UPDATE: Second date!
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I completely agree with Castadiva & Roadie... DM, I think if you assume anyone you date is going to make you a priority after one meeting then you are going to be disappointed quite often. With the 100% right person, maybe, but otherwise, no way. Life happens, things pop up, people have work, school, etc., and for many people family IS a priority. Do you ever wonder if you've written someone off too soon because they had responsibilities or things planned? And really, don't men want a woman who has a life they already enjoy and simply want to add a partner to as opposed to a woman who has nothing to offer just waiting around to being rescued?
Laura, If I remember correctly, this guy was your very first 'real' date. Don't worry about the fact that some people here think you should be moving on or dating more. Just enjoy your upcoming date and do your best not to "put all your eggs in one basket" or over-think anything at this stage.0 -
“If the problem has a solution, worrying is pointless, in the end the problem will be solved. If the problem has no solution, there is no reason to worry, because it can’t be solved.” – Zen saying
I think I am in the same boat here. Or I am unknowingly sending out intimidating vibes of some sort.I know the reason. It's because I'm shy. I think my quietness makes me unapproachable and men automatically see me as stuckup.
Identify your problem, then sort it. If you can't sort it, stop worrying about it.
To identify your problem, analyse yourself and your relationship to others rationally. Or ask for very honest feedback (which you won't get much these days, people will just tell you what you want to hear).
I think you judge yourself quite harshly first.I have yet to be contacted by a sorts of the male counterpart, requesting to spend time with me.
I do however as I go to bed everynight, pray that one day, someone will come to me and just simply look at me, maybe even smile, and maybe just maybe say some nice words that form a sentence or even a question.
I must be quite fugly. LOL.
I feel like at some point I am forcing something to happen, but then I look back at my father who has been single for 15 years, yes 15 YEARS, he is such a gentleman, works hard, and still is lonely. But by some unknown reason does he deserve this?
I fear this and this is what drives me to be the first one to make the move...etc all the stuff above.
What are the expectations from the "male counterparts", do you know? Do you match these expectations? Do these men match yours? What do you expect from a man? What are some common traits on these men you're after? Where could you meet such men?
Reading your post, anyway, I'm wondering if you don't come across as too "friendly", not "sexual" enough (friend vs lover). You look like a nice person, and I'm sure you are, but you might be the female equivalent of the "Nice Guy (TM)". You want to be "desirable" and "desired", otherwise you'll be in a permanent friend zone.
Lots of women who say they are "intimidating" are probably not sexual.
Source: Just did some tea leaf reading since I don't know you at all.:laugh: (Ok, really just an educated guess from your "forum aura")
The "forum aura"... Funny concept. But ya'all know what I mean I'm sure!0 -
Flam's point about aura is dead on. There is a fine line between showing a slightly sexual side enough for a guy to get the point that you're interested in more than friendship and just being his friendly buddy. I am always friendzoned but typically do it to myself because I treat all men as friends to start instead of making more obvious that I'm interested. Most of my best guy friends are men I actually had a crush on, haha (not that they know that).
I think it's hard when it's not natural to you to figure out how to change that up. I jokingly asked an ex if I just needed to walk around with a sucker in my mouth staring guys in the eyes, haha. It would work but probably not to attract someone worth dating... it always turned him on, ha!
I still haven't figured it out, but I'm working on it a little at a time. I feel more feminine and slightly flirty when I wear clothing like skirts or that shows off my figure a little more, now that I have one, though still work or socially appropriate of course. I'm working on looking men quickly in the eye (not staring), batting my eyes a bit more, yet still being my friendly self.... not sure if it'll work, but at least I feel more feminine. if anyone else has ideas on this, I'd LOVE to hear it.... not to highjack the thread!
And to the OP: I'll agree with Roadie on this one. It's too soon to be a priority, so it sounds like you're taking this the right way. it's early and you're 18... have some fun with it. If you don't eventually become more of a priority, I'd be concerned, but you're fine now!0 -
Flam's point about aura is dead on. There is a fine line between showing a slightly sexual side enough for a guy to get the point that you're interested in more than friendship and just being his friendly buddy. I am always friendzoned but typically do it to myself because I treat all men as friends to start instead of making more obvious that I'm interested. Most of my best guy friends are men I actually had a crush on, haha (not that they know that).
I think it's hard when it's not natural to you to figure out how to change that up. I jokingly asked an ex if I just needed to walk around with a sucker in my mouth staring guys in the eyes, haha. It would work but probably not to attract someone worth dating... it always turned him on, ha!
I still haven't figured it out, but I'm working on it a little at a time. I feel more feminine and slightly flirty when I wear clothing like skirts or that shows off my figure a little more, now that I have one, though still work or socially appropriate of course. I'm working on looking men quickly in the eye (not staring), batting my eyes a bit more, yet still being my friendly self.... not sure if it'll work, but at least I feel more feminine. if anyone else has ideas on this, I'd LOVE to hear it.... not to highjack the thread!
And to the OP: I'll agree with Roadie on this one. It's too soon to be a priority, so it sounds like you're taking this the right way. it's early and you're 18... have some fun with it. If you don't eventually become more of a priority, I'd be concerned, but you're fine now!
Sounds like something you should start a thread about...would make a good topic as well as help guys "get" the signs.0 -
Good thought Carl... I'll do that now so it doesn't take over this thread, haha...0
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The more I read responds, the more I think my problem is my quietness and unapproachability.
My mom also gets pissed at me when we go to church together because she'll say, "That guy was staring at you and trying to make eye contact and you didn't even look at him!" haha I rarely talk to men at my church, though a lot of them know my name and a lot of them come up to my parents and ask questions about me.
I definitely could be flirtier in person. I'm just so unexperienced that it's hard...0 -
My mom also gets pissed at me when we go to church together because she'll say, "That guy was staring at you and trying to make eye contact and you didn't even look at him!" haha I rarely talk to men at my church, though a lot of them know my name and a lot of them come up to my parents and ask questions about me.
I definitely could be flirtier in person. I'm just so unexperienced that it's hard...
An arranged marriage would be perfect for you. I'm quite serious. I'm predicting a comeback for arranged marriages. Here's why:
1 - Romantic love is overrated. Look at the divorce rate in the US compared to, say, Egypt, where arranged marriages are still the norm. You can't make the empirical case that arranged marriages end in more divorce. Quite the opposite. Nothing succeeds like success...
2 - Arranged marriages mean the parents are much more involved in the success of the marriage. Parents from both sides. In your case, this would probably be a good thing. You can listen to the Sunday sermon, then have a nice chicken lunch afterwards. No stress. Meanwhile, your mother is arranging a marriage with you behind the scenes with some nice boy from your church. When you two finally meet, everything is taken care of. You just need to show up for the wedding. Set a reminder in your iPhone. Done.
3 - This will be a HUGE time saver. No more on-line dating (puke). No more stress about who is looking at you, are you being too flirtatious, are you too timid, etc. This forum will disappear overnight.
4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.
--P0 -
bahahahaha I always joked that I trusted my parents enough for them to choose my husband for me... I'm keep it in mind. :laugh:0
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:huh: :huh: :huh:An arranged marriage would be perfect for you. I'm quite serious.
Phew! Thank god I'm godless.4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.0 -
4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.
--P
Oh geeze... I'm at a loss on this one... approaching 40 a rapid speed....
P -- You rock! LOL :flowerforyou: Thanks for the laugh! :laugh:0 -
Phew! Thank god I'm godless.4 - NB: this will only work for the religious, for a variety of reasons. You Godless heathens are, sadly, screwed. Also, it will only work for those under 25 or so, although that also depends on the parents.
MY thoughts exactly :laugh:
Also, my parents are screwed up. No way I'd want them having any hand in who I marry. That would be worse than remaining single.0 -
bahahahaha I always joked that I trusted my parents enough for them to choose my husband for me... I'm keep it in mind. :laugh:
Ok, I was only half serious.... But seriously: I'm half serious! Maybe even two thirds... :-)
And here's the thing: the parents - from both sides - then have a huge stake in the success of the marriage. So if Tommy starts screwing up, his Dad has a little heart to heart with him. A divorce means Tommy's dad made a bad selection. And he doesn't want that shame on the family.
Arranged marriages have gotten a bad rap. Historically, that was always the norm. And anyone who follows the modern dating scene can't argue with a straight face that what we do now is working, or even makes much sense...
The rise of Facebook culture and on-line dating will be the final nail in the coffin of romantic love (probably a misnomer, anyway).
--P0 -
1 - Romantic love is overrated. Look at the divorce rate in the US compared to, say, Egypt, where arranged marriages are still the norm. You can't make the empirical case that arranged marriages end in more divorce. Quite the opposite. Nothing succeeds like success...
--P
Sadly the only way they likely end for the lady is in her unpleasant death or complete abandonment and exile.0 -
1 - Romantic love is overrated. Look at the divorce rate in the US compared to, say, Egypt, where arranged marriages are still the norm. You can't make the empirical case that arranged marriages end in more divorce. Quite the opposite. Nothing succeeds like success...
--P
Sadly the only way they likely end for the lady is in her unpleasant death or complete abandonment and exile.
No, that's just not true. I don't think women in Qatar, for example, are suffering more unpleasant deaths or being sent into exile at a higher rate than their American sisters....
And even if it were true, we can do a "Western" version of arranged marriages, with plenty of protection for the ladies. Think outside of the box here, Carl.
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The sad thing is, at this point, my parents and I actually AGREE on the guy I'm interested in! I never thought I'd see the day -- maybe the arranged marriage thing could work :laugh:
Oh, and Laura, congrats on the second date! Just have fun and enjoy -- you're gorgeous, young and talented. Go out and conquer life!0 -
The sad thing is, at this point, my parents and I actually AGREE on the guy I'm interested in! I never thought I'd see the day -- maybe the arranged marriage thing could work :laugh:
You can just feel the momentum building! This movement has legs. Just need to find a way to monetize my role as the father on arranged marriages in the US...
Calling Oprah now to arrange a slot.
--P0 -
The sad thing is, at this point, my parents and I actually AGREE on the guy I'm interested in! I never thought I'd see the day -- maybe the arranged marriage thing could work :laugh:
You can just feel the momentum building! This movement has legs. Just need to find a way to monetize my role as the father on arranged marriages in the US...
Calling Oprah now to arrange a slot.
--P
Funny that you mentioned this because about a week ago while flipping channels I happened upon this documentary show about modern day arranged marriages - on the Oprah Network of all places. :laugh: There seem to be some clips of the show online here: http://www.oprah.com/own-ouramericalisaling/blogs/Holy-Matrimonies0 -
Funny that you mentioned this because about a week ago while flipping channels I happened upon this documentary show about modern day arranged marriages - on the Oprah Network of all places. :laugh: There seem to be some clips of the show online here: http://www.oprah.com/own-ouramericalisaling/blogs/Holy-Matrimonies
DAMN, I'M TOO LATE! NOOOOOOOOO!!! Now I know how Leibnitz felt...
--P0 -
The sad thing is, at this point, my parents and I actually AGREE on the guy I'm interested in! I never thought I'd see the day -- maybe the arranged marriage thing could work :laugh:
You can just feel the momentum building! This movement has legs. Just need to find a way to monetize my role as the father on arranged marriages in the US...
Calling Oprah now to arrange a slot.
--P
Funny that you mentioned this because about a week ago while flipping channels I happened upon this documentary show about modern day arranged marriages - on the Oprah Network of all places. :laugh: There seem to be some clips of the show online here: http://www.oprah.com/own-ouramericalisaling/blogs/Holy-Matrimonies
My neighbor actually had an arranged marriage - his wife was chosen by his parents. It lasted less than a year. neither had any emotional feelings so it ended quickly.0 -
The sad thing is, at this point, my parents and I actually AGREE on the guy I'm interested in! I never thought I'd see the day -- maybe the arranged marriage thing could work :laugh:
You can just feel the momentum building! This movement has legs. Just need to find a way to monetize my role as the father on arranged marriages in the US...
Calling Oprah now to arrange a slot.
--P
Funny that you mentioned this because about a week ago while flipping channels I happened upon this documentary show about modern day arranged marriages - on the Oprah Network of all places. :laugh: There seem to be some clips of the show online here: http://www.oprah.com/own-ouramericalisaling/blogs/Holy-Matrimonies
My neighbor actually had an arranged marriage - his wife was chosen by his parents. It lasted less than a year. neither had any emotional feelings so it ended quickly.
If you google divorce in Qatar or divorce in Egypt while it is true that those countries are civilized in basic treatment the overall picture is far from pretty or desirable.0
