Physical aggression

dolly3186

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice here. I have a two year old son (almost 2) and he is diagnosed with ASD. He's progressing in his therapy programs, but he still has no language and doesn't understand language that well at all.

THe problem is, I also have a three year old daughter who he is VERY physically aggressive to. It's just awful to watch. She wants to play with her brother, she doesn't understand why he doesn't want to/can't play with her. Sometimes it goes so far to where if she even tries to sit next to him he will lunge at her and slap, kick, pull her hair or scratch her or push her over.

He is a very solid, sturdy little guy and usually very loving, but the aggression is really getting out of control. I'm at my wits end and hate to see my daughter going through this. She is the sweetest thing and just says, "Benny! (That's his name.) No hitting, Benny, no pushing, Benny!"

I have to be referee between the two constantly. THe other day I turned my back for a second and she must have grabbed a toy he wanted and he scratched her right across her cheek. I've tried puttng him in a playpen for a "timeout" but he either climbs out or screams and doesn't get the concept. I've yelled at him, held him, rocked him, tried to calm him down, redirect him...I don't know what else to do. He just keeps hitting.

Any advice? And is this common with siblings and/or other children?

fitandgeeky

We have the same problem with my daughters and it's been going on for years. The one thing I can say that helped my girls was having my oldest sit in on behavioral therapy floor sessions when my youngest started getting verbal. They are now at the point where they play together. My ASD daughter doesn't always want to play and sometimes she still hits and pushes her sister, but it is better. We also talked to my oldest about ASD. We have family meetings where she gets to voice how she feels when her sister is aggressive and that seems to have helped as well.

I remember the days when my oldest would cry because her sister wouldn't play with her. She used to say, "Mommy, KK doesn't love me" and it would break my heart.

With KK, the only thing that worked at first was isolation. We put her in her room every time she would hit or push. She wasn't able to understand anything at that point. We mainly used it to remove her from the situation and give her time to calm down. When she was verbal, we started with time-outs and man was it hard. I would get bit and scratched as I carried her to the time out chair. But we stayed consistent and used a timer with an alarm. It took weeks, but she finally learned that once the timer was set, she had to go to time-out. She still fights sometimes, but it's better than it was.

My thoughts are with you. I know how hard it is. Just remember to take a minute for yourself, too. Aggressive behaviors can be so overwhelming.