Prisoner in my own body

mmm_drop

Anybody else feel like they are sometimes a prisoner in their own body? I am feeling particularly angry at my RA today. I constantly feel like it holds me back from my fitness goals and I'm continually taking three steps forward and two steps back.

I have been lucky enough to not need regular medication in recent years and have been mostly healthy, but sometimes I feel like being so healthy is like dangling a carrot in front of my face. I feel awesome and "normal" and go about my day, pushing myself in physical activities and then BOOM it hits, a flare up and I am reminded that while my disease is mostly in control I still live with it and have it.

While I am grateful to not need regular medication to stay healthy (and believe me, I really am), I get so frustrated with my RA sometimes. I feel like it has trapped me in my own body and keeps me from doing some things that I would love to do. Yesterday I felt fantastic, did my normal walking and strength training and today I wake up feeling sluggish and exhausted, my knees are swollen and hurting, my fingers feel like mini sausages and my wrists are painful. Like I said, BOOM, it hits!

Sorry about the rant; I think I was just needing to get some frustrations off my chest and I know that all of you struggle in similar ways.

Thanks so much for reading.

tazminacat

I understand how you feel. You are lucky to not need to be on medication regularly. I wish I could be there. I have to take pills all the time, every day! Strange how I went my whole life never even bothering with aspirin for a headache, to 7 pills a night and a weekly injection. I have found that staying up, moving, despite how sore or painful, really helps. At night when I finally lay down to rest and relax, I fell like I got hit by a dump truck being pushed by a freight train while being beaten by a baboon with a baseball bat.... and that's on good days!!
Still we have to just stick with it, and work through it. I hate when people tell me that, but it is unfortunately true. Maybe one day we will wake up and not hurt, not have to struggle or worry about our actions taking a painful toll, but till that day, we are stronger than we know!

=^.^=

Sqeekyjojo

If it's holding you back so much, have you considered asking the rheumatologist whether the time has come for medication?

mmm_drop

Thank you for your responses. Yesterday was a REALLY bad day and what do you know, today is back to my normal. My doc and I are in touch a lot and we both feel that with how mild my RA is (now) that it is best to not be on medication. I have been on four different medications for it in the past and we slowly weaned me off all of them.

I think my biggest struggle is that most days I am "normal" like everyone else and you wouldn't even know that I am sick until I flare. I don't have a constant reminder that I am sick, so I sometimes take for granted that I am just lucky in the fact that I don't have severe RA anymore.

I really appreciate you both taking the time to read my rant; it means a lot to me to know that I am not alone and that others suffer as I do even if it is differently or more or less severely.

Chieflrg

I understand your feelings. I've have had the same many times. I don't take meds either because of the cancer risks. We all have our hard days and sometimes we need somewhere to vent instead of keeping it inside. We are here for you on those days. Hope today is better .

ndbex

I'm feeling like this right now. I'm so frustrated and tired of hurting.

Chieflrg

Gentle hugz. ^^^

mmm_drop

Awe, I'm so sorry. I hope you wake with your joints feeling better.

SyntonicGarden

Thank you for your responses. Yesterday was a REALLY bad day and what do you know, today is back to my normal. My doc and I are in touch a lot and we both feel that with how mild my RA is (now) that it is best to not be on medication. I have been on four different medications for it in the past and we slowly weaned me off all of them.

I think my biggest struggle is that most days I am "normal" like everyone else and you wouldn't even know that I am sick until I flare. I don't have a constant reminder that I am sick, so I sometimes take for granted that I am just lucky in the fact that I don't have severe RA anymore.

I really appreciate you both taking the time to read my rant; it means a lot to me to know that I am not alone and that others suffer as I do even if it is differently or more or less severely.

You just desribed my world in a nutshell. Not on meds yet, mostly normal days. This morning's flare-up is taking every ounce of motivation to get up, brave the stairs, and take an NSAID. While I don't wish this on anyone else, I take comfort that I'm not completely alone.

ShayShon

Just know that you are not alone.

Solidkrieger

Every day is a suprise day for me. Will I feel ok or will I be in pain. It sucks espcially taking all this damn medicine. Hope everybody that goes through this gets better.