Im just going to say it... (Ranting a bit)
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iBreatheMusic88
Posts: 115
Yes I want to lose weight to look good (even tho I think Im look ok)... Yes, I want to lose weight to look awesome in clothes.... But one of the main reasons why I am loosing weight is because I want to find a relationship. I want to know am I wrong for that? This guy I am sorta friends/talking to gets a little upset because I go to the gym everyday or at least try to... He likes chubbier guys,,, I mean he is skinny and so handsome and really nice, but the timing on his end isnt working right now so we cant be together at the moment. However, he gets like a lil mad when I tell him Im going to the gym, when we go out to eat and I dont have several plates like he does. He just doesnt seem to understand that I cannot stay at the weight I am because I fear I will end up being single forever. Its frustrating because I like him, like really like him because for the first time Ive actually felt comfortable around someone. So just for a split second I thought of not working out. But then I came to the realization that he may not be there forever, especially since he cant be with me right now. ANYWHO is it bad that Im mostly working out to find a partner... I mean Im pretty sure I can keep it up in the event that I find one because these compliments are amazing but coming from me thinking I was ok from the start I wanted to know was I crazy. hahaha
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Hey there. I'm just going to say it.....i know that feel bro. But to be honest yes. You SHOULD NOT be working out to find a person. You should be working out for yourself and yourself alone. It is your health ultimately and your self esteem. If working out makes you feel good and you're are healthier from it then absolutely go everyday. However, if this whole "i dont want to fat and if i'm fat no one will love me" will only hurt you. It's hard to keep up that mentality. You just end up crashing and hurting yourself.
This guy ALSO shouldn't be bothering you about going to the gym. He should be supporting you and helping you. If someone was up in my face like OMG LOOK HOW MUCH I CAN EAT WHY DONT YOU.....i'd say shove it. Anyway, if you like this guy be HONEST with him and talk to him.
Try to look at yourself and really think about what your priorities are.....are they to get a bf or are they to get healthier. Also, as a sidenote....i personally always say. You can't love someone else until you love yourself.
Hope that helped.0 -
Thats so true, I mean I know better but I guess I still fall sometime. I can say from his stand point that he always tells me that I am fine the way I am, he's not discouraging in anyway, he just doesnt seem to understand that I dont see what he sees I guess, its viceversa as well in this case. lol But You are so right, I tell my friends the same thing and pretend that Im happy when Im really not... I think its selfevaluation time! lol
NOW JUST SO PEOPLE DONT GET THIS CONFUSED... I CAN FIND SOMEONE TO HOOK UP WITH, IM NOT ON THAT AND THAT HAS NEVER BEEN MY DEAL, I CAN FIND SEX LIKE I CAN FIND A PENNY ON THE FLOOR (Looks at penny hahaha) I JUST WANT SOMETHING OF SUBSTANCE IS ALL. *My Disclaimer*0 -
Yes I want to lose weight to look good (even tho I think Im look ok)... Yes, I want to lose weight to look awesome in clothes.... But one of the main reasons why I am loosing weight is because I want to find a relationship. I want to know am I wrong for that? This guy I am sorta friends/talking to gets a little upset because I go to the gym everyday or at least try to... He likes chubbier guys,,, I mean he is skinny and so handsome and really nice, but the timing on his end isnt working right now so we cant be together at the moment. However, he gets like a lil mad when I tell him Im going to the gym, when we go out to eat and I dont have several plates like he does. He just doesnt seem to understand that I cannot stay at the weight I am because I fear I will end up being single forever. Its frustrating because I like him, like really like him because for the first time Ive actually felt comfortable around someone. So just for a split second I thought of not working out. But then I came to the realization that he may not be there forever, especially since he cant be with me right now. ANYWHO is it bad that Im mostly working out to find a partner... I mean Im pretty sure I can keep it up in the event that I find one because these compliments are amazing but coming from me thinking I was ok from the start I wanted to know was I crazy. hahaha
I joined this group just to comment on this post. *snicker* (OK, not really - my step-son and his husband are gay, as is my best friend). I lost quite a bit of weight back in the 90's when I had gastric bypass. All losing weight did was open up the dating pool to a higher quality assh@le. I was still the same person inside, yet all of a sudden, I became date-able because I was thin. F-that! I told more than one potential date (who ignored me when I was fat) to pack sand when I was thin. My advise: Find someone who loves you for you. It took me 37 years because I didn't settle. Looks fade, personality is forever. If they don't love the real you, it's not going to last. Period. Be patient, don't settle!
I always tell my step-daughter this: You can't find Mr. Right if you're with Mr. Right Now. Patience child, patience.
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Right you know I think thats what Im looking for... and never thought of it that way... Like I would like to be more dateable because I definately dont settle for mess... Id rather not waste my time. But you are totally right. I was just thinking Id have more of an option if I was thinner. But No, no settlng around these parts, thats why I dont hook up, like it seems fine for the moment (no shade to the ones that do) but thats not what Im looking for. I want a partner, someone I can tell my secrets too you know... and you cant do any of that with a hook up. ESPECIALLY now a days...0
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Agree with what others have said. Go to the gym for yourself...and to see hot guys. Or don't, if you don't want to go to the gym. Landing a husband shouldn't factor into that decision. I think at 24 you're allowed to focus on yourself for a little bit while being open to opportunities that come along; just don't go looking too hard for them. I don't know you, but I know that a lot of people in their 20s are different people than they are in their 30s (myself included). It's possible that finding a husband right now may not be the best course of action.
Let your future husband find you and be fabulous in the meantime.0 -
Lots of things to consider besides just "looking attractive", although at least a small part of all of us wants that, too.
First, consider that your friend may want you to stay a bit heavier so he can save you for "later" when he's available. There are lots of people out there who want their mate to be less attractive so they don't have to worry about cheating (at least in their mind). Definitely do NOT let him hold you back.
I agree 100% that a person's value is NOT based on appearance...whether it be weight, height, glasses, hair color or any physical trait. That being said, since you are obviously also concerned with staying healthy and fit, you will have a greater chance of success if you find someone like-minded. Typically, that means someone who also works out and watches what they eat...this will generally be a thinner person. It goes both ways, so if someone is health-minded, they are probably more inclined to be attracted (at least at first glance) to someone who is more fit.
Not sure if I explained that very eloquently, but the bottom line is...don't worry if part of you wants to work out so you can be hot and find a hot guy! You know enough to look deeper than that and that perfect guy will too!
Best of luck,
Lib0 -
yep,
lose weight
get hot
get a mate
good.0 -
i understand where you are coming from, but in the long run you have to lose weight for yourself. Being overweight does not mean you will not be in a relationship. You can still be attractive regardless of what size you are. Regardless if your fat or have the perfect body there is someone out there for everyone
. I think that it is great that you want to better yourself, but if this guy is not supporting you then he probably is not the right guy for you. He should like you regardless of what size you are and be happy that you are trying to better yourself. Love will come eventually, so I am sure that is something that you dont need to worry about lol. I always say that you cannot please everyone, but the one person you can please is yourself. So keep doing what you doing and improve yourself mentally and physically because we all deserve to be happy with ourselves. Once you get your complete package together, you will be surprised what handsome absolutely fine man comes your way!!! You are worth it 0 -
... I was just thinking Id have more of an option if I was thinner. ...
Unfortunately, the options that will open are the ones that tend to base a person's worth on what is outside.0 -
Maybe I painted him in a unflattering light. lol He's supportive, He just told me the other day he doesnt understand why Im working out because I look fine the way I am, but he also said the same thing that you guys are saying. Like work out for yourself and not to try to find someone. I know that there are plenty fish in the sea so to speak, but he makes me feel good at the weight I am I guess and since the timing is bad now I guess I still have to do whats best for me. I guess a guy would be a total plus tho. At the end of the day I am doing this to boost my confidence. I will be glad when I can wear clothes I want to wear rather than clothes that I can fit.0
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Agree with what others have said. Go to the gym for yourself...and to see hot guys. Or don't, if you don't want to go to the gym. Landing a husband shouldn't factor into that decision. I think at 24 you're allowed to focus on yourself for a little bit while being open to opportunities that come along; just don't go looking too hard for them. I don't know you, but I know that a lot of people in their 20s are different people than they are in their 30s (myself included). It's possible that finding a husband right now may not be the best course of action.
Let your future husband find you and be fabulous in the meantime.
Your right and thats what everyone tells me, Im still young I should be having fun, but at this point Ive never had a real relationship... I guess Im wanting something that I never had and Im letting it get to me. I literally see people jump from one relationship to another like its nothing, claim love and everything. I guess I just wanna find my person now. My dad always told me I was the most impatient out of all of his children. hahaha0 -
BTW THANKS YOU GUYS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR IMPUT... :blushing:0
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He said it would be fine no matter the size, but dudes a chubby chaser like dead serious. lol I told him Im not trying to stay big forever man. But idk, if this doesnt work out Ill be good, I guess because he boosted my selfesteem when I was bigger I felt attached to him for some reason... Im human, whatevs. lol0
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Yes I want to lose weight to look good (even tho I think Im look ok)... Yes, I want to lose weight to look awesome in clothes.... But one of the main reasons why I am loosing weight is because I want to find a relationship. I want to know am I wrong for that? This guy I am sorta friends/talking to gets a little upset because I go to the gym everyday or at least try to... He likes chubbier guys,,, I mean he is skinny and so handsome and really nice, but the timing on his end isnt working right now so we cant be together at the moment. However, he gets like a lil mad when I tell him Im going to the gym, when we go out to eat and I dont have several plates like he does. He just doesnt seem to understand that I cannot stay at the weight I am because I fear I will end up being single forever. Its frustrating because I like him, like really like him because for the first time Ive actually felt comfortable around someone. So just for a split second I thought of not working out. But then I came to the realization that he may not be there forever, especially since he cant be with me right now. ANYWHO is it bad that Im mostly working out to find a partner... I mean Im pretty sure I can keep it up in the event that I find one because these compliments are amazing but coming from me thinking I was ok from the start I wanted to know was I crazy. hahaha
One of the reasons I'm losing weight is because I want women to find me more attractive. I don't see anything wrong with your using your desire to be attractive to other men as your motivation for losing weight. That said, I think you should also look for someone who will be 100% supportive of your goals, which the man you mentioned doesn't seem to be at all. You need to tell him that not having his support in your weight loss journey, no matter why you are losing weight, is hurtful to you. Even if he doesn't agree with it, or understand, he needs to support you as your friend.
I hope things work out for you.0 -
I understand. We have to deal with so much negativity already and to be overweight and gay can sometimes feel like a huge curse. The gay community especially can be very cruel. I am losing weight for me but the perks that come with it, yes...it would be nice for someone to notice me again.0
