Gay in the LDS church
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choncho007
Posts: 20 Member
Ok so I am gay and I live in Utah and my family and basically everyone around me is LDS. I do have a lot of people who know as well as my family. My mother is always worried about me and she would rather have me be alone forever than even think about me with another man. I feel as if I can't be myself ever. So I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to deal with going about things with what too say, or what to do in these types of situations? I am fine with being gay FYI so it has nothing to do with being self conscious. I know this doesn't pertain to food or fitness but it would really help me out 
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My mom was not accepting when I came out to her 10 years ago when I was 15. As the years have gone on and she has seen me with different people, she has become accepting. We never spoke about it much but she knew my closest "friends" were actually my partners. However, I have been with my fiance for 5 (almost 6) years now and two years ago I thought it was time we talked. I flat out told her and my dad that I was with my fiance and it hurts that I cannot talk to them about her. Since then my mom has become fully accepting and loves my fiance. My dad however, he never has been and never will be accepting. Some people you just can't change their mind. My dad likes my fiance but will never accept us together. We have grown less close because of this, but that is because of the way he handles it. Good luck with your mom. She sounds like my dad.0
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Thank you so much, It is always nice to hear other people situations and your story really helped. I am sorry about your dad but congratulations on having a fiance that's great!!0
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I have a similar situation except for living in Utah. I have to admit, after fighting and fighting for them to accept me when I was younger, I just don't go there with my family anymore because it never got any easier. Hopefully one day I'll have the courage to try and be 100% honest with them again. It eats me up not feeling like I can be myself around them but at this point I'm still too afraid to be honest with them because of what it does to our relationship. My mom's opinion really hasn't changed since I was in high school and she sent me away to get 'fixed' for having a girlfriend. Amazingly, my dad started to be a bit more accepting when he was a bishop for a few years but his opinion is still that it's a choice. I think patience and not trying to "force" them to understand is the key, it's not going to change overnight but it will get there eventually. It can take a long time to move past the doctrine...0
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Ugh, it just breaks my heart that your parents are not accepting of who you are. My daughter is a lesbian and I can't imagine not having her in my life, not being a part of her life and not knowing and loving her girlfriend. I'll admit I was shocked when I first learned she had a girlfriend. She was previously married to a man and had never given ANY indication to the contrary. A mutual friend told me that he suspected she was gay. When I first asked her about it, she denied it VEHEMENTLY, but once she realized that I love her no matter what, she admitted it.
All that being said, many parents reject their children for lots of reasons other than being gay. I was never good enough for my father and was never really accepted for who I am, although I'm not gay. I guess the point being....please don't let your parents mis-behavior affect who you are. I tried to be what my dad wanted for many years and it only brought me severe emotional distress and anxiety attacks. Eventually, I had to distance myself from him for my own mental health. Hopefully your parents will "come around" one day, but if they don't, please don't let that stifle your joy.
Live your own life to the fullest! You deserve it! Peace!!0 -
How badly do you want to stay in that situation? Seriously.
You can:
1) Stay there and avoid being yourself (don't recommend)
2) Stay there and be yourself (If you can take the fallout and it's worth it, go for it)
3) Move.
My family has always accepted me (and my husband), but they live an area that won't recognize our relationship legally and probably wouldn't be all that welcoming even if it was legally recognized. I don't like being a few thousand miles away from them, but I feel like it's a trade off I had to make so that I could refer to "my husband" in casual conversation at work without worrying about retribution.0
