It's not my fault: Chapter 21
Simple6
Posts: 170 Member
Hello My Dear Friends,
As we are progressing through these "Wilderness Mentalities," I have been asking God to give me a balanced view. Meaning, the grace to see where I am doing well, as well as the grace to see where I need to change. Here is what I see:
This week's study is all about recognizing walking in Truth and walking in excuses. What is my fault?
Everything I chose to do my own way. Excuses are the fleshly way of handling things. It is my attempt to take my responsibility and place it on someone else. When I was a young mother and very impatient(yes, totally rooted in pride), I would blame my impatience on my children. I remember thinking and saying things like, " If my children would just...... ." I would be disciplining my children and out of my mouth would come, "Mommy shouldn't have yelled at you, but you wouldn't listen." It was the blaming and shaming game. I would admit I was wrong but instead of repenting I would make excuses. This type of parenting sent a message that said, "Shame on you and you are responsible for Mommy's behavior." Talk about a confusing foundation. I was not taking my responsibility how could I expect my children to take theirs?
When I saw my children begin to treat each other with that same behavior, the Lord began to convict my heart. He showed me, that I could never teach my children past the stage I was. I was parenting from Jenni's idea of His fruits. My ideas were skewed through dysfunction and abuse. I had to acknowledge it. I remember crying out to the Lord over my failure and taking responsibility for my wrong thinking. I repented and asked the Lord to teach me how to take responsibility His way. I acknowledged it was my fault. He gave me these scriptures to focus on:
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, I am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except by (through) Me.
Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.
John 16:13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].
God and I began to work on this. I found many areas of half truths and partial lies in my life. I would remind my self that God's desire was for me to know Him. That Jesus was the Lord of my life and my heart and mind, attitudes and emotions were coming in line with this reality. It was and still is a process. He was and is and always will, guide me into all truth. I am trusting Him for this and it has blessed me so much. It really changed my parenting style and my children reaped the benefits. No more fruits of shame and guilt but true Godly character began to emerge in my life and in my children's too. I grow they grow. It is a win/win situation.
Then eight years later God gave me two more beautiful children. Two more opportunities to walk in Godly responsibility according to His Truth. He had helped me grow and change. He had healed my heart. So now I parented from the gifts of the Holy Spirit and not my idea of them. No more guilt and shame parenting because I no longer felt guilt and shame. I allowed His truth to permeate my being. He helped me to see myself truthfully and that allowed me to clearly see others. In fact, the more I allowed God's truth about me to reign in my thinking the more loving I become. The more my parenting improved.
What has happened is I feel so loved by the Lord that His truths become a delight to me, even the ones that convict my heart and send me to my knees in repentance. It used to be correction was a negative thing, filled with shame, disgust and anger. Now, every correction moment has become a moment of focus on His love, for me according to Proverbs 3:12 For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. The Lord delights in me so much that I am often corrected. I am so grateful and so glad. This translated into loving correction for my children. Not from blame, or impatience but from delight. I delight to train them and teach them in the way they should go. As I write this I just had to discipline my 12 year old daughter. What a hard moment but through God's grace and truth, has turned into a moment of connection and love. No losing my temper, blaming, or caving in and wavering, only God's truth and His love. A moment of victory.....to celebrate God's grace.
I rejoice for as I am still in process and growing, I know that I can trust God with all my faults. He is all powerful! The impatience, blaming and tendency to make excuses in my life must bow to Him. Yes, there are moments of those still in my life but they are becoming less and less. There is much Truth in my life now, thanks to Jesus being big in me. As I continue to seek Him, He finds me. Excuses are no longer my way of life, in most areas. I choose Jesus, who is the absolute Truth. I am a woman of Truth, who operates truthfully with herself and with others. He helps me know what to take responsibility for and I do. God is faithfully growing me.
Father,
I thank you for your faithfulness to us. For helping each of us to receive Your Truth and to walk in it. Every time we are making an excuse, Lord, I ask you to convict our hearts. Help us to hear and respond to your Spirit. Let Your Truth be something we know and understand with all our being and not just acknowledge. Help us to come into Your light. Let us be Your women of Truth and love. Help us to learn what You want us to take responsibility for and how. Help us to depend on your power, your strength and your wisdom for all that we are. Help us to trust you with our failures, fears and doubts. Help us not to hide any part of ourselves from you. In Jesus Name, Amen
As we are progressing through these "Wilderness Mentalities," I have been asking God to give me a balanced view. Meaning, the grace to see where I am doing well, as well as the grace to see where I need to change. Here is what I see:
This week's study is all about recognizing walking in Truth and walking in excuses. What is my fault?
Everything I chose to do my own way. Excuses are the fleshly way of handling things. It is my attempt to take my responsibility and place it on someone else. When I was a young mother and very impatient(yes, totally rooted in pride), I would blame my impatience on my children. I remember thinking and saying things like, " If my children would just...... ." I would be disciplining my children and out of my mouth would come, "Mommy shouldn't have yelled at you, but you wouldn't listen." It was the blaming and shaming game. I would admit I was wrong but instead of repenting I would make excuses. This type of parenting sent a message that said, "Shame on you and you are responsible for Mommy's behavior." Talk about a confusing foundation. I was not taking my responsibility how could I expect my children to take theirs?
When I saw my children begin to treat each other with that same behavior, the Lord began to convict my heart. He showed me, that I could never teach my children past the stage I was. I was parenting from Jenni's idea of His fruits. My ideas were skewed through dysfunction and abuse. I had to acknowledge it. I remember crying out to the Lord over my failure and taking responsibility for my wrong thinking. I repented and asked the Lord to teach me how to take responsibility His way. I acknowledged it was my fault. He gave me these scriptures to focus on:
John 14:6 Jesus said to him, I am the Way and the Truth and the Life; no one comes to the Father except by (through) Me.
Psalm 51:6 Behold, You desire truth in the inner being; make me therefore to know wisdom in my inmost heart.
John 16:13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].
God and I began to work on this. I found many areas of half truths and partial lies in my life. I would remind my self that God's desire was for me to know Him. That Jesus was the Lord of my life and my heart and mind, attitudes and emotions were coming in line with this reality. It was and still is a process. He was and is and always will, guide me into all truth. I am trusting Him for this and it has blessed me so much. It really changed my parenting style and my children reaped the benefits. No more fruits of shame and guilt but true Godly character began to emerge in my life and in my children's too. I grow they grow. It is a win/win situation.
Then eight years later God gave me two more beautiful children. Two more opportunities to walk in Godly responsibility according to His Truth. He had helped me grow and change. He had healed my heart. So now I parented from the gifts of the Holy Spirit and not my idea of them. No more guilt and shame parenting because I no longer felt guilt and shame. I allowed His truth to permeate my being. He helped me to see myself truthfully and that allowed me to clearly see others. In fact, the more I allowed God's truth about me to reign in my thinking the more loving I become. The more my parenting improved.
What has happened is I feel so loved by the Lord that His truths become a delight to me, even the ones that convict my heart and send me to my knees in repentance. It used to be correction was a negative thing, filled with shame, disgust and anger. Now, every correction moment has become a moment of focus on His love, for me according to Proverbs 3:12 For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights. The Lord delights in me so much that I am often corrected. I am so grateful and so glad. This translated into loving correction for my children. Not from blame, or impatience but from delight. I delight to train them and teach them in the way they should go. As I write this I just had to discipline my 12 year old daughter. What a hard moment but through God's grace and truth, has turned into a moment of connection and love. No losing my temper, blaming, or caving in and wavering, only God's truth and His love. A moment of victory.....to celebrate God's grace.
I rejoice for as I am still in process and growing, I know that I can trust God with all my faults. He is all powerful! The impatience, blaming and tendency to make excuses in my life must bow to Him. Yes, there are moments of those still in my life but they are becoming less and less. There is much Truth in my life now, thanks to Jesus being big in me. As I continue to seek Him, He finds me. Excuses are no longer my way of life, in most areas. I choose Jesus, who is the absolute Truth. I am a woman of Truth, who operates truthfully with herself and with others. He helps me know what to take responsibility for and I do. God is faithfully growing me.
Father,
I thank you for your faithfulness to us. For helping each of us to receive Your Truth and to walk in it. Every time we are making an excuse, Lord, I ask you to convict our hearts. Help us to hear and respond to your Spirit. Let Your Truth be something we know and understand with all our being and not just acknowledge. Help us to come into Your light. Let us be Your women of Truth and love. Help us to learn what You want us to take responsibility for and how. Help us to depend on your power, your strength and your wisdom for all that we are. Help us to trust you with our failures, fears and doubts. Help us not to hide any part of ourselves from you. In Jesus Name, Amen
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Replies
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Your examples of parenting really hit home Jenni. That is so true of the way I often react too, and it challenges me once again in relation to all God has been saying to me this week through this chapter.
I actually read this chapter last weekend, but have been "chewing over it" all week. It seems that EVERY day there has been a chance for me to replay this battle in my mind! The whole idea that I had been blaming others for my behaviour hit me last weekend - and the fact that in a very real way I had been "lying" really shook me. Joyce summed it up so well when she wrote: "To admit we have done something wrong, but then make an excuse for it is not God's way of facing truth." WOW! I had NEVER looked at it like that. So I knew I needed to repent. Then literally EVERY day I have seen examples of how I do this so often - it is almost a natural reflex for me. The examples Jenni gave are amongst the most common - the "Sorry I shouted at you, but if you had listened to me the first time I wouldn't have needed to!" etc. Not just with my kids though - I do it with my husband too! Apologise but then effectively blame him for my behaviour. I haven't won this battle yet, but I am certainly MUCH more aware of when it rears up and I am getting better.
It led me to do a study on the whole concept of truth in God's word - and what an adventure THAT has been. God so clearly desires truth in EVERY aspect of our lives. Here are some of the verses that especially struck a chord with me this week:
Eph.4:25 "Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body."
1 Peter 3:10 : "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech."
Prov.12: 22 : "The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful."
Psalm 5:6 : "You destroy those who tell lies."
Col.3:9-10: "Don't lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in the image of its Creator."
Oh - I so want to be more in the image of my Creator! May I embrace truth as He does !!!
Rev.21:8 - I was quite shocked to see the list of sins here among which we find the word "liars" - and the consequence of being thrown into the fiery lake! I praise God that I have been saved from that consequence BUT the fact is that God views lies in the same terms as murder. Gives quite some pause for thought!
And yet, I hadn't seen my blaming as lying. In a very real sense though it IS. Each time I spotted it this week I KNEW that what I was effectively saying was "My reaction was NOT my fault" - but the truth is, my reaction was VERY MUCH my fault. I need that "truth in my inmost parts."
I want to be that person who can truthfully say, like Joyce did "I was wrong, and there was no excuse for the way I behaved."
Lord, Thank you for highlighting this and helping me to notice when I am not being truthful. I want to change Lord. I need your help to do that. May I become more like the image of my Creator.0 -
Ali, Ali, Ali,
This is so good. So very good. I love how you allowed God to direct you to further study. Your study is blessing me. You are so right that God wants His truth to be in every aspect of our live. That is why He has given us the Spirit of Truth.
John 16:13 (AMP)
13 But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].
He has given us His very own Spirit of Truth. That is so very awesome to me. He knew my flesh would be prone to deception, so He made provision for me. Not only has He made His SPirit of Truth available to me, but He delights in me when I walk in His Spirit. Even as I am learning to not make excuses, He is delighting in me, because I have taken the next step in His truth.
Oh my goodness, there is so much I could comment about these scriptures you shared. My heart is overflowing with His word.
I am so with you in your desire for His truth. I prayed your prayer. Thank you so very much for sharing this. I just speak by faith that we are women of faith.....We speak in faith, think in faith and walk in faith. NO EXCUSES. We, by faith, receive His Holy Spirit of Truth into all parts of our being. We allow ourselves to be totally lead by His Spirit of Truth, no matter what our eyes, our emotions or thoughts tell us. We chose to be submitted and yield to our God. To allow His Truth to be our absolute standard.0 -
I have been in prayer over these two chapters for weeks. I am combining Chapters 21 & 22 in my post. God has been so loving and at the same time very direct in His instruction on these chapters in my life. So, I will begin with Joyce's opening statements:
“My behavior may be wrong, but it’s not my fault.” When you blame others, you evade taking responsibility for your actions. “My life is so miserable; I feel sorry for myself because my life is so wretched”
Joyce said in one of her meeting: “One thing that is very deceptive is thinking that we know everything. We instead should be eager to learn, deepen what knowledge we have, what God is teaching us. Renew your mind. You’re not a failure when you fail, you only are a failure when you quit trying. Be transformed! It takes a transformation, an inner change. Something has to happen on the inside of you before it happens on the outside of you.”
Truth in our inner being is where God starts. The Holy Spirit will begin to gently stir our conscience to focus on what is our deepest hurts, unresolved conflicts and disappointments, to name a few. One of the most encouraging testimonies of Joyce’s is how she was able to bring her life out of focusing on the disappointments and deep hurt. It is one of the keys to freedom. She shows us some very clear instructions in God’s word on how to deal with unresolved inner conflicts that take from God’s purpose for our faith in His ability to bring results. We have a natural tendency to think that we know everything and that we know it absolutely. That it is our way or the highway. That it has worked in the past and it will work in the future. We don’t have to take responsibility because others are wrong…they were wrong first and then wronged me. If you think negatively, you will speak negatively, right?
If we can recognize what God’s purpose is for our conflicts and not what is wrong with others, we are half way there to actualizing freedom from wrong attitudes and behaviors. It is not our responsibility to take people to task, to punish or mistreat or diminish anyone in any capacity as Christians. We are required to go to our brother or sister and seek forgiveness, repent one to another and change. Leaving the past behind and taking the hope for a fresh start going forward with renewed minds.
Father God:
Cause my heart to be open and willing to walk in your ways only. Cause me that I cannot resist the prompting of your loving Holy Spirit. You are our redeemer of time. In you we can overcome and have life more abundantly! Amen.
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Oh My Zoey,
As I read your post, I heard the Lord speaking to my heart. You quoted Joyce: "One thing that is very deceptive is thinking that we know everything. We instead should be EAGER to learn, deepen what knowledge we have, what God is teaching us."
That word eager hit my heart. What am I eager for? Immediately, I saw my family sitting at dinner making fun of others. My father was a complete teaser. He loved to pick on people's weaknesses and exaggerate them. Or when we would go places, we would spend time as a family criticizing and picking out what we didn't like. It was how we connected. We bonded over putting others down and tearing apart things and places we went or things we watched. We'd make excuses for that behavior saying: " We are just truthful." When really, we deceived ourselves and gave ourselves licenses to tear down people and things.
The Lord and I have been really working on me receiving His perceptions in my life. Recently, I went out to dinner with my whole family. A very rare treat for us. As we sat in the restaurant, a Mexican one, my whole family began to pick it apart. See, having been in the restaurant business we have very high standards. High Standards translates into: NO ONE CAN DO IT AS GOOD AS US. Kinda sounds like the "the thinking I know everything mentality."
So they were all eager to criticize. It made what was supposed to be a treat unhappy. What a wrong attitude. My heart was greatly convicted and I shared with them about this very thing. I asked them to focus on what they liked. Since then on, I am really trying to created connections with them around building up and being grateful.
I know this was not the full focus of your post, but God used it truly, to remind me that I need to be eager for God. There is no excuses for rude and unmannerly comments, even if the person can't hear you. I want to be eager to walk in His 1 Cor 13:4-11 love.
One way, I am discovering how to do this, is to be aware of justification in my life. The minute I justify myself, I have taken myself out of Christ's reign.
I am learning to pray this way when justification shows up in my life: Lord, I am angry. So and so did this and that....please help me process my emotions AND SHOW ME WHAT MY RESPONSIBILITY IS IN THIS.
This simple pray has been helping me so much. I am finding I am really good at justifying myself. I am trusting the Lord to teach me to walk only in His justification.
So, today, as I read your post, I am so grateful for conviction. I am so grateful for your post Zoey. God is using it to help me grow.
Simply.......thankful 0
