Family/Friends at delivery and after birth
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I'm expecting my first, so I don't have personal experience to go by, BUT I attended a La Leche League meeting last night where this subject was discussed. I learned that if you are planning on breastfeeding, it can be difficult to learn the baby's cues during those crucial early weeks when you have a lot of distractions and visitors. They would have all agreed with the previous poster.
I only want my husband, midwife, and doula during labor and at the birth. My family lives far away, so it's only in-laws here. They are very thoughtful and practical people, so I'm pretty sure they will drop by (bearing yummy home-cooked Italian food) for short periods of time whenever my husband gives them the go-ahead, and then offer to help for longer periods when we feel we need it.0 -
This will be our first baby, but I plan on having my husband and my mother in the room. His mother is also invited but I just want my mom and hubby up close and personal. My best friend in the world is also flying out and shes seen much worse in our time as friends together so I would love her support. My mom and I are just too close to not have her be a part of it and also my husband is extremely bad in situations like this and may either pass out/throw up so I need that back up support.
Both my husband and I have only one brother so I'm sure we will tell them when we go into labor and I know they will rush to the hospital along with my dad. If they don't mind waiting, I don't mind them being there. Although there is a good chance that when the time comes, I won't care whose in the room or the total opposite!
We'll see how it goes
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I was very firm - nobody except my husband allowed in the hospital.
I wanted uninterrupted bonding time with our new baby. I also didn't want the pressure of knowing people were waiting outside to see the baby. I spent 9 months growing a healthy baby and I was entitled to alone time with him. Plus I wanted to figure out breastfeeding and get a bit of rest and a shower in before people bombarded me and took my picture.
We invited our parents/siblings to come to the hospital the following day.
The important thing is to do what you feel comfortable with, and don't worry about pleasing others.0 -
Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!
That is SO wrong! I would have screamed, "GET THE *kitten* OUT!" Are you kidding me? Some people are so selfish and rude.
Our hospital limits you to two people with you so that you can presumably have the father and another support person (doula, mom, sister, etc.) besides the requisite medical professionals. If people want to visit you while you're in labor, they have to "tag in." The doctors and nurses need space not only to do their job but to be able to discuss with you what is going on, etc. It's hard to discuss stuff that you may want to keep confidential if there are 8 people in the room. Jeez, I wouldn't even tell the nurse my weight within earshot of my husband.
They also do not allow video or pictures to be taken until after birth has occurred.0 -
Side note: my older sister is pregnant with #3, and with her previous 2 she didn't even tell anyone she was at the hospital until AFTER the baby was born. Apparently her in-laws are the "we have to be present for the birth" type and she didn't want that. So she just didn't call them. Her father-in-law barged into his daughter's room once when she was giving birth because HE wanted to be there. That's so not right!
That is horrible! I would have flipped out. That is so incredibly rude!
I was induced, and the only person besides my husband who knew the date was my mom. I didn't want any interference from anyone.0 -
I'm a very easy going person, generally it has been only me and hubby there at the hospita, my FIL came and sat at the hospital during the first one..... i think he was bored as he has not done that again. My mom drove up and made it in time for the 4th and that is all that have been there for delivery.... I like me and hubby, but not bothered by others being there for delivery.... oh 3rd I did have a friend drop by as they were concerned about kids (as my mom called someone from church because induction was taking much longer than anticipated and our 16 yr old was home with 3 and 5 yr old and worried we might be all night). But by the time of delivery I didn't care who was there, I think I had a student present for at least one????
This is my 5th delivery so no one is really aching to be there, as for family seeing after I have no problem there is lots of time for routine after (in my opinion for me) I love to show off my newest baby.
But really that is me, I know I am laid back. After leaving the hospital after each baby we have gone out directly to a store shopping or even for lunch, I remember going directly from the hospital and out to Swiss Chalet for lunch with a baby less then 12 hours old. Same with shopping at Wal-mart--- oh and the 2nd we needed a new car seat (we were barrowing) But decided to buy imediatly, so we went to toys r us, baby sam and then we dedided to buy a new vacume from costco, all with baby less than 24hour old... Yup a little crazy to.... I do remember being tired that night!0 -
We are expecting our 5th, and definitely learned after the first one with what we were comfortable with.
With our first, EVERYONE was at the hospital- my grandparents, DH's grandmother and parents, my aunt and uncle, my mother, and DH of course. Everyone poked in to say hello and give well wishes, but I ended that after my grandfather said "oh stop- it doesn't hurt that much!".
I originally just wanted my mother and DH there. I'm private, and the thought of anyone else seeing me in a compromising position, in pain, or exposed was just NOT happening. It is my body, first and foremost, and while everyone was excited, they respected that. I ended up kicking my mother out, too, because she was just being over-dramatic and annoying about what was happening to me.
After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:
Every other birth has been only DH and I, and I love it that way. Family can visit after in short visits, but once we are home I like to take about 48 hours to just be us, introduce the kids to their new sibling, and just enjoy those precious first moments.0 -
This is my 3rd. With my first I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom there or not. I told her I wanted her at the hospital just in case I needed her but I may not let her in the room. I ended up being in labor for 60 hours and kicked my mom out of the hospital after about 12. Her sympathy looks made me mad and then cry. In the end I ended up with a c-section. 2nd I had a scheduled c-section. My in laws had plans to drive a 7 hour drive to take care of my oldest while I was in the hospital and my mom was at the hospital. Not allowed in the room. 3rd is a scheduled c-section. May have my older two go to the inlaws for a week while I am in the hospital. haven't decided yet. Do what you are comfortable with for the delivery room. As I told my mom, she wanted to be there, I have the right to kick you out if I want to, and I did. I only wanted my husband there and I even kicked him out after about 48 hours and sent him to work. My opinion on having people visit the weeks after. You obviously don't have to take it. But, not letting his family come see the baby for 2 or 3 weeks when your family is there doesn't seem right to me personally. This is his baby too. What does he want? You said they are a few hour drive away. Can't they come and see the baby for two hours or so after you are home? Get some presents maybe some home cooked meals. That is always nice right after having a new baby. Cooking is such a chore. I am sure he wants to show off his baby to his family too. My sister lives 2.5 hours from me. When she had her 2nd I went up there about a week after she had the baby for 2 hours or so. Just enough time to give my nephew a present, hold him, make her a meal, and allow her to shower. Showering is hard to do with a new baby. LOL.0
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Here's my 2 cents...
I had my DD in 2006...many many moons ago...LOL!! (6weeks in for #2)
My hubby was by my head. My mom had my right foot, my aunt had my left foot and my sister was in view of the business end. It was soooo awesome to have my TEAM there to help me!! To be able to see that smile on my mom's face as I was delivering...that is a memory I will cherish forever!! My sister provided comic relief, my aunt was a huge cheerleader, my husband was my rock and bearer of the puke bowl. I wouldn't have changed ANYTHING!!
For my next...I'm inviting my MIL in the room. WE have a good relationship. To make it a bit easier...she is legally blind (20/400)...so she wont see my bajinga.
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After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:
Say whaaaat?
They knew that wasn't free food, right? That it's part of your overall hospital bill, which you get to pay (or at least pay a hefty chunk of).
The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.0 -
With my son (my first) I had my husband, my mom, 2 older sisters, one nurse, doc. I wouldn't change it for that time. My husband is the absolute best birth coach (and husband and daddy and man, love him) and is a force to be reckoned with in the delivery room. We read each other so well. I think with this birth, I am looking so forward to our teamwork again. It's exciting. Enough about him, back to the other people. I wanted my mom there at the time, I knew this may be her only chance to be at a birth with one of her daughters. I was happy for her. But she ended up being a distraction. I can't put my finger on why exactly, I remember her letting go of my leg so she could get a good look of the baby coming out, and it was horrible. I remember feeling mad and discouraged. I never want to feel that again. I remember tuning her out and just listening to my husband whisper to me, and I literally just stopped depending on her for assistance right then. Listening to my husband brought peace. My mom, not so much. My 2 sisters were off to my left with a good view of my lady parts 10 cm in diameter. They were soooo quite. My sisters are not quite people in the day-to-day. I remember seeing there faces, wide-eyed, a little white. I between pushes I yelled out at them, "how does it look?!?" My oldest sister, a nurse in cardiology who has attended numerous births, quietly says, "looks great.... Great. You are doing amazing." That was encouraging, a bit funny. My middle sister didn't say a peep!!! Deer in the headlights I remember thinking.
My son Palmer was born after 6.5 hours of labor and pushing for 30 minutes back in '07. It was awesome! We are doing a home birth/water birth with a midwife this time. I plan on just my husband, doula, midwife and midwife asst. and if my son and SS want to be there. I hope my mom and sisters will understand. This pregnancy is different, it feels more sacred. I'm not sure why. I look forward to support during the weeks and months following the birth. Postpartum support is so important. That is what I'll need most this time that my mom, sisters, and friends can offer.0 -
This will be my first child. I plan on only having my husband and the doctors/nurses in the room during delivery. Our parents and siblings can come in to say hi if they are already at the hospital while I'm in labor, but once it comes time to push, everyone out! I don't need an audience or extra people telling me what to do or making comments. I would also like to have some time after the delivery to bond, nurse and clean up before being bombarded with visitors. My husband is planning to take 2 weeks off from work so that we can have some time as a family. It would be nice if everyone would make an effort to be around as little as possible during that time so that my husband can have his time with the baby before going back to work. After those 2 weeks, I think it would be nice to have an occasional visitor and someone to help out. I may change my mind when it comes time, but the only thing I'm positive about is that there will be no one but my husband in the room for the delivery.0
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This is my first and I'm planning on having only my DH there during L&D (along with midwife + nurses at hospital). He is the only person that I think will be helpful and help me manage the pain. I would like to go unmedicated and from what I've been told/read, I feel like I'll need to concentrate and don't want lots of distractions with visitors or feel like I need to chat with people. Immediately after birth, I still only want him there because I think it will be a very intimate bonding time for the 3 of us.
We live in a different state than any of our family, so all guests will be staying with us. However, I am optimistic that my mom & her husband as well as my MIL will be very helpful - they are already talking about doing cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, shopping, etc and NOT needing to be entertained. Plus I am close enough to them to ask for whatever help I need. For example, I was going to ask my mom to change the sheets in the guest bedroom + clean the bathroom so it's ready for my MIL if I'm not feeling like it at the time. The only thing I am worried about is struggling with postpartum blues, since it is common and I have been struggling with feeling depressed through a large part of my pregnancy. But it may be helpful to have other people around to talk to or go for a walk with, etc. Who knows - never done this before!0 -
I think for me a rule of thumb is that if I don't feel comfortable telling you that I need you out of my hair, or if I am comfortable doing that but you will be offended if I tell you that, then you are probably not someone I want with me during delivery or any prolonged period of time afterwards.0
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My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.0
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The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.
This is fabulous!
I could see myself using this code with my husband when I want our visitors to leave :happy:0 -
My mom just informed me last night that she is planning on taking a whole week off work the week the baby is born to come and stay with us and help take care of the baby. She lives 20 minutes away. We do not have room for another adult in our house and she would drive my husband crazy. I had to gently tell her that my husband will be taking 2 weeks off work to be home with us and I think it should just be the 3 of us while he's off work. Maybe she should take a few days off the week my husband goes back to work when I'm alone to come help during the day. Why do people think that you can't do anything? That you'll need them there 24/7? If I want or need your help, I'll ask for it.
Dude, I would tell my mom no freaking way. I mean, I can handle my mother just fine in large-ish doses, but for the sake of my husband's sanity and the fact that I don't feel like having another person to whose needs I have to cater (even though she's a totally capable adult), I'd say no. When our son was born, I appreciated our being "allowed" to figure it out on our own. I don't know why others often assume you need in-house help and just lay it on you like you're supposed to be super psyched about it. There's a lot to be said for having that time together as a new family. I was happy to get the occasional visitor who usually brought food and allowed me 10 minutes of freedom to take a shower, but I would have been annoyed with someone who parked their butt in my house long-term.0 -
The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.
This is fabulous!
I could see myself using this code with my husband when I want our visitors to leave :happy:
Except with my in-laws, I'd be asking my husband for the tequila.0 -
After daughter number one was born, it became party central there. No one wanted to leave, everyone wanted to hold the baby, and we were too nice to ask for them to give us space and time. :frown: I was actually embarrassed because my family ate all of the food platters meant for the new mothers. Classy, right? :noway:
Say whaaaat?
They knew that wasn't free food, right? That it's part of your overall hospital bill, which you get to pay (or at least pay a hefty chunk of).
The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.
They are the type to take advantage of anything they don't have to open a wallet for. No one stopped them or told them it was reserved for the new parents only (it was set up in a kitchenette area), so they just chowed down. :noway:
I LOVE the secret code though! How useful that would have been back then!0 -
The hospital where I delivered last time (and will this time) has a code for kicking people out. You call up the nurse's station and ask for grape juice. They come in with some juice and say that mama and baby need their rest.
This is fabulous!
I could see myself using this code with my husband when I want our visitors to leave :happy:
Except with my in-laws, I'd be asking my husband for the tequila.
How about "grape juice"? AKA "pass the wine"?0
