Online dating: what have I gotten myself into?
fullofwhimsy
Posts: 218
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
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Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
You have the option to be picky and take it slow because obviously you have a lot of people interested in you. So maintain good safety, relax, and try to enjoy it.0 -
I don't see it as interest...it is just a numbers game I think...0
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I don't see it as interest...it is just a numbers game I think...
Still lets you pick and choose.0 -
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
WOW 37 in one day! You are getting a lot more hits than me
I say pick and choose... Pick ones you find really attractive and semi attractive, then see what they have to say....
You will find alot of them die off just by talking to them - either by their or your lack of interest.
I struggle with the people who say hi or you are beautiful. I have had people with one liners, that can't move past one liners.
If you can't do it in email how can you hold a real convo?!
Start there and feel it out.
I have really only ever been on 'online dates' and it's nice that the man usually pays. I only paid once and well, never saw him again. Not becuase of the fact I paid but 1. couldn't he have atleast done dutch? and 2. he tried to stuff his tongue down my throat GROSS.
It is totally all about practice, and the more you do it, the more boundaries you realize you have 0 -
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose?
You will find alot of them die off just by talking to them - either by their or your lack of interest.
I say maintain contact with all of them and let them die of attrition. When I was on Match, I started off getting 20-30 contacts a day (still not as much as yoovie posted about, but quite respectable), then after about 3 or so months it died down to 4-5 contacts a day.
After a few emails/phone calls you realize most of those guys you aren't interested (or they aren't), and many more will disappear when you insist on meeting in person after the first week or so of contact. Then several more will make arrangements and cancel out. A few will actually show up for the date (most of which won't be what you're looking for). Then MAYBE one or two will actually be guys you like and end up going out with beyond that first meet.
Even when I was getting 20-30 hits per DAY, the most actual dates I went out on during a week was 4. Not 20. So go for it!
4 was admittedly, a bit much for me and I had trouble keeping who's who straight- but two of the guys were clearly not for me so it didn't matter. Now, if you had 20 guys asking you for an actual first date each day, that's be different. But most of those guys are just playing a numbers game and will weed themselves out.0 -
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose?
You will find alot of them die off just by talking to them - either by their or your lack of interest.
I say maintain contact with all of them and let them die of attrition. When I was on Match, I started off getting 20-30 contacts a day (still not as much as yoovie posted about, but quite respectable), then after about 3 or so months it died down to 4-5 contacts a day.
After a few emails/phone calls you realize most of those guys you aren't interested (or they aren't), and many more will disappear when you insist on meeting in person after the first week or so of contact. Then several more will make arrangements and cancel out. A few will actually show up for the date (most of which won't be what you're looking for). Then MAYBE one or two will actually be guys you like and end up going out with beyond that first meet.
Even when I was getting 20-30 hits per DAY, the most actual dates I went out on during a week was 4. Not 20. So go for it!
4 was admittedly, a bit much for me and I had trouble keeping who's who straight- but two of the guys were clearly not for me so it didn't matter. Now, if you had 20 guys asking you for an actual first date each day, that's be different. But most of those guys are just playing a numbers game and will weed themselves out.
Agree!!
I wish though, I get like 5 a week.0 -
wow!!! i wish I got that many messages in a day...i barely got that the entire time I was using plenty of fish.
best of luck to you...all the ones i found wanted to get into my pants and the ones i thought were cool stopped talking to me after date number one.
i actually found a great man on here...and I am so much happier than with the duds on POF.0 -
I guess I wasn't the only one trying new things last night. I registered at POF too. Have received more than 30 emails, 54 who want to meet, and a few who made me a fav. What does it mean? Not a lot to me. I figure those 30 guys who range in age from 23 - 53 (or thereabouts) have sent upwards of 300 emails today. Are they interested? I guess enough to send a message to see if I bite. Have I bitten? I replied to a few of them. Most of the men my age are old (lol) and out of shape.
A numbers game? SURE
How do I choose? I could try eenie, meenie, minie, mo or start with an attraction. Most initial attractions are physical. How do I think they chose I. Well, I'm female, breathing, and they didn't find me disgusting.0 -
.all the ones i found wanted to get into my pants
yeah, this is the main reason they attrit, especially if they don't want to "go out" but want you to come "hang out" instead. That and often they're still married, which is why a lot of them drop off when you want to meet in person. They don't want a physical relationship, they just want an online diversion.
I learned this the hard way when I was on Match the first time. That's why this time around I insisted we meet quickly for a date (not a "hang out") or I moved on.0 -
That and often they're still married, which is why a lot of them drop off when you want to meet in person. They don't want a physical relationship, they just want an online diversion..all the ones i found wanted to get into my pants
im pretty sure i did "hang out" with one that was still married....not my finest moment...i think that is why he wanted to hang out at his work...shm....a few months later it stated on his pof profile he was divorced....so i think he was in the middle of that when we did...0 -
You need to weed out most of them who want only one thing. I'm a veteran of dating sites and the biggest complaint from women on them is the huge number of men who want only one thing, Good luck in finding the good guys on there, they are there yu just need to ask the right questions. IMOSigned up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!0 -
You need to weed out most of them who want only one thing. I'm a veteran of dating sites and the biggest complaint from women on them is the huge number of men who want only one thing, Good luck in finding the good guys on there, they are there yu just need to ask the right questions. IMO
I am getting better, but curious to hear these questions...see what I am missing.0 -
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
This is to be expected, good luck OP you are a pretty girl you will rock the online dating scene I imagine. One out of those 400 million emails will be a solid dude!0 -
Try sending some messages to guys who haven't contacted you. Otherwise, you are limiting yourself to the ones that hunt the "new users" pool. There might be some good ones in there, as well, but being proactive might get you a little closer to what you are looking for.
Edit: Forgot to add the disclaimer that I have been only marginally successful with online dating, so might take what I say with a grain of salt.0 -
Try sending some messages to guys who haven't contacted you. Otherwise, you are limiting yourself to the ones that hunt the "new users" pool. There might be some good ones in there, as well, but being proactive might get you a little closer to what you are looking for.
Agree....some do just hunt the new users...............0 -
Try sending some messages to guys who haven't contacted you. Otherwise, you are limiting yourself to the ones that hunt the "new users" pool. There might be some good ones in there, as well, but being proactive might get you a little closer to what you are looking for.
Edit: Forgot to add the disclaimer that I have been only marginally successful with online dating, so might take what I say with a grain of salt.
very true about the new user pool. As a new user you feel like the most popular person on the block.0 -
Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
Oh and I met a guy at a pub last night for food and drink..was fun...but forgot how different online dating is in terms of wining and dining and expectations for follow up... not the same as when someone already likes me...lol. I am so out of practice!
This is to be expected, good luck OP you are a pretty girl you will rock the online dating scene I imagine. One out of those 400 million emails will be a solid dude!
I agree! Danielle if you can't get a man on there what hope is there for the rest of us!?0 -
very true about the new user pool. As a new user you feel like the most popular person on the block.
In the case of the OP, though, I predict she will continue to receive a large amount of messages after the initial newbie rush.0 -
You're going to get a lot at first....fresh meat, you're hot, successful and not crazy. Respond back to the ones you're genuinely interested in and you'll find that not all of those even reply. Clean out your email as you go so you can keep up with who you're talking with.
I also agree with the comment about emailing other men, but with a twist. I've found on POF that the best results were to make a man I was really interested in a "favorite". Within 24hrs I had an email from him. On the rare time it didn't work, I'd email him the next day. If he didn't reply no worries... plenty of others to occupy my time.
Good luck!!0 -
Thank you all! The advice was super helpful.
It continues to be somewhat overwhelming...lol, but still kinda fun.
I wonder when I leave the "new user" pool?
Apparently what distinguishes my profile from others is that I have very clear pictures - head and body shots, and the writing isn't "cookie cutter" or "negative". Hmm. Okay, that's good I guess!
Went out on Friday, saw someone from real life Saturday (so far my fave but he doesn't want more than a FWB) and have a Tuesday and Thursday lined up so far....which feels like a LOT. I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol0 -
It's not superficial to not want to date someone because you're not attracted to them. Superficial is being ONLY attracted to them because of their looks and/or money.Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
My best advice is to just not worry about it. Once you meet someone you'll decide if there's chemistry or not. Just keep going on dates and having fun.0 -
I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol
HAHA this is a great idea.
When men want to text I never add their name to my phone until something is established, it's fun remembering which number belongs to what person. Thankfully I only talk to about 3 people at a time it seems.0 -
It's not superficial to not want to date someone because you're not attracted to them. Superficial is being ONLY attracted to them because of their looks and/or money.Signed up for POF less than 24 hours ago. To this point have recieved 37 messages ranging from "hi, pretty smile" to several paragraphs. How does anyone choose? The pressure! I hate being superficial and rejecting someone because of looks or a bad opening line...but I can't keep up. Advice?
My best advice is to just not worry about it. Once you meet someone you'll decide if there's chemistry or not. Just keep going on dates and having fun.
Ditto to all of the above. 0 -
I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol
HAHA this is a great idea.
When men want to text I never add their name to my phone until something is established, it's fun remembering which number belongs to what person. Thankfully I only talk to about 3 people at a time it seems.
Oh wow! I am way too blonde for this to work out! I would mix guys up and be so confused!! I usually add the first name and then put "POF" or "M" as the last name so I can remember where I talked to them at. lol0 -
I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol
HAHA this is a great idea.
When men want to text I never add their name to my phone until something is established, it's fun remembering which number belongs to what person. Thankfully I only talk to about 3 people at a time it seems.
Oh wow! I am way too blonde for this to work out! I would mix guys up and be so confused!! I usually add the first name and then put "POF" or "M" as the last name so I can remember where I talked to them at. lol
I just hate on the new iphones (in Canada anyways) even if you delete stuff, you didn't delete it.
Haven't figured out how to clear past history... so it's easier to just try to remember who belongs to what number.0 -
I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol
HAHA this is a great idea.
When men want to text I never add their name to my phone until something is established, it's fun remembering which number belongs to what person. Thankfully I only talk to about 3 people at a time it seems.
Oh wow! I am way too blonde for this to work out! I would mix guys up and be so confused!! I usually add the first name and then put "POF" or "M" as the last name so I can remember where I talked to them at. lol
I just hate on the new iphones (in Canada anyways) even if you delete stuff, you didn't delete it.
Haven't figured out how to clear past history... so it's easier to just try to remember who belongs to what number.
Same with the Droid!! I got a new one last week and all of a sudden these men I dated years ago have popped up in my contacts.... they aren't even contacts in my email or Facebook, but because we emailed at some point in time through Gmail, they are now in my phone....FOREVER.....I haven't figured out how to fix this yet and it's driving me crazy.
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I might have to make a spreadsheet of info..lol
HAHA this is a great idea.
When men want to text I never add their name to my phone until something is established, it's fun remembering which number belongs to what person. Thankfully I only talk to about 3 people at a time it seems.
Oh wow! I am way too blonde for this to work out! I would mix guys up and be so confused!! I usually add the first name and then put "POF" or "M" as the last name so I can remember where I talked to them at. lol
I just hate on the new iphones (in Canada anyways) even if you delete stuff, you didn't delete it.
Haven't figured out how to clear past history... so it's easier to just try to remember who belongs to what number.
Same with the Droid!! I got a new one last week and all of a sudden these men I dated years ago have popped up in my contacts.... they aren't even contacts in my email or Facebook, but because we emailed at some point in time through Gmail, they are now in my phone....FOREVER.....I haven't figured out how to fix this yet and it's driving me crazy.
I don't have a droid so I am not help, but I know that on the iphone, if you have a contact and you delete them... you can go open a new text and type lets say 'chris' I get all my contacts starting in 'chris' then I get all my deleted contacts with the same... even their FULL NAMES but if they were to text me, I only see their numbers.
When I added my hotmail account to my ipad, I got all those old people I had emailed since I was 16.. so lots of losers too ... I haven't spent time to figure this issue out becuase it's on the ipad and I don't use it for texting, etc.0 -
I don't have a droid so I am not help, but I know that on the iphone, if you have a contact and you delete them... you can go open a new text and type lets say 'chris' I get all my contacts starting in 'chris' then I get all my deleted contacts with the same... even their FULL NAMES but if they were to text me, I only see their numbers.
When I added my hotmail account to my ipad, I got all those old people I had emailed since I was 16.. so lots of losers too ... I haven't spent time to figure this issue out becuase it's on the ipad and I don't use it for texting, etc.
Yep, that's exactly what's happening. I've only synched my gmail...but, my whole contact book is filled with this. Then, like you, when I go to text, all those with the same name pop up. I think I'll go through and do a ton of deleting this week. I just wish there was an easier way.0 -
Yeah, pretty much. Though I believe there's a setting in Gmail so you can select which contacts you want syncing with your Android.I don't have a droid so I am not help, but I know that on the iphone, if you have a contact and you delete them... you can go open a new text and type lets say 'chris' I get all my contacts starting in 'chris' then I get all my deleted contacts with the same... even their FULL NAMES but if they were to text me, I only see their numbers.
When I added my hotmail account to my ipad, I got all those old people I had emailed since I was 16.. so lots of losers too ... I haven't spent time to figure this issue out becuase it's on the ipad and I don't use it for texting, etc.
Yep, that's exactly what's happening. I've only synched my gmail...but, my whole contact book is filled with this. Then, like you, when I go to text, all those with the same name pop up. I think I'll go through and do a ton of deleting this week. I just wish there was an easier way.0 -
Yeah, pretty much. Though I believe there's a setting in Gmail so you can select which contacts you want syncing with your Android.I don't have a droid so I am not help, but I know that on the iphone, if you have a contact and you delete them... you can go open a new text and type lets say 'chris' I get all my contacts starting in 'chris' then I get all my deleted contacts with the same... even their FULL NAMES but if they were to text me, I only see their numbers.
When I added my hotmail account to my ipad, I got all those old people I had emailed since I was 16.. so lots of losers too ... I haven't spent time to figure this issue out becuase it's on the ipad and I don't use it for texting, etc.
Yep, that's exactly what's happening. I've only synched my gmail...but, my whole contact book is filled with this. Then, like you, when I go to text, all those with the same name pop up. I think I'll go through and do a ton of deleting this week. I just wish there was an easier way.
Problem is it's not just contacts synching....it's anyone and everyone I've ever emailed.... Just a pain in the buns. But, hopefully with this down time, I'll get it cleaned up. Could do without the whole little "This is Your Life" walk through memory lane, though... lol 0
