How long...?
Options
bandedsandi
Posts: 122 Member
Just curious... How long did it take you to get over your cheating husband or wife's betrayal?
I'm talking serious, image-imprinted-on-the-mind stuff here. Found my ex in our marriage bed with his flooze, on the job. Turned out, it was the third woman he had been having affairs with. I didn't see it coming AT ALL! I had a nervous breakdown, etc. etc. Long, messy, sad story, won't bore you to death. He's moved on in his life, remarried and there's no contact between us whatsoever.
Problem is, it's now nine years later, and I still can't see myself in a commited relationship ever again, due to massive trust issues. I've tried, but none of them worked out, I broke it off every time. I'm simply not over the hurt and betrayal.
How long does it take?
I'm talking serious, image-imprinted-on-the-mind stuff here. Found my ex in our marriage bed with his flooze, on the job. Turned out, it was the third woman he had been having affairs with. I didn't see it coming AT ALL! I had a nervous breakdown, etc. etc. Long, messy, sad story, won't bore you to death. He's moved on in his life, remarried and there's no contact between us whatsoever.
Problem is, it's now nine years later, and I still can't see myself in a commited relationship ever again, due to massive trust issues. I've tried, but none of them worked out, I broke it off every time. I'm simply not over the hurt and betrayal.
How long does it take?
0
Replies
-
6 months lol...... I get over things quick plus I had a rebound toy0
-
There is no right answer, but if it's been over 9 years, I would suggest seeking professional help if you haven't already. :flowerforyou:0
-
There is no right answer, but if it's been over 9 years, I would suggest seeking professional help if you haven't already. :flowerforyou:
Agree completely. And depending on your individual circumstances, there are times where medical insurance covers the cost of it.0 -
I was with my ex-husband for 12 years... married 10 of them. Honestly it took me about 3 years before I really wanted to date seriously again...
Nine years is a long time. My advice to you is to seek counseling. I really focused on NOT getting hung up on trust issues. My ex-hub was just one man, he didn't and doesn't define all men. Just because he cheated and couldn't be trusted doesn't mean that all men are the same. Instead, I looked at me and my judge of character and tried to figure out what was off with me and why I didn't see the red flags and why I wasn't a better judge of character. I found that I did see some of the signs, I just ignored them and I didn't trust my gut. I came out of the experience trusting myself and my instincts a lot more. Don't distrust men, please... men are wonderful creatures! :flowerforyou:0 -
It depends on the person.... I got over mine relatively quickly because I knew it was coming and I had to stay strong for the kids. At that time they were 7 & 1 and I knew we had a long road ahead of us and that it would affect my son especially far worse than me. I'm the kind that will take a hit, take a short while to figure out what happened, then keep on rolling.
ETA - You cannot hold every man accountable for what one man did to you. Use what he did as a lesson. You now know what red flags to look for. You also know that you are strong enough to live without a man. It's easier to date knowing that you "want" to be with someone vs "needing" to be with them.0 -
Married 6 years, together over 9....i think i had one huge cry...and then a couple months to finally get over the fact that she wasn't coming back. We divorced in May 2004...i didn't feel like being with anyone for a while after that and decided to work on myself...lost about 100lbs and went on my first date in Nov 2006...she was a great woman but she was doomed from the start because no way I would just settle on the first woman I met after a divorce.
But it seems anyone I date now, it only lasts about 6 months or so...either I get bored, annoyed or just don't feel its going anywhere. Happened once again...started dating a woman in Dec after a 2 year break...it lasted a month and got annoyed with her. So here I am single again....i ain't dating till i lose the weight.0 -
Nine years is a long time. My advice to you is to seek counseling. I really focused on NOT getting hung up on trust issues. My ex-hub was just one man, he didn't and doesn't define all men. Just because he cheated and couldn't be trusted doesn't mean that all men are the same. Instead, I looked at me and my judge of character and tried to figure out what was off with me and why I didn't see the red flags and why I wasn't a better judge of character. I found that I did see some of the signs, I just ignored them and I didn't trust my gut. I came out of the experience trusting myself and my instincts a lot more. Don't distrust men, please... men are wonderful creatures! :flowerforyou:
I agree, I had a train wreck with my kid's dad, then had 2 boyfriends who were also train wrecks after. I spent time working on me and looking back on those relationships wondering where I went wrong, what I could have done different.... noticing and not ignoring the red flags and also trusting my gut were HUGE. I agree, you can't assume all men will be like your ex, I wasn't cheated on but I was lied too for an entire relationship about alcohol addictions, gambling addictions and I do believe I can and will find a man who doesn't lie, cheat, or steal and who will treat me with respect and dignity. Keep your chin up.0
