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Relationships are annoying
j4nash
Posts: 1,719 Member
The problem in this case is staring at me in the mirror.
That said, am I the only one who feels after the honeymoon stage it's a constant struggle of give and takes and compromise? I talk to people in relationships, most either make excuses for their s/o's actions or complain. I did both. Even those couples that look perfect on the surface have minor to major issues. I know arguments and compromise are just part of things but sometimes its nice to worry about just me.
That said, am I the only one who feels after the honeymoon stage it's a constant struggle of give and takes and compromise? I talk to people in relationships, most either make excuses for their s/o's actions or complain. I did both. Even those couples that look perfect on the surface have minor to major issues. I know arguments and compromise are just part of things but sometimes its nice to worry about just me.
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It helps to not care about small things. Pick your battles.0
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The only thing that you TRULY give is your time. The only thing you TRULY get, is their time. The feelings you are feeling are not from them... they are from within you. You make you happy or sad or whatever. You react to their actions. You react to what they say. You react to what you perceive they are doing or not doing. Your EXPECTATIONS are what are staring you in the face. It's OK, we all have expectations, but are they realistic?
I don't care how perfect it is right now, it will not always be perfect. Like you said, after the honeymoon period.... We are imperfect beings living an imperfect life among other imperfect beings. You will never find perfection in anyone. Don't forget, your **** stinks too.
My Querida and I have gotten along wonderfully so far, but as life has it's ups and downs, so will we - The trick is not only to expect it, but to be sure it will happen and build the tools to help get over it. Make my mental rope to climb over a wall, my mental bridge to get over the gaps, my mental shovel to dig under the mountains... because when it comes to life - it's the journey, not the destination that is before you.
Just like physical fitness is good for your body, mental fitness is key for your happiness. How often do you work on that?0 -
It seems like nowadays we expect relationships to be easy - how many times have you met someone who says "relationships shouldn't be work"? We seem to want and even expect no conflict, perfect connection and sustaining compatibility in all areas.
If that relationship shouldn't meet expectations, it seems like so many of us are just onto the next individual and hope that perfection can be found elsewhere. Sure, we say that we are ready to give and take and compromise, but I don't see all that many people really putting the effort in when things get tough.
I agree with picking battles, letting things go, biting tongues and when your partner is being an *kitten*..not telling them that.
But I also agree that not having to do all of these things and only worrying about myself can be really nice for a bit also.0 -
I would agree to a certain point-I have friends who do nothing but complain about their SO-it was always my impression you found someone to have someone to enjoy spending time with, not to "put up with"...0
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It seems like nowadays we expect relationships to be easy - how many times have you met someone who says "relationships shouldn't be work"? We seem to want and even expect no conflict, perfect connection and sustaining compatibility in all areas.
I have a friend who got married 6 weeks ago, and she's still in the honeymoon phase, so she's posting all this crap on Facebook and Pinterest about how you should only get married if it feels effortless or some such nonsense. I'm trying to give her a break because she's still in the afterglow and she's blissfully happy, but geez ... what is she going to do when the first rogue wave comes along and shatters her image of the blemish-free marriage?it seems like so many of us are just onto the next individual and hope that perfection can be found elsewhere.
That is what scares the crap out of me about falling in love with someone. We live in an instant-gratification, lease-before-you-buy world. People get addicted to that feeling of being consumed by a new, special someone, and when it wears off, they go look for another new, special someone so they can have that feeling all over again. It reminds me of the scene from Mad Men when Don was dating Faye (the psychologist), and then he went off to California with his kids and Megan, and when he came back, he was engaged to Megan. And Faye said "I hope you told her that you only like the beginning of things."0 -
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It seems like nowadays we expect relationships to be easy - how many times have you met someone who says "relationships shouldn't be work"? We seem to want and even expect no conflict, perfect connection and sustaining compatibility in all areas.
I have a friend who got married 6 weeks ago, and she's still in the honeymoon phase, so she's posting all this crap on Facebook and Pinterest about how you should only get married if it feels effortless or some such nonsense. I'm trying to give her a break because she's still in the afterglow and she's blissfully happy, but geez ... what is she going to do when the first rogue wave comes along and shatters her image of the blemish-free marriage?it seems like so many of us are just onto the next individual and hope that perfection can be found elsewhere.
That is what scares the crap out of me about falling in love with someone. We live in an instant-gratification, lease-before-you-buy world. People get addicted to that feeling of being consumed by a new, special someone, and when it wears off, they go look for another new, special someone so they can have that feeling all over again. It reminds me of the scene from Mad Men when Don was dating Faye (the psychologist), and then he went off to California with his kids and Megan, and when he came back, he was engaged to Megan. And Faye said "I hope you told her that you only like the beginning of things."
That moment really made me understand Don and some of his motivations.
(I'm excited for it to be back in April...best show on TV.)0 -
I've been in my fair share of bad relationships and a few good relationships. They should not feel like work, and you really don't need to argue all the time.
In my good relationships we were able to discuss our problems in a calm, rational way. In my bad relationships there was usually a lot of yelling, slamming doors, walking away, and going to bed pissed off. And it was usually about stupid **** that just got escalated. I've basically just tried to stop dating crazy, irrational, needy women and it's seemed to work out better for me.0 -
I'm in one right now and I wouldn't use the word annoying but in the beginning during the unsure phase (where is this going), I'd ask myself why oh why do I put myself through it.
Other than that, the bf and I don't argue at all so it doesn't feel like a job or something I have to do. He feels the same so we are good so far.0 -
Relationships are super annoying, which is why I don't bother.
Ok, not entirely serious. Right now I just don't have the mindset to date, since I'm leaving in four months and have three relatively big performances between now and then (one big one, one semi-important and another just for fun). My focus is on my voice, not dating. Eventually (hopefully!) life will settle a bit more to the point where I want to look around :bigsmile:
That being said, sometimes I wonder if it will even be possible to find someone who is as independent as I am, while still wanting to have a serious relationship. It's an interesting thought. Most guys who are interested in me end up being upset with me because they think I don't pay enough attention to them. Still not sure if this is a them or me thing.0 -
In my good relationships we were able to discuss our problems in a calm, rational way. In my bad relationships there was usually a lot of yelling, slamming doors, walking away, and going to bed pissed off. And it was usually about stupid **** that just got escalated. I've basically just tried to stop dating crazy, irrational, needy women and it's seemed to work out better for me.
I agree...
I think everything takes work, and compramise, etc. but it's how you deal with them that tells you if the relationship is good or bad, worth pursueing or passing up... and you said it best above.
I also think it depends what point of the relationship/dating phase you are in. I meet alot of 'wankers' but it seems like they are already pissing me off in the courting phase so I do move on. If I was already in a committed relationship, I would probably try to solve an issue first and see what head way we make before I choose to move on.
Also need to assess the issues - abuse, addictions, etc. are all dealbreakers, worth no compramise.
ETA: I would like to say 'dating is annoying' I am starting to wonder why all the guys I enjoy being around on the first few dates turn out to be douches! I am starting to wonder if any decent ones still exist in my neck of the woods LOL0 -
It seems like nowadays we expect relationships to be easy - how many times have you met someone who says "relationships shouldn't be work"? We seem to want and even expect no conflict, perfect connection and sustaining compatibility in all areas.
If that relationship shouldn't meet expectations, it seems like so many of us are just onto the next individual and hope that perfection can be found elsewhere. Sure, we say that we are ready to give and take and compromise, but I don't see all that many people really putting the effort in when things get tough.
so true! people are so quick to walk away nowadays. that is not to say you should be a door mat, but I think you should def. pick our battles.0 -
ETA: I would like to say 'dating is annoying' I am starting to wonder why all the guys I enjoy being around on the first few dates turn out to be douches! I am starting to wonder if any decent ones still exist in my neck of the woods LOL
You are NOT alone!!!0 -
It seems the people I know either complain about their SO constantly or are blissfully happy (even years into their relationships/marriages). Just seems a tale of two extremes to me. I haven't dated enough to really be able to comment any more than that...0
This discussion has been closed.