Horrible online profiles.
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So I guess my thought is where do most of you lean on meeting people who are passionate about something or things and someone who is balanced? Someone who has several interests, maybe a few hobbies but nothing that leans towards obsession.
I'm pretty middle of the road type person, so if anyone displays extreme political/religious views on a profile, I'd probably go like this :huh: and move on.
Anna, I am very middle of the road as well. As far as politics, I vote for the person I believe to be the best for the job (even outside of the 2 major parties). I believe that religion is mostly all the same thing, just represented differently on how you want to interpret it.
Usually, if someone is truly passionate about something, I am all for it. However, that doesn't mean I have to agree with them all the time. I will usually avoid these profiles when it is extreme one way or another on almost any topic.0 -
I agree with nhsoprano, that online dating comes with too much expectation and pressure.
Just becuase you met online and liked eachother's pictures and profile doesn't mean you are meant to have an instant love connection. You still need to get to know the person and when you put too much pressure on to make a relationship, you fail to learn enough about eachother or you miss the red flags, etc. Stuff takes time, just like if you met a person in real time (at the bar, etc.). I have a new perspective going in, becuase I met someone I thought was a good match for me, but there was soooo much pressure. He had already put me in his future, had all these thoughts and comments about me, had me on a petastal, but then as things progressed (way to quickly) it wasn't what he had thought. Had it only been slower who knows ((mind you in this case I later realized he was NOT for me, but I just mean in general). Things need time, I think alot of time too people get lust confused with a real connection. I am rambling here, but I agree....0 -
She also said that in online dating people find a lot of potential matches meeting that same percentage range, but reject them because they keep thinking the next best thing is right around the corner. In reality, if you meet someone who has 85% of what you want, you should run toward the aisle, not wait for that mythical 99.9% match to drop in your lap.
That's interesting. One thing I've noticed as I've gotten older is that people seem to be more tolerant (or understanding or patient or whatever) about things they may not have been so willing to overlook when they were younger. It stands to reason that when you're in your 30s and 40s, if you know you want to get married at some point, you start getting more realistic. So you would think, generally speaking, that finding someone online would be easier. But I see the matchmaker's point that if you still have all these options who seem to have 75%+ of what you're looking for, you don't think twice about ditching someone because you assume the next great guy/girl is only an email away.
I was talking to a male friend over the weekend who recently got married for the first time at 35. He was telling me he thinks women are just not realistic when it comes to men. We are conditioned to believe we have a soulmate out there somewhere, and the first fault we see in a guy, we write him off as "not the one." Ten years later, you're thinking the one fault that guy had was maybe not so awful.
I have definately become more tolerant on somethings, and less tolerant on deal breakers. I guess I don't think for most of my 20's I knew what dealbreakers should be. Nor boundries. I was in a nightmare situation (looking back now) and I didn't know any different. Noone told me to open my eyes. So as film said, we build some of our dealbreakers and boundaries based on our past, which is GOOD, but it can also be a hinderance too. I think we need to keep it realistic as your friend said.0 -
I didn't know until I was 27 or 28 what I was looking for in a man. Then it suddenly became very clear to me. And none of my "non-negotiables" are physical things (well, other than the whole 'functioning penis and testicles' thing). It's really just a few values and lifestyle-related issues that I won't compromise on. Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever. I can only assume that marriage is easier when you choose someone whose presence doesn't make you want to off yourself.0
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I didn't know until I was 27 or 28 what I was looking for in a man. Then it suddenly became very clear to me. And none of my "non-negotiables" are physical things (well, other than the whole 'functioning penis and testicles' thing). It's really just a few values and lifestyle-related issues that I won't compromise on. Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever. I can only assume that marriage is easier when you choose someone whose presence doesn't make you want to off yourself.
My deal breakers also aren't physical (but I agree about the man parts lol). My mom always said 'marry your best friend'.
Makes alot of sense, and that's why I have changed my perspective with online dating to go in and get to know the person first before you 'give up' too much.0 -
Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever.
I hear this argument a lot, but I'm not buying it. I know people don't like to admit it, but being with someone who is physically attractive to you is important. Yes, eventually they are going to get old and wrinkly. Does that mean that you don't want someone incredibly sexy next to you for the 20-40 years it takes for that to happen?
Also, personalities definitely change. I hear all the time stories about married couples who were so in love with their funny romantic partner until they turned into a boring, spiteful, and selfish prick.
That being said, I'm old enough now where personality it a top priority. But being hot sure helps, let's not lie to ourselves.0 -
Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever.
I hear this argument a lot, but I'm not buying it. I know people don't like to admit it, but being with someone who is physically attractive to you is important. Yes, eventually they are going to get old and wrinkly. Does that mean that you don't want someone incredibly sexy next to you for the 20-40 years it takes for that to happen?
Also, personalities definitely change. I hear all the time stories about married couples who were so in love with their funny romantic partner until they turned into a boring, spiteful, and selfish prick.
That being said, I'm old enough now where personality it a top priority. But being hot sure helps, let's not lie to ourselves.
I agree that in some people, personalities do change. Whether because of maturity, physical changes, or otherwise, some people's personalities can change. Sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.0 -
Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever.
I hear this argument a lot, but I'm not buying it. I know people don't like to admit it, but being with someone who is physically attractive to you is important. Yes, eventually they are going to get old and wrinkly. Does that mean that you don't want someone incredibly sexy next to you for the 20-40 years it takes for that to happen?
Also, personalities definitely change. I hear all the time stories about married couples who were so in love with their funny romantic partner until they turned into a boring, spiteful, and selfish prick.
That being said, I'm old enough now where personality it a top priority. But being hot sure helps, let's not lie to ourselves.
Agree with this. People "put up" with a lot if their partner is sexy/hot! At least for a while. After a couple of weeks (depending on the person) personality trumps hot. I'd do sexy/hot but dumb as a stick a few times, then explain to him (using small words and hand signals when necessary) that it's been fun, but it's over. He'll be okay with that because he's sexy/hot and dumb as a stick.0 -
Agree with this. People "put up" with a lot if their partner is sexy/hot! At least for a while. After a couple of weeks (depending on the person) personality trumps hot. I'd do sexy/hot but dumb as a stick a few times, then explain to him (using small words and hand signals when necessary) that it's been fun, but it's over. He'll be okay with that because he's sexy/hot and dumb as a stick.
That's actually a great point. Ideally, you get the combo of personality and looks but looks alone will work for a very short time. Unfortunately, personality alone won't. There has to be a sexual attraction. Luckily, we're all sort of infused with our own version of what we think "sexy" is - I know I've completely fallen for girls that get me a lot of raised eyebrows from friends and family. Fu[url]ck em.
Edit: thought about this for a minute and realized "sexy" can be a combination of physical traits, voice, emotional well-being, maturity, passion for life, hobbies, concern for animals, etc. Most of these things can't really come across honestly in an online dating profile, which is one of the reasons I've grown jaded with it.[/url]0 -
Agree with this. People "put up" with a lot if their partner is sexy/hot! At least for a while. After a couple of weeks (depending on the person) personality trumps hot. I'd do sexy/hot but dumb as a stick a few times, then explain to him (using small words and hand signals when necessary) that it's been fun, but it's over. He'll be okay with that because he's sexy/hot and dumb as a stick.
That's actually a great point. Ideally, you get the combo of personality and looks but looks alone will work for a very short time. Unfortunately, personality alone won't. There has to be a sexual attraction. Luckily, we're all sort of infused with our own version of what we think "sexy" is - I know I've completely fallen for girls that get me a lot of raised eyebrows from friends and family. Fu[url]ck em.
Edit: thought about this for a minute and realized "sexy" can be a combination of physical traits, voice, emotional well-being, maturity, passion for life, hobbies, concern for animals, etc. Most of these things can't really come across honestly in an online dating profile, which is one of the reasons I've grown jaded with it.
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Are you coming on to me?0 -
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They must have gotten lost in the mail, you should resend them.0 -
They must have gotten lost in the mail, you should resend them.
I am sure we'd all like a peek
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Chris, are you flashing your junk again?? :huh:
:bigsmile:0 -
Agree with this. People "put up" with a lot if their partner is sexy/hot! At least for a while. After a couple of weeks (depending on the person) personality trumps hot. I'd do sexy/hot but dumb as a stick a few times, then explain to him (using small words and hand signals when necessary) that it's been fun, but it's over. He'll be okay with that because he's sexy/hot and dumb as a stick.
That's actually a great point. Ideally, you get the combo of personality and looks but looks alone will work for a very short time. Unfortunately, personality alone won't. There has to be a sexual attraction. Luckily, we're all sort of infused with our own version of what we think "sexy" is - I know I've completely fallen for girls that get me a lot of raised eyebrows from friends and family. Fu[url]ck em.
Edit: thought about this for a minute and realized "sexy" can be a combination of physical traits, voice, emotional well-being, maturity, passion for life, hobbies, concern for animals, etc. Most of these things can't really come across honestly in an online dating profile, which is one of the reasons I've grown jaded with it.
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Agree that you have to fancy the person. That can manifest in all sorts of strange and wonderful ways. Your ideal partner will never be perfect (nobody is!), but should be perfect for you!!
A great conversation followed by great sex followed by a great conversation, is pretty perfect to me.! 0 -
Horrible profiles or horrible people?
The profiles probably work quite well - attractive girl who doesn't want to talk to 'liberals', doesn't.
Christian stuff would certainly put me off - and quite reasonably, as would the above definitely (ignoring that I'm in the UK.)0 -
Everyone's looks are going to change at some point, but a personality is forever.
I hear this argument a lot, but I'm not buying it. I know people don't like to admit it, but being with someone who is physically attractive to you is important.
Please don't quote me out of context. At no point in my post did I say looks don't or shouldn't matter. I said my non-negotiables are all things that relate to a man's character and personality. Physical attraction is more than important; it's necessary. But I can't nail that down to one or two or three things and call them "non-negotiable." I can't say "A man must be 6 ft tall, have blonde hair, and blue eyes, or I won't marry him." I can say "He must be attractive." But what does that mean? A different thing to me than to the woman in the next room, certainly.Also, personalities definitely change. I hear all the time stories about married couples who were so in love with their funny romantic partner until they turned into a boring, spiteful, and selfish prick.
That's the point: you hear "stories" about how someone went from being the most awesome person ever to being boring, spiteful, and selfish practically overnight. I think we all know it doesn't work that way. No one's personality changes that much. You're just willing to overlook certain things when your biggest problem is whether you're going to have sex twice a day or only once. When life gets more complicated than that, all the things that didn't really matter to you before start to become a lot more noticeable.0 -
Horrible profiles or horrible people?
The profiles probably work quite well - attractive girl who doesn't want to talk to 'liberals', doesn't.
Christian stuff would certainly put me off - and quite reasonably, as would the above definitely (ignoring that I'm in the UK.)
Why is it "horrible" for someone to say they don't want to date "liberals" or non-Christians? It's no more or less horrible than you suggesting "Christian stuff" puts you off.
It is OKAY to not want to date or marry someone whose political and/or religious views differ from yours. We are not applying for jobs here. Be open-minded about a person's life experiences (we all have a past) or what he/she does for a living (if they are happy, what difference does it really make?). But a person you're going to raise children with, share legal responsibilities with, make important life decisions with, etc., ... you're asking for a lifetime of arguments and struggle if you choose someone who has vastly different VALUES. That's not to say your attitude should be "anyone who doesn't believe what I believe is wrong." It's more like "Life is a lot easier when you share it with someone you don't have to philosophically debate on every single important decision."
I agree with the OP that the way some people go about expressing their desire to date someone with similar views is really, really bad, but the basic premise of preferring someone with similar views isn't. So yes, "horrible profiles," is a more apt description than "horrible people."0 -
Please don't quote me out of context.
Without quoting out of context, Internet forums would be incredibly boring. What would we argue about? Anyway, I said "I hear this argument a lot, but I'm not buying it. I know people don't like to admit it...". I'm taking a small piece of what you said and using it to discuss something I hear from others out in the really real world. All I know about you personally is that you are down with planks, which I can't argue with, so please don't take it as a personal attack, I apologize if it came off that way.That's the point: you hear "stories" about...
I have known people who have drastically changed personalities, for better and for worse. People change over the course of their lives based upon their experiences. A committed monogamous relationship is definitely one of those life-altering experiences and it takes the right kind of person to adapt to that properly while maintaining an attitude that still melds nicely with their partner.
So, if both looks AND personality can change, then someone saying only personality matters is basing this on something potentially temporary. So, why then, are so many people saying that basing it on looks as well is so wrong? (That's a general discussion point, not a finger point)0 -
While we follow a bit of a different 'system' in the UK, if an American republican were to discuss politics with me, they would come to the conclusion I was a 'liberal'. I've been called that enough times as an insult.
Why is it "horrible" for someone to say they don't want to date "liberals" or non-Christians? It's no more or less horrible than you suggesting "Christian stuff" puts you off.
I find I generally prefer to be with similar people too.
Soooo... I was questioning the OP's post and views; not expressing my own!
I do tend to be pretty open minded as it goes - it's rare that I have many close friends that actually share my (or in fact, any, sadly) political views.
I, as above; am not sure about this.I agree with the OP that the way some people go about expressing their desire to date someone with similar views is really, really bad, but the basic premise of preferring someone with similar views isn't. So yes, "horrible profiles," is a more apt description than "horrible people."
Everyone finds different things attractive. For instance, I find my thinking tends to be pretty different to strict Vegans. I still have some as friends, but when you're going through a list of (dating) 'CV's, there's got to be a lot more positive bits to convince me that I might want to message this person versus the next.
Different people find different things important. This is nature and I don't consider it a bad thing - it just is.
Stereotypically, blokes consider a woman's looks important. I tend to prefer women with a 'natural' beauty, rather than a layers of make up and orange fake tan beauty so many like.
I also tend to mind less about the looks the more I get to know and like a girl.
I've never found myself attracted to significantly over weight women, nor have I to men.
While I haven't, I do wonder about adding such to an online dating profile (well, the latter is already part of the system, of course.)
In some 'PUA' related thing (I suspect it was 'the game', as reading that's about the limit of my involvement with such) I can remember someone saying the 'quality' of women contacting them positively improved when they listed, honestly "I'm looking for athletic, young women, no kids looking for a good time" or something. They got some snotty emails from ones that weren't, but, the ones that did match were happy enough with their situation and people straight-talking.0
