Rock bottom confidence

Okapi42

Over the last month or so, I've been getting the feeling that I can't do anything right, especially on a horse!

We've had a few bolts and other surprises, but Jackson is easy to bring back when he does run and never bucks or rears. I've never fallen off him.

But lately, I've been clinging on like a beginner and almost freaking out whenever he tries to actually move forward nicely, and I'm sure the fact that I panic when we meet anything potentially scary out and about transfers to him as well. Instead of sitting relaxed with a long leg, I'm curling into a nervous little ball.

I have no idea where this has come from, but it's seriously impacting my riding. :frown:

Any ideas what to do about it?

karenk2f

I understand that feeling all too well. It isn't an easy thing. I have been rebuilding my confidence over quite some time through Natural Horsemanship techniques. One thing I have learned that helps me, is to give yourself a 'job'. Make yourself a 'mental pattern' to follow while out riding. I like to do serpentines, circles, stops, side-passes, etc. It gives you some focus and keeps your mind busy and less on potential scary things. (It keeps your horse guessing as well.) I started in a small, familiar field and have gradually broadened our 'horizons'. One of my horses is extremely 'in-tune' to my mental state and if I am nervous or worked up over something, even if it is non-related to the ride, he will be ultra-jumpy and we play off each other, progressively making it worse. I have learned to pay attention to it and if I start getting tight, I take some deep breaths, do some circles and flexing until I can relax and so does he. Maybe this will help you. Good luck and happy trails!

Okapi42

Thanks, that might be a start. I do tend to think through the what-ifs too much...

BellehavenfarmDawn

What's your trainer say?

Okapi42

She says to sit up straight

BellehavenfarmDawn

When I am having challenges with a horse, like we just aren't on the same page, I back up a few steps. Do some earlier work, painfully slow ground work and in hand to refind our connection. Calm.

I do some fun things like hand grazing. Playing at liberty in a ring. Kicking a big ball around. We get together without an agenda, throw in a little clicker game, play at liberty again.

and I make sure nothing in the body hurts, teeth are good, feet are good, saddle fit etc. All this is so very hard because in many cases I have to rely on professionals. It has literally taken me years to pull together a team that I can rely on.

Just saying for me, I don't want to ride a horse who considers bolting an option. Could you have too much horse in Jack? I in no way mean to be rude but often times we just end up with the wrong horse. I did with my last one, not Sunny, before him.

there is always the option of rehoming and with all your new insight, get a horse that's fun AND safe for you. there is no shame in learning from mistakes Before you are hurt.

Maybe give him to your trainer to ride for a month and sell and give her a %.

Your mother will sign off now!!!

Okapi42

Yes, I think you may be right - he's slightly too much horse for me, and really needs a professional to train him for a few weeks.

But he's not mine. I'm loaning him. And I only make it out there 3 days per week, when really he could use work every day.

The owner has ridden twice in the last four years. And she refuses to either sell him or get a second person to ride him, it was already a struggle (according to the barn owner) to get her to loan him at all. I feel sorry for the horse.

We do groundwork, too, and he's great at liberty - I now have him backing up, turning, following, etc, with only a slight signal. But the moment you put a rope on him, he goes aggressive. And while he's usually good while riding (for a given value of "good" - we have the same arguments over and over) it's the unpredictability I can't deal with...

BellehavenfarmDawn

Good that you don't own him. Can't you find something FUN! It is worth it!

Okapi42

Yes, I suppose that might be a solution. I'd feel guilty abandoning him, though!

Okapi42

Right. I haven't ridden in over a week because of the snow (couldn't get to the yard, let alone ride) but I'm going up tomorrow.

And already panicking about it.

We shall see how it goes, but maybe this is a sign.

Okapi42

So, yesterday I rode two horses. Mine, and that of a friend who was sick. Dealer is the horse I'd originally gone to see when I decided to take on Jack instead. And now I'm glad of my decision at the time.

Dealer is safe. Very safe. An excellent beginner's horse. He does exactly what he's told. But that's all. He doesn't look at you when you're grooming and saddling him, doesn't look at the world around him when you're riding, and doesn't seem to enjoy much of anything. It feels like he's totally resigned. And it doesn't help that he has an insanely hard trot and a hard mouth.

That was my wake-up call to appreciate what I have - I'd rather ride my excitable, curious and slightly insane Jack any day. :laugh:

RedneckMomma77

I was actually going to suggest that you ride another horse, until your confidence is back up a bit. Maybe Dealer could help you remember how to relax on a horse again. That in turn, would help you relax some on Jack.

If Jack is consistently spooking out on the trail, you need to give him more to do. Don't just amble down the trail looking for the next bugger. Give him something to do to keep his mind on you, instead of everything else that is going on. This will also give you something to concentrate on to keep your mind off the possibility of a spook or bolt. If Jack does spook at something, make him keep walking by it, until he will walk by it totally relaxed, as if it wasn't there. And by spook, I mean even if he jumps but doesn't really move his feet. Do you understand what I'm talking about there? If we as riders don't correct even the smallest indiscretions they will eventually become big ones. That jump could become a bolt, rear, or buck the next time. If you keep his mind on you, he will not have time to look for that horse eating leaf that just fell off a tree.

Okapi42

Yes, that's a good point. Unfortunately, he's a little ignorant on even the basics of dressage, and doesn't understand that leg on can mean anything other than "go faster", so I can't do shoulder-ins past scary stuff. We're working on it in lessons, though.

Had a short hack out today - just me and him - and it was quite windy. Got into several arguments with him, and had several sudden sideways spooks and some attempts at refusal. I settled on letting him choose his own pace - as long as it was safe - provided that he went in the direction I told him.

Oddly enough, I never got spooked myself. Must be over it.