Chemistry

Moe4572

What does "chemistry" mean to you relationship wise? To me, it means the whole pkg.......if you have great chemistry (after meeting someone) it means you click, like their personality and there is mutual attraction.

But......was talking to a guy friend..........and he sees it differently............he said--in conversation-he had chemistry with a girl and she was nice, but he was not physically attracted to her..................

I understand that you can say you have great phone chemistry with someone, but then you meet them and no attraction so no chemistry

Help me understand?

jenbit

Chemistry is all the physical aspect to me... Does he makes my insides quiver or my breathing speed up.....( i honestly think I was a man in a past life lol)

Personality meshing and all of that is very important but with out the physical chemistry hes just a friend

TheKitsune6

When I think "We have chemistry" it means we want to bone and it's gonna be awesome.

It has absolutely nothing to do with personality in my world.

/rude and crass

Tropical_Turtle

In my world - you can have good phone chemistry so to speak and great conversations where your brain is stimulated, etc.

But then there also has to be the physical chemistry to where you can just feel the sexual tension between you two.

christine24t

Chemistry to me is that when you're together, you flow. Conversation comes easily, rather than "ums" and pauses. You always have something to talk about, you're not thinking "oh crap what should I say next?" I understand that when you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, you might struggle but it should develop. I have a friend from college that I've known for three years and if we're left alone we have nothing to talk about...I like her, but that is what I mean by no chemistry.

Roadie2000

Well, when I think about chemistry class and you combine two substances, sometimes they explode, change colors, turn into acid, etc and sometimes they just do nothing. So my take on chemistry when dating is just how people react when meeting each other. Sometimes sparks fly and sometimes nothing happens. And sometimes it can be purely sexual, and sometimes it can be purely emotional.

pa_jorg

Moe, I tend to agree with you that it's a total package kind of thing. Obviously one of the elements is physical attraction in a relationship situation.

I guess I say that because I also think it's important to have chemistry with friends too... I mean, why are you friends with someone if there's any kind of awkwardness?

moonshadows72

To me, having chemistry with someone usually means that there is mutual interest, there is a level of comfort around the other, conversation or actions dont feel forced, there is a level of non pysical attraction, and you have common interests.

I definately believe that one can have chemistry with someone and still have no physical attraction to them at the same time.

I find it a little amusing how it seems like what some women call chemistry, most men would just call it being horny lol

So is this usualy the case?
(men) chemistry = non physical attraction
(women) chemestry = physical attraction

fullofwhimsy

I think mental, emotional and physical chemistry can all be exclusive at times. Finding the combination of all of it is the hard part!

I have had connection or chemistry with someone over the phone and met and been less excited about them - but that mental part goes really, really far with me.

Alternately, I've met someone in a bar and wanted to instantly get physical with them, even though it is clear we are not on the same mental wavelength. This was when I was younger though..now that doesn't do much for me without the other aspect.

TheKitsune6

To me, having chemistry with someone usually means that there is mutual interest, there is a level of comfort around the other, conversation or actions dont feel forced, there is a level of non pysical attraction, and you have common interests.

I definately believe that one can have chemistry with someone and still have no physical attraction to them at the same time.

I find it a little amusing how it seems like what some women call chemistry, most men would just call it being horny lol

So is this usualy the case?
(men) chemistry = non physical attraction
(women) chemestry = physical attraction

Nah, even when I'm horny I have standards. If I'd rather go home and take care of business myself we do NOT have chemistry hahaha

kimad

I think chemistry and connection are one in the same - do you feel comfortable around the person, does conversation flow easy, do you act yourself, do you find the person attractive. That sort of thing.

But I believe that if some initial chemistry is there, then it will also grow with time if you take the time to allow it too. You form a way stronger connection as you get to know the person and the chemistry can be cut with a knife...so to speak.



This is a little bit what baffled me with 'date 5 guy' for those that know the story. He said to me up until he 'blindsided' me that we had great communication, we had a great time together, he was open with me, I made him smile, he was extremely attracted, but he didn't feel a spark. He said he knew how he should feel (from his past marriage) and he didn't think those grew. I call BS to all this, but I guess really at the end of the day, it's everyone's own perception and what they are comfortable with, etc.

For me, if you feel all of that stuff toward someone, you should try to pursue it to see if you can form that stronger connection and have that chemistry. I truly believe it can grow, and you start to love people for more than just what was apparent when you met them, etc.

I don't know, I am rambling here!

kimad

I think mental, emotional and physical chemistry can all be exclusive at times. Finding the combination of all of it is the hard part!

I have had connection or chemistry with someone over the phone and met and been less excited about them - but that mental part goes really, really far with me.

Alternately, I've met someone in a bar and wanted to instantly get physical with them, even though it is clear we are not on the same mental wavelength. This was when I was younger though..now that doesn't do much for me without the other aspect.

I can agree to this, but I think sometimes if that physical attraction isn't off the hook, their personality can hook you, and the chemistry can be built upon that way.

JanieJack

When I feel strong fireworks "chemistry" with someone I haven't got to know, I actually consider that a red flag because for some reason the guys I have instant chemistry with tend to be users/abusers.


That said, I have experienced having chemistry with a guy friend that I would NEVER consider dating. We just instantly clicked and got along well. It took me awhile to figure out that he was actually interested in me because I was not attracted to him in the least. But in the two weeks we hung out during a work trip we got along so well that people thought we were an old married couple. One day we went shopping at the outlets and several store clerks pulled me aside and asked me how on earth they could maintain such a great relationship. I laughed and told them we weren't in a relationship- hadn't even known each other for a month.

The chemistry I have with BB is different- we also had an instant "get along like old best pals" personality connection, but there was also the physical attraction which admittedly wasn't very strong at first but grew strong by about date 3-4.

jesusHchris

RunIntheMud

I think mental, emotional and physical chemistry can all be exclusive at times. Finding the combination of all of it is the hard part!

I have had connection or chemistry with someone over the phone and met and been less excited about them - but that mental part goes really, really far with me.

Alternately, I've met someone in a bar and wanted to instantly get physical with them, even though it is clear we are not on the same mental wavelength. This was when I was younger though..now that doesn't do much for me without the other aspect.

Thanks for writing my response for me. (again) :flowerforyou:

I do believe there are different kinds of chemistry. Each plays a part, some stronger than others at times and when you get all of them together. BOOM.

kimad

When I feel strong fireworks "chemistry" with someone I haven't got to know, I actually consider that a red flag because for some reason the guys I have instant chemistry with tend to be users/abusers.

I am really starting to realize this in my pattern of dating these types of men too. I also had a friend say this to me as well from her observations with herself and dating. Someone on here once said it may be their way of compensating for something they lack or whatever. I agree. The last man I went on a date with I finally felt all that - attraction, comfortable, convo flowed and I was like 'ya!!' But the more we or he, I should say, talked the more he turned me off.
Actually lol their relates well to all men I've dated especially date 5 guy.

That said, I have experienced having chemistry with a guy friend that I would NEVER consider dating. We just instantly clicked and got along well. It took me awhile to figure out that he was actually interested in me because I was not attracted to him in the least. But in the two weeks we hung out during a work trip we got along so well that people thought we were an old married couple. One day we went shopping at the outlets and several store clerks pulled me aside and asked me how on earth they could maintain such a great relationship. I laughed and told them we weren't in a relationship- hadn't even known each other for a month.

Can agree to this too. My ex bf's friend (this is the same guy who outed my ex's gambling addiction) well we had instant chemistry and Talked/acted like old friends from the minute we met. When my ex found out this man played a role in me finding out about his gambling addiction he thought he was motivated by this man wanting me. Even 5 months after my bf and I broke up I still talk to this guy. We both date and share stories but he's never asked me out lol

AnnaPixie

I think there is chemistry on all levels - emotional, mental, physical.

Agree with PJ that I have chemistry with a lot of my friends, just some strangers I meet that go on to become friends - we just gel!

In a relationship, you should aim for all three levels!

Tube_socks

In dating...

Good chemistry to me means he intrigues me and I want MORE!!!

I can meet a fella with great charisma but I don't want more.

meshashesha2012

When I feel strong fireworks "chemistry" with someone I haven't got to know, I actually consider that a red flag because for some reason the guys I have instant chemistry with tend to be users/abusers.

i've found that the guys i have the quickest chemistry with have been those who have emotional issues similar to my own. in that sense we get along so great and there are so many sparks because it's like looking into a mirror.

this is another reason why i'm also a bit leery on the issue of soul mates. from a spiritual standpoint, sometimes that feeling of connection and chemistry is a way to make us learn a lesson in order to grow. quite often growing means leaving behind whatever it is that brought you to the lesson in the first place. there's not like seeing yourself mirrored in another that makes you realize that you need to make changes pronto :laugh:

i've long since known that the right guys i should be going for are the ones who don't set off chemistry when i meet them, but instead guys who i feel calm and serene around.

kimad

When I feel strong fireworks "chemistry" with someone I haven't got to know, I actually consider that a red flag because for some reason the guys I have instant chemistry with tend to be users/abusers.

i've found that the guys i have the quickest chemistry with have been those who have emotional issues similar to my own. in that sense we get along so great and there are so many sparks because it's like looking into a mirror.

this is another reason why i'm also a bit leery on the issue of soul mates. from a spiritual standpoint, sometimes that feeling of connection and chemistry is a way to make us learn a lesson in order to grow. quite often growing means leaving behind whatever it is that brought you to the lesson in the first place. there's not like seeing yourself mirrored in another that makes you realize that you need to make changes pronto :laugh:

i've long since known that the right guys i should be going for are the ones who don't set off chemistry when i meet them, but instead guys who i feel calm and serene around.

Great read, I agree...
Something I am learning as I go... This actually is probably one of the hardest lessons I have learned since leaving my kid's dad and venturing back out into the dating world. When I look at my 'old' self and all these men, so so so many similiarties. I have come along ways, but I am still learning.