Has your weight gain/loss affected your relationship?

lobo_a_gogo

Hi, I just want to see if anyone is in a similar boat.

When my fiance and I began dating in early 2009 I was about 180-185 lbs. Because he's fantastic and amazing, he thinks I'm beautiful and sexy no matter how much weight I gain. That lead to me being about 205-210 when we got engaged the summer of 2010. I eventually topped out at about 240 in May 2012 when I realized I went from "untagging" about a third of the pictures of me posted for being unflattering, to untagging more than half, to not being able to take a single picture I felt I looked okay. We're getting married in October this year (2013) and I'm back down to 205, but I've hit a major plateau I've been spending the past few months trying to get past. Right now I'm trying zig-zagged calories (1800 one day, 900 the next) because although I haven't been hungry for more than 900 calories or so each day, consistently eating that hasn't worked.


Anyhow my question is this: when I first got up over 200 lbs I noticed we stopped having sex as much, and when I was up to 240, it was rarely if ever. Now, this was not from any choice of my fiance, he would constantly try, I would just shut him down because I hated my body so much that I couldn't stand to be naked, and I had no energy for anything. Now that I'm back down to 205, things are a lot more normal, we have time together at least once or twice a week, and I feel a lot better about myself and a lot closer to him. Obviously I want to continue to get in shape, because I love this feeling, and I still have some work to do, and he deserves me to be at my best, because he really is fantastic.

The way I actually look aside, that makes all the work I've put in, and will continue to put in, worth it.
Anyone have a similar situation?

casisk11

My fiance and I have known each other since middle school so he has seen me at my thinnest (then, lol) and my heaviest (which is now). In October of 2012, I made the decision to change my method of birth control from the pill to an implant in my arm (Nexplanon - a rod) and I think that has contributed to my weight gain recently. I have gained a total of 24 pounds since September of 2012. But my fiance has gained weight as well.

He always tells me how beautiful I am and I could weigh 500 pounds and he would still find me attractive. I just stare at him, dumbfounded, because I don't even find myself attractive now lol. Our sex life has dwindled drastically, but I think a lot of it, for me, is because of me changing my form of birth control - one side effect of it is reduced libido. Needless to say, he still tries and I'm just like, "Nah, not today." I know it is not fair to him, and he thinks I don't find him attractive (which is not true because I love him and I think he is the greatest person I know, inside and out).

I've been wondering, however, if like since I don't find myself attractive until I lose some weight, if I'm not shutting him down subconsciously.

scarse8

I've been with my fiance for 5 years, so he has seen the weight creep up with me. I don't even remember what I weighed when I met him, but I know that throughout the past 5 years I somehow found myself at 195 pounds. And I'm only 4 foot 11 so 195 pounds looks disgusting. I hated having my picture taken, and untagged almost every one that was posted. I just hated myself. I could never understand why he loved me, and he constantly told me he loved me regardless and that I was beautiful and not fat at all. Our sex life never dwindled or anything, but I was definitely giving it a half-hearted effort of just laying there while he got business done (TMI?) I felt unattractive and exposed. I couldn't bring myself to shutting him down from sex, because I knew it would lead to an inevitable talk about how I'm beautiful inside and out and need to understand that.

When I decided to go on the diet, he decided to eat healthy and exercise with me. He doesn't need to really lose weight, he's tall, thin and has a metabolism that I envy. But he did it to be supportive. Now he just exercises and eats what he wants. We started in August and I was 195. We're a long distance couple so when he came to visit in December, I had lost 38 pounds and he was stunned. Our sex life definitely changed. I'm more comfortable in my body, so I think I'm a bit more confident in the bedroom. I take charge and initiate things now, which he likes. He said my confidence growing is sexier than anything else.

I know I still have a long way to go though, but it is nice to see improvement.

sm_usagi

I definitely was much more self-conscious about my body when I was at my heaviest (which was only like 15 pounds ago!). But it feels like, even though I don't weigh much less, just the very fact that I'm trying and putting my health as a priority and seeing little changes to my body has made me feel much sexier!