less of a blow if she were actually better looking than me. This one was not.0
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When my gf cheated on me, the guy was shorter and smaller stature. Thin and lanky build. I don't think he was better looking either. They are not together anymore. I've seen pics of the guy, though he is still thin, he is a heavy drug user so he hasn't aged gracefully.
If it were to happen to me in the future, it likely would bug me if he was better looking than me.0 -
First I'd like to say... I don't get why women cheat?? I guess guys are just the bigger people when it comes to committed relationships.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, way to make a sweeping statement, mate. Jus' sayin'. I've had two long term relationships and been completely faithful in both, even through difficult times. I'm sure there are plenty other women out there who dont cheat too, just as there are guys who dont cheat.
In my experiences, though, both my exes cheated on me with women that were skany as hell. On one hand, it was a blow to my self-esteem because it said very little for my ex's standards, but on the other hand I felt good because they were just one night stands and I was the one they wanted a relationship with. One tried for over a year to win me back, but I wasnt having it.
I still dumped them. You should never let anyone walk all over you, you know?0 -
I'm gonna go with option C - never getting cheated on the first place. I say, grow a pair and tell your sign. other you want out before you go droppin' your pants around another person. I've NEVER cheated on any one because I get out when I'm not happy. It's a wonderful concept called "being faithful".0
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Would rather her be better-looking...otherwise I'd have the "why" question in my head. Fortunately, as far as I know, I've not had a SO cheat on me, but I"m amazed at how often it does happen.
The last time I was on a dating website, I had someone message me and we chatted quite a bit back and forth. Looked him up on Facebook and found him. His last status update: "One year ago today I married my best friend". I didn't let him know I discovered his secret until the next time we chatted. Coincidentally he was watching Fatal Attraction (I kid you not!). I said to him....I'm surprised you're watching that movie--most married men don't like it. Never heard back from him again!!0 -
Most guys look pretty similar with a shattered nose and no front teeth, so I guess it doesn't really matter.
:laugh: You beat me to the violence as a solution answer. I was going to say I want her to be teeny tiny skinny so I can fit them both in the same shallow grave!0 -
Um... wow. There is a LOT of judgment going on in this thread. Like.. A LOT.
I have dated probably about 10-12 people, with the relationship lengths ranging from a couple months to 6 years. I did cheat on one of them - the longest and most serious of them.
I have reasons and justifications, some of you would probably call them excuses. I wish I had more courage and respect for my ex so as to tell him that things were over and had been over for a long time..but I didn't. I was selfish (not always a bad thing) and angry and I wanted to get caught so he would either prove he really wanted me or end it. As I thought.. it was the final piece to our breakup and he wasn't even particularly upset. In a weird way, it has allowed me to take on all the guilt and blame for the demise of the relationship (he does blame me and will not admit his faults) - which is actually easier than going over and over with him all the ways he fell short for me as a person and a partner.
Incidentally, he never knew who I cheated on him with..as I never developed a relationship with that individual. It was purely sexual..because that was non-existent in the original relationship.
For me.. happy people don't cheat. It takes two people to both build and destroy a relationship..bit by bit sometimes.. and sometimes one person does something life altering very quickly. I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.
I hope I have the courage and faith in myself to choose a different way next time.
Looks really had nothing to do with it..0
