Constant Contact
farmers_daughter
Posts: 1,632 Member
Ok, I hate to admit this, but I'm 30 years old and I suffer from "need of constant contact".
Here's the story, my now ex bf of 3 years we started a trend of always talking to eachother every night, every night, even when we didn't have anything to say except, "Hey, how was your day" and "Good Night".
My friends are busy with thier own lives right now, surgeries, new babies, just married etc.
My house is immaculate, I do nothing but clean, but it's getting old. I can't go to online dating sites yet becuase his ex girlfriend still stalks me, and I haven't punched her face in yet, I don't wanna deal with that drama. So I'll wait.
Has anyone else found anything that has kept their mind busy enough to get thru "weaning off of" constant contact?
Keep in mind I have small 2 kids, and I live in the country in the middle of BFE. No internet at home and no cable TV.
Here's the story, my now ex bf of 3 years we started a trend of always talking to eachother every night, every night, even when we didn't have anything to say except, "Hey, how was your day" and "Good Night".
My friends are busy with thier own lives right now, surgeries, new babies, just married etc.
My house is immaculate, I do nothing but clean, but it's getting old. I can't go to online dating sites yet becuase his ex girlfriend still stalks me, and I haven't punched her face in yet, I don't wanna deal with that drama. So I'll wait.
Has anyone else found anything that has kept their mind busy enough to get thru "weaning off of" constant contact?
Keep in mind I have small 2 kids, and I live in the country in the middle of BFE. No internet at home and no cable TV.
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Replies
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Posting to the boards on here is helpful.0
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What about a garden if you have room for one?0
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You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!0
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You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!
her issue is that she lives in the middle of Iowa which isn't really conductive to meetup groups.0 -
Maybe a hobby that takes up alot of time and you can have your kids "help".....maybe scrapbooking......that takes alot of time, and kids could make their own--not sure what age, but even 3 year olds like to cut and paste as long as they have supervision
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You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!
her issue is that she lives in the middle of Iowa which isn't really conductive to meetup groups.
Ugh. I've driven through Iowa. The interstates don't even have lights. For miles.
I certainly recommend getting involved in online communities if you can't find a way to get involved in the local area.
One thing I did was just start hanging around everyone who asked (as long as my son was able to tag along) and even, when I first moved here, kinda forcing myself on people once I met them and inviting myself to hang out with them. Slowly my social circle expanded to the point where I now rarely have a dull moment unless I just want one. Would probably take a longer time for you to grow your social circle out in the corn fields, but even in Iowa there are ways to connect.0 -
You guys hit the nail on the head, if there was a group I would have hopefully found it by now (well, as long as they advertised or were online)
Iowa is pretty boring, I've kind of tried to force myself on different groups of people, reaching out and tagging along. I now have the capability of inviting people to my house with a big yard to just hang, lite a fire whatever... but getting people out in the sticks is harder than you think. lol
I'm gonna keep on keeping on. Night time is hard because that's when I "reserved" time for our calls. I've actually considered starting a book, whether it goes anywhere that's another story, but it gets my mind in a different place.
Good suggestions thus far, thank you!0 -
Has anyone else found anything that has kept their mind busy enough to get thru "weaning off of" constant contact?
Keep in mind I have small 2 kids, and I live in the country in the middle of BFE. No internet at home and no cable TV.
No internet or cable TV at home - how do you survive?
I had a long distance relationship after my marriage for about a year and a half. We talked every night too - initially for around 4 hours a night, but that whittled down to 1/2 hour to hour daily after a couple months. Breaking up with so hard because I lost that contact. I dated someone for a couple months this spring and it made me crazy that we only talked briefly once a week between dates - it made me think that would go nowhere (and it didn't) if we couldn't sustain conversations more regularly. To me, that's how a relationship turns an SO into a best friend too - sharing everything, even the day to day drudgery in every boring detail. I can totally relate to your need for constant contact and what you've lost with the breakup!
I don't have any suggestions for you since my fix is to spend time online and I don't really have any other hobbies offline except working out and maybe some DIY stuff, which isn't something to tinker around with just to kill time at at the end of the day. If having internet at home isn't an affordability issue, maybe you should consider it? It has helped me feel connected to far away friends and family everyday through Facebook. A hobby might not give you the interaction with others you're missing.0 -
You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!
her issue is that she lives in the middle of Iowa which isn't really conductive to meetup groups.
I get that it might not be easy, but being social is still the best distraction in my opinion. What about a book club at your local library even? Start small.0 -
You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!
her issue is that she lives in the middle of Iowa which isn't really conductive to meetup groups.
I get that it might not be easy, but being social is still the best distraction in my opinion. What about a book club at your local library even? Start small.
Ya, we have races here almost every weekend, so the weekends I don't have my kiddos I try to go, and the hard part is standing around looking like you don't belong. Don't get me wrong I watch the race, I cheer and "ooh" and "aww" I just hate that "looking like you don't belong" feeling.
I am definetly one that if I get close enough to a group of people I start talking to them, some look at me like "Who the heck are you?, and why are you talking to me?' and others answer the question and walk away. That's rough, I guess that's rejection though.
I agree small starts and time. I should know better but time is a good friend. :drinker:0 -
You said your friends were busy with their own lives, but what about expanding your social circle? Maybe find a meetup group or volunteer somewhere? I think being active and surrounding yourself with people is a huge help!
her issue is that she lives in the middle of Iowa which isn't really conductive to meetup groups.
I get that it might not be easy, but being social is still the best distraction in my opinion. What about a book club at your local library even? Start small.
Ya, we have races here almost every weekend, so the weekends I don't have my kiddos I try to go, and the hard part is standing around looking like you don't belong. Don't get me wrong I watch the race, I cheer and "ooh" and "aww" I just hate that "looking like you don't belong" feeling.
I am definetly one that if I get close enough to a group of people I start talking to them, some look at me like "Who the heck are you?, and why are you talking to me?' and others answer the question and walk away. That's rough, I guess that's rejection though.
I agree small starts and time. I should know better but time is a good friend. :drinker:
Yes, part of that might be rejection, but I also wonder if some of that is your own insecurity that you are projecting on those situations. You feel alone so you expect to be treated as such? I know I've totally done that before, so just something to thing about.
Wishing you lots of luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
read read read and read some more! You can grab a TON of books from the library and you'd only have to go every couple of weeks.0
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See, I'm the opposite. I have no need for constant contact and I'm easily entertained. Whenever I start to get bored I watch TV, play video games, play on the internet, work out, clean the house, work in the yard, read, cook, eat, play guitar, walk the dog, run errands, etc. And on top of that I work 50+ hours a week. Usually there's not enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. My suggestion is find some hobbies and get out more.0
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Take up golf,even if you don`t meet new people you will teach yourself a whole new language of colorful words. 0
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read read read and read some more! You can grab a TON of books from the library and you'd only have to go every couple of weeks.
this. or go back to school for something you love.0 -
See, I'm the opposite. I have no need for constant contact and I'm easily entertained. Whenever I start to get bored I watch TV, play video games, play on the internet, work out, clean the house, work in the yard, read, cook, eat, play guitar, walk the dog, run errands, etc. And on top of that I work 50+ hours a week. Usually there's not enough time in the day to do everything I want to do. My suggestion is find some hobbies and get out more.
I am this to a T! I have not watched TV for ever... unless it's the Olympics. Making time for that.. but I'm so busy with work, working out, internet, dating, cleaning up after kids, laundry, yard work (eeek, this is bad right now) etc I have no "lazy" times and am looking for more hours in the day.
OP -- I'd find a meet up group... something active. Meeting new friends in these groups may also spill over to other areas of your life.0 -
uh yeah... I exercise my *kitten* off. I have my hands deep in about 8 projects. im writing a novel, decorating my house, pampering my skin, researching recipes, reading fiction and non-fiction, im indulging excessively in my hobbies, hanging out with girlfriends, playing at the park, climbing trees, going to local rock shows, visiting museums and art exhibits, doing cartwheels... I always have a list I go through of all the priorities Im putting off if Im having one of those days where Im pretty sure Im talking to my guy too much. I go live my life instead of grasping for him. Granted, now and then I give in and spend a whole day obviously being greedy for his words...
i mean seriously - what is the point of having the contact you crave if youve got nothing INTERESTING to say when you DO talk?0 -
Okay this might sound odd but I have a friend that when we are out she will give random people complements but doesn't come off creepy at all. Say if we are walking by someone and she notices their headband she will just smile and tell them she really likes it. It doesn't matter at all who they are. So maybe next time when you are watching a race you can go up to someone and complement them on something and then ask them where they got it. Just make sure to be smiling and have an open stance not fidgiting when you do it.0
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Have you considered cutting down your corn fields and building a baseball diamond?
I picked up painting a little, I found it's great for stress relief and passes the time as well. Also picking up an instrument or something?0 -
uh yeah... I exercise my *kitten* off. I have my hands deep in about 8 projects. im writing a novel, decorating my house, pampering my skin, researching recipes, reading fiction and non-fiction, im indulging excessively in my hobbies, hanging out with girlfriends, playing at the park, climbing trees, going to local rock shows, visiting museums and art exhibits, doing cartwheels... I always have a list I go through of all the priorities Im putting off if Im having one of those days where Im pretty sure Im talking to my guy too much. I go live my life instead of grasping for him. Granted, now and then I give in and spend a whole day obviously being greedy for his words...
i mean seriously - what is the point of having the contact you crave if youve got nothing INTERESTING to say when you DO talk?
I like this approach. That's awesome 0 -
Have you considered cutting down your corn fields and building a baseball diamond?
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Have you considered cutting down your corn fields and building a baseball diamond?
:laugh:
Are you kidding, get close to the corn? You DO realize the children of the corn are in there? :noway: NOOOO Way!0
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