UPDATE: Second date!
Laura_Suzie
Posts: 1,288 Member
So you all know the guy who I went on a date with about 3 weeks ago, who I was super frustrated with because he wasn't asking me out again, well a couple nights ago he said we should hang out again! So, we are getting together August 17th. I know, its far away but I'm going out of town this week.
Coincidentally, the day he asked me out again was the same day his family left town, which tells me he really was just busy with family stuff and I was being far too paranoid. haha
I'm glad we are going out again because we have a lot in common and I find talking to him very easy and he doesn't make me nervous (which is no easy task because MOST guys make me nervous).
Anyway, we aren't exactly sure what to do on our date yet. It's on a Friday. Our last date was an afternoon movie and an early dinner during a weekday. So I think it would be cool to have an evening date since this is on the weekend and all. Any suggestions? Or should I let him be the one to plan everything since he asked?
Coincidentally, the day he asked me out again was the same day his family left town, which tells me he really was just busy with family stuff and I was being far too paranoid. haha
I'm glad we are going out again because we have a lot in common and I find talking to him very easy and he doesn't make me nervous (which is no easy task because MOST guys make me nervous).
Anyway, we aren't exactly sure what to do on our date yet. It's on a Friday. Our last date was an afternoon movie and an early dinner during a weekday. So I think it would be cool to have an evening date since this is on the weekend and all. Any suggestions? Or should I let him be the one to plan everything since he asked?
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I'm not sure why you are even bothering to go on this date. To me, it signifies an error in your process. I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Your 2nd date should have been no more than 5-7 days after your first date.
A guy who waits 3 weeks to ask you out again isn't making you a priority. Likewise, he probably struck out with his higher level prospects and is returning to you because he thinks he can. So if you're ok with playing second fiddle now and throughout the course of your interaction (early interactions set the precedent for the rest of the relationship), by all means go for it. Because he'll continue to treat you as if you are not a priority. You deserve better than that.
Women do this to men too.0 -
Life gets in the way sometimes. I get what DM1983Z is saying, but it is summer: families come to visit, people go away, scheduling things gets tricky. I'd be surprised and a little concerned if someone prioritised a second date over visiting family - it's still early days. I wouldn't write him off just yet - there are mitigating factors.
If, on the other hand, he takes three weeks to arrange a third date, with no mitigating factors, then I'd be thinking hard about his priorities and where you want to fit in his life, if at all.
As for what you do, my understanding is if he asked, he should plan. Maybe you could call him a couple of days before to check what you're doing (so you know whether to wear a dress and heels or jeans and hiking boots!), with a backup suggestion in mind... Are there any summer-evening outdoor cinemas/concerts etc in your area?0 -
I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Why didn't I think of that? Let me cancel this date and then choose another guy to go out with from my bevy of suitors!
haha 0 -
Oh please............... :ohwell:I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Why didn't I think of that? Let me cancel this date and then choose another guy to go out with from my bevy of suitors! haha
I'll save my tears for someone else. You're not only young but hot, not "blonde bimbo" hot, but girl next door hot so if you complain about the lack of suitors, what will it be in 20 years!
Not saying you should have a "bevy of suitors" (and that might not be fair to the "man of the moment" - so I get that), but you shouldn't be worried about finding other options should you choose to at the very least.0 -
I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Why didn't I think of that? Let me cancel this date and then choose another guy to go out with from my bevy of suitors! haha
Always choose the one with his own private jet. Saves a tremendous amount of time on weekend jaunts to Paris or Monoco.
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Why do you guys assume that she is lying about not having anyone else to date???
Didnt you see that other thread all about how young men aren't dating anymore they are just hanging out?
If the OP doesn't feel desirable its probably alot to do with the men around her not asking her out because they are chicken lol.
She is lovely and I'm sure would have no lack of interested men but they don't ask girls out any more!0 -
Oh please............... :ohwell:I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Why didn't I think of that? Let me cancel this date and then choose another guy to go out with from my bevy of suitors! haha
I'll save my tears for someone else. You're not only young but hot, not "blonde bimbo" hot, but girl next door hot so if you complain about the lack of suitors, what will it be in 20 years!
Not saying you should have a "bevy of suitors" (and that might not be fair to the "man of the moment" - so I get that), but you shouldn't be worried about finding other options should you choose to at the very least.
Not really helpful, Florian. If the girl says she has no suitors, she obviously feels she has no suitors/ there aren't many options around. Could be a location thing (or an industry thing). Don't forget there are more women than men in the world these days... I agree she's lovely to look at (nice photo, btw!), but I have friends who are absolutely exquisite...and single. Looking great isn't a guarantee of multiple men wanting to date you, despite the 'men are more visual' thing that crops us so often here.0 -
Oh please............... :ohwell:I also think you should have scheduled other dates with other men in the meantime. There are plenty of dates that you could have scheduled.
Why didn't I think of that? Let me cancel this date and then choose another guy to go out with from my bevy of suitors! haha
I'll save my tears for someone else. You're not only young but hot, not "blonde bimbo" hot, but girl next door hot so if you complain about the lack of suitors, what will it be in 20 years!
Not saying you should have a "bevy of suitors" (and that might not be fair to the "man of the moment" - so I get that), but you shouldn't be worried about finding other options should you choose to at the very least.
Not really helpful, Florian. If the girl says she has no suitors, she obviously feels she has no suitors/ there aren't many options around. Could be a location thing (or an industry thing). Don't forget there are more women than men in the world these days... I agree she's lovely to look at (nice photo, btw!), but I have friends who are absolutely exquisite...and single. Looking great isn't a guarantee of multiple men wanting to date you, despite the 'men are more visual' thing that crops us so often here.
Very true. Although a lot of the guys on here think that we have all these men to date, we don't. And yes many gorgeous women are single, so your looks have nothing to do with your likelihood of being in a relationship - although it doesn't hurt them.
DM, it's not like we all have a million guys ready to date us. I would love that but it's just not true. I haven't been asked out since March.
Laura - congrats I am glad we were wrong!0 -
Oh, I never said she was lying. I'm sure she indeed doesn't have any suitors.Why do you guys assume that she is lying about not having anyone else to date???
Didnt you see that other thread all about how young men aren't dating anymore they are just hanging out?
If the OP doesn't feel desirable its probably alot to do with the men around her not asking her out because they are chicken lol.
She is lovely and I'm sure would have no lack of interested men but they don't ask girls out any more!
But there (seemingly, of course) is no "real" reason why this is, of all the people on this forum, she'll be of those who will have a lot less work than others to get the ball rolling. Thus, I'll save my tears for someone else...
Yep, men won't be flooding at her door, they won't suddenly change and magically ask her out, she won't make every man she sees fall in love instantly either, but that's how life is for 99% of the people. So she just needs to put an extra push here and there, change this or that, make a little bit of an effort and then she should be "good", like everyone else.
Just saying nothing comes for free, but it shouldn't be too expensive for her either.
Men don't want to date you... Surely there is a reason for it.Not really helpful, Florian. If the girl says she has no suitors, she obviously feels she has no suitors/ there aren't many options around. Could be a location thing (or an industry thing). Don't forget there are more women than men in the world these days... I agree she's lovely to look at (nice photo, btw!), but I have friends who are absolutely exquisite...and single. Looking great isn't a guarantee of multiple men wanting to date you, despite the 'men are more visual' thing that crops us so often here.
I'd try to change this reason (whatever it is), or you can wait for men to change to match exactly what you are, what your need are, and knock on your door (which probably won't happen, but might). At least, women who've got the looks have it easy for the initial phases, then of course, they still need to have a pleasant personality.
This is why I encourage women to ask men out, I think they should empower themselves. Taking control is great.
EDIT: I will now officially pray every day with all my heart for every woman who says "I haven't been asked out..." or "Nobody ever asks me out!" or any variant to die on the spot. Change your f'in attitude :mad: :mad: :mad: ! Take some control! Stop waiting for stuff to happen to you, stop missing out on great opportunities...
(not really mad at all :laugh: ) 0 -
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Men don't want to date you... Surely there is a reason for it.
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I know the reason. It's because I'm shy. I think my quietness makes me unapproachable and men automatically see me as stuckup.0 -
Men don't want to date you... Surely there is a reason for it.
I know the reason. It's because I'm shy. I think my quietness makes me unapproachable and men automatically see me as stuckup.
They probably don`t think you are stuck up but if you spend most of your social time looking at the floor,a distant wall or clearly only showing attention to female friends you simply are sending the message "stay away" with it.0 -
Life gets in the way sometimes. I get what DM1983Z is saying, but it is summer: families come to visit, people go away, scheduling things gets tricky. I'd be surprised and a little concerned if someone prioritised a second date over visiting family - it's still early days. I wouldn't write him off just yet - there are mitigating factors.
It is possible to make an excuse for any time of year. The worst time for scheduling dates or getting anything done is from Thanksgiving-New Year's Day in the US.
If my family came to me visit me, I would want to go on dates if it were a woman I wanted to see. And my family members would understand. Each of them have a different perspective, but there'd be uniform support for me going on a date while they were around.
Scheduling is tricky even without mitigating factors. Just competing with television, friends, work is hard enough.
Single men typically do not travel for recreation unless they can schedule something to see an out of town friend. Single men may travel for work. Recreational travel is so much harder without a significant other.
In this case, the guy Laura is interested in is 18. He won't be planning his own trips, but he is still young enough to go on family trips with the parents. But that probably was not the case here.0 -
i am sooooo tired of hearing that " you are such a catch" kind of talk!!! exhausted by it.
if we were all such catches, we would be getting caught!!!! we would be getting asked out, we would be dating.
we live in a world where the grass is ALWAYS greener!!!! ALWAYS!!!!
i have no real way to meet single men in "real life." i've been relying on the whole online dating thing. or trying to catch someone's eye when leaving the gym. i have actually been told, via message ( online) that i'm not really even desired as FRIEND material!!! yup, i wasn't their "type" of friend...... and forget anything happening as i leave the gym. i almost always have my 5 kids in tow. if anyone is looking at me it's because of them. and i certainly don't look like the available, single woman.0 -
Life gets in the way sometimes. I get what DM1983Z is saying, but it is summer: families come to visit, people go away, scheduling things gets tricky. I'd be surprised and a little concerned if someone prioritised a second date over visiting family - it's still early days. I wouldn't write him off just yet - there are mitigating factors.
It is possible to make an excuse for any time of year. The worst time for scheduling dates or getting anything done is from Thanksgiving-New Year's Day in the US.
If my family came to me visit me, I would want to go on dates if it were a woman I wanted to see. And my family members would understand. Each of them have a different perspective, but there'd be uniform support for me going on a date while they were around.
Scheduling is tricky even without mitigating factors. Just competing with television, friends, work is hard enough.
Single men typically do not travel for recreation unless they can schedule something to see an out of town friend. Single men may travel for work. Recreational travel is so much harder without a significant other.
In this case, the guy Laura is interested in is 18. He won't be planning his own trips, but he is still young enough to go on family trips with the parents. But that probably was not the case here.
I am a person who prioritizes family over other things. If I'm with family, especially family I don't see often, I choose to hang out with them. I completely understand this guys point of view. Maybe he could have planned a date for after they left but the past is the past.0 -
I have yet to be contacted by a sorts of the male counterpart, requesting to spend time with me.
I am one that pops into the circles of people conversing, I am the one that makes the first move, I am the one that clicks on the profile and leaves a polite message, I am the one that sits down right next to the unsuspecting man only to start a conversation, I am the one that invites myself to different activites in hopes of meeting someone, I am not the one that sits on the wall and blends in, I am not the one that sits at home wishing something would happen.
I do however as I go to bed everynight, pray that one day, someone will come to me and just simply look at me, maybe even smile, and maybe just maybe say some nice words that form a sentence or even a question.
I must be quite fugly. LOL.
I feel like at some point I am forcing something to happen, but then I look back at my father who has been single for 15 years, yes 15 YEARS, he is such a gentleman, works hard, and still is lonely. But by some unknown reason does he deserve this?
I fear this and this is what drives me to be the first one to make the move...etc all the stuff above.
To the OP: Ride the wave as long as you have it, as long as he expresses some kind of interest in you that he wants to spend time. Great, take it. Enjoy it, but don't completely commit yourself to him, as he has not completely committed to you it sounds like.
As far as the frequency of the dates...you could always suggest something if you feel they are spaced out, I know I'm from podunk so I have no idea what it's like out there, maybe he's strapped for money, strapped for time, has kids everyother weekend....maybe he has obligations that he doesn't want to disclose right away.... you never know.
Enjoy the date!0 -
Life gets in the way sometimes. I get what DM1983Z is saying, but it is summer: families come to visit, people go away, scheduling things gets tricky. I'd be surprised and a little concerned if someone prioritised a second date over visiting family - it's still early days. I wouldn't write him off just yet - there are mitigating factors.
It is possible to make an excuse for any time of year. The worst time for scheduling dates or getting anything done is from Thanksgiving-New Year's Day in the US.
If my family came to me visit me, I would want to go on dates if it were a woman I wanted to see. And my family members would understand. Each of them have a different perspective, but there'd be uniform support for me going on a date while they were around.
Scheduling is tricky even without mitigating factors. Just competing with television, friends, work is hard enough.
Single men typically do not travel for recreation unless they can schedule something to see an out of town friend. Single men may travel for work. Recreational travel is so much harder without a significant other.
In this case, the guy Laura is interested in is 18. He won't be planning his own trips, but he is still young enough to go on family trips with the parents. But that probably was not the case here.
He's 18 - he probably doesn't have family who live at some distance saying "yes, go out on dates while we're in town - we see so much of you it doesn't matter!". He quite possibly also has parents on whom he is financially reliant in some way saying "You need to stick around while the family's in town - you can see your friends and go on dates once they're gone." That's pretty much the line in my family - if family are travelling from out of town to see you, you avoid scheduling anything non-essential while they're around. Especially while still living under a parental roof. Your family sound remarkably easy-going.
Not sure what the single-men travelling thing is about - I thought Laura was the one going out of town. Besides which, isn't the post-High School Road Trip something of a rite of passage in the US? Also, I'm not sure why you think it so unlikely that he may be being dragged on a family holiday if he's 18 and he's the one going out of town - sounds pretty plausible to me in July/ August.
As for this...I am one that pops into the circles of people conversing, I am the one that makes the first move, I am the one that clicks on the profile and leaves a polite message, I am the one that sits down right next to the unsuspecting man only to start a conversation, I am the one that invites myself to different activites in hopes of meeting someone, I am not the one that sits on the wall and blends in, I am not the one that sits at home wishing something would happen.
Thank you. And you're not the only one. :flowerforyou: As much as I hate doing it, I do all of these things. Waiting around for the proverbial lightning bolt wasn't getting me anywhere, so... It is profoundly frustrating and demoralising when you continually make the effort and get zero reward, again and again and again. It's all very well saying that women should make the first move, but men need to pick up on it and run with it. I'm not asking you about your fascination with all things Grands Prix and then listening to you talk about it for half an hour because I particularly like motor racing. I'm asking because I'm interested in you!Men don't want to date you... Surely there is a reason for it.
If only I was a mind-reader.0 -
I know the reason. It's because I'm shy. I think my quietness makes me unapproachable and men automatically see me as stuckup.
I think I am in the same boat here. Or I am unknowingly sending out intimidating vibes of some sort.0 -
i have no real way to meet single men in "real life." i've been relying on the whole online dating thing.
and i certainly don't look like the available, single woman.
This is so me!!! Between working, taking care of a home, and dealing with kids activities it really leaves me no time for meeting new people. Not to mention I have my kids most of the time.
To the OP: go and have fun. But keep in mind that you could be his backup because other things didn't work out. Good luck!!0 -
i am sooooo tired of hearing that " you are such a catch" kind of talk!!! exhausted by it.
if we were all such catches, we would be getting caught!!!! we would be getting asked out, we would be dating.
we live in a world where the grass is ALWAYS greener!!!! ALWAYS!!!!
Same here. When my grandma passed away, I was at the funeral dinner with some family members on my dad's side that I hadn't seen since I was a toddler. During conversation, my cousin who lives in Germany asked if I had a boyfriend. When I said 'no,' she looked at me, blinked a few times, then said, "are the men blind where you live??" It was flattering to hear, I'll admit. I also wondered if men in Germany had better eyesight. 0 -
DM- Not everyone needs to make someone a priority after one date, let things develop naturally. If he was busy/didn't feel like hanging out/whatever it doesn't mean that he will always feel that way. If they have fun together there's no reason not to hang out again. Sometimes it takes me a few dates before I really become interested in someone.
Laura- For the most part let him do the planning. But don't just say "Whatever you want, I don't care." Have some insight, have an opinion, but let him think it was his idea.0 -
I completely agree with Castadiva & Roadie... DM, I think if you assume anyone you date is going to make you a priority after one meeting then you are going to be disappointed quite often. With the 100% right person, maybe, but otherwise, no way. Life happens, things pop up, people have work, school, etc., and for many people family IS a priority. Do you ever wonder if you've written someone off too soon because they had responsibilities or things planned? And really, don't men want a woman who has a life they already enjoy and simply want to add a partner to as opposed to a woman who has nothing to offer just waiting around to being rescued?
Laura, If I remember correctly, this guy was your very first 'real' date. Don't worry about the fact that some people here think you should be moving on or dating more. Just enjoy your upcoming date and do your best not to "put all your eggs in one basket" or over-think anything at this stage.0 -
“If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can’t be solved.” – Zen saying
I think I am in the same boat here. Or I am unknowingly sending out intimidating vibes of some sort.I know the reason. It's because I'm shy. I think my quietness makes me unapproachable and men automatically see me as stuckup.
Identify your problem, then sort it. If you can't sort it, stop worrying about it.
To identify your problem, analyse yourself and your relationship to others rationally. Or ask for very honest feedback (which you won't get much these days, people will just tell you what you want to hear).
I think you judge yourself quite harshly first.I have yet to be contacted by a sorts of the male counterpart, requesting to spend time with me.
I do however as I go to bed everynight, pray that one day, someone will come to me and just simply look at me, maybe even smile, and maybe just maybe say some nice words that form a sentence or even a question.
I must be quite fugly. LOL.
I feel like at some point I am forcing something to happen, but then I look back at my father who has been single for 15 years, yes 15 YEARS, he is such a gentleman, works hard, and still is lonely. But by some unknown reason does he deserve this?
I fear this and this is what drives me to be the first one to make the move...etc all the stuff above.
What are the expectations from the "male counterparts", do you know? Do you match these expectations? Do these men match yours? What do you expect from a man? What are some common traits on these men you're after? Where could you meet such men?
Reading your post, anyway, I'm wondering if you don't come across as too "friendly", not "sexual" enough (friend vs lover). You look like a nice person, and I'm sure you are, but you might be the female equivalent of the "Nice Guy (TM)". You want to be "desirable" and "desired", otherwise you'll be in a permanent friend zone.
Lots of women who say they are "intimidating" are probably not sexual.
Source: Just did some tea leaf reading since I don't know you at all.:laugh: (Ok, really just an educated guess from your "forum aura")
The "forum aura"... Funny concept. But ya'all know what I mean I'm sure!0 -
Flam's point about aura is dead on. There is a fine line between showing a slightly sexual side enough for a guy to get the point that you're interested in more than friendship and just being his friendly buddy. I am always friendzoned but typically do it to myself because I treat all men as friends to start instead of making more obvious that I'm interested. Most of my best guy friends are men I actually had a crush on, haha (not that they know that).
I think it's hard when it's not natural to you to figure out how to change that up. I jokingly asked an ex if I just needed to walk around with a sucker in my mouth staring guys in the eyes, haha. It would work but probably not to attract someone worth dating... it always turned him on, ha!
I still haven't figured it out, but I'm working on it a little at a time. I feel more feminine and slightly flirty when I wear clothing like skirts or that shows off my figure a little more, now that I have one, though still work or socially appropriate of course. I'm working on looking men quickly in the eye (not staring), batting my eyes a bit more, yet still being my friendly self.... not sure if it'll work, but at least I feel more feminine. if anyone else has ideas on this, I'd LOVE to hear it.... not to highjack the thread!
And to the OP: I'll agree with Roadie on this one. It's too soon to be a priority, so it sounds like you're taking this the right way. it's early and you're 18... have some fun with it. If you don't eventually become more of a priority, I'd be concerned, but you're fine now!0 -
Flam's point about aura is dead on. There is a fine line between showing a slightly sexual side enough for a guy to get the point that you're interested in more than friendship and just being his friendly buddy. I am always friendzoned but typically do it to myself because I treat all men as friends to start instead of making more obvious that I'm interested. Most of my best guy friends are men I actually had a crush on, haha (not that they know that).
I think it's hard when it's not natural to you to figure out how to change that up. I jokingly asked an ex if I just needed to walk around with a sucker in my mouth staring guys in the eyes, haha. It would work but probably not to attract someone worth dating... it always turned him on, ha!
I still haven't figured it out, but I'm working on it a little at a time. I feel more feminine and slightly flirty when I wear clothing like skirts or that shows off my figure a little more, now that I have one, though still work or socially appropriate of course. I'm working on looking men quickly in the eye (not staring), batting my eyes a bit more, yet still being my friendly self.... not sure if it'll work, but at least I feel more feminine. if anyone else has ideas on this, I'd LOVE to hear it.... not to highjack the thread!
And to the OP: I'll agree with Roadie on this one. It's too soon to be a priority, so it sounds like you're taking this the right way. it's early and you're 18... have some fun with it. If you don't eventually become more of a priority, I'd be concerned, but you're fine now!
Sounds like something you should start a thread about...would make a good topic as well as help guys "get" the signs.0 -
Good thought Carl... I'll do that now so it doesn't take over this thread, haha...0
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The more I read responds, the more I think my problem is my quietness and unapproachability.
My mom also gets pissed at me when we go to church together because she'll say, "That guy was staring at you and trying to make eye contact and you didn't even look at him!" haha I rarely talk to men at my church, though a lot of them know my name and a lot of them come up to my parents and ask questions about me.
I definitely could be flirtier in person. I'm just so unexperienced that it's hard...0 -
My mom also gets pissed at me when we go to church together because she'll say, "That guy was staring at you and trying to make eye contact and you didn't even look at him!" haha I rarely talk to men at my church, though a lot of them know my name and a lot of them come up to my parents and ask questions about me.
I definitely could be flirtier in person. I'm just so unexperienced that it's hard...
An arranged marriage would be perfect for you. I'm quite serious. I'm predicting a comeback for arranged marriages. Here's why:
1 - Romantic love is overrated. Look at the divorce rate in the US compared to, say, Egypt, where arranged marriages are still the norm. You can't make the empirical case that arranged marriages end in more divorce. Quite the opposite. Nothing succeeds like success...
2 - Arranged marriages mean the parents are much more involved in the success of the marriage. Parents from both sides. In your case, this would probably be a good thing. You can listen to the Sunday sermon, then have a nice chicken lunch afterwards. No stress. Meanwhile, your mother is arranging a marriage with you behind the scenes with some nice boy from your church. When you two finally meet, everything is taken care of. You just need to show up for the wedding. Set a reminder in your iPhone. Done.
3 - This will be a HUGE time saver. No more on-line dating (puke). No more stress about who is looking at you, are you being too flirtatious, are you too timid, etc. This forum will disappear overnight.
4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.
--P0 -
bahahahaha I always joked that I trusted my parents enough for them to choose my husband for me... I'm keep it in mind. :laugh:0
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:huh: :huh: :huh:An arranged marriage would be perfect for you. I'm quite serious.
Phew! Thank god I'm godless.4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.0 -
4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.
--P
Oh geeze... I'm at a loss on this one... approaching 40 a rapid speed....
P -- You rock! LOL :flowerforyou: Thanks for the laugh! :laugh:0
This discussion has been closed.