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Scared of commiment

Green_eyed_beauty
Green_eyed_beauty Posts: 101 Member
in Social Groups
PS... I apparently can't even spell commitment that's how afraid I am of it. LOL

Short story – I was married for 7 years, have been divorced for about 10 months and am still friends with my ex we just couldn’t be married anymore; married too young, too much to experience still and just grew apart.

So recently, I’ve attempted to start dating but every time something seems like it MIGHT get serious, like possibly be boyfriend/girlfriend, I freak out and think of all the things I enjoy about being single. I enjoy having time to myself and immediately feel smothered by others. BUT still wish there was someone to spend some time with occationally.

Just curious if anyone else feels this way?

Replies

  • MissingMinnesota
    MissingMinnesota Posts: 7,486 Member
    Maybe you should look into getting a no strings attached FWB. I don't think your feelings are crazy at all especially since you married too young.
  • 77Glen
    77Glen Posts: 4
    I was single after 25 yrs. Before getting married, I had lived alone in a city far from my hometown for 6 years. I learned how to live alone and more importantly I knew how to date myself. By that i mean, I went to restaurants alone, went to a movie alone (a BIG hurdle). When I became single again, there wasn't that feeling of loneliness that so many people speak of.

    I have dated in the years following the divorce, spent time with a few women for a few months. But I did it on my terms. Second time around you know what you want without the BS. They didnt work not because of smothering but because I wasn't going to be untrue to myself. So many times there is that little conversation we have going on in our head about things that trouble us in a relationship and instead of getting that conversation out and discussing it, we suppress it until it blows it apart.

    IMO, if being alone isn't stressing you out too badly, BF up on your terms. As you said, you have too much to experience to be pulled down by one person. I joined a local group of singles/couples that get together on weekends, for hiking, skiing, frisbee football, etc. You may meet someone that starts out as a weekend friend and you discover things that pull you together instead of grows you apart.

    Your terms. Never settle and never regret. Just sayin'
  • Tube_socks
    Tube_socks Posts: 808 Member
    I was married for 10 years. I felt the same way at first. I'd literally start to have a panick attack almost just thinking of dating someone exclusively. I think this was a HUGE sign saying I wasn't ready.

    10 months is a very short time. Maybe stay out of the dating scene for a month. I'd do that. Take a break, then dip in again, and if I was still feeling unsure I'd dip out again.

    I no longer fear being comitted. It's actually pretty nice but my bf is very independent and we're not on each other 24/7.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    10 months is a really short amount of time in the scheme of things, so don't feel pressure to rush anything.
  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
    10 months is a really short amount of time in the scheme of things, so don't feel pressure to rush anything.

    This. I didn't date for 4 years after my divorce, but having a tiny kid also contributed to that delay. Regardless- after 10 months I could hardly make eye contact with men.
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
    Maybe you should look into getting a no strings attached FWB.

    So much easier for women!!!
  • this1bigdog
    this1bigdog Posts: 350 Member
    Maybe you should look into getting a no strings attached FWB.
    So much easier for women!!!
    this pretty much . .
    but even if you were ya a guy . .relax there isn't any kind of rush .. .
    let the other person know that . .most guys dont' mind being a rebound and if they do, their not really a guy so run!
  • FitnessPalWorks
    FitnessPalWorks Posts: 1,128 Member
    Honey, you need time to find YOU. Don't be taking things serious right now. You need to heal. You need to get past... well, your past.

    It will happen... just give it time. Make new friends. Friends you know will be without "benefits". Learn to trust again. Learn who YOU are again. You need time.

    The rest will fall into place in due time......
  • Green_eyed_beauty
    Green_eyed_beauty Posts: 101 Member
    Thank you for your responses everyone... glad there are people that can relate and understand! :)
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    10 months is nothing, baby girl.

    After I called off my wedding, I didnt date for 8 years <3

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