Lost my baby...

scienceteacherAK

I was so happy to part of this group of such supportive ladies a few weeks ago...

Last week I miscarried for the second time (I have no children). I was seven weeks pregnant. It has been incredibly hard, I had a terrible experience at my doctors office- so much so that I am looking for another OBGYN.

I just feel so defeated. My doctor's office (I didn't get to see my normal doctor when I came in for an emergency appt) has been everything but supportive, the doctor I saw didn't ask me if I had any questions after the ultrasound and even asked me if I was sure I was pregnant (5 preg tests, all the symptoms, yes, I was pregnant), then basically walked out the door. I even had "normal" HCG levels after the blood test... the nurse called me and told me everything looked normal so no to worry (after the doc told me I had probably had an inviable pregnancy). Miscommunication on their part, upsetting on mine.

My family is asking when I am going to have babies, my students are constantly hounding me to have a baby (they want to babysit), even my co-workers are wanting to hold my future babies- most of them have teenagers. As much as I love them all, it is painful and I have to just laugh and make a joke to keep myself from crying.

=(

I am trying to stay positive and will hopefully be here, fit, fabulous, & pregnant in a few months... I know everyone is different, but does anyone have any advice/help/postive stories to share?

rosy003

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I think you are right in looking for a new doctor- they should have handled that much better! I do not have personal experience with this, but I have several friends who have had early miscarriages and gone on to have happy and healthy babies.

kristapennie

I am so sorry to hear this hun!
I would venture to say there are many of us that have been in this position and it is certainly devastating!

I think a new OBGYN is necessary given your experience.

My best advice is to not give up. I've been down this road and it is a difficult one. I sought out fertility treatment and found there were many reasons as to why I couldn't conceive and when I did it didn't stick. Don't assume that you'll be going straight to IVF and that it will cost a fortune....investigate.

All the best to you, you have a big support group here behind you!

VelociMama

*hugs*

I miscarried twice before also. I'm so sorry for you loss. It is such a terrible experience.

Try to rely on the people who can support you at this time, and definitely get rid of your crappy OB.

RenaeNguyen

I'm so sorry you went through that I share a similar experience. This is my 4th pregnancy, and I am now 26 weeks. My first 3 I lost, I never made it past 10 week :,-( my obgyn was a complete jerk, telling me if I wasn't so fat I would be able to carry to full term (I was 255lbs) and showed no sympathy then would go on each time harping about my weight, talking about kicking you when your down. I lost the weight and decided to get pregnant again. This time it stuck. I found a new obgyn who is so supportive. It will happen for you hun. I know it hurts like nothing else in the world to lose a child but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Lainn

I have had 2 miscarriages as well. It's a club non of us should belong too. I am sorry for your losses.

My only advice is to let yourself grieve. Don't try to hurry up the process. It's healing to the body and soul to grieve. No one is the same either. Some of us move on quickly and others don't. I made the mistake of trying to get over it quickly after my first because I thought that would make it better and I felt pressure from others to move on. It made things worse. After the 2nd a lady who had like 15 miscarriages told me that the only way we can heal is to give in to the grieving process.

*hugs* Praying for you.

mzjessicab

I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are feeling, as I have experienced loss. If you ever need to chat just meesage me. I am always here... ((HUGS))

kellykneppergrundy

I'm sorry you are going through this. Let yourself greive and try again when you are ready. I understand the pressure of people wanting to know when you are going to have a baby. I always had people asking when we'd be having another, that we didn't want too big of an age gap, that it would get harder to have another baby after being used to just having an older child. Finally I just told people that I had had 5 miscarriages. For the most part people were very supportive, it stopped the questions, and there was a lot of joy for us when I finally announced this pregnancy at 16 weeks.
I know it can feel like it will never happen but you will have that baby in your arms soon. Even after 2 miscarriages the chances of having a take home baby next time are excellent. And that moment when you finally have that baby in your arms will be all the sweeter for what you have suffered.
Find a new OBGYN, ask a lot of questions. It's unlikely that they would do any tests after 2 miscarriages, but should you have another I would push for testing of the fetus tissue as well as all the standard recurrent miscarriage blood testing for you and your husband.
There are a lot of supportive communities on the internet of people who have been in similar situations and a lot of success stories. I know I found it helpful to speak to people who had had 4+ miscarriages, to not feel so alone. Please let us know how you get on. I'm sure we will see you back here with a healthy pregnancy before the summer (if that is what you want)

RBXChas

I don't really have anything to add but wanted to drop in and say that I am so, so sorry for your loss. I agree that you need to give yourself time to grieve, and you may want to come up with a polite way to shut down others' questions about your childbearing. Even though they're well-meaning, it's painful to hear that when you've had a loss/losses and/or if you have fertility problems. Or, depending on how it makes you feel (I would imagine it makes some people feel better, others worse), you might just want to tell them outright about your two losses.

Also, find a new doctor, please. That's adding insult to injury, in my book.

I hope you find some peace soon

lourdes1201

I am so sorry for you loss. Family and Friends mean well, they just don't know how hurtful comments can be, Take some time to heal your body and heart and try again when you are READY. Sending you hugs and prayers

Wickedmeowmer

The same happened to me and I had zero problems and am now carrying a girl at 32 weeks. Its sad and frustrating, it also makes you SO NERVOUS in subsequent pregnancies, but you look young, so there is still lots of hope.

It feels weird to tell your well-meaning friends and I didn't really tell anyone who didn't need to know, but maybe if you told your most trusted friends/co-worker they could subtly pass is on so people are more sensitive to your loss?

kmakar

l lost a baby a year ago at 12 weeks, and it was devastating. I agree with the others that you need to give yourself time to grieve the loss. My MC was a turning point for me in getting serious about taking care of my health and my body, and it is partly what brought me to MFP. I used the "opportunity" of no longer being PG to start exercising, improve my diet, and get rid of some of the excess weight. My goal was to make my body a healthy vessel for the next little bean (which seems to me a much more positive thing to focus on than your OB harping about your scale weight). It took 9 months, but now I am 6 weeks PG, 35 lbs lighter, much fitter, and I feel so much more physically prepared to deal with what is ahead of me. Hang in there, we are all rooting for you!

acampbe2umd

I'm so sorry for your loss. There isn't any advice that I can offer you that hasn't already been said. Hugs to you!

Jenny_Rose77

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I also want to say that I had a very similar experience (miscarriages/terrible doctor who I fled from).

I *HIGHLY* recommend reading a book by Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway called "Making Babies." After nearly a year of trying to conceive (and make it stick), I went to Blakeway's acupuncture center (hoping to avoid IVF, which was our next step). The acupuncturist (not surprisingly) recommended this book, which my husband and I followed to the letter. Only one month later, following the book, and with weekly acupuncture appointments, I got pregnant (and stayed pregnant)! I delivered my beautiful little baby boy in December. I rarely recommend "how-to" books, but I just can't recommend this book enough.

Sure it could be a coincidence it all came together for us that month, but I'm inclined to believe otherwise...

EmilyRanae22

sending love, hugs, prayers, and support! i'm so sorry for you loss! With everyone asking when you're going to have babies that has to be so hard! HUGS

scienceteacherAK

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for your kind words.

My husband was pretty upset with the way we were treated at my clinic. He has been doing all sorts of research to find me a new OB in a smaller clinic. I think we have found one...

mrskatie80

*hugs*
I am so so sorry for your loss. After going through 3 m/c's - they are emotional times.

xx

igottaworkout

I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss as well. Hugs to you and God bless you.

Rosered3333

I am so sorry for your loss. As previous posters have mentioned, I would take as much time as you need to grieve your loss. Take care and I am so sorry.

rubybeach

I'm so sorry for your loss, thinking of you.....

freezerburn2012

I'm sorry for your loss. I just lost mine too. I was 8 weeks along and on vacation. Only my husband knows that I was pregnant. I want to tell my family but I don't know what to do.