5 Dating Traditions You Can Break
FitnessPalWorks
Posts: 1,128 Member
Replies
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The only one I agree with on the "to keep" list is the second. I disagree with all others.
I agree with the ones to ditch. Though if I was going to marry a man (don't really care about getting married) I think it'd be cool if he had asked my father. Just because my father is a great man and I think it would make him happy.0 -
I honestly think that this kind of thing isn't gender specific anymore .. but person specific. But if you are going to be one of "those guys" who thinks that everything should be equal .. then do it ALLLLLL equal. You can't pick and choose which ones you feel like being equal about.0
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I semi-agree with all of the rules & disregards.
Stick with:
1. Be the Initiator - It's in a woman's nature to want to be pursued. To feel wanted. HOWEVER, if I see something I want, I'll go after it.
2. Hold the Door - That's just a common courtesy.
3. Call her for a Date - I think if you know the person IRL then yes, you should call her for the date. If you meet via online dating, than an email or text is fine. This rule is give or take for me.
4. Wait for Sex - I never put a time limit on it, just let it happen when things are right. But, don't jump into bed too quick.
5. Don't Shack up Just Yet - I have no opinion on this one...I'm sure I'll live with someone before that day comes, but it will be a long time from now.
Ditch:
1. 3-Day Rule - ABSOLUTELY! I hate this rule! Just go with the flow.
2. You always pay. I absolutely agree with this as well. I think it should even out. I don't like splitting a bill, because then if feels like I'm out with a buddy. But, alternating dates, or having one pay for dinner, the other pay for the activity (movie, drinks, etc).
3. The Dinner Date - THANK YOU!! Loosen up, have fun on a first date!! You learn so much more about a person when you're just having fun.
4. Not Talking About $$$ - I agree with this as well. You need to have a talk about money at some point. I don't ask the man I'm with to be rich, but he does need to be fiscally responsible. I also feel like I need to assure him that I am as well.
5. Asking Her Father for Her Hand - Not needed. Considering no man will meet my father, this is not needed. However, I would like him to have a talk with my son beforehand. I just think it's the right thing to do as a new man entering our relationship.0 -
don't jump into bed too quick.
I am unfamiliar with the usage of "too quick" in this sentence. Please elaborate. Bleep bloop.
:laugh:0 -
don't jump into bed too quick.
I am unfamiliar with the usage of "too quick" in this sentence. Please elaborate. Bleep bloop.
:laugh:
In the framework of this structure, it would mean not on the first date. That would make you undesirable to your date.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh yeah.0 -
don't jump into bed too quick.
I am unfamiliar with the usage of "too quick" in this sentence. Please elaborate. Bleep bloop.
:laugh:
In the framework of this structure, it would mean not on the first date. That would make you undesirable to your date.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh yeah.
On a serious note, I have had sex on a first date on a couple different occasions, and neither time did it not work out for something longer term.
I go with the flow.
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I personally have no problem with the dinner date. I actually usually have the most fun if it's just drinks though. I feel like a first date should be just conversation with no distractions. Sure you can go for a bike ride and it would probably be fun but you probably won't get to know that person as much as you would if you'd have just sat down with them.
Calling for a date? Phone talking is so 1900s, I've had plenty of fun flirty conversations over text, but you should probably talk on the phone at least once before you meet.
The guy should generally pay but the woman should at least offer. I really hate when I'm just "expected" to pay for everything. Hope you're not "expecting" a call back too.
I probably would ask someone's father unless she specifically said that her father is old fashioned and I need to. I really don't need anyone's permission. We're adults, if we want to get married we will.
Talking about money? Hell no I wouldn't talk about this within the first 5 or so dates. There's not really much to talk about unless you were in a considerable amount of debt, I might want to know that.0 -
On a serious note, I have had sex on a first date on a couple different occasions, and neither time did it not work out for something longer term.
I go with the flow.
I have too, which is why I prefer to go with the flow. I'd prefer to wait a little while longer to make sure it's more than just the two of us being twirly. LOL0 -
On a serious note, I have had sex on a first date on a couple different occasions, and neither time did it not work out for something longer term.
I go with the flow.
I have too, which is why I prefer to go with the flow. I'd prefer to wait a little while longer to make sure it's more than just the two of us being twirly. LOL
Oooh! See that's where the difference lies. I don't attach anything to it just because it was a "date" versus "hook up". It doesn't mean I respect them less, nor they me, it just means that's at least one aspect where we are compatible. Emotions take longer to develop and personalities take even longer to understand. I don't feel like I'll know the significantly more on a third date than I would a first!
Then again, both of those first dates lasted almost the entire day and night, not just a coffee meeting or something. There was definitely a spark that got us to that point.0 -
Agree with all the ones to ditch. When I was in college, there was one relationship guru talking about a 7 day waiting period to call. The 7 day rule was quite defensible. The phone call rules early on can be confusing so I leave some waiting period. A 3 day or 7 day rule makes more sense if your first interaction with the person occurred offline and you were spectacular in that rendezvous. In many ways, there's greater flow and energy with choosing to meet your mates offline first.0
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All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).0
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Agree with all the ones to ditch. When I was in college, there was one relationship guru talking about a 7 day waiting period to call. The 7 day rule was quite defensible. The phone call rules early on can be confusing so I leave some waiting period. A 3 day or 7 day rule makes more sense if your first interaction with the person occurred offline and you were spectacular in that rendezvous. In many ways, there's greater flow and energy with choosing to meet your mates offline first.
Okay, but when you were in college were cell phones popular yet, or were we still mostly bound by landlines? Maybe that's why it was defensible back then.
Out of curiosity, did you actually follow the advice of this relationship guru?0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )0 -
On a serious note, I have had sex on a first date on a couple different occasions, and neither time did it not work out for something longer term.
I go with the flow.
I have too, which is why I prefer to go with the flow. I'd prefer to wait a little while longer to make sure it's more than just the two of us being twirly. LOL
Oooh! See that's where the difference lies. I don't attach anything to it just because it was a "date" versus "hook up". It doesn't mean I respect them less, nor they me, it just means that's at least one aspect where we are compatible. Emotions take longer to develop and personalities take even longer to understand. I don't feel like I'll know the significantly more on a third date than I would a first!
Then again, both of those first dates lasted almost the entire day and night, not just a coffee meeting or something. There was definitely a spark that got us to that point.
Those dates are much different than the normal coffee or even dinner date. I'd count that as a third or fourth date.
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On a serious note, I have had sex on a first date on a couple different occasions, and neither time did it not work out for something longer term.
I go with the flow.
I have too, which is why I prefer to go with the flow. I'd prefer to wait a little while longer to make sure it's more than just the two of us being twirly. LOL
Oooh! See that's where the difference lies. I don't attach anything to it just because it was a "date" versus "hook up". It doesn't mean I respect them less, nor they me, it just means that's at least one aspect where we are compatible. Emotions take longer to develop and personalities take even longer to understand. I don't feel like I'll know the significantly more on a third date than I would a first!
Then again, both of those first dates lasted almost the entire day and night, not just a coffee meeting or something. There was definitely a spark that got us to that point.
Those dates are much different than the normal coffee or even dinner date. I'd count that as a third or fourth date.
HAhaha, okay fair 'nuff0 -
Agree with all the ones to ditch. When I was in college, there was one relationship guru talking about a 7 day waiting period to call. The 7 day rule was quite defensible. The phone call rules early on can be confusing so I leave some waiting period. A 3 day or 7 day rule makes more sense if your first interaction with the person occurred offline and you were spectacular in that rendezvous. In many ways, there's greater flow and energy with choosing to meet your mates offline first.
Okay, but when you were in college were cell phones popular yet, or were we still mostly bound by landlines? Maybe that's why it was defensible back then.
Out of curiosity, did you actually follow the advice of this relationship guru?
When I was in college, I believe that it was somewhat of a transitory time in the landline vs. cell phone as the main type of telephonic line. In freshman year, only a few people had cell phones. By senior year, mostly everyone had them, but texting was still a couple of years away from being in vogue.
I did get to 5-6 days at times. I don't seem to recall going to 7 full days ever, but it might have happened.
Technology might change some tactical means, but overarching strategy is more constant. The purpose of the 7 day rule was to create differentiation as more guys were going to call in less than 7 days. The theory was that if other guys were calling her in 2-3 days, she'd expect that and be bored by it, whereas the guy who took longer to call demonstrated higher value. Regardless of technology, it is about creating perceptions of differentiation and higher value.0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )
Yes, that was the point of that rule. As a male, you want to be a top tier man in her mind. If many of you ladies got approached by a Hollywood A List actor and you gave him your number and he called 7 days later, you wouldn't write him off because you are attracted to him.0 -
Agree with all the ones to ditch. When I was in college, there was one relationship guru talking about a 7 day waiting period to call. The 7 day rule was quite defensible. The phone call rules early on can be confusing so I leave some waiting period. A 3 day or 7 day rule makes more sense if your first interaction with the person occurred offline and you were spectacular in that rendezvous. In many ways, there's greater flow and energy with choosing to meet your mates offline first.
Okay, but when you were in college were cell phones popular yet, or were we still mostly bound by landlines? Maybe that's why it was defensible back then.
Out of curiosity, did you actually follow the advice of this relationship guru?
When I was in college, I believe that it was somewhat of a transitory time in the landline vs. cell phone as the main type of telephonic line. In freshman year, only a few people had cell phones. By senior year, mostly everyone had them, but texting was still a couple of years away from being in vogue.
I did get to 5-6 days at times. I don't seem to recall going to 7 full days ever, but it might have happened.
Technology might change some tactical means, but overarching strategy is more constant. The purpose of the 7 day rule was to create differentiation as more guys were going to call in less than 7 days. The theory was that if other guys were calling her in 2-3 days, she'd expect that and be bored by it, whereas the guy who took longer to call demonstrated higher value. Regardless of technology, it is about creating perceptions of differentiation and higher value.
I think the 3-7 days is more for younger teens to early 20's thing to look cool... I feel at my age if I want to call someone, I'm just going to do it.0 -
Agree with all the ones to ditch. When I was in college, there was one relationship guru talking about a 7 day waiting period to call. The 7 day rule was quite defensible. The phone call rules early on can be confusing so I leave some waiting period. A 3 day or 7 day rule makes more sense if your first interaction with the person occurred offline and you were spectacular in that rendezvous. In many ways, there's greater flow and energy with choosing to meet your mates offline first.
Okay, but when you were in college were cell phones popular yet, or were we still mostly bound by landlines? Maybe that's why it was defensible back then.
Out of curiosity, did you actually follow the advice of this relationship guru?
When I was in college, I believe that it was somewhat of a transitory time in the landline vs. cell phone as the main type of telephonic line. In freshman year, only a few people had cell phones. By senior year, mostly everyone had them, but texting was still a couple of years away from being in vogue.
I did get to 5-6 days at times. I don't seem to recall going to 7 full days ever, but it might have happened.
Technology might change some tactical means, but overarching strategy is more constant. The purpose of the 7 day rule was to create differentiation as more guys were going to call in less than 7 days. The theory was that if other guys were calling her in 2-3 days, she'd expect that and be bored by it, whereas the guy who took longer to call demonstrated higher value. Regardless of technology, it is about creating perceptions of differentiation and higher value.
Yeah... clearly the overarching strategy has worked out.0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )
Yes, that was the point of that rule. As a male, you want to be a top tier man in her mind. If many of you ladies got approached by a Hollywood A List actor and you gave him your number and he called 7 days later, you wouldn't write him off because you are attracted to him.
The POINT is that the people we encounter are generally not Hollywood A List actors.0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )
Yes, that was the point of that rule. As a male, you want to be a top tier man in her mind. If many of you ladies got approached by a Hollywood A List actor and you gave him your number and he called 7 days later, you wouldn't write him off because you are attracted to him.
So.. you consider yourself Hollywood A List actor caliber? :happy:0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )
Yes, that was the point of that rule. As a male, you want to be a top tier man in her mind. If many of you ladies got approached by a Hollywood A List actor and you gave him your number and he called 7 days later, you wouldn't write him off because you are attracted to him.
Why do you ALWAYS bring up actors/actresses on here? We are NORMAL people on here!!!! I said that primarily as a JOKE up there....
It's RUDE to make someone wait 3-7 days or whatever your number is. It makes you look like a player, and if a guy waited that long yes my ADD would kick in and when he called I would not be interested. Unless he had been at the bedside of his dying mother, or had been in a terrible car crash, or his sister gave birth to quintuplets, I would not be interested in someone who waited that long to call. It does not ramp up their "value" to me. Pfft. That's a GAME. Period.
PS - For the record, I *HAVE* been approached by "Hollywood A-Listers" as those people run in my circle. Did I turn them down? Yep. Why? Because I do NOT want to live in the limelight. It's not my idea of fun, and I have seen what it does to people......0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
i agree. if you wait that long, 3 days IMO is too long, i'm moving on. my interest has poofed!!! ;-)0 -
All I can say is....wait 3-7 days to call me and my ADD will kick in. NEXT. (Sorry DM).
^^^^^ THIS.
(** DISCLAIMER: This may be waived if the male is a "TOP TIER" man.... :happy: )
nah. even a "top tier" guy is getting the boot if he waits 3+ days to call. i will be polite, but there will never be anything beyond friends.
i will add that prior to ANY date i don't mind him going 3 days or more without contact, but once that first date occurs. if he waits 3 or more days, i'm moving on...... regardless of tier, LOL!!!!0 -
i have several hollywood famous friends..... a couple of who in high school i thought were cute. they aren't attractive to me anymore. i think something about being out in hollywood and becoming famous changes you even if your look doesn't change too too much. they just aren't as attractive to me anymore. one guy, i have to say is crazy intriguing, but not attractive. but, he does date one of the sexiest girls i have ever seen!!!!! she's pretty gosh darn amazing!!!0
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A man that waits 3-7 days to call is not top tier, he is a pompous *kitten*.....0
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exactly!!!
this is my guy friend
http://www.modelmayhem.com/1977477
this is his girlfriend
http://www.modelmayhem.com/141576
i DOUBT he waited even an hour to call her again. i know him pretty well, LOL!!!0 -
Why do you ALWAYS bring up actors/actresses on here? We are NORMAL people on here!!!! I said that primarily as a JOKE up there....
It's RUDE to make someone wait 3-7 days or whatever your number is. It makes you look like a player, and if a guy waited that long yes my ADD would kick in and when he called I would not be interested. Unless he had been at the bedside of his dying mother, or had been in a terrible car crash, or his sister gave birth to quintuplets, I would not be interested in someone who waited that long to call. It does not ramp up their "value" to me. Pfft. That's a GAME. Period.
PS - For the record, I *HAVE* been approached by "Hollywood A-Listers" as those people run in my circle. Did I turn them down? Yep. Why? Because I do NOT want to live in the limelight. It's not my idea of fun, and I have seen what it does to people......
Looking like a player is not a bad thing. Lest anyone forget, it is the player that usually ends up with the woman in his bed.0 -
... with choosing to meet your mates offline first.
Okay, I'm sorry... but DM.. the way you put this and use the word "mates" just rubs me the wrong way. Are we apes? I know... stupid thing to bring up, but it's just so mechanical! Where is the feeling in that sentence?0
