How not to do it? I just had a guy ask me to be his bro...
nhsoprano
Posts: 129
Disclaimer: I am not actually attracted to this guy, so I'm really not all that worried about this, but I think the scenario is at least funny.
It all started with the bar on Saturday night. A friend's band was playing, and I didn't want to go by myself, so I asked this guy to go with me and suggested he bring some friends along. He did, and brought two other guys with him. We danced, had a great time, I drank too much vodka, he told me all about his ex-wife cheating on him (wtf?!) and then afterward asked if I wanted to go hang at the "Mansion" (a house belonging to one of the other guys). I did and he and I ended up staying up until 4 am talking. He drove me back to my car, I went home, he texted the next morning to make sure I got home safe, etc.
Long story short, we ended up having this totally random conversation today in which I told him he needed to up his game (as a joke) and he asked if I had any interesting pointers for him, then asked me to be his bro.
Like I said, this situation is just funny because I really don't want to date him. The only thing is, this happens a lot. Like, all the time. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not attractive enough or just act too much like "one of the guys", but I always end up being the best friend. Any interesting pointers on being...I don't know, sexier? Maybe less "one of the guys" and more "hmm I'd like to date her?"
It all started with the bar on Saturday night. A friend's band was playing, and I didn't want to go by myself, so I asked this guy to go with me and suggested he bring some friends along. He did, and brought two other guys with him. We danced, had a great time, I drank too much vodka, he told me all about his ex-wife cheating on him (wtf?!) and then afterward asked if I wanted to go hang at the "Mansion" (a house belonging to one of the other guys). I did and he and I ended up staying up until 4 am talking. He drove me back to my car, I went home, he texted the next morning to make sure I got home safe, etc.
Long story short, we ended up having this totally random conversation today in which I told him he needed to up his game (as a joke) and he asked if I had any interesting pointers for him, then asked me to be his bro.
Like I said, this situation is just funny because I really don't want to date him. The only thing is, this happens a lot. Like, all the time. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not attractive enough or just act too much like "one of the guys", but I always end up being the best friend. Any interesting pointers on being...I don't know, sexier? Maybe less "one of the guys" and more "hmm I'd like to date her?"
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i think you should just be yourself, and when the time comes that you like a guy, you either throw hints, make it really obvious, or straight up tell him lol (some guys cannot read hints).
I think its a good thing to become friends first, that way you can tell if he is really a good guy or just trying to get into your pants. lol0 -
I think asking him to bring other dudes along is kind of a sign you aren't interested in him specifically and want to just be one of the guys.
I say work cleavage or your best "*kitten*"et and flirt up a storm. Touching their thighs, a sexy laugh, leaning in and giving that look (held one second too long), laughing while you touch your throat or chest, complimenting them,, and generally acting classy but conveying the idea that you are confident and simply dying to have sex with them (acting mind you) rarely gets you put in the friendzone..0 -
Like I said, this situation is just funny because I really don't want to date him. The only thing is, this happens a lot. Like, all the time. I'm not sure if it's because I'm not attractive enough or just act too much like "one of the guys", but I always end up being the best friend. Any interesting pointers on being...I don't know, sexier? Maybe less "one of the guys" and more "hmm I'd like to date her?"
I was gonna say that maybe you're presenting yourself as one of the guys?
I really don't know what to tell you to not be one of the guys...the only thing I can think of is to really stress your femininity and show them you are a woman rather than someone gender-neutral.
Rather than laugh at their gross stories, freak out a little? Don't be obnoxious about it, but maybe make a point like "oh my god, you boys are so gross!" or something like that.
Make sure you dress up more and show off your femininity around the boys - instead of jeans, wear dressier pants and skirts, and fancier shoes (don't have to be heels, but nice flats), and jewelry, with nice tops. I'm sure you already do that considering what field you are going into, but I'd amp it up a bit.
Only hang out with the boys every one in a while, make time for your girls, and maybe bring your girls to meet the guys so it's more "your friends meet mine" rather than, "oh, she's one of the guys. I used to hang out with a group of boys, but with my girlfriends present, and we would do stuff like "guys versus girls" flip cup and beer pong. We would bake for them every once in a while, have them over for dinner, and invite them out to dinner or for drinks with us (they had us over all the time as well). One of the guys later asked me out, so clearly it sorta worked.0 -
I am one of the guys, but when I'm interested in a guy the only thing I change is some of the suggestions Danielle was making. It's not intentional, I just flirt. Show some cleave. Touch. Laugh. Sexual innuendo (that isn't just the normal stuff I throw out there). And if all else fails TELL HIM. I can assume that you do the something similar with a guy you are interested in.
Other than that I'm totally cool being the bro.
The right guy won't care if you are a tomboy, you don't have to change who you are and squeal every time you see a mouse dancing on a chair so that he can save the damsel in distress. Be you and the guy that is a match will dig it.0 -
Kits makes a great point...I don't intentionally do that..flirting is just natural for me. In some ways I find it harder to turn off than on. But if that isn't you...then you don't have to do it!0
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Kits makes a great point...I don't intentionally do that..flirting is just natural for me. In some ways I find it harder to turn off than on. But if that isn't you...then you don't have to do it!
Will you be my flirt coach? Damn!
The funny thing is, I actually do dress very femininely. I think it's more the way I act. I used to go out a lot with my brother and his friends. The problem is, my brother thinks he is my protector and won't let anyone date me, so I cultivated this "bro" vibe to keep him from beating up his friends. Is it bad to admit that I'm kind of glad he moved across the country? :laugh:
Like Kits said, I'm usually fine with being the bro. Guys are a ton of fun to hang with, but I have definitely been in situations where I actually really liked a guy but I'd been one of the guys for so long he didn't even see me as a prospect. They always invite me to the wedding :drinker: :sad:0 -
Kits makes a great point...I don't intentionally do that..flirting is just natural for me. In some ways I find it harder to turn off than on. But if that isn't you...then you don't have to do it!
Will you be my flirt coach? Damn!
The funny thing is, I actually do dress very femininely. I think it's more the way I act. I used to go out a lot with my brother and his friends. The problem is, my brother thinks he is my protector and won't let anyone date me, so I cultivated this "bro" vibe to keep him from beating up his friends. Is it bad to admit that I'm kind of glad he moved across the country? :laugh:
Like Kits said, I'm usually fine with being the bro. Guys are a ton of fun to hang with, but I have definitely been in situations where I actually really liked a guy but I'd been one of the guys for so long he didn't even see me as a prospect. They always invite me to the wedding :drinker: :sad:
That's why you have to make it clear you're interested. Tell him, straddle him, show him your boobs, whatever you feel most comfortable with.
"Firget i'm a girl now, b*tch!"0 -
Hahaha this is an intriguing idea, if only to see what his reaction would be...0
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Do not be too subtle. Prolonged eye contact is your friend. Confidence.
edit. If all else fails just straight up let them know. The worst thing that happens is rejection. No big deal.0 -
I have never had a guy call me "bro", but have an awful habit of falling into the friendzone with guys... Even guys that I later found out had been interested in me at first.
I guess I am just really bad at showing a guy I am interested in THAT way. It is not something that comes naturally to me, and feels kinda fake when I try. That or I get nervous that he will "know" I like him, and then am afraid of the rejection.
If you figure out how NOT to do this, let me know!!!0 -
I think you would want him to know that you like him. If you get rejected whatever move on. Life is too short for what ifs.I have never had a guy call me "bro", but have an awful habit of falling into the friendzone with guys... Even guys that I later found out had been interested in me at first.
I guess I am just really bad at showing a guy I am interested in THAT way. It is not something that comes naturally to me, and feels kinda fake when I try. That or I get nervous that he will "know" I like him, and then am afraid of the rejection.
If you figure out how NOT to do this, let me know!!!0 -
I have never had a guy call me "bro", but have an awful habit of falling into the friendzone with guys... Even guys that I later found out had been interested in me at first.
I guess I am just really bad at showing a guy I am interested in THAT way. It is not something that comes naturally to me, and feels kinda fake when I try. That or I get nervous that he will "know" I like him, and then am afraid of the rejection.
If you figure out how NOT to do this, let me know!!!
No such things as a failsafe. If you let him know he might reject you - thems the breaks. That being said, he might NOT reject you0 -
See, this is exactly why I draw a line between "hanging out" and "dating." Guys suck at picking up on hints, and if the attitude is one of "we're just hanging out," it's going to take him forever to put 2 and 2 together.
It makes matters worse when you, as a woman, also suck at picking up on hints. And I'm guilty as charged on that count. I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't? And the truth is, if you like a guy enough, you will swallow your pride and do what you have to do and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe you haven't met that guy yet, but you'll know it when you do.
I never thought I would be a woman who calls a guy after a date and says "I like you a lot. Thank you for the chance to get to know you better." But I did that last night, and it turned into an hour-long conversation. Who knows when or if I will hear from him again, but what surprises me is that I'm 100% okay with it if I don't. I needed to tell him I thought he was a great guy. He deserved to hear it, but I also needed to do it so I can go to sleep at night knowing I left all the cards on the table, and he can decide what he wants to do about it. I'm not going to wait around for him, but maybe I won't have to. The only way to know is to take a chance.0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I tried explaining this to my mom, and she rolled her eyes and said "You need to loosen the hell up."0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I tried explaining this to my mom, and she rolled her eyes and said "You need to loosen the hell up."
Ha! She sounds just like my mother. lol0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I tried explaining this to my mom, and she rolled her eyes and said "You need to loosen the hell up."
On the other end of the spectrum I was always a bigger girl but I was very much a tomboygeeknerddork. I learned how to interact with men because I spent time around them listening to the sorts of things they "got" and didn't "get" so communication between being one of the guys and being a possible girlfriend became easy.0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I'm pretty much the same way...and then because of my weight I was shy and self-conscious. I never had a guy fried until I was 18, but all of my girlfriends were regularly hanging out and "dating" boys...while I was here like "omg I have a friend who is a boy!" Most girls start hanging out with boys when they're in middle school and start dating middle school/early high school. I'm severely behind the curve of dating and it's really frustrating, yet I don't know what to do with boys when I actually like one! Instead of being cool and collected I'm like "WORDVOMIT!"0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I'm pretty much the same way...and then because of my weight I was shy and self-conscious. I never had a guy fried until I was 18, but all of my girlfriends were regularly hanging out and "dating" boys...while I was here like "omg I have a friend who is a boy!" Most girls start hanging out with boys when they're in middle school and start dating middle school/early high school. I'm severely behind the curve of dating and it's really frustrating, yet I don't know what to do with boys when I actually like one! Instead of being cool and collected I'm like "WORDVOMIT!"
Wordvomit can be endearing. I do it sometimes and some guys thinks it's cute to see a girl get flustered.0 -
I think it's because I was fat for most of my life, so it was a safe bet that no good-looking guy was ever hitting on me, and now, I have no idea what to do when one of them does. I find myself pretending he's only a friend because how mortifying would it be if I pretended we were more than friends and discovered later that we weren't?
THIS. I was obese from the time I was 13 until 26. Missed out on all of the normal relationship/flirting type stuff, blamed it on me being fat. It was an easy out.
Trying to make up for lost time and MAN it is hard. lol
I'm pretty much the same way...and then because of my weight I was shy and self-conscious. I never had a guy fried until I was 18, but all of my girlfriends were regularly hanging out and "dating" boys...while I was here like "omg I have a friend who is a boy!" Most girls start hanging out with boys when they're in middle school and start dating middle school/early high school. I'm severely behind the curve of dating and it's really frustrating, yet I don't know what to do with boys when I actually like one! Instead of being cool and collected I'm like "WORDVOMIT!"
Yup that was me. And still is me, to some extent. lol. Don't worry, it does get better over time.0
