Back to Work

TheNewStacie

My son will be 7 weeks tomorrow, and this is my last 2 weeks home with him. I'm torn about how I feel on this.

I will be the first to admit I'm not the stay at home mom type. Mainly because I'm a very social person and living in a state I didn't grow up in, I don't really have friends to come by or go to, so work is my social place. Plus I run the career center for our local college and I love my work and my students. One of the other big reasons is my husband works shift work, and other than when he's on his 7 days off, being at work is really my only breather time.

On the other hand I feel guilty about going back to work, and feel guilty that I'm ok going back. Devon will be at the on-campus children's center which is the best in the county, and that is probably why I'm so ok with it. He's close to me, in great hands, and I can go see him whenever I want. But I know I will miss my little monster. There are moms out there who would give anything to stay home with their kids, is it horrible of me to not feel this way?

chickybuns

I am the same way....I love my son to death but I need to work. It is part of my identity kind of. I worked hard to get my Master's Degree and I love my job helping other people. I do miss him on long days but I think it really makes me appreciate the time we do have together more. Plus, he mostly is watched by my parents, so I know he is always with people that love him as much as I do. It is ok to feel that way, being a stay at home mom is not for everyone, it doesn't mean you love your son any less. Good luck, it's not easy to go back. I found the first days were easier because it was nice for the break, but it almost got harder because I missed him more. I think part-time work would be perfect I went back when my son was 10 weeks.

bluegirl10

You are not horrible to feel that way.. .Being a SAHM is not for everyone. I would love to be a SAHM, but it's not possible. So I work full time and right now a very good friend of mine babysits my son. I think it's always easier to leave your LO when you know they are in good hands and well cared for.

GinE73

Your are not alone- I am not a SAHM either. I was lucky enough to hold off going back to work until my LO was 4 months but by that time I was ready for some adult interaction. I always thought that I could be a SAHM if finances allowed but actually being at home for that long made me realize that it's not for me and I felt super guilty for feeling that way. I have family to watch my LO so I know he is getting the best care and being loved so it helped with the guilt...a little bit. I still see SAHMs and think to myself "how can they do it but I can't" but I know that I'll be a better/happier mom if I worked. The 'mom guilt' is neverending!

DawnieB1977

In England we can have up to a year off for maternity leave, although after the first 18 weeks you are just on statutory pay up until 9 months, and then you get nothing. With my first child I took 9 months off, and with my second I took a year. So I was lucky that I had lots of time with them before going back. It was still very hard leaving them though.

I went back part time. I work as a secondary school teacher, and before kids I would spend hours every Sunday getting my lesson planning done, not to mention the time marking takes. My husband does shift work, so I didn't want to be in a position where the kids were refusing bed and I had to wait until 11pm or something to make a start on my work.

So I do 3 days one week, 2 the other, and that works for me as I get time with my kids, and I also get to go to work and have a break from the toddler tantrums! And deal with teenager tantrums instead lol.

blink1021

I would love to be a SAHM but financially we just can't do it. Believe me I could find things to do and to be able to grocery shop on a weekday in the middle of the day is a dream of mine instead of fighting the working crowd in evenings and weekends. I would definitely be involved in my sons school and be able to do all the mommy and me activities at the library and all the mommy and me exercise classes are during workdays.

Right now I work 40+ hours a week at a job I hate and have 2 degrees that I do nothing with because the job market is too competitive and the second they hear kids in an interview its over. To answer the guilt question no it doesn't ever go away. I have a 9 year old and an 11 week old and my son has always asked me why I have to work and why I can't stay home. He still asks why I can't stay home so he could just ride the bus home everyday. My son has grown up in a day care center and now at a private sitter in my school district. My daughter also goes to the same sitter and will essentially grow up there. Most of my husbands paycheck goes to pay this sitter and before you ask why does not one of us stay home he carries the health insurance so my paycheck is used for the rest of our bills.

My husbands family lives locally and not one of them has offered to help us in anyway as far as child care. His mother (who sits home all day) has told us that she raised her kids she is done. Well she didn't raise her kids she sent my hubby and his sister off to live with their father. She lives 4 miles away and has not seen my kids in 2 months. My family is all 12 hours away so they help when they come to visit. Those of you with family that helps out you have no idea how lucky you are never take advantage of that. I have also had my sister in law make comments to me about how I let strangers raise my children and that I should not have had kids if I can't stay home with them. She lives in a house owned by her parents so of course she can stay home with her kids she has no rent or mortgage and I am not sure about you all but that is my biggest expense.

So no the guilt never goes away especially when I was forced back to work after only 6 weeks. Work for me is my only social time too since I am not a local and do not have friends that are local, but I still spend most of the work day alone too that is why I am always on MFP. In fact right now talking about them being at a sitter while I am here at work makes me feel guilty. I think that is why when I do get out of work I spend as much time with them as possible before they go to bed.

Jillsie11

I don't think it's horrible for you to feel that way at all...as the other moms have stated, being a SAHM isn't for everyone. Ideally, I'd like to think that it would be wonderful being a SAHM, but the grass is always greener on the other side. I currently am a part-time SAHM, and I work outside of the home 18-20 hours a week. It's fabulous because I can pick my own schedule, so I work about 3-4 hours a day/5 days a week...that way I'm still home for the majority of each day, but am also able to get out and have my professional time. I make more money than my husband, so we initially talked about me staying on full-time, and him staying home to be with the kids...but I just didn't want to miss out on all those early things. Believe me though, the guilt never goes away...at the end of the day though, you have to do what's best for you and your family. A happy/fulfilled mom is a good mom

danifo0811

Don't feel bad. My kids love daycare. When we moved /had baby 2 I stayed home for 18 months and my oldest was thrilled to go back to daycare full time.

TheNewStacie

Thanks ladies, I do work part time and I'm able to make my own schedule which is nice, and has made it possible to not put my 7 y/o daughter in after school care. About a year after moving to TX, we had Hurricane Ike and my work was damaged so bad I couldn't return. My daughter was about 3 then and I kept her home for a couple weeks until I noticed she's just like me and was miserable not being around other kids.

We had our first visitation today at the center and tomorrow he'll go for his next visit for 2 hours by himself. At least it gives me a little test run. I think my biggest guilt is knowing this is my last kid and I don't want to mess this up :-)