Sharing a bed

Showgirlbody

I really need to know how people manage to sleep in the same bed with another person. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we've only done the sleep over thing probably like 7 times and usually only when we were in Vegas for the weekend or if we have to be somewhere early the next morning since we live 30 min away. I cannot sleep when he is there. I love my sleep. I always get 7-8 hours, have my bed time, my little dog sleeps on his own side under the covers and we are peaceful and happy. The man comes and there is no room, he snores and he heats up the whole room. I feel like I can't move or turn over because I don't want to disturb him. He wants to be close to me or touch me and I feel constricted. A queen size bed is just not big enough for us for one, but I just have never been able to really sleep with others. To be fair, he also doesn't sleep well with me but it is probably because he is self conscious of the snoring and he doesn't want me to leave and go to the couch which I have done.

My whole dating life, nobody ever had to worry about me staying over and rarely did a guy try to sleep over. If there was a sleep over, it was drinking induced. No experience with the leaving a tooth brush at his place type of thing. I just don't know how I will ever get used to having another body in bed with me. I like to sleep too much. My bf has talked about moving in together, and I keep joking about having my own room, but I'm not really joking. (I think Dr. Phil was very against married couples having separate beds/rooms because I saw an episode once about people with the same problem so they didn't sleep together. He thought it ruins your cuddling and pillow talk and makes you too distant). Maybe I am just supposed to live and sleep alone forever and ever? Except for the little dog. He doesn't snore. How do you deal sleeping with someone? Is it something you get used to over time? I know some people who can't sleep WITHOUT their partner.

TheKitsune6

First of all, Dr. Phil is a hack. Disregard him unless there is someone worth their weight in salt backing up what he says.

I love sharing a bed and cuddling and the intimacy. I show affection through physical means... but there are also a lot of couples that prefer to sleep apart. Either in huge beds, separate beds, separate rooms or even separate houses (if you can afford it). In fact, I read a study that showed when people slept in separate rooms their relationships tended to be healthier and last longer (I can't find the actual study because I'm at work, but here's an article talking about it http://www.salon.com/2012/08/14/separate_beds_are_liberating/ )

It that's what would genuinely make you happy then talk to your man about it. He seems like he might want more of the intimacy and maybe you guys can meet a compromise. Be gentle, make sure he knows it's nothing wrong with him or you, you just like space in general and even though you love him, you need to be able to sleep so that you can be wakeful and attentive when you guys are awake. Talk about what could make it easier on both of you. Maybe on a weekend when you don't need so much sleep you can agree to cuddle, or you can cuddle until he starts snoring and then you can extricate yourself to a separate room.

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Find what works for you! Don't be shamed into doing what's "normal" simply because someone on TV told you that you were wrong.

Good luck!

shammxo

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

christine24t

I think if I have to share a bed with someone, I'd need a California King! I am so used to sleeping by myself that I dislike sharing a bed, let alone a double bed. But my parents have shared a double mattress for years, so they made it work!

kls13la

I am so completely with you on this. I adore my boyfriend, but I just do not sleep well with him around. For the initial falling asleep part I'm usually okay because I'm tired, but once I wake up at 3 or 4 a.m., which I usually do, that's it. I just cannot get comfortable with him there because he's always trying to snuggle me and I swear the heat just radiates off of him. I find myself snuggled up to the edge of the bed just to remain cool, and then there is the snoring. I keep thinking I'll get used to it, but oh how I love the nights where he doesn't stay over. As of now I haven't done anything about it other than I get up at like 6 a.m. on the weekends. He doesn't care for this, but I can't help it. I just cannot sleep.

Danielle_2013

I hate sharing a bed. My ex and I had a king, with separate covers..which sort of helped. But I honestly would not hate the two separate bedrooms thing at all...particularly if you also got to have separate bathrooms. Some mystery, some space and peace and quiet.. would have DEFINITELY helped my relationship.

AnnaPixie

I think your guy should seek treatment for his snoring. There are plenty of remedies out there. And if that doesnt work, then try some ear plugs?

I do love sleeping with my b/f, but it takes a while for me to get used to a new person. I think you have to be totally relaxed and let go of your insecurites, like what you look like? do you sleep with your mouth open? do you dribble? do you fart in your sleep? It's not a very sexy state, put it that way....lol

But once you feel comfortable with yourself and him, and he isnt making a horrendous noise, then I dont see the problem.

IOW I think you just get used to each other, to the point of yes, it feels weird if they're not there :brokenheart:

Good luck :flowerforyou:

TheKitsune6

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

That made me laugh, so much. Just sounded so dangerzone. I love it.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

I'm lucky, I'm a ridiculously heavy sleeper. It takes a LOT to get me to wake up (repetitive loud noise, like dub step will do it). I also sleep talk and walk. Sometimes people find this amusing, sometimes not so. Either way, I'm not the one on the couch so I don't take it personally hahaha!

shammxo

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

That made me laugh, so much. Just sounded so dangerzone. I love it.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

I'm lucky, I'm a ridiculously heavy sleeper. It takes a LOT to get me to wake up (repetitive loud noise, like dub step will do it). I also sleep talk and walk. Sometimes people find this amusing, sometimes not so. Either way, I'm not the one on the couch so I don't take it personally hahaha!

Sounds so much like me, minus the heavy sleeping. I talk in my sleep. I also kick and punch in my sleep... This would make for a fun sleepover

TheKitsune6

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

That made me laugh, so much. Just sounded so dangerzone. I love it.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

I'm lucky, I'm a ridiculously heavy sleeper. It takes a LOT to get me to wake up (repetitive loud noise, like dub step will do it). I also sleep talk and walk. Sometimes people find this amusing, sometimes not so. Either way, I'm not the one on the couch so I don't take it personally hahaha!

Sounds so much like me, minus the heavy sleeping. I talk in my sleep. I also kick and punch in my sleep... This would make for a fun sleepover

The epic battles and random smack talk would be awesome! I passed out clinging to one of my guy friends one time, and apparently when he tried to leave I smacked him in the balls, so he waited it out until I became less sleep aggressive :laugh: I felt so awful, I bought him lunch the next day

Jersey_Devil

diodelcibo

With my ex we bought a big bed (40" by 84") as I usually took up 3/4 of the previous bed we had.

Showgirlbody

First of all, Dr. Phil is a hack. Disregard him unless there is someone worth their weight in salt backing up what he says.

I love sharing a bed and cuddling and the intimacy. I show affection through physical means... but there are also a lot of couples that prefer to sleep apart. Either in huge beds, separate beds, separate rooms or even separate houses (if you can afford it). In fact, I read a study that showed when people slept in separate rooms their relationships tended to be healthier and last longer (I can't find the actual study because I'm at work, but here's an article talking about it http://www.salon.com/2012/08/14/separate_beds_are_liberating/ )

It that's what would genuinely make you happy then talk to your man about it. He seems like he might want more of the intimacy and maybe you guys can meet a compromise. Be gentle, make sure he knows it's nothing wrong with him or you, you just like space in general and even though you love him, you need to be able to sleep so that you can be wakeful and attentive when you guys are awake. Talk about what could make it easier on both of you. Maybe on a weekend when you don't need so much sleep you can agree to cuddle, or you can cuddle until he starts snoring and then you can extricate yourself to a separate room.

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Find what works for you! Don't be shamed into doing what's "normal" simply because someone on TV told you that you were wrong.

Good luck!

Thanks for the article! And I would never do it just cause someone on TV said it was better. It does seem to be the norm though to sleep together. I've tried ear plugs and he tried nose strips, but the body heat and wiggling just is too much for me. I would rather have sex, cuddle, then leave for sleepy time. It's also a matter of affording the extra bedroom down the line. I'm 36 so doubt I would have multiple children down the road, but rooms for kids and stuff and us can cost too much. He gets that I need space in general so I guess we will cross the road of living together when we get there and hopefully find somewhere affordable with the extra bedrooms. lol Glad I'm not alone. Everyone I know has just accepted that sharing a bed is the way to go. My parents have a California King and that would be much better space wise but I still wake up whenever someone else moves or makes noise.

lacroyx

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

That made me laugh, so much. Just sounded so dangerzone. I love it.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

I'm lucky, I'm a ridiculously heavy sleeper. It takes a LOT to get me to wake up (repetitive loud noise, like dub step will do it). I also sleep talk and walk. Sometimes people find this amusing, sometimes not so. Either way, I'm not the one on the couch so I don't take it personally hahaha!

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I've never heard myself but I've been told by exes that I am a very loud snorer. Especially at my old weight. It has improved now with my weight loss. I still snore, but a lot lighter now as I've been told by others.

Speaking of sharing a bed:



I personally have no problems sharing. I stay on my side and don't drift over nor do I do kung fu like shammxo. I do toss and turn but infrequently. About 4-5x in a night. I do have some pet peeves. One of my exes HAD to have a light on. She can't sleep unless the TV or a lamp is on. That bugs me. I have to have darkness or I have trouble falling and staying asleep. Also background noise. I don't mind if it's at light volume but not much higher.

Moe4572

My sister and her husband share a bedroom, but rarely share a bed. My sister has night terrors, and kicks and punches in her sleep, so ever since she and her now husband started spending nights together, they have often slept apart. They have a happy, healthy marriage and closer than many couples that I know.

I would hate this arrangement, but it is whatever works for the people involved!

TheKitsune6

Or you can just get a HUMONGOUS bed!

Sometimes this isn't good enough! If the guy is a sleep cuddler, he WILL find a way to your side of the bed.

That made me laugh, so much. Just sounded so dangerzone. I love it.

I can't share a bed with someone... If I do, then I will be up every 15 minutes, kicking them, and making sure they are far enough away from me.

Personally, I don't think that there is anything weird about it. So if you don't like to do it... Then don't do it. But like Kits said, just be gentle and make sure he knows it has nothing to do with him.

I'm lucky, I'm a ridiculously heavy sleeper. It takes a LOT to get me to wake up (repetitive loud noise, like dub step will do it). I also sleep talk and walk. Sometimes people find this amusing, sometimes not so. Either way, I'm not the one on the couch so I don't take it personally hahaha!

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! I've never heard myself but I've been told by exes that I am a very loud snorer. Especially at my old weight. It has improved now with my weight loss. I still snore, but a lot lighter now as I've been told by others.

Don't you threaten me with a good time! :devil:

TheKitsune6

My roommate told me when I first moved in that he used to think I had night visitors come over after I went to sleep because I would talk and laugh so much. One night he knocked on my door, but no answer... poked his head in and I just busted out laughing and said something about cruise ships for refrigerators.

I've noticed this is more common when I'm in an unusual situation - new bed, new room, sharing the bed with someone (I have amazing stories from when my sister last visited) or if I've just had a very stressful time of it. I don't sleep walk as often as I used to, and certainly not as extreme! When I was 12 I woke up outside my house NAKED in the middle of the night!!

pa_jorg

I agree with Anna that it can take a while to get into a routine with someone. But once you do, I think it's bliss. Except for the one time when my last ex had a horrible nightmare and woke me up because he was punching and kicking. :noway:

DMZ_1

I think this is a very good and very relevant topic. Threads like these are the essence of Single Peeps.

I am someone who thinks that sleeping in the same bed as a couple is the most desirable sleeping scenario.

With that said, I am also someone who places a high value on a good night of sleep. In Showgirlbody’s case, the snoring is a huge deal. If you can’t deal with the snoring and it affects your sleep so much that your work performance is impacted negatively, there’s no need to force it and sleeping apart is sensible.

MaraDiaz

I have always had trouble sleeping in the same bed with someone. I just wake up a lot in the night. I'd prefer to sleep alone except on special occasions. And I probably better not operate heavy machinery or make life changing decisions the next day.

Also I snore because my allergies are horrible most of the year (I do plan to move to somewhere they won't be) so I'm not all that great to sleep with every night, either!

oddyogi

I just do cuddles until I fall asleep. Normally I wake up later and push Steve away. But he knows it's because I get hot and I like to thrash around a lot. Just be open and honest with him.

And having a big bed does help!

ETA: Although while we were on vacation, Steve and I slept in a TWIN bed together! I did not sleep well for those two weeks.. but it was nice being so close to him since I knew he'd be leaving soon. :frown:

oddyogi

Oh, and my dad and his wife sleep in separate rooms (they have for awhile now, because my dad snores and he wakes up super early) and they're still very happy. Hope this helps!

julesboots

I think this was mentioned up thread, but the bigger issue for me wasalways just feeling comfortable and relaxed enough with the routine of sleeping with a new person to actually fall asleep. I've only ever been at that place of comfort with a few people, and it took a realllllly long time. The snoring and the unreal body heat were issues in one case, but really it was about it being new and weird. The upfront sleep sacrifice was always worth it in the long run, though.

But ultimately, snoring is harsh. I eventually got accustomed to sleeping with an intense snorer. He felt terrible and hated when I'd go to the couch, so he made sure I always fell asleep first. That was the trick. I have like 2,000 wax earplugs somewhere in my attic that I ended up weaning off of because if I got to sleep first, all was good.

shammxo

My roommate told me when I first moved in that he used to think I had night visitors come over after I went to sleep because I would talk and laugh so much. One night he knocked on my door, but no answer... poked his head in and I just busted out laughing and said something about cruise ships for refrigerators.

I've noticed this is more common when I'm in an unusual situation - new bed, new room, sharing the bed with someone (I have amazing stories from when my sister last visited) or if I've just had a very stressful time of it. I don't sleep walk as often as I used to, and certainly not as extreme! When I was 12 I woke up outside my house NAKED in the middle of the night!!

Yikes! I've never woken up naked anywhere... But I definitely sleep laugh as well.

The first time I slept over at J's, he woke me up at 3 or 4 to ask me what was so funny... I was super pissed and had no idea what he was talking about.

He is also a really bad sleep-cuddler, and when we went up north in August, we had this huuuuuuuuuuuge bed. But of course, I ended up shoved onto one side with like no room to move. So I started kicking him. He gets really crabby when I do this.
So I just avoid staying at his place, and when he stays here we sleep on the couch so I don't have to be next to him. Hahah. I'm all about personal space! :laugh:

kristen6022

Sorry, Candy. I can't sleep well WITHOUT my guy in bed next to me. One night he was having trouble sleeping and was up on the computer and I turned over and panicked because he wasn't there. It's just weird now.

MikeM53082

I prefer to politely asking the women to leave after sex so we don't have to sleep in the same bed together. Just my personal preference.

MissingMinnesota

I prefer to politely asking the women to leave after sex so we don't have to sleep in the same bed together. Just my personal preference.

What if you are living together or married?

MikeM53082

I prefer to politely asking the women to leave after sex so we don't have to sleep in the same bed together. Just my personal preference.

What if you are living together or married?

California King or separate beds. I know a lot of couples that do the separate bed thing. It seems to work for them.

SVCat

This whole seperate beds thing is so foreign to me. The times I've had a lover that spent the night, we actually wanted to spend time together and sleep together. I also love my sleep and had no problem sleeping because of how at peace I felt with the situation, with her, with good sleep after sex...with all those factors.

RunIntheMud

I am someone who thinks that sleeping in the same bed as a couple is the most desirable sleeping scenario.

With that said, I am also someone who places a high value on a good night of sleep. In Showgirlbody’s case, the snoring is a huge deal. If you can’t deal with the snoring and it affects your sleep so much that your work performance is impacted negatively, there’s no need to force it and sleeping apart is sensible.

This whole seperate beds thing is so foreign to me. The times I've had a lover that spent the night, we actually wanted to spend time together and sleep together. I also love my sleep and had no problem sleeping because of how at peace I felt with the situation, with her, with good sleep after sex...with all those factors.

I guess I'm with DM & SV on this one. Sometimes it takes a little while to get used to another person in your bed. I had a relationship with a man who had sleep apnea....I called hiim Darth Vader (he laughed, all was good). It took a little getting used to, but once we were settled, I slept well. But, I have a woman in my office that sleeps in a separate room from her boyfriend...seems to work for them. So, I say whatever you need to do to make it work.

disneywm76

This whole seperate beds thing is so foreign to me. The times I've had a lover that spent the night, we actually wanted to spend time together and sleep together. I also love my sleep and had no problem sleeping because of how at peace I felt with the situation, with her, with good sleep after sex...with all those factors.

Ya, what he said.