Help or advice?

newspapertowels

I suffer from BDD and its getting out of hand. Ive gone from a size 9 to a size 1 and i still see myself in the mirror as fat and overweight. I dont know what to do anymore and alot of people are very worried about me. Just looking for some advice of how to start the recovery process. My mother passed away when i was 17 from an eating disorder and now at 21 im having my own problems with them which is horrible. But i know i need help and i figure a bdd survivors group might be a good place to start.

SavvyCake

Hi! I'm so sorry you're having a hard time, and I'm SO so sorry that you lost your mother. For me, the first step (and what I always recommend to people) was reading. Now, if you hate reading, feel free to totally disregard this, but as an avid reader myself, I didn't mind. One of the most helpful books out there for understanding and overcoming BDD, in my opinion, is Katharine Phillips' book "The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder." Also, "The BDD Workbook" is a good sort of homework guide for making the first steps on your own, without therapy. I will say, if it is at all possible, do seek help from some sort of therapist, if you can. I did several years of homework myself with books and online support and reading everything out there about coping with body image problems, and I'm sure that gave me a good foundation, but what really helped me was seeing a therapist finally.

I'm sympathize so much with your weight changes and lack of change in the body image area. My BDD was at its worst when I was almost 100 pounds less than I am now (a HUNDRED! geez), and while I know that objectively, I looked better then than I do now, I wouldn't go back to feeling that way for anything. I still struggle with my BDD plenty, but it's not an every-second-of-the-day type thing anymore, and I refuse to let it change my plans.

If you ever just need to rant, chat, or hear some support, feel free to message me any time.

abigail132

Hi there! I am also so sorry to hear about what you have been through and what you are going through now. I don't know what I can say that hasn't already been said! I just wanted to say that I totally stand by that book mentioned by Katharine Phillips - I have also read it. It literally talks about everything that has been going through my head and it feels as though the author understands entirely - which was also a difficult thing to find (It's like no one knows, but you're not alone! People have been through this and survived - hello!) However I'm not going to lie, I never read all of it! I'm not that kind for therapy and those kinds of treatments so I pretty much skipped that whole bit.
I don't know you so I'm not sure how you 'work' but the thing for me was reality, shock, and tough love. I actually ended up in hospital when I reached 86 lbs and I really don't want anyone to go through that - I wouldn't wish it upon my most hated person. And now I couldn't be happier! (Honestly!)

It's great that you've decided to get help! Help is amazing as these things are impossible to tackle on your own. So I'm also saying if you ever want to talk about anything (even unrelated) I'm here for you. Whether that be for advice or just a shoulder to cry on or a person to moan at!

:-)

newspapertowels

Thank you both its nice to hear from people that have gotten over it, shines a ray of hope for me that maybe someday ill see myself as beautiful and thin like everyone says i am before its to late. I have heard about that book The Broken Mirror and id like to give it a try. Also it is nice to know that I have people to talk to with questions and I have support when I have bad days and want to go back to my ED.

newspapertowels

Another big issue i do need advice for is feeling like everyone is lying just so I don't end up like my mother. I know when I step on the scale at the doctors and im at 120 or 125 (usually where my weight is lately) that technically at 5'9" thats slightly underweight but i often start crying or get mad when people tell me I have a perfect body or whatever cause I see myself so fat so I feel like im getting made fun of or something. Idk have either of you felt that way?

abigail132

Urgh, I understand! I have to go to my GP on a regular basis (not so much anymore) to get myself weighed, but when I was overcoming anorexia and I was 120 odd lbs, no matter what she said I felt emotional! Like, she might say well done for putting on weight (which for obvious reasons didn't help) or that I'm still underweight (even though I was trying) so I actually ended up crying in front of her! Which was ridiculously embarrassing..

I do empathise for my family who try and help, but they could never really say the right thing - even when they think they are helping by telling me how skinny I look - and I can't really remember how I got over that, I just kind of realised that I need to get better for myself and not worry about offending anyone else, because in the end I knew that's what they wanted too. Sorry I couldn't be more help just look forward and trust me in the sense that one day you will look back and realise you are better then than you ever have been. Although it's always going to be in the back of your mind, you'll be strong enough to overcome it and most days you forget about it entirely! :-)

SavvyCake

I understand exactly what you mean. Researching BDD can definitely help find coping strategies, but keep in mind that EDs are sometimes completely different from BDD too. If you go to a therapist and your chief concern is the fat/thin issue, while it functions the same as BDD (seeing what others don't) they're probably going to say it's an ED, not BDD. I think you should still pursue some BDD research, I just wanted to warn you that a professional is likely to give you an ED diagnosis, so don't be shocked to hear that if you see one. From what I can tell, they like to keep a sharp line between the BDD diagnoses and the ED ones.

newspapertowels

yeah my doctor has said that i definitely have bdd but also defiantly have an ed. she also said i may never see myself as beautiful as a result of this, which is really hard ti hear and has brought me down really bad recently...