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But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
You want a person to find a babysitter for a SICK kid? Really? SICK? Vomiting?? Thank god you don't want to date anyone with kids - she'd dump your *kitten* in a heartbeat.
Um, no. You're putting words in my mouth. I had an explanation on this page about my interpretation of the word child being broad based rather than specific. Never did I say the word babysitter.
The problem, as flimflamfloz and I have said, was poor communication and planning. I also found the hour long distance a significant issue as well.
As I have seen the topic of parental dating more and more, I really have gotten a greater appreciation for my uncle and aunt, who did things did the right way, and have stayed together for 40 years. They were prepared for the rigors of parenthood, they did parenthood well and they stayed together. I think they truly understood what being a committed couple and what marriage is all about. Too many people take marriage and parenthood not seriously enough.
I think that dating is hard enough without the complexities of children. As I see more and more cases of this, I feel more strongly about this perspective. In a dating relationship, the two people dating need to have the freedom to spend as much time together as possible and form the right foundation for a long lasting relationship.0 -
But the rules do change some when he has a child, no?
No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date.
But I would never seriously date a woman with a child.
DM you sound like a real catch. why are u single again?
I do not appreciate the snarky comment.
Once again, I explained how many people have taken my words out of context and how that was meant to be taken. I believe that a man should make a woman he's dating a priority. My philosophy is about making the woman I am with a valued part of my life. My perspective should not be mocked and what you say is hurtful to me. When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
The man in Moe's situation showed Moe a lack of respect and poor communication/planning. Flimflamfloz and I talked about this earlier in the page.
I feel that bashing me is losing the forest in the trees.0 -
DM you sound like a real catch. why are u single again?
I know this was sarcastic... but in my opinion, he is a REAL catch... as are a lot of men that post here.
For you David.... :flowerforyou: :smooched:0 -
I didn't take DMs comment in a bad way. I read it exactly as he meant it, he wasnt talking about when the child is sick.
I think the date in question should had done a better job communicating as well.
And I'll say it too, this is why I don't date men with kiddos. It sounds like a hassle (and I know I don't understand because I do NOT have kids but nothing any of you can say to change my opinion on it). I rather date a man I can see whenever we want, have sex whenever we want, go wherever we want, etc.0 -
When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority. Yes, his communication was flawed no one is disagreeing with you there. Most people are taking issue with the part you keep insisting that children should be shunted aside in favor of dating. Whether or not you actually mean what you are saying is beside the point. This is why folks are taking issue. It's comments like this:
"No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date."
"If a guy is interested in a woman, nothing will get in his way."
"Kids can just be used as a convenient excuse out of stuff. "
When responding to a concern about a sick kid people are going to assume you're staying on topic unless you clearly state otherwise. Since you did clarify (until later) that you were targeting his method of communication how were we to know you had switched topics on us?
On top of that you are speaking detrimentally to people who are choosing to lead their dating lives differently from yours (criticizing her for dating someone who lives an hour away, or someone with a kid)? She wasn't asking your opinion on whether those things were okay or not, but that didn't stop you from openly critiquing her choice simply because it was different from yours. Pair that with your tendency to treat your ideas as the only possible right way to do anything and yeah... people got rubbed the wrong way and retaliated.
So yeah... hopefully that helps with your confusion on the turn of events.0 -
For the record, I (at this point) do believe that the child was sick. And, I am glad that he stayed with him if he was sick--show his priorities are where I would want them to be. I was just unsure if I was being naive, because sometimes I am.
And, also, on our first date, he told me that when he has his son, he does not leave him with a sitter--it is not fair to the child--he has him every other week, so he schedules dates on off nights/weeks OR has dates come over after his son is asleep.
So, thank you all for advice :flowerforyou:
I think I will take what most of you have said and just wait it out and see what happens...and not turn other dates down
I'm glad you are waiting on this guy. He sounds like his priorities are in the right place and he's conscientious enough to keep communicating with you his interest to meet.
He made a mistake trying to reschedule the date so soon, but I really think you should take that as a measure of his interest in you. He didn't want the weekend to come and go without seeing you as planned. Sounds pretty good to me, actually.
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When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority. Yes, his communication was flawed no one is disagreeing with you there. Most people are taking issue with the part you keep insisting that children should be shunted aside in favor of dating. Whether or not you actually mean what you are saying is beside the point. This is why folks are taking issue. It's comments like this:
"No, not really. A child is not an excuse. It's not hard to find a person to look after a child for 2 hours when someone is on a date."
"If a guy is interested in a woman, nothing will get in his way."
"Kids can just be used as a convenient excuse out of stuff. "
When responding to a concern about a sick kid people are going to assume you're staying on topic unless you clearly state otherwise. Since you did clarify (until later) that you were targeting his method of communication how were we to know you had switched topics on us?
On top of that you are speaking detrimentally to people who are choosing to lead their dating lives differently from yours (criticizing her for dating someone who lives an hour away, or someone with a kid)? She wasn't asking your opinion on whether those things were okay or not, but that didn't stop you from openly critiquing her choice simply because it was different from yours. Pair that with your tendency to treat your ideas as the only possible right way to do anything and yeah... people got rubbed the wrong way and retaliated.
So yeah... hopefully that helps with your confusion on the turn of events.
^^^ this.
Thanks Kitsune!0 -
When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority.
What I suggested is within the realm of possibility, which it most definitely is. In the early stages of a relationship, you never know if a person is BSing you. Guys are real tuned into this as mostly any guy has heard his fair share of excuses. It is a shame though, that many of us become so jaded but there's a reality to it that after you hear things that seem valid turn into excuses.
I want to be with a woman who finds me amazingly attractive. I'm her centerpiece and she's mine.
Is my way the only way? Not exactly. But you're right that I am forceful with my opinions/beliefs. It is confidence. Confidence is attractiveness. 0 -
When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority.
What I suggested is within the realm of possibility, which it most definitely is. In the early stages of a relationship, you never know if a person is BSing you. Guys are real tuned into this as mostly any guy has heard his fair share of excuses. It is a shame though, that many of us become so jaded but there's a reality to it that after you hear things that seem valid turn into excuses.
I want to be with a woman who finds me amazingly attractive. I'm her centerpiece and she's mine.
Is my way the only way? Not exactly. But you're right that I am forceful with my opinions/beliefs. It is confidence. Confidence is attractiveness.
Sure anything can be an excuse.
But why live thinking negatively? I would assume the person was telling the truth unless I found reason not to believe them. Why assume the first thing is that the person is lying?
Having a positive attitude and thinking the best is confident after all.0 -
When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority.
What I suggested is within the realm of possibility, which it most definitely is. In the early stages of a relationship, you never know if a person is BSing you. Guys are real tuned into this as mostly any guy has heard his fair share of excuses. It is a shame though, that many of us become so jaded but there's a reality to it that after you hear things that seem valid turn into excuses.
I want to be with a woman who finds me amazingly attractive. I'm her centerpiece and she's mine.
Is my way the only way? Not exactly. But you're right that I am forceful with my opinions/beliefs. It is confidence. Confidence is attractiveness.
Yes, but to assume someone is lying because they are saying their child is violently ill... if you want to assume everyone is a liar until proven otherwise that you're choice. I suppose I am of the camp that one is innocent until proven guilty, especially considering how eager and forthright he has been with trying to reschedule. He wasn't vague, just unfortunately optimistic. Could he be lying? Sure, but what harm could it do to give him the benefit of the doubt a couple times without saying that people can't use children as an excuse.
That's fine if that's what you want, but Moe is dating a man with a child and when children come into the picture the SO takes a backseat (in my opinion what is best for the children always come first - which is why I don't want any right now!) Like I said, in the parts you cropped out, the way you were coming across is that this guy is stupid to consider his child over a woman he went on one date with.
Confidence is sexy - but there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance 0 -
When does someone become a bad guy for making a woman a priority in life?
When a man (or woman) does so at the detriment to their children. Perhaps you weren't being very clear but if you look back on what you were suggesting you have literally said many times that the guy was using the child as an excuse and that she should be his priority.
What I suggested is within the realm of possibility, which it most definitely is. In the early stages of a relationship, you never know if a person is BSing you. Guys are real tuned into this as mostly any guy has heard his fair share of excuses. It is a shame though, that many of us become so jaded but there's a reality to it that after you hear things that seem valid turn into excuses.
I want to be with a woman who finds me amazingly attractive. I'm her centerpiece and she's mine.
Is my way the only way? Not exactly. But you're right that I am forceful with my opinions/beliefs. It is confidence. Confidence is attractiveness.
Confidence yes, being stubborn and cocky NO.0
