lost my will...and willpower

dawnp1833

Help - I just can't get myself motivated. I don't want to exercise, I don't want to diet. And I've been turning to snacks to feel better.

Here's the short version of the story: I've been at my job for 6 years. I like that it is 10 minutes away from home and I can go home to let my dogs out at lunch time. And I like most of the people who work here. (except for the "old boys network" that thinks it's OK to talk about women's breasts in front of me, but I chalk it up to ignorance and move on). But for the past year, I've been harassed and picked on by my boss. I suspect that my boss thinks his job is threatened and he is trying to throw me under the bus to save himself. I've tried to shrug it off, but it came to a head a couple of weeks ago. I was sick. Like really sick. Shouldn't be driving or out of bed kind of sick. I called in and was harassed by text and phone messages until I came in. I truly felt horrible, ended up working a 10 hour day without a break or lunch and then cried all the way home. Ever since then things have escalated. He's mean and passive aggressive. The other day he went through my personal belongings looking for something to use against me. I feel violated and beaten down. I'm a good, hard worker, so there is no reason for this. I complained to HR, but they did nothing.

Anyway, I can't quit until I find a new job and can't find a new job. When I get home from work, I spend the whole night on the computer searching for jobs and sending out resumes. I don't want to exercise. I just want to drown my sorrows in chips and cookies until I figure out a way to escape.

Anyone ever been there? Any advice?

bookworm_847

YES! I have been there. I'm really sorry to hear that you're having these problems. I used to be so upset by my job that I'd feel physically ill and have nightmares about work. We ended up filing a grievance against the department administrator & assistant administrator.

My advice to you would be to document everything... the crummy things your boss does, things you've done to try to remedy the situation, etc. Be specific about the dates, times, and incidents. If your HR department still won't help you, you can contact the EEOC. I'm not sure what happens from there. My sister was being sexually harassed at her job, and the boss wasn't really all that concerned with doing anything. One of the judges I work with suggested I have her call the EEOC.

As for the motivation, are there healthier snacks that would make you feel better? When I was trying to cut down on the chips when I was feeling bad, I found I like apples and pears. Not that that fixes anything per se, but it sort of helped. Maybe for a while, you could try different exercises. When I'm feeling down, I find it's difficult for me to do my regular programs, but some other things don't seem so bad. I go for walks or play on the Wii. I got a belly dancing dvd from Netflix, and though some of the stuff the instructor says is totally cheesy, it helps me feel better. It's called the Goddess Workout: Cardio Belly Dance. She says a lot of things about how we're goddesses and all this empowering stuff. I dunno, that's just what helps me sometimes.

I really hope that you're able to get some stuff figured out. Having been there myself, I definitely don't envy your position. Good luck and I'll be sending positive thoughts your way.

ETA: You could also look into whether there are maybe some retraining programs that the state can assist with. My mom ended up going back to college courtesy of the state. She has fibromyalgia and couldn't be a waitress anymore, but there may be something to help people in your situation too.

EvelynBfly78

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through such a rough time at work. I used to have an office manager that if anyone called in sick she would ask if you were bleeding. If you weren't she would say you weren't really sick & should come in. One night at home I had bent down in front of the open fridge & didn't realize the top freezer door was open. When I lifted my head up I hit my head on it & needed 6 stitches in the ER. So that qualified as a good reason to call in sick.

I don't think your employer should be harassing you while you are home sick. @bookworm has some sound advice about documenting everything. Don't put any of this on your computer at work or leave it anywhere anyone can see it. It should be private. Your employer has the right to check your computer because it's their property not yours. Do it all at home. It should be private. I would also take home any personal stuff so he won't have anything to go through when you aren't there. If possible, next time you are sick see if you can get a doctor's note for proof.

It's tough in these lean economic times to find a new job. Don't let your body suffer while you are looking. Keep some healthy snacks around like apples, nuts or sugar free hard candies for example. You could take a walk. That's exercise & it will get you moving. When I'm stressed I play with my dog. She is a great source of amusement & provides unconditional love.

Good luck to you with however you decide to handle this.

PlumCrazyGirl

It's truly a crappy situation you're in and I'm sorry you are going through this.

I agree with that's been said - document, document, document..... I work in a human resources office -- that's what we tell supervisors -- document, document, document. Be specific - include dates & times.

I also agree - doctor's note to cover time missed due to sick/personal injury. There was a period I was using a lot of sick leave. To cover myself, I had a doctor's note. Even if I took time off to take one of my children to an appointment.

Yup, keep work computer "clean" -- no personal documents or personal use of the internet.

Agree, keep personal items at workplace to minimum and not so personal. For example -- think about the pictures you may have. Also, around the winter holidays -- people start getting politically correct. I've been in one enviroment where one faith felt under represented because more christian and secular decorations were displayed so this group of people filed a complaint.

My other tidbit to share is document what accomplishments you have done.
Like -- lower costs by %, completed report on time, kudos from customers, etc.
All of this could assist in showing you add VALUE to the organization.

Wishing you the best. Keep us informed. And take care of you.

susanjean62

My dear,sweet lady. My heart aches for you,as I do understand what you are dealing with. I lost my job in the same manner 2 years ago,and was treated the same way. I was going to fight it,but I was up against Walmart,,and saw many other women go through the same. I contacted the EEOC and they told me they could help,but it may take 2 years or longer to fight them. I had to make a decision to let it go and be done with all of them and to move on. I knew I was a good employee and management there was unethical. I am sure you are a wonderful employee and it is management that isn't good. The advice you got is good and please document everything,but my advice is to find another job,as soon as possible,even if it means less hours or pay. Your well being is the most important! Is there anyone in HR or higher you can speak to or trust? I know what a huge emotional toll this can take and trust me,this firm or job is NOT worth it. When God closes one door,he will open another,even better door. It spurred me on to go back to school,reinstate my cosmetology license and opened new opportunities. If I was never fired,I would of stayed in a job where I wasn't appreciated and treated like crap. Hang in there,sweetheart. Better days are coming. Be kind to yourself,grab a good friend and know how great you are. You will be in my prayers. (((Hugs))))

dawnp1833

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Your support really helps.

And Susanjean - what the heck is up with Walmart? I know 2 other people who have had similar issues, and have read about many others. Someone should do something about them!

susanjean62

Hope you are having a better day. Life can be tough at times,but always look for the silver lining. The three years I worked there,I saw numerous women,all over the age of 50,some that had been there over 20 years,get fired. Maybe some stores are run differently,but the one I worked at,was managed poorly. Water under the bridge. Hard for me to think about. I am the type of person,that when I have a job,no matter what it is,I work to the best of my ability and it was a low blow.

PlumCrazyGirl

Ok, it seems Walmart will not be on potential employers list.

Gee, and I wanted to hand out stickers and say "Welcome to Walmart!"

brenn24179

I feel so bad for you,I have had a crappy boss before also. Well you have to watch your weight and take care of yourself so you will look good for your next job!

My boss finally got fired, she was such a bully but I wish I had left before then. It was 3 years of misery. I hope you can ignore her and find another job and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!. I know easier said than done but I felt the same way when I went thru a divorce. It is bad but appearance means so much in the world especially looking for a job!

Also, dont you wish you had of said I am too sick I cant come in and took care of yourself. Hey getting fired would have been a good thing with a job like that, unemployment til you find something! Gosh I have been in a bad work situation, hope you confront him and there are changes or get out or you will weigh 400 lbs!

dawnp1833

Also, dont you wish you had of said I am too sick I cant come in and took care of yourself. Hey getting fired would have been a good thing with a job like that, unemployment til you find something! Gosh I have been in a bad work situation, hope you confront him and there are changes or get out or you will weigh 400 lbs!

Yes! Yes, I so wish I had not come in that day! I have not been taking care of myself at all lately. And that needs to change. Would love to get fired and go on unemployment for the summer, but I don't think unemployment will be enough money. And my job is the one with the insurance for both me and my husband, so I'm kind of stuck until I find something else.

Thanks everyone for the understanding and kind words.