When to accept that you will not have a child?

powellfam2006

Just curious to know if any of you have tried and then just decided that it was time to quit? I am battling with that right now. Any insight would be great?

miranda_mom

I have a child already but I battle this ALL THE TIME. It seems to be worse lately, as I am approaching 35 (my birthday is in a little over a month). I am okay with it but sometimes (okay, all the time) I just wish I knew whether I was going to have another one or not. Then I could plan accordingly. I now have totally normal cycles for the past six months or so but so far, nothing. My husband is okay with just "trying" until I go through menopause (I guess) and if it happens, it happens. It is very emotionally draining for me though. Right there with you!

lissabee4

My husband and I are just trying...I am a firm believer that when it's time, it's time. It may be weird but I'm comforted by the fact that I've met women in their 40s having children naturally from conception to delivery. I'm about to hit 31 and although my doctor wants me to get it going before 35, I really haven't put any pressure on myself. It's tough though some days because I know how badly my husband wants to have children, but he and I are resolved to be there for each other on the disappointing days and enjoy one another.

powellfam2006

I will be 35 this November. I am dissapointed monthly anymore. My sister is pregnant, so I am sure that it is making it harder on me. I have (1) daughter who is 7 now, I just alsways imangined my life with 2 kids. No one seems to understand. I keep hearing at least you have one, or it will happen nonsense.. I am just tired of wasting my days on tests, my money on tests, my mind on the 2ww period, my mind says give up the ghost.. my heard won't agree. I feel like Im fighting a constant battle that no one seems to understand. Not sure what to do. I don't want to be 40 and pregnant, I feel that would be to hard on me, and I have been off BC for 7 years and nothing has happend on it's own, or with fertilty drugs. I just wish I would have a sign of yes or no. It is just so hard to see all these people around me ending up pregnant everymonth, family going on and on about it, and I just want to punch them in the face! Not nice.. I know lol...I am just ready to move on.. but I can't make myself do it.

miranda_mom

I sent you a FR - I am going through the EXACT same thing. Let's talk.

mistresseeyore

I had my son when I was 34, a month after I turned 34 to be exact. We had totally given up. I prayed and gave it over to God. It's been 3 years. I'm really at the point were I've given up again. I'm pushing another appointment to September to talk about Clomid. But right now, I'm leaving it to God.

Imgoing2makeit

I don't have children & I feel like lisabee4. I also have decided to give it to god after several failed infertility treatments. The entire process of maybe this month drains my soul. Hopefully you can be at peace with your chances. If its in gods will it will happen. I tell myself this when I feel down. It keeps me grounded with who's really in control and gets rid of negativity. I wish you the best.

fairie_marie

Don't give up! I understand.. I had my son when I was 21. Then we went 4 years with nothing.. So we came to terms with just having 1 kid. I started losing weight. Lost 90 lbs and felt great! Then BAM! I find out I am preggo with my daughter.. I had been put on metformin to help my cycles,, I was only ovulating every six months. Loosing all that weight got me regular and did the trick I guess. While pregnant with her I gained 60 lbs.. Then my marriage fell a part and I got depressed and didn't care to get back the body I had worked so hard to get. I met an amazing man and got married.. He really wants more babies. I am 33 and I knew that with out getting back under 200 lbs I would never be able to have more.. He is Catholic so we do NFP and OMG it has helped me understand my body soo much.. In the last 2 months I have lost 23 lbs. We are on cycle 2 of Clomid, I actually ovulated last month and my temping chart looked great.. I tried Clomid before a year ago but because I was getting close to 250 it didn't work. I am now at 223.. There is hope! Please feel free to add me

powellfam2006

Well now unfortunaly I think were lookgin at more then just my ovulation issues. Hubby had testosterone issues, and the dr. put him on shots, and I think now he must have next to no sperm count. I ovulated the last 2 months and it should of worked and it didn't. I am trying to except Ali will be it, but it breaks my heart, especially when all my famly keep popping out 1, 2 and 3 babies. It's just really hard. ;/ thanks for all the comments. They are much appreciated

angelsingin4jc

I will NEVER accept that I will not conceive. NEVER EVER. However, I have accepted that maybe it's just not going to happen for now. It may not happen ever, but I will not give up HOPE. My husband and I are (so close to) becoming foster/adoptive parents. We've always had a passion for adoption....even before we knew each other, so we're excited. We're letting conception happen if it will, as we aren't using BC, but we aren't doing any fertility treatments. We are both losing more weight, to increase our chances of conception, so it could happen, but we're not holding our breath. We may explore fertility treatments later on after we've lost more weight and such. :-) Never give up hope, but always be realistic. :-)

powellfam2006

I am just getting older, so I hear from other people you better get on it fast your getting older. And I don't want to be a 40 year old mom with an oops. I think that would be too hard on me and my kids would be like 14 years apart. I think eventually it will be what happens happens, then at a certain age I will have to figure somethign out to make sure it doesn't happen. I am not ready to give up just yet, but every money my heart breaks, espeically when everyone I know is pregnant again!

phantasia27

Hi,

I had similar issues and struggled for 10 years to conceive. My fertility dr told me once to just think about adoption because as of then, I wouldn't be able to have a child on my own.And even I were to get pregnant, I would more than likely miscarry. My only sister has 5 (a girl and TWO sets of twin boys).

I balled my eyes out when I left the drs office. How can one sibling be that blessed and the other get nothing? My sister said she would carry the baby for me. Lo and behold about a month after we decided on this plan, she had volunteer partial hysterectomy. She had some tumors and was afraid she'd get cancer as that ran in our family.

Well, there went that plan. I was devastated. My only hope was gone.

I was kept on birth control pills to help regulate my cycles, but they were always unpredictable and when they did come, they were very light and lasted about 1.5 days.

All of my friends had kids by the time I was 30. I was "a hater" and it killed me to go to family or friends' functions because I'm either going to get asked when I'm having one or have to be hearing motherly conversations that I couldn't be a part of.

I had a friend that confided in me that she willingly terminated her pregnancy because she wasn't ready.

I kept asking God why do you give the ability to women that don't want it and take it away from those of us that want it so desperately? I just couldn't understand.

I am from a small town and was literally the only woman my age that didn't have a child. I was a freak in some sorts. I went into a severe depression. I just kept playing it off saying that I traveled a lot with my job and couldn't meet Mr. Right that way.

I started dating someone that was adopted and so I warmed up to the idea of adoption. He and I eventually decided to try after I heard of a PCOS study being performed by the university in the big city. All expenses paid. I figured, what the hell.

Well, there was criteria in order to be selected. I needed to be "healthy-enough". I was obese at 5-1 and 180 lbs. I decided I wanted to do whatever was in my power to help this dream along. I lost 40 lbs and was able to get accepted. We did all the testing and interviewing.

A day before I was supposed to go in for my first treatment, I found out I was pregnant right after my 32nd birthday. I didn't believe it. I hadn't gone to the treatments yet. I literally tried every pregnancy test the stores had to offer. I began reading the instructions, like I didn't know what the plus sign meant.

My son is a true miracle. We had only been intimate the week before. Hadn't been for over 4 months prior to that. I was at the drs office preparing for the study weekly and never pregnant. The pregnancy tests showed positive one week after having sex. That was crazy to me. I was in disbelief.

I called the university and told them I was pregnant and they laughed and said they see that a lot. When the woman gives up the stress of doing it on her own and thinking well this study is going work, so I can relax now.

I think 2 things happened:

1-I was stressing way too much and it caused me to not get pregnant. I kept trying to do this myself (yes, I know a man is involved, but you get the point).

When I 'let go", God was like, "Finally , now I can take over!"

2- I think one should "give it to God". HOWEVER, I do think we have to do our part. I have a friend that was in the same boat as I was, but she still eats horribly and is excessively overweight. She keeps praying, but doesn't do what she can to help the situation. There is a story in the bible about preparing for rain. Galatians 4:22-23: Preparing for the rain! That is exactly what we all must do.

There were two farmers, neighbors, both praying for rain for their crops - for their livelihood.
After praying, one farmer waited for the rain; the other farmer went to his field and started preparing for rain. Which one do you think had the greater faith?

If you do the possible, God will do the impossible.

I can honestly say, I would still be childless if I didn't take the responsibility in my own hands and stop blaming God, depression, tough work schedules, upbringing, etc on why I couldn't and even one else could. I had to meet God halfway.

My son is 19 months and I'm 34 yrs old. I am overjoyed with one miracle child. Don't want to get greedy now.

I don't think you should ever give up what is so strong in your heart. You should take every opportunity within your power to make it possible and prepare for rain!

miranda_mom

I wanted to add to the great post above that I posted twice on this thread and I found out in June that I'm pregnant! Today is the first day of my second trimester.I agree about taking a break. I had just given up hope the month I got pregnant.

powellfam2006

It's hard to let it go, when EVERYONE I mean EVERYONE around me is pregnant, my sister, my 4 cousins, my friends, their friends... my nieces...and I swear almost everyone that had been having a hard time on MFP ended up with BFP in May....like 8 people... but I understand what you guys are saying. I am now pretty much just trying to cope with no more kids and focus on moving on... It hasn't been easy, but 1 day at a time.. Thanks for the positive posts and amazing stories.

miranda_mom

My most heartfelt advice would be, take a break but don't take a break from sex! We really had gotten to the point where we were like, if it happens it happens, if it doesn't that's fine too. But that's not a point you can force yourself to get to.

lissabee4

Just to update from my last post....about two weeks after I posted the original response in March, I discovered I was pregnant and now we're expecting the arrival of our daughter in a couple of weeks. Now my husband is all about having a 'basketball team'...and I'm like 'whoaaa big fella'. lol Looking back, I believe just letting go of the pressure/stress of trying gave us the extra boost we needed.

miranda_mom

^^ same here. I think taking a break did the trick for us as well.

powellfam2006

Update: We have been taking a break. Still nothing. I did go to the specialist and I am waiting on test results. I go back to my Gyno in November, so hopefully we will start another round of fertility drugs. We shall see. Congrats on your pregnancies. Wish I could be in the same boat. maybe one day!

sewcute

WE have been trying for 6 years. It doesn't help that my husband travels for work and never seems to be home when I O (if I O) my doctor wants us to do some of the testing, ultrasound and all that stuff to be able to have kids, which I wouldn't mind, BUT I am a teacher. I can't take all that time off work.

I know how tough it is, especially when you hear people with PCOS say that it happens to them, well why can't it happen to me? It's frustrating, and I just want you to know I understand!

NikkiDT9211

My husband and I have been trying for over a year with no luck. I have ovulation issues and long cycles. He went through chemo and if effected his swimmers. The chances of us conceiving are pretty slim. I've been on clomid for the last few months. I am on my 4th cycle now with 2 more left. Once clomid is over, I will be going back to ovulating ever 2-3 months. We might call it quits after the last round of clomid. Well, we won't really stop trying but will go from actively trying to not trying but not preventing.

I need to try to lose some weight to help my ovulation issues. Being as overweight as I am, it's a big factor to not ovulating every month. Once clomid is over, I need to be able to ovulate on my own. I hope I can do this.

powellfam2006

My husband and I have been trying for over a year with no luck. I have ovulation issues and long cycles. He went through chemo and if effected his swimmers. The chances of us conceiving are pretty slim. I've been on clomid for the last few months. I am on my 4th cycle now with 2 more left. Once clomid is over, I will be going back to ovulating ever 2-3 months. We might call it quits after the last round of clomid. Well, we won't really stop trying but will go from actively trying to not trying but not preventing.

I need to try to lose some weight to help my ovulation issues. Being as overweight as I am, it's a big factor to not ovulating every month. Once clomid is over, I need to be able to ovulate on my own. I hope I can do this.

I am surprised they haven't suggested I think it's IUI? for you guys with his issues? I think I would consider that. I think the cost for that is about 500 a round, which is considerably cheaper then Invitro. I have never really read up on it, but from the ladies posts I think they say that is the cheapest procedure out of all of them. It's so tough... but there is always that miracle swimmer that gets through... and everyone says it happens when you least expect it too........So lets hope for that! 1 year is a long time, but not forever... I think if you want you should keep trying...maybe take a break like I did, and try try again... It helped me. I was really having a hard time, I feel a lot better now. Hugs to you! and a extra special pinch of baby dust sent your way!