"Friending" a date on FB.
EBFNP
Posts: 529 Member
So last week I met a new guy at a dating auction . I bidded on him and won! After the fact we talked for a while, and he said I should call when I wanted go out. (Hmmm). Well he texted me repeatedly that night when I got home including 430 in the AM on Sunday. I woke up this morning to a friend request on FB and a text saying Happy V-day later. Maybe I am old fashion, but am I right or not for being wary of a guy who does that before the first date takes place? I haven't even talked on the phone with him yet. Why don't men understand that women despise this behavior as much as they do? It just seems so invasive, and I feel like whats the point of going out if you are going to be snooping on my page looking for info?
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Run away! Run away!0
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On the surface this seems awkward. However, you bid on and won a date with him? He's probably just trying to be genuine and uphold his end of the bargain knowing you paid money for his company (assuming for a charity). So in this instance I would cut him some slack and just schedule the date and see where it goes.0
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I asked a guy one time why he was being (what I felt) was overly aggressive with constant (several times an hour) texting, fb reachouts, long emails, etc. He said if he didn't go heavy on the texts, fb, etc then women thought he wasn't interested. I told him it was overwhelming, and not my style but he said he'd been too burned by losing out on women who moved on when he didn't do so much.
Maybe he really, really is glad you won the date and hopes something will come of this!!!
Or maybe he has some kind of event coming up that will render him unavailable for a couple weeks so he's trying to hurry up and give you your date so you don't feel cheated when he's gone for a month.
Or, maybe he just met someone else he really really likes and wants to hurry up and get this obligation over with so she doesn't see you two out and ruin his chances... or... or... I could continue over-analyzing if you want, but it probably would NOT be productive lol!0 -
Some people don't see FB as that big of a deal. I've had some guys say that they'd like to add me as a friend because they feel it gives us a better idea of who the other person is. I've got nothing to hide, so if it's someone I am interested in, I'll accept that request.
However, if things don't work out, I don't feel bad de-friending him.0 -
WOW! I think I would be put off a little bit too.
I mean I don't mind someone showing me interest, but that is ALOT before you have actually spent some alone time together to meet one another.
I would probably get over the text at 430am, but I am not into the FB requests like that. I wouldn't have accepted it I don't think.
But this is coming from a chick who went to Vegas with a guy before I FB friended him...
If you do add him to FB, don't feel bad unfriending him if this goes sideways!
Good luck.0 -
Were you responding to his texts or was he just spamming you?0
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Some people don't see FB as that big of a deal. I've had some guys say that they'd like to add me as a friend because they feel it gives us a better idea of who the other person is. I've got nothing to hide, so if it's someone I am interested in, I'll accept that request.
However, if things don't work out, I don't feel bad de-friending him.
Exactly this.
I don't think it's creepy to friend you.0 -
On the surface this seems awkward. However, you bid on and won a date with him? He's probably just trying to be genuine and uphold his end of the bargain knowing you paid money for his company (assuming for a charity). So in this instance I would cut him some slack and just schedule the date and see where it goes.
I'd agree with this. If it was a normal situation then its a bit full on, but given the auction may just be trying to give value for money!!0 -
Yeah I don't need a guy I've only met once on my FB page...not that I have a tun of private stuff on there..but I don't want any guy posting all over my wall or commenting on pictures and having my friends and family see it and be all curious...and really I think that stuff is what the dating process is about...meeting talking discovering each other..and if we get along then fine friend me no biggie. But I would want to know that I at minimum wanted to actually be the guys friend first..lol0
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There was a big thread here last year about snooping on potential dates and the consensus was that most women do it!!! That may be google or FB or whatevs.......
Personally I wouldnt add someone to my FB or let them add me, but neither would I snoop or expect to be snooped on......lol
I think, if you like the guy, and dont like intrusion then just text him and say "I dont add strangers on my FB, only freinds and family" which is what my FB is all about.
And if you dont like texts at 4.30am then ask him not to text you after midnight........please...........thankyou!! lol And if he carries on annoying you, then he's obviously not the 'one'!
Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I think JJ nailed it right here. From what I've read in a lot of the posts on here most women "claim" they want a man to be the aggressor and they don't want to date a guy if he isn't totally into them, etc. (even though I've found this not to be true more times than not in the beginning stages). So you can't really blame a guy for trying.I asked a guy one time why he was being (what I felt) was overly aggressive with constant (several times an hour) texting, fb reachouts, long emails, etc. He said if he didn't go heavy on the texts, fb, etc then women thought he wasn't interested. I told him it was overwhelming, and not my style but he said he'd been too burned by losing out on women who moved on when he didn't do so much.
Maybe he really, really is glad you won the date and hopes something will come of this!!!0 -
Some people don't see FB as that big of a deal. I've had some guys say that they'd like to add me as a friend because they feel it gives us a better idea of who the other person is. I've got nothing to hide, so if it's someone I am interested in, I'll accept that request.
However, if things don't work out, I don't feel bad de-friending him.
I used to be one of the FB game junkies. Had nearly 1000 friends. I got tired of the FB games plus, missing posts from family and friends in all the FB game spam, so I cut it down. I have a total of 50 or so, and only 7 that I haven't met in person, but have known for a few years through online interactions. I agree with Roadie in that I think he was just reaching out, however, I can see where it's a turn off. I wouldn't want to add people that I barely know on my FB.0 -
Maybe I have a high tolerance for creepy or over-communicative types because I identify with them?
I would be flattered. However..he would be going on my FB restricted list for a while..so as to limit his access a bit while I get to know him. Creepier, to me, is that you "purchased" him!!
I do think guys have it hard...and I would rather someone put in more effort than less...which seems to be the norm nowadays.0 -
This exactly. I have a lot of people that I've added from various charity projects, work, friends of friends, etc. If I'm going to accept someone as a friend that I don't know well, I'm careful about the access I grant them to my pictures/statuses. It's not like I do anything shady, but I have different levels of comfort with different people.However..he would be going on my FB restricted list for a while..so as to limit his access a bit while I get to know him.0 -
I tend to give access to FB early, because I don't do much on FB.... I look at it daily, but rarely post there. I do have alot of pics on there, but nothing to hide or that I don't want someone to see.....0
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if your fb is set so that only your friends can see most of your content, Hey may have tried to friend you this early on so that he can see your info and learn more about you before the date. Its not uncommon and it dosent seem that bad.
Although if you have it set so everyone can see your fb content... and he still tries to friend you this early... yea too much too fast!0 -
I wouldn't friend someone I didn't know that I was going to go on a date with. Not that I have anything to hide, but there are some crazies out there. I have my facebook set to where others can not read what I post. I don't want someone I don't know knowing where my children and I have gone and what we have done. I am a little cautious when it comes to my facebook page.0
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You women are impossible. . Can each of you please define the exact right amount of contact? sheesh. .0
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You women are impossible. . Can each of you please define the exact right amount of contact? sheesh. .
No, because women are individuals and have different preferences. So do what feels right to you and the woman who is compatible with you won't mind.
ARE WE REALLY GOING OVER THIS AGAIN.0 -
ARE WE REALLY GOING OVER THIS AGAIN.
I'm sorry. . did I say something that's been said before? It won't happen again. . carry on. *backs out of single peeps group*0 -
ARE WE REALLY GOING OVER THIS AGAIN.
I'm sorry. . did I say something that's been said before? It won't happen again. . carry on. *backs out of single peeps group*
No, me. I'm the one that always says that and Flim usually makes fun of me for it...0 -
I have a bunch of people I am friends with on FB that I only met one time before one of us requested the friend request. 90% of them I have done things with them after the inital request. FB to me is my social calander.0
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So last week I met a new guy at a dating auction . I bidded on him and won! After the fact we talked for a while, and he said I should call when I wanted go out. (Hmmm). Well he texted me repeatedly that night when I got home including 430 in the AM on Sunday. I woke up this morning to a friend request on FB and a text saying Happy V-day later. Maybe I am old fashion, but am I right or not for being wary of a guy who does that before the first date takes place? I haven't even talked on the phone with him yet. Why don't men understand that women despise this behavior as much as they do? It just seems so invasive, and I feel like whats the point of going out if you are going to be snooping on my page looking for info?
CREEEEEEPY.0 -
It was a charity event for an organization. I did bid on him for 60 dollars..lol. I went out with him yesterday, and he was definitely a nice guy. He seems very into me more than I am into him though sadly.. No major deal breakers, but I don't know if I want to continue to see him afterwards. I think our needs in a relationship will probably be different. I am very independent, and he seems to need a partner who wants to do a lot of activities with him.0
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Got some extra cash you're looking to get rid of? :laugh:@OP - I was wondering about the 'date auction'. How does it work? Is it an online thing, or did you go somewhere to bid?
How much did he cost?? lol0 -
Got some extra cash you're looking to get rid of? :laugh:@OP - I was wondering about the 'date auction'. How does it work? Is it an online thing, or did you go somewhere to bid?
How much did he cost?? lol
Only if you'd like to sell your bod to me Roadie!! ?? I'm sure you're worth much more than $60!!! lol :bigsmile:0 -
I don't think the actual request is creepy, but maybe in combination with some of the other stuff?
Some great friendships have started via Facebook... in fact, my relationship with my ex started when he friend requested me on FB.
He requested me after a brief encounter at my son's school... I thought it was weird (not creepy or anything, just odd because I did not really know him).0 -
$60? I doubt it, I'm usually the one that's paying
Got some extra cash you're looking to get rid of? :laugh:@OP - I was wondering about the 'date auction'. How does it work? Is it an online thing, or did you go somewhere to bid?
How much did he cost?? lol
Only if you'd like to sell your bod to me Roadie!! ?? I'm sure you're worth much more than $60!!! lol :bigsmile: 0
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