Telling The Parentals

Caryn03

Hi All,

So this weekend we plan to tell our parents of everything that is going on with us. Our parents have no idea what we have been going thru, and I mean anything. Our parents don't know that we have been TTC for 4 years now. They don't know I have PCOS, they don't know that we have had a miscarriage. They don't know that we have been going to a fertility clinic to help us.

But this weekend we are going to tell them what is going on. Because we need them to know incase they asks us if we can go out to dinner or something and we always say no. It's because we need to save up the money for what we have to do next. Also, we want to let them know because when we hang out with them I feel they are always suspicious when I don't have a beer or something. Also, it will be nice I think for my Husband so he has someone to Vent to if needed because he doesn't like venting to me, because he doesn't want to see me hurt and he wants to be strong for me.

Anyways, have any of you been thru this? What did you parents say? How did you tell them? How did they react? Tomorrow (Saturday) is the big day. So wish me luck...

chickpea00

My hubby and I are in the same boat. We've not told anyone either except for a few close friends. My parents have been nagging us for a grandchild from the moment we got married 8 years ago. I finally had to have a talk with my mom basically to tell her to shut up. That was before we started this whole infertility journey. I just don't feel very comfortable talking to them about it.

Let us know how it goes and good luck!

wongleweed

I have a hard time with my hubbies parents - for 4 years his dad was on my case about a grandchild. Then we found out hubbie is azospermatic and i have pcos. Hubbie told them in confidence and his mother then told EVERYONE (we live in a very small town) We did the ivf and i got pregnant, 4 years later, and then our little boy was stillborn at term. We have tried again 6 times since then. Father in law told me after the 2nd failed attempt to give up and stop wasting money, then a few days later he started on the "when am i gonna get a grandchild" crap again.

Hope it goes better for you

miranda_mom

First time (before our daughter was born): I told my mom before we even started trying. She convinced me to wait another month, against my husband's wishes. My in-laws, we told after a few months of trying, I think maybe because I had a headache but didn't accept the aspirin they were trying to give me or whatever. All were actually supportive of the whole process and it was fine.

This time, I told my husband from the beginning that I didn't want to say anything to anyone. After thirteen months, my resolve has kind of faltered. I told my brother awhile ago. I told my mom too because I was going and getting the tests and stuff. We're very close to my family. Hubs ended up telling his mother at Christmas. I was NOT happy. His sister had a baby in July - a totally unplanned pregnancy. My in-laws annoy me in general and I decided that life is too short to spend it with negative people so I didn't go to Christmas Eve (there is a whole other saga involved there but I won't get into that - suffice it to say, I've been wronged by them many times over the years). So my husband tells his mother that it's hard for me to see the baby because we've been trying for a little over year, unsuccessfully so far. So then his mother sends out an e-mail to their entire extended family (aunts, uncles, etc) telling them that the reason I didn't go to Christmas Eve is because I'll never be able to have another child again. (Not true!).
So yeah, I wish he had never told anyone in his family. I figure everything that I do from now on, in their eyes, it's going to be because of this. When in reality, I've made peace with the fact that I might not be able to have another one.

Qfrump

Anyways, have any of you been thru this? What did you parents say? How did you tell them? How did they react? Tomorrow (Saturday) is the big day. So wish me luck...

How did it go?

Caryn03

Thanks for all your feedback and help everyone!

The converstaion actually went well. There were lots of tears, just because it was hard for us to tell them what we have been going thru. They felt bad because we have been carring this burrden on our own with eachother and didn't share with them sooner. But we also know it was a lot for them to take in with everything we told them. So they were asking questions and said to maybe have dinner again later this week so they can ask more questions because they were taking it all in on Saturday. But all in all we think it went well. Our parents are super supportive and they always have been.

When we talked to them we told them that if they ask us to go to dinner and we say we can't it is because we can't afford to go out to eat. So I think they took that as we can't afford to eat. The reason I say that is my Mom In-Law said she had left over soup and asked if I wanted her to bring it for me for lunch? And they want to give us some meat. Don't get me wrong, I love that they offer, I just don't want them to think we are starving and are eating bare minimums, we are actually doing great with our food and lots of home cooking.

I know they just want to learn more and understand what we have been going thru this whole time. So I am sure more questions will come up and we will have many more conversations. All in all it went really well and it's a huge weight lifted off our chest. Now the next steps are moving forward with what we plan to do.

Thanks again everyone for the support.