Dating Relationship Terms...

pammbroo

There are different terms used in the dating world regarding relationship status. Some are obvious and upfront. If you say you are "just friends" or "friends with benefits", if you are in a committed relationship you are "exclusive" or even "in love", you have a "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend". But what about the ones used in between being friends and being in an exclusive relationship? You "hang out" or you "dig" someone. Vague terms that really don't define anything (which is probably the whole point). When these terms are used, is it a positive or a negative thing? Is it a nice way of saying I'm just not that into you or that you haven't quite figured out how you feel about that person? Thoughts?

SVCat

The whole defining a relationship to me is befuddling. I usually appease whatever lady is in my life by letting her know that I don't date mutlitple people at same time.

kristen6022

I don't multiple date - never have, never will. So, the terms have never been an issue for me. In the beginning of my present relationship, I referred to my BF as my "friend" to my friends until I knew he felt the same way about me. We had the "talk" early and knew that we wanted nothing to do with anyone else, so it was pretty easy.

Sorry, I have no insight.

Moe4572

I am kind of this predicament. I met someone, we have gone on a couple of dates, but I have no idea if we are progressing further or not. We text everyday--sometimes he initiiates, sometime I do--split pretty evenly.....but time together is very limited. So, I guess we are "dating" but realistically we are not any more than friends at this point, so at this exact point. I have no idea if he is dating others, though it would be tough with his shedule, but anything is possible :happy:

Sorry can't really help, but curious to see what others say

poncho33

I typically know right away if there is any chance for a future relationship on my end, so I either write someone off right away or pursue just them.... anyway, I'm with others one at a time.

Roadie2000

I don't think you should really worry about labels for the first few months. There really is no label for that other than dating, because if you're being intimate you're obviously more than friends, but don't know each other well enough to be bf/gf. Just relax and have fun getting to know them.

After that, I think it's safe to have the "where is this going" talk.

TheKitsune6

I've always referred to it as "we're dating" or "I am dating so-and-so"

JanieJack

if you're being intimate you're obviously more than friends.

I've not seen this to be true, personally.

It has been the experience of my friends that if she is being intimate but does not know that they are bf/gf, then she really is nothing more to him than a friend or fwb.

JanieJack

It also depends on culture. When I took BB to church and first introduced him to my old friends, I warned him not to get offended: In African American church subculture people don't really say "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." They say "my friend" using a special emphasis in the way you say it.

If I were dating a black man who called me "my friend" I would not bat an eye. If I were dating someone from another culture who used the term, I would think that he does not consider us "exclusive."

When talking about a man I am dating/getting to know/whatever you call it, I simply use whatever term he uses about me. And if he says nothing, then I say nothing either (that is, rather than "This is my boyfriend Joe" I simply say "This is Joe"). I use how he introduces me as an indicator of where we are in the relationship. That is, I do not think he is my boyfriend if he only introduces me as a friend or with simply my name.

DMZ_1

No labels until exclusivity has been determined assuming that is the ultimate goal.

AnnaPixie

In London the usual term is "I'm seeing someone".

That would be post first date, pre b/f g/g status. Kinda into each other but not 'serious'.

I dont multi date either and agree with Poncho that I know pretty quick if the person is going to someone I want to have a relationship with.

Roadie2000

if you're being intimate you're obviously more than friends.

I've not seen this to be true, personally.

It has been the experience of my friends that if she is being intimate but does not know that they are bf/gf, then she really is nothing more to him than a friend or fwb.

Again, that could be the result of trying to label something that doesn't need to be labeled. Yeah if you're just getting to know someone and are attracted to them, then there might be some intimacy before you decide if you want to enter a long term relationship with that person. Some people can call that FWB, I call that getting to know someone...or dating.

Unless he only calls on Saturday night at 2am, then it should be pretty obvious that it's strictly a FWB thing.

AnnaPixie

if you're being intimate you're obviously more than friends.

I've not seen this to be true, personally.

It has been the experience of my friends that if she is being intimate but does not know that they are bf/gf, then she really is nothing more to him than a friend or fwb.

Again, that could be the result of trying to label something that doesn't need to be labeled. Yeah if you're just getting to know someone and are attracted to them, then there might be some intimacy before you decide if you want to enter a long term relationship with that person. Some people can call that FWB, I call that getting to know someone...or dating.

Unless he only calls on Saturday night at 2am, then it should be pretty obvious that it's strictly a FWB thing.

Well put Roadie!! :flowerforyou: Clear difference between wanting to know someone and just having sex with someone.

JanieJack

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

jenbit

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

See again this is an area thing... My females friends have several "friends" when they are single myself included.... I don't consider it dating unless words like dating are used...... Also relationships don't exsist until you discuss it.....Anything else is in your head.. (not your your but you know what I mean) If you assume you make an @$$ out of you and me as the saying goes. But I think south florida rules might just be a little different or maybe the way we handle ourselves..... More men seem to get hurt then the women in this area..... Feeling don't mean sex and sex doesn't mean feeling if you convince yourself otherwise your deluded.

MikeM53082

Feeling don't mean sex and sex doesn't mean feeling if you convince yourself otherwise your deluded.

This.

Also, if you're not sure where you stand. Why not just ask the guy and have a conversation about it? Communication..

Roadie2000

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

I guess I would have to ask them why they thought they were bf/gf. Did they ever go on dates, did they meet the parents, did they talk every day, invite them to hang out with their friends? Anything at all relationshipy? Or did they just carry on having sex with them whenever it was offered?

Sorry but if they put up with being treated like a booty call than guys will keep treating them like booty calls. And for some reason women usually seem to choose these guys over the "nice" guys.

jenbit

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

I guess I would have to ask them why they thought they were bf/gf. Did they ever go on dates, did they meet the parents, did they talk every day, invite them to hang out with their friends? Anything at all relationshipy? Or did they just carry on having sex with them whenever it was offered?

Sorry but if they put up with being treated like a booty call than guys will keep treating them like booty calls. And for some reason women usually seem to choose these guys over the "nice" guys.

And even then they are not signs that you are in a relationship lol... FFWB and I hung out up to 5x a week. I met his parent and hung out with each others friendslol... And we still knew that it was nothing but sex and fun.........

Roadie2000

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

I guess I would have to ask them why they thought they were bf/gf. Did they ever go on dates, did they meet the parents, did they talk every day, invite them to hang out with their friends? Anything at all relationshipy? Or did they just carry on having sex with them whenever it was offered?

Sorry but if they put up with being treated like a booty call than guys will keep treating them like booty calls. And for some reason women usually seem to choose these guys over the "nice" guys.

And even then they are not signs that you are in a relationship lol... FFWB and I hung out up to 5x a week. I met his parent and hung out with each others friendslol... And we still knew that it was nothing but sex and fun.........

Well for the record I still think that's weird, but as long as you communicate with each other as to what is expected than there shouldn't really be any surprises. It's not that difficult.

jenbit

You guys can recolor it how you want, but what I've seen is most of the females I talk to who are having sex with someone think that means they are dating or at the very least gf/bf. And they are hurt later to find out that the guy didn't see it that way. I appreciate that this hasn't been your experience, but I suspect it happens more often than people here are willing to admit.

I guess I would have to ask them why they thought they were bf/gf. Did they ever go on dates, did they meet the parents, did they talk every day, invite them to hang out with their friends? Anything at all relationshipy? Or did they just carry on having sex with them whenever it was offered?

Sorry but if they put up with being treated like a booty call than guys will keep treating them like booty calls. And for some reason women usually seem to choose these guys over the "nice" guys.

And even then they are not signs that you are in a relationship lol... FFWB and I hung out up to 5x a week. I met his parent and hung out with each others friendslol... And we still knew that it was nothing but sex and fun.........

Well for the record I still think that's weird, but as long as you communicate with each other as to what is expected than there shouldn't really be any surprises. It's not that difficult.

Pas tense lol we both started dating others and stopped playing... Even though we were both single together for a while (hes not) we never started back up lol........

Roadie2000

Pas tense lol we both started dating others and stopped playing... Even though we were both single together for a while (hes not) we never started back up lol........

Well yeah, I meant that more generally, but it should apply to the OP as well. It helps to communicate with the people you're sleeping with (or hanging out with)...for a number of reasons.

By the way Jen, nice boobs. It's making it more difficut for me to write a coherent sentence.

jenbit

^^^^^lol thanks Happy Friday

nolachick

I don't think you should really worry about labels for the first few months. There really is no label for that other than dating, because if you're being intimate you're obviously more than friends, but don't know each other well enough to be bf/gf. Just relax and have fun getting to know them.

After that, I think it's safe to have the "where is this going" talk.

this is so backwards for me. I won't be intimate with someone until I know we are in a committed relationship.

as I've gotten older, maybe I have become impatient because the dating for months thing sounds like a waste of time. I kinda wanna date for a month max and then decide if we are compatible long term.

maybe its how I was brought up but we weren't supposed to just date multiple people much less sleep around. a guy was either your friend or your bf but nothing in between.

yoovie

I only care about two stages.

Not with anyone (or not with anyone you intend on pursuing for exclusivity). With someone (exclusive/committed).

I believe that all other relationship phases or definitions are subjective to the two people involved and the summary of their combined experiences in the past.
In fact, I honestly believe that, instead of standards, every single relationship should be custom built for those two (or more) people, with roots in the way those individuals define loyalty, trust, need, intimacy, goals, direction and they should figure it out together. It seems much healthier than "Hey, wanna play guessing games, follows the standards built 2000 years ago or the lifestyles of our friends and neighbors and just be frustrated til death do us part?".

pass.

ItsCasey

This is one area of dating from which it's almost impossible to escape high school standards, and I think it's because there are so many social occasions where it is unacceptable (or at least unfavorable) to show up alone. You feel pressured to bring a date, and people are naturally going to be curious about the nature of your relationship with that person, especially if they didn't know you were seeing someone.

I agree with Janie ... excepting certain cultural standards, if you've been seeing a guy for a while, and he introduces you as his friend, that's all you are. Most of the guys on here have admitted, in one thread or another, that it doesn't take them long to figure out whether or not they want to be in a relationship with a woman, and that doesn't really jive with the 'dont worry about it for a few months' narrative. If you've been seeing a guy regularly (i.e. multiple times per week) for a month, and he doesn't know whether or not he wants you to be his girlfriend, you need to find someone with better decision-making skills.

yoovie

I think that them KNOWING early, doesnt mean you shouldnt still wait at least a few months before asking them to agree to it out loud in words and letters and stuff.