"Dating" in Europe
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,830 Member
On another website I frequent, they are discussing dating and specifically the recommendation that you go on at least 30 dates after divorce before getting involved in another relationship.
Several folks commented that in Europe (one from the continent as well as one from England) casual dating just isn't done. That "It's ok to "hang out" with multiple ppl at the same time but once you connect, things have to move fast to exclusivity or you are considered 'to be leading on' a women(or just not interested enough). "
What do you all think of that?
I'm especially curious to hear from those currently in Europe as to whether this characterization of dating is accurate.
Several folks commented that in Europe (one from the continent as well as one from England) casual dating just isn't done. That "It's ok to "hang out" with multiple ppl at the same time but once you connect, things have to move fast to exclusivity or you are considered 'to be leading on' a women(or just not interested enough). "
What do you all think of that?
I'm especially curious to hear from those currently in Europe as to whether this characterization of dating is accurate.
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Replies
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Clearly I am not in Europe, but it seems the last part about dating exclusive happens fast is accurate from what Anna has said in past threads...................0
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I have family in Europe and have heard the same - I wish it was like that here! When I connect with someone I would love to give them a total honest chance, but I feel like I have to see other people because thats how its done, and to avoid getting hurt by the fact that they are most likely seeing other people too.0
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I've been to Europe once and it was while the Berlin Wall was up. I spent a day in East Berlin so I am obviously qualified to discuss this topic.
But I won't.0 -
I have family in Europe and have heard the same - I wish it was like that here! When I connect with someone I would love to give them a total honest chance, but I feel like I have to see other people because thats how its done, and to avoid getting hurt by the fact that they are most likely seeing other people too.
Just do what makes you happy, not what other people tell you is supposed to make you happy.0 -
Doing it this way makes me happier than the guy seeing other people and me sitting at home pining away for him.0
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Doing it this way makes me happier than the guy seeing other people and me sitting at home pining away for him.
So don't sit at home and pine? Go do things. Fly kites, go for a run, read a book, get a coffee, clean the house, hike, hang glide, skydive, something, anything.0 -
LOL its just a saying, I rarely sit at home - the point is that I'm going to be out meeting other men rather than not. I wasn't really ooking for advice, just offering my 2 cents.0
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Clearly I am not in Europe, but it seems the last part about dating exclusive happens fast is accurate from what Anna has said in past threads...................
Thanks for listening Moe!!! :flowerforyou:
Correct, generally, we dont multi date. We dont have an 'exclusive' talk. Within 2 or 3 dates you know if you want to try a relationship with someone. So that relationship begins pretty quick and lasts for however long it lasts - be it for 2 weeks or 2 months or 20 years!!!
Of course there are open relationships and FWBs as well, but if you're looking for a relationship then you just have one.0 -
Anna, is it just assumed that you are in a relationship with someone if you seem past 2/3 dates?0
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All the English guys I was ever with were shy-ish, great fun, friendly and genuinely nice. Charming too with that delicious accent. They really only became overtly confident and flirty with alcohol though! And then the next day it would be back to shy and nice and friends again. Kind of felt like high school. They did not seem to multi-date or juggle more than one woman at a time.
The total opposite of my experience with more agressive and charming American men..who I feel enjoy variety and options moreso.
Canadians are somewhere in the middle.. but their brains are addled with beer and hockey stats.
Wow - look at me stereotype! Yay!0 -
Anna, is it just assumed that you are in a relationship with someone if you seem past 2/3 dates?
yep! It's not complicated. If it's fireworks on the first date, then you're in for the relationship from the first night!
I guess there is a transition period when you might say "I'm seeing someone" rather than "this is my boyfriend", but it usually happens that you're seeing each other 3 times a week by week 2 or 3 (if that's possible ie not a LDR).
Women dont wait on men to ask them for this privilege either. it's just assumed that you're mutually getting to know each other.0 -
I haven't really noticed that here in Switzerland but it such a mix of different cultures that could make it different.0
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All the English guys I was ever with were shy-ish, great fun, friendly and genuinely nice. Charming too with that delicious accent. They really only became overtly confident and flirty with alcohol though! And then the next day it would be back to shy and nice and friends again.
That sounds like me! Except instead of a English accent, it's a Spanish one, sorta. Well I don't notice it, but others tell me they do.0 -
All the English guys I was ever with were shy-ish, great fun, friendly and genuinely nice. Charming too with that delicious accent. They really only became overtly confident and flirty with alcohol though! And then the next day it would be back to shy and nice and friends again. Kind of felt like high school. They did not seem to multi-date or juggle more than one woman at a time.
This is a big difference I have noticed....I feel they are much more reserved over here.0 -
I wish it was like that in America! Maybe I need to move lol0
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All the English guys I was ever with were shy-ish, great fun, friendly and genuinely nice. Charming too with that delicious accent. They really only became overtly confident and flirty with alcohol though! And then the next day it would be back to shy and nice and friends again.
That sounds like me! Except instead of a English accent, it's a Spanish one, sorta. Well I don't notice it, but others tell me they do.
Woohoo! We're going drinking while you're down here! Haha0 -
I wish it was like that in America! Maybe I need to move lol
LOL, I was thinking the same.
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I wish it was like that in America! Maybe I need to move lol
LOL, I was thinking the same.
Haha lets all go!0 -
when i lived in paris in my early 20's, group dates were more common for teens and early 20's. you'd go out with a group of guys and girls and there would be a guy that you were interested in and he was interested in you, but the group date dynamic would take away some of the pressure. in grad school i visited france often and by then the group date thing was more awkward
and yeah by the time you reach the 1:1 dating you're no longer trying to figure out if you like the person or are compatible, you're pretty much bf/gf at that point :laugh:
i date a lot of euro guys now and even at this age it's still somewhat the same. the guys will suggest group style dates in the beginning like tours, festivals, hiking in a group, and other things where there are more people to interact with but then once we realize we get along they'll suggest more intimate dates like 2 person hiking, picnics, etc. i pretty much prefer that way.0 -
The whole concept of 'casual dating' is one I hadn't really met until I joined this group, never having spent a lot of time discussing dating with Americans! :laugh:
Anna described things pretty well - I don't think I know anyone over here, with one possible, but unconfirmed exception (and he's generally thought of as something of a cad), who would date more than one person at a time, and as Ana said, the 'exclusivity' talk consequently just doesn't happen. If you've seen someone more than a couple of times, one-on-one, it's assumed that you are then exclusive by default, until one or other of you breaks things off. It's also generally assumed, among my friends at least, that if you're looking for a relationship, you're looking for one with long-term potential, rather than a Brief Encounter. (my turn to be film-funny, Kits!
)
NB. We sometimes refer to knickers/pants as 'briefs'...Don't know if that's crossed the Atlantic or not!0 -
Anna, is it just assumed that you are in a relationship with someone if you seem past 2/3 dates?
yep! It's not complicated. If it's fireworks on the first date, then you're in for the relationship from the first night!
I guess there is a transition period when you might say "I'm seeing someone" rather than "this is my boyfriend", but it usually happens that you're seeing each other 3 times a week by week 2 or 3 (if that's possible ie not a LDR).
Women dont wait on men to ask them for this privilege either. it's just assumed that you're mutually getting to know each other.
Well I'm not from Europe but this is kinda how it is in Latin America. If you've hung out with someone a few times you kinda just assume you both are trying to get to know each other exclusively. The whole casual dating thing is actually frowned upon and it took me a while to adjust to this casual dating thing in America. I still don't like dating more than one person at a time. That's not to say I will JUMP into a relationship, but I just rather focus on one person at a time and really get to know them and I would like them to do the same. I just don't see how you could really like someone and really get to know them while dating other people at the same time. Maybe it's how I was brought up. :ohwell:0 -
The whole concept of 'casual dating' is one I hadn't really met until I joined this group, never having spent a lot of time discussing dating with Americans! :laugh:
^^ this0 -
It's also generally assumed, among my friends at least, that if you're looking for a relationship, you're looking for one with long-term potential, rather than a Brief Encounter. (my turn to be film-funny, Kits! )
NB. We sometimes refer to knickers/pants as 'briefs'...Don't know if that's crossed the Atlantic or not!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Well, generally after 2-3 dates I can decide if I want to continue to get to know that person or not. Too many times in the past I've let things progress to a few more dates without really getting any closer to a relationship when I probably should have just ended things if there was really no huge initial spark.
But generally after 2-3 dates it is sort of assumed that it is moving toward the direction of a relationship unless one person makes it clear that they are just looking for something casual. I don't think it's really that different than what JJ brought up, perhaps just the number of people that claim they're not looking for a relationship.0 -
Anna, is it just assumed that you are in a relationship with someone if you seem past 2/3 dates?
yep! It's not complicated. If it's fireworks on the first date, then you're in for the relationship from the first night!
I guess there is a transition period when you might say "I'm seeing someone" rather than "this is my boyfriend", but it usually happens that you're seeing each other 3 times a week by week 2 or 3 (if that's possible ie ot a LDR).
Women dont wait on men to ask them for this privilege either. it's just assumed that you're mutually getting to know each other.
Well I'm not from Europe but this is kinda how it is in Latin America. If you've hung out with someone a few times you kinda just assume you both are trying to get to know each other exclusively. The whole casual dating thing is actually frowned upon and it took me a while to adjust to this casual dating thing in America. I still don't like dating more than one person at a time. That's not to say I will JUMP into a relationship, but I just rather focus on one person at a time and really get to know them and I would like them to do the same. I just don't see how you could really like someone and really get to know them while dating other people at the same time. Maybe it's how I was brought up. :ohwell:
Yep, as an English guy, its pretty much this and all that Anna has said for me. After 2-3 dates most people would consider you together even if not a full blown relationship. For me the concept of focusing on more than one person at a time defeats the point of dating to me. Though not saying its the same for everyone.
As for the comment about English guys being more confident after a drink for many it is true, but for me beyond a first drink the opposite is more likely. I think things through too much at best of times, but more so if I drink. My confidence is linked to trust and how well I know someone. Or for me just what mood am in.0 -
Interesting discussion with some older American ladies...apparently "back in the day" women changed beaus like they changed outfits. Whatever man was more awesome that week got to walk them home or dance with them. You weren't considered "exclusive" until you were engaged.
Interesting.0
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