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If a guy is interested in a woman, nothing will get in his way. He'll know how to manage his time committments. He would know to schedule free time. And yes, a guy, if he has lived in a certain area for some amount of time, will have a friend who can look after a kid for 2 hours.
Kids can just be used as a convenient excuse out of stuff.
The OP has never mentioned if she is certain that the kid is actually sick, or it is just an excuse.
When a guy gets the text from a woman, I'm sick (happens to many guys), we just assume she's lying and covering for not being interested. The proof in the pudding is if she re-schedules with specifics, which rarely happens. Most people are rarely sick enough to skip a promising first date.
You are digging a hole with this one DM as even myself,a guy with no kids,understands it is no where near that simple.
First off there are still 2 people involved with the childs life and the other party maintains a great deal of say as to who and when a 3rd party will have control of them.
It is not simply finding a sitter especially for a guy as the ex wife is going to have to approve.
Second since both partys are sharing time with the child if there is any hard feelings (80% likely in my opinion) leaving a child with some one else could be fuel to an already burning fire.
Lastly if it is not equal custody and the father only has the child a short time see above times 1000.
On the "nothing will get in his way" statement I take it that means knowledge of a child is something in your way so not really accurate.
If that is a deal breaker for you then so be it,your right of course but as the years keep going by you will find your "pool" shut down to almost nil.0 -
Sounds frustrating! But guess it goes with the territory of dating someone with kiddos. I'm not very patient so I would have nexted him!0
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But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
Oh really? And how many children do you have? How many times have you had to find someone you trust to watch your child? How many times have you picked up your kid from daycare to realize that he has a fever and a runny nose? How many times have you had your ex say last minute that she isn't going to pick up your kid?
Oh wait, that is right, you don't have children.0 -
On the "nothing will get in his way" statement I take it that means knowledge of a child is something in your way so not really accurate.
If that is a deal breaker for you then so be it,your right of course but as the years keep going by you will find your "pool" shut down to almost nil.
I will not seriously date someone with kids. I am actually taking my dating process very seriously, as I don't want to be 40 years old and still dating.
Right now, at 29, my pool of 22-28 year old women do not have kids.
But I want to make sure I'm off the market before the kid factor comes into play. I am doing everything in my power to make that the case.0 -
For the record, I (at this point) do believe that the child was sick. And, I am glad that he stayed with him if he was sick--show his priorities are where I would want them to be. I was just unsure if I was being naive, because sometimes I am.
And, also, on our first date, he told me that when he has his son, he does not leave him with a sitter--it is not fair to the child--he has him every other week, so he schedules dates on off nights/weeks OR has dates come over after his son is asleep.
So, thank you all for advice :flowerforyou:
I think I will take what most of you have said and just wait it out and see what happens...and not turn other dates down
You are very welcome Moe. Another thing that no one mentioned is that the guy lives an hour away. Did you think distance was a big deal? I am stringent about distance issues, as I don't like to seriously date anyone who lives more than 25 mins away. The closer two people live, the easier it is to see each other with regularity. Regularity is vital.
The distance issue is just as big as the kid issue.
But I really like your attitude about not turning other dates down.
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After being plunged back in to the dating pool after a divorce, I have learned alot about my self and the people I am willing to date--and due to where I live and the lack of available men in this area, I am willing to drive some, as long as they are also willing sometimes.
Also, as far as children--I actually PREFER a man who has children!!! And, due to my age, it is much more likely that is what I will find/date.0 -
I should hope not, if the poor kid gets sick apparently you'd rather just have someone come over and watch them so you can go do whatever.But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
A sick child isn't an excuse!!!!??? Are you serious?0 -
But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
DM, I'm sorry, but you are in a losing (and rather selfish sounding) battle calling a sick child an 'excuse'. I think the one thing that every person here can agree on is that it is a very good thing you don't date women with kids.
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People that might not have been in single peeps for a long time might not know that DM has an extremely long lists of what he will and will not date and when he will date them. If you think you are picky you are nothing compared to him.0
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But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
DM, I'm sorry, but you are in a losing (and rather selfish sounding) battle calling a sick child an 'excuse'. I think the one thing that every person here can agree on is that it is a very good thing you don't date women with kids.
The original quote was "But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?". Nowhere in that original quote does it say anything about sickness. My response to this quote was based on the rules and a broad based interpretation of the word child. I never once said that a genuinely sick child wasn't an excuse. But sometimes in the early stages of dating, the rapport hasn't been built up to know what the real story is. I, and mostly every other single guy I know, have had plenty of dates cancelled on "sickness". The only real "sickness" in most of these cases is low interest level. The last two sentences are a separate issue that probably could have its own thread.
The way this guy handled the communication regarding the sickness (assuming it was genuine, which Moe believes it to be) was suspect in my opinion. He could have moved the date to a weekday that works for him, as well as Moe, immediately at the first sign of sickness, so as to not give Moe false hope. I feel that he strung Moe along and his cancellations notices were short.
Just because a person has children, it is not a built in excuse to not treat others well. The problem is not necessarily the sick child, but the communication around the issue and the re-scheduling.0 -
1) Kids should ALWAYS come first to a parent. This is why I don't have kids and why I would prefer not to date someone with kids for a long time. However if I chose to date someone with a kid, I would be utterly disgusted if they abandoned their sick child that they probably already don't get to see very often to go on a date with someone they don't even know very well.
2) The guy was keeping you up to date, and rescheduling on the spot. This is something to consider. When someone says "Hey, I gotta cancel sorry" and leaves you hanging then yeah, I'd say they're not interested. I think that since he is genuinely trying to work something out right away, and he has so far not given you a reason to distrust him.
My advice? Roll with it. Worst case scenario you find out he's a lying scumbag and then what? You're not exactly emotionally invested, it's been one date. Be annoyed and move on.0 -
People that might not have been in single peeps for a long time might not know that DM has an extremely long lists of what he will and will not date and when he will date them. If you think you are picky you are nothing compared to him.
Don't forget that he's always right and his opinions are facts that everyone should live by (Look! I used an emoticon to show I'm teasing! Yay emotions, hahaha) 0 -
I think the guy is a bit of a poor planner personally... My default position would be to trust him, but really he should have thought about giving his child a few days to recover. Maybe organise a date on Wed or Thurs straight away and freeing OP rather than hopping the child will miraculously recover after one day, every day.The way this guy handled the communication regarding the sickness (assuming it was genuine, which Moe believes it to be) was suspect in my opinion. He could have moved the date to a weekday that works for him, as well as Moe, immediately at the first sign of sickness, so as to not give Moe false hope. I feel that he strung Moe along and his cancellations notices were short.0 -
But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
DM, I'm sorry, but you are in a losing (and rather selfish sounding) battle calling a sick child an 'excuse'. I think the one thing that every person here can agree on is that it is a very good thing you don't date women with kids.
The original quote was "But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?". Nowhere in that original quote does it say anything about sickness. My response to this quote was based on the rules and a broad based interpretation of the word child. I never once said that a genuinely sick child wasn't an excuse. But sometimes in the early stages of dating, the rapport hasn't been built up to know what the real story is. I, and mostly every other single guy I know, have had plenty of dates cancelled on "sickness". The only real "sickness" in most of these cases is low interest level. The last two sentences are a separate issue that probably could have its own thread.
The way this guy handled the communication regarding the sickness (assuming it was genuine, which Moe believes it to be) was suspect in my opinion. He could have moved the date to a weekday that works for him, as well as Moe, immediately at the first sign of sickness, so as to not give Moe false hope. I feel that he strung Moe along and his cancellations notices were short.
Just because a person has children, it is not a built in excuse to not treat others well. The problem is not necessarily the sick child, but the communication around the issue and the re-scheduling.
Yes, but the original post was about a sick child and a father that tried to reschedule. Maybe the rescheduling wasn't handled well, but I also don't think there was anything disrespectful about it either. The fact is that the poor guy was probably in the middle of juggling a puking kid, conversing with the ex about it, and who knows what else. So he didn't give an exact time frame to follow up at that moment and that's the frustration? He still sounds better than most of the singles out there who poof without any explanation.0 -
Whenever it happens to me I just try not to waste my time trying to figure out if it was a valid excuse or not, we'll probably never know. Instead, I just tell them to call me when they are available and don't hold my breath.0
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I think the guy is a bit of a poor planner personally... My default position would be to trust him, but really he should have thought about giving his child a few days to recover. Maybe organise a date on Wed or Thurs straight away and freeing OP rather than hopping the child will miraculously recover after one day, every day.The way this guy handled the communication regarding the sickness (assuming it was genuine, which Moe believes it to be) was suspect in my opinion. He could have moved the date to a weekday that works for him, as well as Moe, immediately at the first sign of sickness, so as to not give Moe false hope. I feel that he strung Moe along and his cancellations notices were short.
To be fair, a lot of sudden onset illnesses like that usually do clear up within 12-24 hours. He could have thought it was food poisoning but it turned out to be a full on flu.0 -
But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
You want a person to find a babysitter for a SICK kid? Really? SICK? Vomiting?? Thank god you don't want to date anyone with kids - she'd dump your *kitten* in a heartbeat.0 -
I can't tell you how many times that I have had to change plans because of my something with my son. Happened two weeks ago. His father was supposed to pick him up from daycare, got stuck on a call with mounds of paperwork, and couldn't get him. I had to push back the date time.
Since he is still talking to you I would give him a chance. However, if this is going to be the behavior continuously then he might just be a weirdo. Kid stuff happens but most people can make some kind of arrangement.
i would wait and see what happens. he has been in constant communication and letting you know.
go out on other dates until he can set one night aside just for this date.
sounds like if he is sharing custody and swapping everyday with the ex that may be hard. things come up. does he have the kid every wkend?0 -
But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
DM you sound like a real catch. why are u single again?0 -
For the record, I (at this point) do believe that the child was sick. And, I am glad that he stayed with him if he was sick--show his priorities are where I would want them to be. I was just unsure if I was being naive, because sometimes I am.
And, also, on our first date, he told me that when he has his son, he does not leave him with a sitter--it is not fair to the child--he has him every other week, so he schedules dates on off nights/weeks OR has dates come over after his son is asleep.
So, thank you all for advice :flowerforyou:
I think I will take what most of you have said and just wait it out and see what happens...and not turn other dates down
^^^ good decision. I agree with you about his priorities. if he got a sitter for his sick kid I would think differently about him and wonder why he's not more concerned 0
