Gender annoyance...

Rubyayn

I shouldn't vent this on FB, so I have decided to torture all of you with my pregnancy annoyances. I do NOT want to know the sex of this baby, but for all the wrong reasons. People assume I want a boy because I already have a girl (not true) and some family members have a specific preference for a boy. They annoy me and a HUGE part of the reason I don't want to find out is to spite them, lol.

I feel like a horrid preggo person, but we genuinely have no preference, we just want a healthy human baby. I know this sort of thing is "normal", but I cannot help but be annoyed that people have a preference for MY baby's gender, especially when they project that preference on me. My family will be complete no matter what.

Sidenote: we will find out what we are having in three weeks, but only for practical reasons. We have an entire closet full of baby girl clothes that we need to sift through or give away depending on what we find out. I am considering keeping it a secret just to torture people though. My hormones are angry!

RBXChas

I totally get you!!! I have a 2yo boy already, and so everyone assumes I want a girl. Frankly, I'd be happy with a healthy baby of either sex, but honestly I would prefer to have a boy. I'm 38+2 today, so I will soon know. We didn't find out the sex on purpose, and we didn't find out the first time, either, so all of our really young baby clothes are gender-neutral. (And if we end up having a girl, we'll end up needing to buy clothes anyway - it'll just be later rather than sooner.)

My mom is a PITA about it. She was like this last time, too. She insisted I knew but wasn't saying. This time, every time she talks to me on the phone, she asks, "Do you still not know what you are having?" I keep telling her that my time to find out has come and gone and that it's not in my file - even my OB doesn't know - because if you say you don't want to know, they literally don't even note it in your u/s file. If I wanted to find out, I'd literally have to have another u/s (or amnio or something).

But one of our staff members and my in-laws (with whom I have enough issues) are being SO SUPER ANNOYING about it. Our receptionist keeps telling me I'm having a girl, and my in-laws asked us way early on if we had picked out girl names and how awesome it would be to have a girl, etc., etc. Besides the fact that I'd prefer to have a boy (but, like I said, I really just want to have a healthy baby and would not be disappointed, angry, or upset to have a girl), I almost want to have a boy to spite all of them.

Scratch that, I don't *almost* want to have a boy to spite them, I would *love* to have a boy to shut them all up.

There, I said it.

I don't think it's a hormonal thing; it's just people being annoying and my bad feelings about it getting the best of me. Which is totally ok because I vent it elsewhere instead of at them.

The downside to having one of each is that everyone assumes your family is complete (like you said), so you must be done. But if you have two of the same sex, you must want to try again to have one of the opposite sex. My gut reaction is to tell people to F off, I'm done after two (or maybe not, but it's none of your effing business!), and my family will be complete even if I have all boys. However I will hold my tongue because I'm just not that type of a person.

Please feel free to vent away. That's part of what we're here for

AsellusReborn

I hear you!! I know what I'm hving and I still get irritated. People keep telling me, "Oh how wonderful - a boy and a girl - now you don't need more kids!" "Oh, I'm so glad you got what you wanted!" and otherwise assuming that a) having a boy fulfills my purpose in life and b) we wanted a boy because our first is a girl.

I really didn't even think about what I wanted because I was pretty sure it was a boy anyway, so I didn't let myself develop a preference, and my husband says he wanted a girl because we have all girl stuff. I find the family-finished commentary especially irritating - if I got to pick I'd have 3 kids regardless of gender! (I'm infertile so it's out of my control anwyay). I don't really understand why people think that judging whether the sex of my kiddo is "good" or not is any of their business.

ehg87

We found out in Dec, and only told my mom and sister who were sworn to secrecy. I'm due in 2.5 weeks, and so far so good. I have accidently slipped with gender reference in front of one of my aunts who has kept it quiet...(I think) So it is possible to keep it quiet if you want, but definitely not a popular decision with either my family or the hubs. We've had 2 reasons all along for keeping it quiet...(A) my MIL acts like she is the queen of all things baby (although she had 3 boys and so far we've had a daughter, son and another daughter on the way) which is enough reason for me to want to keep all things baby a secret. Side note we have a tense relationship at best anyway...very different people with extremely different ideals on children and how they should be raised. (B) Both sides of our families are very opinionated on baby names, which really grates on my nerves. They asked with both my other children, and then immediately offered their opinions even though they weren't asked about their opinions. My MIL actually suggested multiple names from her side of family...not sure why as she already had her chance to name 3.

All in all I've been quite happy with our decision to keep it quiet: no unwanted opinions & plus it only took me and the hubs to make the baby so why shouldn't we get to keep the gender a secret

Rubyayn

HA! I am with you on wanting the opposite gender just to spite them. I almost hope it is a girl just to rub it in!

I think I am just extra *****y, honestly. I am also VERY annoyed by the "how are you feeling" inquiry I get at least a dozen times per day. I do work in a very large IT department though, so there are a lot of people I see in a day. I let it slide of course, people tend to mean well and probably don't think about the fact that I already answered that question a million times.

We didn't have a preference the first time, but my mother's "intuition" told me it was a boy... 100%. Then I had a girl, so I no longer believe in intuition, lol.

Pregnancy and babies bring out the unsolicited comments and advice like nothing else! I thought I was more prepared for it this time, and maybe I was, but I am also a LOT less tolerant and patient this go around.

RBXChas

Also, you can always just not tell them or tell them that you don't know when, in fact, you do know. They will eventually find out what you're having, but the hope is that when it's after birth and they have a little baby in front of them, they won't be like, "I told you so," or "Oh, we were hoping it was a boy." It's kind of hard to say either one, especially the latter, when you have a baby in front of you.

Or if you do find out, and it's another girl, then you can just tell them, and then they will shut up.

RBXChas

I am also VERY annoyed by the "how are you feeling" inquiry I get at least a dozen times per day. I do work in a very large IT department though, so there are a lot of people I see in a day. I let it slide of course, people tend to mean well and probably don't think about the fact that I already answered that question a million times.

You need to make a pregnancy version of this note:



ETA that it is huge, and since it's not my image, I can't edit it. Here's the link to it, though: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/24/a-clue-that-your-coworker-isnt-up-for-cubicle-small-talk/

Rubyayn

I am also VERY annoyed by the "how are you feeling" inquiry I get at least a dozen times per day. I do work in a very large IT department though, so there are a lot of people I see in a day. I let it slide of course, people tend to mean well and probably don't think about the fact that I already answered that question a million times.

You need to make a pregnancy version of this note:



ETA that it is huge, and since it's not my image, I can't edit it. Here's the link to it, though: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/24/a-clue-that-your-coworker-isnt-up-for-cubicle-small-talk/

OMG, that is hilariously awesome. Thank you for that!! I am actually tempted!

Jennloella

I get it. I have two boys and am currently 5 weeks away from having a girl. I get a lot of people that say "oh, finally" or "oh good for you" or "oh i bet you are relieved to get your girl" NO not in the least. I was expecting and wanting a third boy, I have 7 sisters and have enjoyed being the only female in my house all this time. I roll my eyes at people. So now, when asked what I'm having I just lie and say it is going to be a surprise. ten fingers ten toes, obviously I'm thrilled our baby is healthy but it just makes me nuts that just because I'm a woman, and I have a girly job (makeup artist) people assume I must be over the moon to have a girl to dress in ruffles and bows. barf.

kellykneppergrundy

We decided not to find out again, for a lot of reasons. Mostly, because we really love the suprise at the birth. Out daughter was a suprise and it was great. Also I know several people who want us to have a boy, despite the fact we would love to have another girl. I'm sure my MIL wants it to be a boy, not because it matters, but because she thinks another girl would somehow reduce how 'special' our daughter is (their only grandchild). This baby is coming after 5 miscarriages and it upsets me that anyone would be disappointed in the gender when we had to go through so much just to have ANY baby. I have nearly 5 years worth of girl's clothes in the loft and while it would be nice to go through stuff now, it can be done later. A lot of it will be the wrong season for the baby even if it is a girl, so I'll be sorting it out later regardless. Our daughter is desperate for it to be a girl, so if we had found out it was a boy at the 20 week scan I think she would have been disappointed and perhaps disinterested in the pregnancy. She is going to be at the birth so we are going to let her be the first to look and have her tell us what it is. She will be excited regardless then.
I'd encourage you not to find out if you can stand it. It really is a wonderful suprise at the birth!

RBXChas

I get it. I have two boys and am currently 5 weeks away from having a girl. I get a lot of people that say "oh, finally" or "oh good for you" or "oh i bet you are relieved to get your girl" NO not in the least. I was expecting and wanting a third boy, I have 7 sisters and have enjoyed being the only female in my house all this time. I roll my eyes at people. So now, when asked what I'm having I just lie and say it is going to be a surprise. ten fingers ten toes, obviously I'm thrilled our baby is healthy but it just makes me nuts that just because I'm a woman, and I have a girly job (makeup artist) people assume I must be over the moon to have a girl to dress in ruffles and bows. barf.

I have a sister (and two brothers), and I love her to death, but having seen how she and I were as teenagers, and knowing my son's nature, I would prefer another boy. Again, like you, I'm just happy to have a healthy baby, but if I can avoid all that girly stuff, all the better. Inevitably someone will buy it for her. Probably my SIL who will shrivel up and die if her daughter does not have a bow in her hair and something monogrammed in swirly letters. She also loves to refer to her by her first and middle names like she's a freaking debutante or something. Their dry cleaning bill must be something! If I have a daughter, she will not be caught dead in that stuff. I will dress her more or less in the same style my son has been dressed his entire life, which is always ok to get dirty. Washing machines are your friend.

If I have a boy, I will be totally outnumbered. Three human boys and four male dogs. I'm cool with that.

freckledLeanne

I kind of love this thread.

The reaction I get when I tell people we're not finding out is usually pretty positive, more along the lines of "Oh how wonderful to have it be a surprise -- I love that!" Like others here, my hubby and I just want a healthy baby. Gender doesn't matter. There are cool parts about having a boy and cool parts about having a girl. I agree about the super girly crap -- it annoys me to no end. Why oh why are there boy legos and girl legos, for example? Finding neutral newborn stuff has been a challenge -- it's always in the boy section. Part of me wants a girl so I can mould her into being a kick *kitten* awesome person generally without all the fluff. Part of me wants a boy because their toys are way more fun.

Jennloella

I gave up trying to find clothes that weren't over the top girly, I bought a bunch of white onesies and tees, and tie dyed them!!

samarieL

We just found out last week what we're having. We have three boys and a girl. I felt SOOO much pressure to have another girl. I knew it was irrational and I knew logically that everyone would love the baby regardless of gender but so many people were wanting us to have a girl. We are in fact having another girly and I'm thrilled. I have a very close friendship with my sister and I did want my daughter to have that opportunity with a sister, and honestly I can't get enough of the girly frilly clothes. lol

It did annoy me with my first daughter though how everyone kept commenting "You finally got your girl." as though she was the end all be all goal of my life. A lot of people also assumed she'd be our last. Silly people.

As for waiting til the end of pregnancy we did that with our middle two. I knew my second was a boy. Not a single doubt in my mind the entire pregnancy. My son needed a brother and I knew we'd have more children. I wanted a girl with my third pregnancy but when he was born and they said boy there was just this immense peace and I was thrilled. So it's really fun to do it either way.

Rubyayn

I surprised myself a little when my daughter was born because I take so little interest in baby/toddler fashion. I literally only dressed her in easy to remove jammies for the longest time. My husband is actually the one that enjoys dressing her up and putting bows in her hair, lol. I think I could literally buy a weeks worth of outfits for this baby and rotate them and it wouldn't bother me one bit!

If it is a boy he will be happily swinging in a pink swing, sleeping on girlie sheets and bouncing in a purple bouncer anyway. Luckily, we don't subscribe much to gender roles in our house. My three year old daughter wears spider man jammies and insists on being addressed as Ninja Turtle Evelyn. She also LOVES to wear dresses and cannot wait to see the Disney princesses tomorrow. I love it. The possibilities are endless!

StrongAndHealthyMommy

I'm not even pregnant, but I can feel you on that... we got married 8 months and everybody ask when are we having babies, almost every single day (its getting annoying).... he has a son, so everyone is asking if we are going to have a girl (like we can pick the gender right?)... I cannot imagine how it will be once I get pregnant.... Im told my husband that once I get pregnant and people start asking about I will just tell them that Im not pregnant, Im just gaining some weight (in the way I don't deal with the gender topic for a while)

freckledLeanne

I surprised myself a little when my daughter was born because I take so little interest in baby/toddler fashion. I literally only dressed her in easy to remove jammies for the longest time. My husband is actually the one that enjoys dressing her up and putting bows in her hair, lol. I think I could literally buy a weeks worth of outfits for this baby and rotate them and it wouldn't bother me one bit!

If it is a boy he will be happily swinging in a pink swing, sleeping on girlie sheets and bouncing in a purple bouncer anyway. Luckily, we don't subscribe much to gender roles in our house. My three year old daughter wears spider man jammies and insists on being addressed as Ninja Turtle Evelyn. She also LOVES to wear dresses and cannot wait to see the Disney princesses tomorrow. I love it. The possibilities are endless!

I love this! A co-worker has a little girl and we had those cheapo princess/superhero rings on some cupcakes someone brought to a potluck one day. Someone asked him if he wanted to take their princess ring to his daughter, Violet. He replied, "Well, she's not much into princesses, but if no one minds me taking the Iron Man one for her, she'd LOVE that."

Rubyayn

I surprised myself a little when my daughter was born because I take so little interest in baby/toddler fashion. I literally only dressed her in easy to remove jammies for the longest time. My husband is actually the one that enjoys dressing her up and putting bows in her hair, lol. I think I could literally buy a weeks worth of outfits for this baby and rotate them and it wouldn't bother me one bit!

If it is a boy he will be happily swinging in a pink swing, sleeping on girlie sheets and bouncing in a purple bouncer anyway. Luckily, we don't subscribe much to gender roles in our house. My three year old daughter wears spider man jammies and insists on being addressed as Ninja Turtle Evelyn. She also LOVES to wear dresses and cannot wait to see the Disney princesses tomorrow. I love it. The possibilities are endless!

I love this! A co-worker has a little girl and we had those cheapo princess/superhero rings on some cupcakes someone brought to a potluck one day. Someone asked him if he wanted to take their princess ring to his daughter, Violet. He replied, "Well, she's not much into princesses, but if no one minds me taking the Iron Man one for her, she'd LOVE that."

That's great and it sounds just like my daughter. She has not seen the movie, but knows all the characters and has one of each of the Avenger dolls. She loves to play super hero. Though, she is into princesses, too. Very well rounded, I think.

amv1023

this is my 3rd (and final) baby, I already have 2 boys, so of course everyone was hoping I would have a girl this time. People kept saying "oh you are having a girl, I can tell by [insert old wives tale here], and I kept telling everyone that this pregnancy is exactly like my last 2. I knew from the start that it would be a boy. I told my mom that I was kind of dreading finding out the gender because everyone will be disappointed if it is a boy. She said "no, we will be excited either way". Well we found out that we are in fact, having a 3rd boy, and I have never seen so many fake faces pretending to be happy about a boy in my whole life. It really broke my heart how people reacted, and I felt like I let people down by producing another wiener. Now all I hear is "don't get your tubes tied, try for a girl!" as if I am missing out on something because I only have boys. I love them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. I don't mind not having a girl, I will never have to retrieve a Barbie shoe that got sucked up in the vacuum

RBXChas

this is my 3rd (and final) baby, I already have 2 boys, so of course everyone was hoping I would have a girl this time. People kept saying "oh you are having a girl, I can tell by [insert old wives tale here], and I kept telling everyone that this pregnancy is exactly like my last 2. I knew from the start that it would be a boy. I told my mom that I was kind of dreading finding out the gender because everyone will be disappointed if it is a boy. She said "no, we will be excited either way". Well we found out that we are in fact, having a 3rd boy, and I have never seen so many fake faces pretending to be happy about a boy in my whole life. It really broke my heart how people reacted, and I felt like I let people down by producing another wiener. Now all I hear is "don't get your tubes tied, try for a girl!" as if I am missing out on something because I only have boys. I love them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. I don't mind not having a girl, I will never have to retrieve a Barbie shoe that got sucked up in the vacuum

Ok, first I literally LOLed at "I felt like I let people down by producing another wiener." The funny thing about that is, you didn't "produce" another boy - your husband/SO did!!!

Frankly, I have one boy and don't know what I'm having this time (in less than a week), but I am not-so-secretly hoping for another boy. I know he won't be exactly like my son, but he is just so dang sweet... I'm not into being girly, not that a daughter has to be ultra-girly, but, well, you know. I wouldn't be angry or even disappointed if we had a girl, but honestly a house full of boys would be fine with me. (We also have four male dogs, so I'd be *seriously* outnumbered.)

I am done after two kids, but even if I had a boy this time and happened to get pregnant again, I think I'd want another boy Your family is "complete" when it's complete. A girl isn't going to change that -- and what a silly reason to have another child. I wish people would shut their pieholes when opining on whether or not someone should/shouldn't have more children. (I have a friend who has four children, three boys and a baby girl. When she was pregnant with #4, she was at Costco with her amazingly well-behaved boys, and some lady walked up and complimented her on their excellent behavior. My friend thanked her, and the lady out of nowhere decided to share that my friend is now done having children since she will have four.)

RBXChas

As an addendum, I had a boy this morning

freckledLeanne

Your family is "complete" when it's complete. A girl isn't going to change that -- and what a silly reason to have another child. I wish people would shut their pieholes when opining on whether or not someone should/shouldn't have more children.

Love! This is so true.

Also, CONGRATULATIONS on your baby boy! Eeeee!

_ylime_

As an addendum, I had a boy this morning

Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :drinker:

AsellusReborn

Congratulations on your little boy!

amv1023

this is my 3rd (and final) baby, I already have 2 boys, so of course everyone was hoping I would have a girl this time. People kept saying "oh you are having a girl, I can tell by [insert old wives tale here], and I kept telling everyone that this pregnancy is exactly like my last 2. I knew from the start that it would be a boy. I told my mom that I was kind of dreading finding out the gender because everyone will be disappointed if it is a boy. She said "no, we will be excited either way". Well we found out that we are in fact, having a 3rd boy, and I have never seen so many fake faces pretending to be happy about a boy in my whole life. It really broke my heart how people reacted, and I felt like I let people down by producing another wiener. Now all I hear is "don't get your tubes tied, try for a girl!" as if I am missing out on something because I only have boys. I love them all and wouldn't trade them for anything. I don't mind not having a girl, I will never have to retrieve a Barbie shoe that got sucked up in the vacuum

Ok, first I literally LOLed at "I felt like I let people down by producing another wiener." The funny thing about that is, you didn't "produce" another boy - your husband/SO did!!!

Frankly, I have one boy and don't know what I'm having this time (in less than a week), but I am not-so-secretly hoping for another boy. I know he won't be exactly like my son, but he is just so dang sweet... I'm not into being girly, not that a daughter has to be ultra-girly, but, well, you know. I wouldn't be angry or even disappointed if we had a girl, but honestly a house full of boys would be fine with me. (We also have four male dogs, so I'd be *seriously* outnumbered.)

I am done after two kids, but even if I had a boy this time and happened to get pregnant again, I think I'd want another boy Your family is "complete" when it's complete. A girl isn't going to change that -- and what a silly reason to have another child. I wish people would shut their pieholes when opining on whether or not someone should/shouldn't have more children. (I have a friend who has four children, three boys and a baby girl. When she was pregnant with #4, she was at Costco with her amazingly well-behaved boys, and some lady walked up and complimented her on their excellent behavior. My friend thanked her, and the lady out of nowhere decided to share that my friend is now done having children since she will have four.)

I blame my husband all the time, I tell him he didn't do his job and it's his fault lol. I think having another baby just to try to get a girl is silly as well. It's not like I can order what I want, and I am sure I would end up with another boy anyway. We are perfectly content with have 3 kids, and with having 3 boys. I have had numerous people tell me that I need to have an even number of kids or the middle one will feel left out. Left out of what?? Crazy people.

Congrats on your new boy! I hope all is well with both of you :flowerforyou: