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Self-esteem and gaining weight?

kori333

Few people I speak to understand my issue. I thought maybe someone here would get it.

I spent 9 months last year losing 40+ lbs and getting myself down to 135 before getting pregnant in September. I was feeling really good about myself for the first time in my life! This is baby #4 for me and the first time I've started in a healthy BMI range. I'm almost 23 weeks now and despite knowing that gaining is healthy, it is still so hard to watch that number on the scale tick back up. It doesn't help that none of my old maternity clothes fit from previous pregnancies (I was way bigger for those) so I have only a couple new maternity items that fit. The rest of the time I wear the few items of "fat clothes" I kept after losing the weight last year. I would love to buy some more maternity items but money's a little tight for that, and it's hard to spend it when it's only for a few months.

When I look in the mirror it's hard not to see the old "fat" me even though I know it's all baby in front. My husband points out that my face hasn't changed so I don't look fat, just pregnant, but I don't see what he sees obviously. I've gained right in the average amount of weight according to my midwife and she's pleased with where I'm at. Maybe it's a mix of the fat clothes and numbers ticking up on the scale that are messing with me. It all feels like a mind game and I'm just having a hard time with it. It just makes me feel rotten about myself.

Anyone else lose a bunch of weight before getting pregnant and having a hard time watching your shape and weight change now? I can't be the only one, right? My husband reminds me I've lost it all before and I'll do it again, but for NOW it's just hard on the self-esteem. :frown: It sounds so vain and selfish to even care about this when I know I'm so blessed to be having this baby.

Replies

lk27

I went to the doctor 2 days ago and had a horrible experience. At my doctor's office there are 4 doctors. You see all of them so that when you go into labor you already know the dr that is on call and will be delivering your baby. I had not seen this one yet. Before I went into my appointment I weighed myself at home. When I got to the office 15 minutes later their scale was 5 lb heavier than mine at home (always is). I like to do this because I'm keeping track of my weight gain based on my scale. The first thing the doctor said to me when she came in the room was that I was gaining too much weight too fast. Now, I think that I am right on target (maybe a couple pounds over what I'd like). She didn't even know anything about me. She just looked at a number on a computer screen and totally judged me. She didn't ask what I eat, how I eat, if I exercise, how often, what kind of lifestyle I live. I told her I workout 5 days a week, eat healtier than I ever had in my life and I think I'm doing pretty well. She got into an arguement with me saying that I need to watch my portion sizes and not "eat for 2". I admit that I have given into more cravings than I normally would, but am by no means eating for 2. She didn't even listen to what I was telling her as far as what my diet is and how I try to stay healthy. She just had to be right.

The second I walked out of the office I started crying. As if I don't feel bad enough about my body to begin with, she just made me feel 10X worse. Now I am having an internal struggle with cutting down my calories and working out more or just doing what I fell is best and keeping myself and baby healthy. I'm miserable. I do not want to have that conversation again and it gives me anxiety thinking about going to the doctor. I really don't think that I've gained too much weight, but having someone tell you you have is really hard.

rosy003

lk27, YOU know your body better than anyone else and you need to do what feels right. I'm so sorry your doctor treated you like that. I think they are so used to seeing unhealthy people that they assume everyone is unhealthy without really thinking about it. Listen to your body first and doctor second.

laurab1217

I am so sorry you had to go through that! I had a similar experience when I had gained 12 lbs at 24 weeks! A nurse told me I was ahead of where I should be and that I only should've gained 5 lbs in the first 20 weeks. I honestly thought that experience would set the tone for what the entire practice thought, but it didn't. The doctor I had a week later didn't even mention my weight, and the doctors I had at my next visits told me I was right on track. I think they should check your overall health and how your pregnancy is going instead of focusing in on weight first. A lot of factors are completely out of our control.... If I were you, I would request to not have a doctor that made me feel that bad. At the practice where I go, they can tell you who they are scheduling you with at your next appointment so it is possible to request a different slot (with a different doctor).

Has anyone had problems with water retention, specifically in the third trimester? Yesterday was crazy for me. I'm 31 weeks and had an appointment two days ago, was up 16 lbs. I weighed myself the next morning and was the same...but then that night I felt like I was suddenly retaining a ton of water (up until now I haven't had much swelling)...my rings were tighter, I just felt kind of swollen, so I weighed myself to check and I had gained 4.5 pounds since the morning? I instantly felt like crap and started to think, oh no what if I start gaining this much every day? (that was like a whole month's worth of gain!)? What will I be at for my next appointment or by the time I deliver? It was a big blow on my self-esteem. I drank a ton of water last night and after waking up several times to use the restroom last night, by morning the swelling was better, and I was only up about a pound...so I will need to make a conscious effort to drink a ton of water and for my sanity NOT weigh myself at night. It is crazy to have this feeling of your body doing whatever it wants and not being able to control it.

prplrose33

Am I the only one that doesn't have crazy/rude doctors that focus so much on weight gain? I've gained about 27 lbs at 29 weeks and none of the Dr's I see say anything about my weight gain. Of course, I feel like it's a lot, but I gained almost 40 with my first and I'm right on track to do the same with this one. I see so many women on here cutting back their calories and upping their exercise because their Dr's make them feel bad. This is supposed to be a stress free time where we can sit back and enjoy all of the changes going on with our bodies. Our bodies will gain what it needs to to for the baby no matter what we try to do as long as we don't go crazy and double our calorie intake.

ehg87

Well said prplrose!!! I almost posted something very similar yesterday, but you said it much better (and nicer) than anything I could come up with. If you were at a healthy weight prior to pregnancy there is no reason to think that you won't be able to achieve that after birth. I go to a fairly large practice with 4 nurse midwives & 6 OB GYNs, they make sure that you cycle thru all of them so that you will at least know each face if that is who winds up being on call when you deliver. This being my second birth with this practice I've seen all of them and haven't had a single one gripe me out about weight gain either time. With my son I gained 60lbs and they didn't say a word.!!!! This time I'm @29 weeks and have gained about 22lbs and still nothing from any of them. At my last appt when I was at a 20lb gain the Dr actually commented that he was quite pleased with my weight gain. To all you worrying about your weight, DON'T! Unless you have GD, high blood pressure, or have some other medical problem there is no reason why most people can't gain anywhere from 25-40lbs during pregnancy and lose it with no problem post partum. Like previously said our bodies are going to gain what they need to, and the last thing you need to be stressed about during pregnancy is calorie intakes.

RBXChas

Am I the only one that doesn't have crazy/rude doctors that focus so much on weight gain? I've gained about 27 lbs at 29 weeks and none of the Dr's I see say anything about my weight gain. Of course, I feel like it's a lot, but I gained almost 40 with my first and I'm right on track to do the same with this one. I see so many women on here cutting back their calories and upping their exercise because their Dr's make them feel bad. This is supposed to be a stress free time where we can sit back and enjoy all of the changes going on with our bodies. Our bodies will gain what it needs to to for the baby no matter what we try to do as long as we don't go crazy and double our calorie intake.

My OB seems to focus more on the rate of gain rather than the total amount gained, but I think part of the reason she's been quiet is because she knows I worked my butt off (quite literally) losing all that weight between my two pregnancies - so I can most certainly do it again!

All of my stress about weight gain during this pregnancy has been self-induced, but I've gotten over it. It was hard to read how some people are upset about having gained 10 lbs at 25 weeks or 15 lbs at 30 weeks and not start making comparisons. However I'm not about to start cutting calories or going to extremes with exercise to stop the gains. I'd rather work harder, later when I know it's safe to do so.

With some of the comments I see being made, I'd find a new doctor, stat.

Fiorefleur

I put on 70 lbs while eating healthy and exercising with #1, it took me over a year to to drop 50 of it off, and the month I get it to it's lowest weight since before birth...we find out about #2. haha.

I gained nothing in first trimester, second trimester hit and the weight has piled on too easily. Quite literally, the past 3 weeks I put on 10 more lbs.

I'm not afraid of it though, it was hard to drop the past weight but I miss counting down the pounds and such. I have the rest of my life to get it off, am not too worried. :-) It'll all work out somehow !

lk27

I have decided to not listen to that doctor, but listen to my body instead. I will still make healthy choices 90% of the time and give in to some cravings. After all, isn't that the fun part of being pregnant! Is not having to worry so much about every single thing you eat! I want to enjoy being pregnant, not hate it. I know I will work hard after the baby is born to get my weight back down and I have no problem with that. In fact, I can't wait to get back to my intense workouts! I do believe that your body will gain what it needs no matter how hard you try to control it.

I do see this particular doctor again at my next visit, but in the future appointments I'm going to try to avoid her. There is one dr that was truly wonderful and I'm going to try to book the majority of my upcoming appointments with her. It makes me feel so much better listening to everyone and the kind comments. I know now that it was not just me who thought that this situation was totally uncalled for.

MtMcConnel

I am so glad I found this thread! I just joined MFP for this exact reason. Like many of you, I worked really hard to loose weight before being pregnant and although I am only at 30 weeks, I have already gained more weight than the recommended weight gain range. I'm hoping this site will help me focus on being healthy - taking in enough nutrients and exercising. I don't want to diet and potentially affect my baby or my ability to bf.

A few people mentioned their weight fluctuating widely in short periods of time. Mine would do the same thing - big jumps up and down. The big jumps up would really make me feel bad/scared. So, I stopped weighing myself at home and have just been tracking calories with a projected weight gain - trying to eat as healthy as possible (with a few indulgences now and again) and getting some exercise. Trying to shift the focus to healthy habits and not a number on the scale, which is a little easier said than done for me.

I don't know if any of you may be experiencing this as well, so I'll throw it out there. I had a horrible time emotionally in my 2nd trimester - I struggled with feeling very down in general during this time. It made my self-esteem issues related to my changing body seem like a horrible problem that I had trouble handling. From several things I've read and talking to other pregnant ladies, a lot of this is related to hormones and for me, it has been a little better since I moved into my 3rd trimester. Also any type of regular exercise helped me just feel less depressed. Not that this issue has disappeared for me, but it's just easier to handle.

lk27 - sorry to hear your Dr was not at all supportive and didn't listen to anything about you. You sound like you have a very healthy lifestyle, so know that you are doing well and keep it up! Hopefully you can avoid that Dr in the future

RBXChas

I am so glad I found this thread! I just joined MFP for this exact reason. Like many of you, I worked really hard to loose weight before being pregnant and although I am only at 30 weeks, I have already gained more weight than the recommended weight gain range. I'm hoping this site will help me focus on being healthy - taking in enough nutrients and exercising. I don't want to diet and potentially affect my baby or my ability to bf.

A few people mentioned their weight fluctuating widely in short periods of time. Mine would do the same thing - big jumps up and down. The big jumps up would really make me feel bad/scared. So, I stopped weighing myself at home and have just been tracking calories with a projected weight gain - trying to eat as healthy as possible (with a few indulgences now and again) and getting some exercise. Trying to shift the focus to healthy habits and not a number on the scale, which is a little easier said than done for me.

I don't know if any of you may be experiencing this as well, so I'll throw it out there. I had a horrible time emotionally in my 2nd trimester - I struggled with feeling very down in general during this time. It made my self-esteem issues related to my changing body seem like a horrible problem that I had trouble handling. From several things I've read and talking to other pregnant ladies, a lot of this is related to hormones and for me, it has been a little better since I moved into my 3rd trimester. Also any type of regular exercise helped me just feel less depressed. Not that this issue has disappeared for me, but it's just easier to handle.

lk27 - sorry to hear your Dr was not at all supportive and didn't listen to anything about you. You sound like you have a very healthy lifestyle, so know that you are doing well and keep it up! Hopefully you can avoid that Dr in the future

MtMcConnel - you're not alone! I'm 30 weeks, too, and have struggled and know I will struggle postpartum as well. Someone else is having similar issues and posted, so I wrote a novel in response, but it might help to jump in over there as well. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/932613-anyone-lose-a-large-amount-of-weight-pre-prego?page=1#posts-14178473

roro1925

I just found out I'm pregnant a few days ago so the shock of that is still settling in lol. But I have to admit that the weight gain was the first thing that popped in my mind. I lost 46 pounds and was seriously into my exercise routine and even had several races and even a half marathon scheduled this year. But I realize those things are insignificant now, but it's still hard to process. I started my first pregnancy 40 pounds heavier than I am starting this one so I know I am better off but like most of you, the thought of all the weight gain is daunting. I'm just going to keep up my workout as much as I can which I know will make it much better after the baby arrives. Congrats to all you new mommies and soon to be mommies and those who just found out as well!!

RBXChas

I just found out I'm pregnant a few days ago so the shock of that is still settling in lol. But I have to admit that the weight gain was the first thing that popped in my mind. I lost 46 pounds and was seriously into my exercise routine and even had several races and even a half marathon scheduled this year. But I realize those things are insignificant now, but it's still hard to process. I started my first pregnancy 40 pounds heavier than I am starting this one so I know I am better off but like most of you, the thought of all the weight gain is daunting. I'm just going to keep up my workout as much as I can which I know will make it much better after the baby arrives. Congrats to all you new mommies and soon to be mommies and those who just found out as well!!

Congratulations! I remember when I thought I might be pregnant, and my sister was bugging me about signing up for a zombie run - which, admittedly, I wanted to do but wasn't sure if I should since it was an obstacle course kind of thing. Finally I got my PPT and was able to tell her why I didn't think I should sign up! You might still be able to complete those races, you never know!

But as I said above, I totally get it. It's a daunting prospect, and I am somewhat bummed about being "fat" again, even though it's obvious that I'm pregnant.

roro1925

I just found out I'm pregnant a few days ago so the shock of that is still settling in lol. But I have to admit that the weight gain was the first thing that popped in my mind. I lost 46 pounds and was seriously into my exercise routine and even had several races and even a half marathon scheduled this year. But I realize those things are insignificant now, but it's still hard to process. I started my first pregnancy 40 pounds heavier than I am starting this one so I know I am better off but like most of you, the thought of all the weight gain is daunting. I'm just going to keep up my workout as much as I can which I know will make it much better after the baby arrives. Congrats to all you new mommies and soon to be mommies and those who just found out as well!!

Congratulations! I remember when I thought I might be pregnant, and my sister was bugging me about signing up for a zombie run - which, admittedly, I wanted to do but wasn't sure if I should since it was an obstacle course kind of thing. Finally I got my PPT and was able to tell her why I didn't think I should sign up! You might still be able to complete those races, you never know!

But as I said above, I totally get it. It's a daunting prospect, and I am somewhat bummed about being "fat" again, even though it's obvious that I'm pregnant.

Thank you!!!
I was considering sticking with the Color Run in July even though i'll be 5 months, being that it's not exactly a competitive run...but I'm not sure I wanna be in a rowdy crowd in the sweltering heat anyway lol. But the half marathon in May is definitely out of the question. My dr told me to take it east with the running because I had a low lying placenta in my last pregnancy so we have to see how it goes, so she advised me not to run more than a few miles. But as far as doing my weights and mild cardio, i'm definitely sticking to that.

RBXChas

I just found out I'm pregnant a few days ago so the shock of that is still settling in lol. But I have to admit that the weight gain was the first thing that popped in my mind. I lost 46 pounds and was seriously into my exercise routine and even had several races and even a half marathon scheduled this year. But I realize those things are insignificant now, but it's still hard to process. I started my first pregnancy 40 pounds heavier than I am starting this one so I know I am better off but like most of you, the thought of all the weight gain is daunting. I'm just going to keep up my workout as much as I can which I know will make it much better after the baby arrives. Congrats to all you new mommies and soon to be mommies and those who just found out as well!!

Congratulations! I remember when I thought I might be pregnant, and my sister was bugging me about signing up for a zombie run - which, admittedly, I wanted to do but wasn't sure if I should since it was an obstacle course kind of thing. Finally I got my PPT and was able to tell her why I didn't think I should sign up! You might still be able to complete those races, you never know!

But as I said above, I totally get it. It's a daunting prospect, and I am somewhat bummed about being "fat" again, even though it's obvious that I'm pregnant.

Thank you!!!
I was considering sticking with the Color Run in July even though i'll be 5 months, being that it's not exactly a competitive run...but I'm not sure I wanna be in a rowdy crowd in the sweltering heat anyway lol. But the half marathon in May is definitely out of the question. My dr told me to take it east with the running because I had a low lying placenta in my last pregnancy so we have to see how it goes, so she advised me not to run more than a few miles. But as far as doing my weights and mild cardio, i'm definitely sticking to that.

Personally I found that running was almost immediately out of the question simply due to being tired in the first trimester. I pretty much stuck to fast walking. I also used to Spin 4x/week, and after one class I had bleeding that would pop up here and there, and it turned out I had a friable cervix so was put on pelvic rest :frown: Walking for any length of time became painful when I kept pulling a ligament in my leg/crotch area, so I ended up sitting everything out :sad: I know that has not helped with my gain at all, either, and part of me is super scared that my fitness level is now shot, that when I try to get back into the swing of things, it'll be like I was never fit before.

Edited for clarity

BaysiderNY

My doctor is very nice too about gains and weight loss. At my last appointment he said that he expected some gain and I've actually lost. He said he would like to see some gain in the next appointment. He was joking about my workout with my husband. He also said that the fact that I keep an eye on my gain and my health overall is a good thing.
Also, I would like to say that weigh yourself at home before going for your appointments. They have never weighed me right ever at the clinic. I know my gains and lost better then what they state in their charts.

rubybeach

You are not alone and I can so relate to this post. I've struggled with body image and weight since 12 years old..... I'm a weird one and find the " how much have you gained" thread helpful as it shows me the wide range of bodies and weight. With that said, I am trying to keep my obsessive thoughts about my body on the back burner and appreciate what it's doing for me and baby. It's hard though.....

rubybeach

Oh, and my OB in Australia and the USA both weighed me at every visit.....

My midwife now in Canada has said she doesn't like to weigh as it puts too much emphasis on something that is so subjective and unreliable. She measures the tummy instead

lk27

Oh, and my OB in Australia and the USA both weighed me at every visit.....

My midwife now in Canada has said she doesn't like to weigh as it puts too much emphasis on something that is so subjective and unreliable. She measures the tummy instead

I love this! Good for your doctor! I hate how pregnancy is all about a number on the scale and trying to fit into this cookie cutter mold. Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different!