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Learning how to stay out of the FRIENDZONE...
Replies
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I was a lot like you, Christine. I didn't get my first kiss until I was 24!!! I got a couple drinks in me for liquid courage and told the guy I had a crush on I wanted to kiss him. It worked! Although, it was pretty obvious very quickly I had no idea what I was doing -- he was more than kind though and gave me quite a few pointers -- fortunately I'm a fast learner :blushing: Sometimes you just have to get rid of the hang-ups and go for it -- to hell with the consequences.
Haha what a cute story.
I was really drunk near finals last year and I was thinking of something similar, and then I chickened out and then it never happened that we were both drunk at the same time again. And then we graduated.
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You are missing the point a bit Christine...who you are now is not working at all and really never will as it is.
You have to be willing to change things,not sacrifice values if a religious component but if so then understand you need to only seek out those obviously like minded or it will not be a good result.
It is possible for you to alter who you are,you just have to be willing to try and at that point "can`t" is no longer part of the language you know.
I do think you're right in that what I'm doing right now isn't working, although it might in the future. But right now, yes, it isn't. But it is sooo hard to change your ways. I could never do most of that stuff that Anna posted. But yes, I do understand your point. Thanks for your post. It is making me sad a little but you are right.
:frown:
I don`t want you sad,if I didn`t care I would keep my mouth shut and let you go on.
Am not sure what part of a religious component all this plays and that is to be respected.
Perhaps it also creates a certain feeling of guilt with your natural yearnings so hence how uncomfortable you get when you like a guy or he obviously likes you.
There is no way I can know where you are with all that but please try to take a step back and as an observer weigh where your life is and where you are comfortable going while understanding and accepting the natural outcomes.:flowerforyou:0 -
Aw. So next time, just go for it!
Also, Carl keeps mentioning a religious component. Is there one? I know for me there definitely was/is one. This does make a huge difference.0 -
Aw. So next time, just go for it!
Also, Carl keeps mentioning a religious component. Is there one? I know for me there definitely was/is one. This does make a huge difference.
No, there's not. I am not religious one bit, besides celebrating Christmas with the family. I have only been to church a handful of times in my life. I am probably the least religious person I know.0 -
Aw. So next time, just go for it!
Also, Carl keeps mentioning a religious component. Is there one? I know for me there definitely was/is one. This does make a huge difference.
No, there's not. I am not religious one bit, besides celebrating Christmas with the family. I have only been to church a handful of times in my life. I am probably the least religious person I know.
Just wondering. Sometimes the religious aspect really holds a person back sexually, mostly from a complete misinterpretation of religious guidelines.
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.0 -
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.
It's a lot of things, but most of it is that growing up, I was fat and therefore, I never had those experiences as a kid like playing games like kiss chase (lol sounds soooo cute), or seven minutes in heaven. When girls starting hanging out with boys in junior high, I was still fat and hung out with all girls. When girls started dating, I still only hung out with girls. I only got to know guys in college while meanwhile friends were beginning or continuing to have sex with guys, so I am years behind. I am only used to being friends with guys. And because of this, I feel like I've built a lot of it up on a pedestal. I know kissing isn't a big deal really. But in my mind it is because I haven't done it.0 -
You need to figure why that guy didnt contact you. You danced with him, but did you flirt with him? Smile with him? Chat and laugh with him? Touch him?
We talked for about an hour before going to the other bar to dance. It was me, my friend and him and for a while, and for once in my life, he actually liked me more than my friend, and after she figured out he liked me a little more, she removed herself from the conversation. I complimented his shoes, asked him where he was from and how he knew our mutual friend, he asked me about myself a little bit, he tried acting like he was underage and had snuck into the bar and he even showed me his I.D. haha. Then he suggested we all go to to the other bar together and that's where we danced.
So yeah, besides touching him, I did all of that. It was honestly one of the best conversations I've had with a guy, and my friends were really surprised that he didn't ask for my number.
However, when we said bye, he gave me a high five. I know that sounds like something from TV but I got the high five.
You were friend zoned! You gave him NO signal that you liked him more than a friend. friends chat and friends dance.
So this is the first thing you need to consider. What is the difference between a friend and a lover? What signal can you give a guy to indicate that you want to be MORE than friends?
Touching someone is not indicative of sex. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a signal that you like someone. You need to practice being tactile with people. I think that might be what your problem is? Remember, YOU are in control. Nothing will lead to anything else unless you want it to!! Put your arm around someone, touch their arm/shoulder/thigh, nudge them, reach out.........
What do you think Carl/anyone?? I'm not American and I'm aware our cultures differ. Plus I'm a very affectionate and tactile person so......... I could be barking up the wrong tree??
What do you think NC? Is touching the answer to getting out the friend zone??0 -
You were friend zoned! You gave him NO signal that you liked him more than a friend. friends chat and friends dance.
So this is the first thing you need to consider. What is the difference between a friend and a lover? What signal can you give a guy to indicate that you want to be MORE than friends?
Touching someone is not indicative of sex. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a signal that you like someone. You need to practice being tactile with people. I think that might be what your problem is? Remember, YOU are in control. Nothing will lead to anything else unless you want it to!! Put your arm around someone, touch their arm/shoulder/thigh, nudge them, reach out.........
What do you think Carl/anyone?? I'm not American and I'm aware our cultures differ. Plus I'm a very affectionate and tactile person so......... I could be barking up the wrong tree??
What do you think NC? Is touching the answer to getting out the friend zone??
Haha friends do not dance like we danced...it was pretty sexual to say the least.
And I think it's a little different in America - I've never once put my arms around someone I know or touch them unless I'm slapping their arm after they tell a funny joke. I've maybe hugged my friends truly sober a couple of times each since I've met them four years ago.
But I am curious as to what others think about maybe giving that obvious signal. Yeah, it's putting yourself out there a lot but maybe that is the signal men need??0 -
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.
It's a lot of things, but most of it is that growing up, I was fat and therefore, I never had those experiences as a kid like playing games like kiss chase (lol sounds soooo cute), or seven minutes in heaven. When girls starting hanging out with boys in junior high, I was still fat and hung out with all girls. When girls started dating, I still only hung out with girls. I only got to know guys in college, so I am years behind. I am only used to being friends with guys. And because of this, I feel like I've built a lot of it up on a pedestal. I know kissing isn't a big deal.
Ok, so you are a lot like me. I was a very skinny child, but when I turned 13, it all went to ****. I got fat, my hair got curly, got braces, and had these gigantic glasses that did not do me any favors. I pretty much looked like a really chubby version of that girl on Princess Diaries before she got the makeover. Needless to say, I did not have dates in high school. To top it all off, my dad told me that I needed to lose weight if I ever hoped to attract a guy because guys don't like fat girls. So, basically, I spent my "dating formative" years without any hope.
It took me all through college to get over that. I did go to a strict religious school, so there really was no opportunity, but even when guys asked me on dates I was completely clueless and just thought they were friendly, because there was no way a guy would ever be attracted to this fat girl.
It's taken a lot for me to step back and realize that I am an attractive, intelligent woman with a sparkling personality who does deserve a quality man. I believe you are too. What helped me was to just get out there. I put up some online profiles, messaged guys I thought looked interesting, went on some amazing dates, got kissed, and started feeling a whole lot better about myself. It's really not as hard as it sounds. You just have to push yourself.
P.S. Trust me, I'm not perfect at this, but you would be amazed at how much more confident and happy I am now than I was even a few years ago. It does get easier to put yourself out there, I promise.0 -
You were friend zoned! You gave him NO signal that you liked him more than a friend. friends chat and friends dance.
So this is the first thing you need to consider. What is the difference between a friend and a lover? What signal can you give a guy to indicate that you want to be MORE than friends?
Touching someone is not indicative of sex. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a signal that you like someone. You need to practice being tactile with people. I think that might be what your problem is? Remember, YOU are in control. Nothing will lead to anything else unless you want it to!! Put your arm around someone, touch their arm/shoulder/thigh, nudge them, reach out.........
What do you think Carl/anyone?? I'm not American and I'm aware our cultures differ. Plus I'm a very affectionate and tactile person so......... I could be barking up the wrong tree??
What do you think NC? Is touching the answer to getting out the friend zone??
Haha friends do not dance like we danced...it was pretty sexual to say the least.
And I think it's a little different in America - I've never once put my arms around someone I know or touch them unless I'm slapping their arm after they tell a funny joke. I've maybe hugged my friends truly sober a couple of times each since I've met them four years ago.
But I am curious as to what others think about maybe giving that obvious signal. Yeah, it's putting yourself out there a lot but maybe that is the signal men need??
Freeze frame in time...after the dance was over what did you do in the next 10,30,60 seconds with him?0 -
Touching someone is not indicative of sex. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a signal that you like someone. You need to practice being tactile with people. I think that might be what your problem is? Remember, YOU are in control. Nothing will lead to anything else unless you want it to!! Put your arm around someone, touch their arm/shoulder/thigh, nudge them, reach out.........
What do you think Carl/anyone?? I'm not American and I'm aware our cultures differ. Plus I'm a very affectionate and tactile person so......... I could be barking up the wrong tree??
I think you're right on, Anna. I'm not sure about cultural differences -- I think maybe regionally it might be different. I know that when I was in the South it was a lot more normal for us as friends to hug, touch each other on the arm, even hold hands without it being construed sexually. In New England, people are not very openly tactile at all! HOWEVER, I do know that most people greatly enjoy it when I randomly hug them or squeeze their arm. I think it's a great way to show interest in a guy -- as far as I'm concerned, a guy has to be comfortable touching you/being touched by you before he feels comfortable enough to kiss you.0 -
PLUS -- she complemented his SHOES.... why not butt, arms, chest....ooolala. I LOVE it when a man has nice arms and I always ask to feel them if I'm interested. Yeah, cheesy, but guess what? Most guys like to show off their muscles! I just give a little feel and say.... "Niiiiccceeee" ala Joey Tribbiani!You were friend zoned! You gave him NO signal that you liked him more than a friend. friends chat and friends dance.So this is the first thing you need to consider. What is the difference between a friend and a lover? What signal can you give a guy to indicate that you want to be MORE than friends?
Touching someone is not indicative of sex. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's a signal that you like someone. You need to practice being tactile with people. I think that might be what your problem is? Remember, YOU are in control. Nothing will lead to anything else unless you want it to!! Put your arm around someone, touch their arm/shoulder/thigh, nudge them, reach out.........
What do you think Carl/anyone?? I'm not American and I'm aware our cultures differ. Plus I'm a very affectionate and tactile person so......... I could be barking up the wrong tree??
What do you think NC? Is touching the answer to getting out the friend zone??
Touching is INDEED ONE of the tickets to getting out of the friend zone. I'll often touch his back if we're at a grocery store, hold an arm/elbow walking into an establishment.
Girls...it's just a guy! No cooties present... at least no on most!
Anna, I'm highly tactile too! Also...as far as the religious thing is concerned. I was raised... Mormon... yeah, I was. Don't practice anymore, but I was ALWAYS wired this way so I'm sure religion has some part to play, but I think a lot of it is just how you're wired. I do think you can learn to be comfortable with yourself and men and learn how to touch and be playful. I have fun with it.0 -
Anna, I'm highly tactile too!
I already know you're my long lost twin Shells :bigsmile:I do think you can learn to be comfortable with yourself and men and learn how to touch and be playful. I have fun with it.
I agree. You gotta have fun with people and life. Human contact is so natural and so important. And basically, people dont touch people they dont like!! So, while a touch may not be sexual, (you can have friendly touches), but for purposes of this thread, sexual touches are what are needed to indicate that you want to be more than friends. Subtle, but sexual.
But if you dont touch people in general, then start off friendly :flowerforyou:0 -
Freeze frame in time...after the dance was over what did you do in the next 10,30,60 seconds with him?
We were still dancing, and his friends came up and yelled that they were leaving, and then he pulled away from me, offered me a high five, waved bye to the other girls and left with his friends. My friends and I danced for five more minutes and then left the bar too.PLUS -- she complemented his SHOES.... why not butt, arms, chest....ooolala. I LOVE it when a man has nice arms and I always ask to feel them if I'm interested. Yeah, cheesy, but guess what? Most guys like to show off their muscles! I just give a little feel and say.... "Niiiiccceeee" ala Joey Tribbiani!
Well, granted, it was after my friend said, "oh my gosh, you're wearing boat shoes! Christine loves boat shoes too!" so then I naturally said something like, "I do like your boat shoes a lot." Haha I am never going to ask a feel a guy's muscle...it's a little cheesy for me. And I would never compliment a guys butt...haha that is the most awkward thing ever.
Okay, so no shoe complimenting I guess?Touching is INDEED ONE of the tickets to getting out of the friend zone. I'll often touch his back if we're at a grocery store, hold an arm/elbow walking into an establishment.
Just throwing this out there - what if this is a guy you've just met that night? What kind of touching do you suggest then?In New England, people are not very openly tactile at all! HOWEVER, I do know that most people greatly enjoy it when I randomly hug them or squeeze their arm. I think it's a great way to show interest in a guy -- as far as I'm concerned, a guy has to be comfortable touching you/being touched by you before he feels comfortable enough to kiss you.
I grew up in a non-touchy family, but so did the majority of my friends I guess. I dislike hugging random people - it makes me really uncomfortable, it's just too close for someone I barely know. My friends I have no problem hugging, even though I mentioned we rarely do. But random people, no.0 -
- as far as I'm concerned, a guy has to be comfortable touching you/being touched by you before he feels comfortable enough to kiss you.
Absolutely!! A guy just doesnt go in for a kiss without some indication that you want to get up close and personal. It's all in the touch :bigsmile: I think women take the lead on this one!!
There was one night I walked into a pub - drunk. I was introduced to this guy and I immediately kissed him on his lips, said hiya and flitted off. The guy wanted my number straight away!! (And we ended up seeing each other for 3 years!) I never do this, and must try it again!! The intro helped. I'm not suggesting you just run up to random guys and kiss them.............or maybe I am..... :laugh:0 -
Just throwing this out there - what if this is a guy you've just met that night? What kind of touching do you suggest then?
You sit just close enough to brush legs. You touch his arm when he says something funny. You put your arm round him as you sqeeze past to go to the bathroom. You touch his shoulder as you tiptoe to whisper something secret/fun in his ear. this is all very subtle and fleeting. No holding on or grabbing, cos that is creepy. You definitely dont high five him, that's what friends do, you kiss him goodbye on the cheek and say how nice it was to meet him!
What were you doing when you say the dance was 'sexual' if you werent touching??0 -
Just throwing this out there - what if this is a guy you've just met that night? What kind of touching do you suggest then?
You sit just close enough to brush legs. You touch his arm when he says something funny. You put your arm round him as you sqeeze past to go to the bathroom. You touch his shoulder as you tiptoe to whisper something secret/fun in his ear. this is all very subtle and fleeting. No holding on or grabbing, cos that is creepy. You definitely dont high five him, that's what friends do, you kiss him goodbye on the cheek and say how nice it was to meet him!
What were you doing when you say the dance was 'sexual' if you werent touching??
We were grinding, so we were touching but we weren't like holding hands. He was just holding my hips.
And for the record lol, he went for the high five first not me! And although I think that the kiss on the cheek is alright, it's not really commonplace here in the U.S. I mentioned this a long time ago, but I only got a kiss on the cheek after a third date with a guy, certainly not the first date or the first time we met. But that would be a good way to say "hey, I like you."
ETA - Before I make an assumption about the whole U.S., I'll say that kissing on the cheek isn't commonplace among my generation. Not sure about other generations.0 -
Just playing some catch up here but wanted to share both my own experience and learnings...I'll throw myself on the sword here so you know you're not alone!
Christine, it's scary when you feel you're behind. I still now at 36 feel like a high school girl trying to date. I'm terrified of rejection, I don't know what I'm doing, and I keep messing it up, but I haven't COMPLETELY stopped trying. I actually directly confessed my feelings to my MFP crush... he's not interested and it was hard as hell, but we're still friends. I went on one date with the right attitude but no chemistry, and then I went on another with total chemistry and let myself have sex on the first date. I don't know how to balance, and THAT is OK!! It's better than waiting for it to work out and doing nothing.
I have always been the fat girl, perhaps even more extreme than your own situation. Religious beliefs made my situation even more extreme. I don't recommend going further down my path than you already are, and I am not saying that to scare you but because I wouldn't want to see anyone going through what I'm trying to figure out at this late stage
So here is my advice... do something out of character for yourself and get uncomfortable. It doesn't need to be sex... ask someone out. It may not be how you think it should be but that doesn't make it wrong. It may or may not work, but you've got to get over the awkwardness and that'll only happen when you realize it doesn't hurt as much as you think. I read your comments ALL the time about your friends getting the attention and you sitting back. GET SOME ATTENTION... I'm not saying you need to tear your clothes off to do it, but if you want it to be different... act differently! Lean in to a man you're interested in, yes, touch him (his forearm, not his upper thigh, haha), smile, be a little coy. It'll feel weird and that's OK. Even if none of that works and he still goes in for the high five... you don't have to do it back if that's not what you wanted! Point to your cheek, lips, etc... and set an expectation.
You are an amazing, beautiful, young woman... you have high standards for yourself...but things aren't the way you'd like and you're waiting for them to change. They CAN, but it'll happen a lot faster if you make the choice to do so Go Get 'um, girl! 0 -
Ok, so you are a lot like me. I was a very skinny child, but when I turned 13, it all went to ****. I got fat, my hair got curly, got braces, and had these gigantic glasses that did not do me any favors. I pretty much looked like a really chubby version of that girl on Princess Diaries before she got the makeover. Needless to say, I did not have dates in high school. To top it all off, my dad told me that I needed to lose weight if I ever hoped to attract a guy because guys don't like fat girls. So, basically, I spent my "dating formative" years without any hope.
It's taken a lot for me to step back and realize that I am an attractive, intelligent woman with a sparkling personality who does deserve a quality man. I believe you are too. What helped me was to just get out there. I put up some online profiles, messaged guys I thought looked interesting, went on some amazing dates, got kissed, and started feeling a whole lot better about myself. It's really not as hard as it sounds. You just have to push yourself.
P.S. Trust me, I'm not perfect at this, but you would be amazed at how much more confident and happy I am now than I was even a few years ago. It does get easier to put yourself out there, I promise.
Minus the dad thing and curly hair, your story was my life. It means a lot to know someone went through something really similar and has come out on top.Christine, it's scary when you feel you're behind. I still now at 36 feel like a high school girl trying to date.
Switch that out for 22 and I completely agree.You are an amazing, beautiful, young woman... you have high standards for yourself...but things aren't the way you'd like and you're waiting for them to change. They CAN, but it'll happen a lot faster if you make the choice to do so Go Get 'um, girl!
Thank you! 0 -
Blah blah blah, words, words, words........ Look, the answer here is so simple it's hardly even worth mentioning. It's the sure fire, 100%, can't miss, way out of your predicament.
Alcohol.
You need to get drunk, and you need to get him drunk. Basically any guy you're slightly attracted to. If you're in a bar, order a drink, and order him one as well. Then order 4 more. Sure, touch his elbow and tell him you like his muscles, whatever. Just keep drinking. I guarantee you'll be all over each other before the place closes and they eventually kick you both out of the women's bathroom stall, locked in embrace.
After you've made out a few times drunk, you can move into the more advanced stage of making out while sober. However, don't rush this. Many married couples have still never made it to this stage, believe me...
So to recap:
1 - Forget everything you've read in this thread, it's a waste of your time. You're just going to be too nervous to follow their advice, anyway.
2 - Drink alcohol, and make sure your target is drinking alcohol, as well. As much as possible, without passing out.
3 - Next stop: make out city. Population: two.
4 - You're welcome.
--P0 -
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.
It's a lot of things, but most of it is that growing up, I was fat and therefore, I never had those experiences as a kid like playing games like kiss chase (lol sounds soooo cute), or seven minutes in heaven. When girls starting hanging out with boys in junior high, I was still fat and hung out with all girls. When girls started dating, I still only hung out with girls. I only got to know guys in college while meanwhile friends were beginning or continuing to have sex with guys, so I am years behind. I am only used to being friends with guys. And because of this, I feel like I've built a lot of it up on a pedestal. I know kissing isn't a big deal really. But in my mind it is because I haven't done it.
Oh we are so similar but seriously just go for it..that way you can pick. My first kiss was with some random guy at a bar when I was 21 I was drunk and had no idea what I was doing and it was surreal. But I was so shy..so horribly shy around men especially men I was attracted to because of my insecurities about my size. I don`t want you to be a virgin at 28 like I was..life is about experience. You are adorable, beautiful and young! Just find the next boy you find attractive and kiss him! Lol bold yes but then atleast that part is over with..I know what its like to build this up into something so big and overwhelming. I think wanting a relationship and love and everything is still important but life experience is as well. Kissing is really FUN, and you should not feel so intimidated that you won`t let yourself experience that in life. Kissing also is not sex or being promiscuous..its innocent really. I am only telling myself what I would have told a 19 or 18 yo me who was too afraid of how a guy would react to me. Just do it! The pressure will be off... and you can relax alittle. 0 -
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.
It's a lot of things, but most of it is that growing up, I was fat and therefore, I never had those experiences as a kid like playing games like kiss chase (lol sounds soooo cute), or seven minutes in heaven. When girls starting hanging out with boys in junior high, I was still fat and hung out with all girls. When girls started dating, I still only hung out with girls. I only got to know guys in college while meanwhile friends were beginning or continuing to have sex with guys, so I am years behind. I am only used to being friends with guys. And because of this, I feel like I've built a lot of it up on a pedestal. I know kissing isn't a big deal really. But in my mind it is because I haven't done it.
Oh we are so similar but seriously just go for it..that way you can pick. My first kiss was with some random guy at a bar when I was 21 I was drunk and had no idea what I was doing and it was surreal. But I was so shy..so horribly shy around men especially men I was attracted to because of my insecurities about my size. I don`t want you to be a virgin at 28 like I was..life is about experience. You are adorable, beautiful and young! Just find the next boy you find attractive and kiss him! Lol bold yes but then atleast that part is over with..I know what its like to build this up into something so big and overwhelming. I think wanting a relationship and love and everything is still important but life experience is as well. Kissing is really FUN, and you should not feel so intimidated that you won`t let yourself experience that in life. Kissing also is not sex or being promiscuous..its innocent really. I am only telling myself what I would have told a 19 or 18 yo me who was too afraid of how a guy would react to me. Just do it! The pressure will be off... and you can relax alittle.
@Kerry I know this advice was for Christine and not me, but you just inspired me to be bolder. haha I know the guy I'm going on a 2nd date with is probably going to expect a kiss and the thought of that was making me uneasy, but now I just gonna go for it! I'm 18. It's time! :smooched:0 -
Blah blah blah, words, words, words........ Look, the answer here is so simple it's hardly even worth mentioning. It's the sure fire, 100%, can't miss, way out of your predicament.
Alcohol.
You need to get drunk, and you need to get him drunk. Basically any guy you're slightly attracted to. If you're in a bar, order a drink, and order him one as well. Then order 4 more. Sure, touch his elbow and tell him you like his muscles, whatever. Just keep drinking. I guarantee you'll be all over each other before the place closes and they eventually kick you both out of the women's bathroom stall, locked in embrace.
After you've made out a few times drunk, you can move into the more advanced stage of making out while sober. However, don't rush this. Many married couples have still never made it to this stage, believe me...
So to recap:
1 - Forget everything you've read in this thread, it's a waste of your time. You're just going to be too nervous to follow their advice, anyway.
2 - Drink alcohol, and make sure your target is drinking alcohol, as well. As much as possible, without passing out.
3 - Next stop: make out city. Population: two.
4 - You're welcome.
--P
:laugh: :laugh: PMSL!!!
I have 2 friends that 'dont drink' that got pregnant while intoxicated!! Both married at the time!! You speak the truth P!!
@Christine - not insinuating you should have sex, please don't, just to start you off kissing a few beers might do the trick, that's all :flowerforyou:0 -
So what is it about yourself do you think that is holding you back? You don't have to answer here, but I think maybe an honest thought session with yourself would do you a world of good as far as your dating mentality.
It's a lot of things, but most of it is that growing up, I was fat and therefore, I never had those experiences as a kid like playing games like kiss chase (lol sounds soooo cute), or seven minutes in heaven. When girls starting hanging out with boys in junior high, I was still fat and hung out with all girls. When girls started dating, I still only hung out with girls. I only got to know guys in college while meanwhile friends were beginning or continuing to have sex with guys, so I am years behind. I am only used to being friends with guys. And because of this, I feel like I've built a lot of it up on a pedestal. I know kissing isn't a big deal really. But in my mind it is because I haven't done it.
Oh we are so similar but seriously just go for it..that way you can pick. My first kiss was with some random guy at a bar when I was 21 I was drunk and had no idea what I was doing and it was surreal. But I was so shy..so horribly shy around men especially men I was attracted to because of my insecurities about my size. I don`t want you to be a virgin at 28 like I was..life is about experience. You are adorable, beautiful and young! Just find the next boy you find attractive and kiss him! Lol bold yes but then atleast that part is over with..I know what its like to build this up into something so big and overwhelming. I think wanting a relationship and love and everything is still important but life experience is as well. Kissing is really FUN, and you should not feel so intimidated that you won`t let yourself experience that in life. Kissing also is not sex or being promiscuous..its innocent really. I am only telling myself what I would have told a 19 or 18 yo me who was too afraid of how a guy would react to me. Just do it! The pressure will be off... and you can relax alittle.
@Kerry I know this advice was for Christine and not me, but you just inspired me to be bolder. haha I know the guy I'm going on a 2nd date with is probably going to expect a kiss and the thought of that was making me uneasy, but now I just gonna go for it! I'm 18. It's time! :smooched:
Yep!! Definitely time for your first kiss too!! Good luck, you'll love it!! :flowerforyou:0 -
@Christine - not insinuating you should have sex, please don't, just to start you off kissing a few beers might do the trick, that's all :flowerforyou:
As this is a site primarily focused on weight loss and healthy living, I would suggest a couple glasses of wine. Or even better, a few mixed drinks. It's summer, so a nice Gin and Tonic is the way to go. If you're a scotch drinker, even better.
Beer is not your best choice, especially if you're counting calories.
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@Christine - not insinuating you should have sex, please don't, just to start you off kissing a few beers might do the trick, that's all :flowerforyou:
As this is a site primarily focused on weight loss and healthy living, I would suggest a couple glasses of wine. Or even better, a few mixed drinks. It's summer, so a nice Gin and Tonic is the way to go. If you're a scotch drinker, even better.
Beer is not your best choice, especially if you're counting calories.
--P
why is everyone taking me so literally today??? :laugh: By 'beer' I mean ANY drink. It's a general term here in London - "fancy coming out for a beer?" means 'lets go for a drink'. Doesnt mean literally a beer, just that it's alcohol. :flowerforyou:
I've never drunk beer in my life!! I've tried lager though
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Grope them. That sends a message.0
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why is everyone taking me so literally today??? :laugh: By 'beer' I mean ANY drink. It's a general term here in London - "fancy coming out for a beer?" means 'lets go for a drink'. Doesnt mean literally a beer, just that it's alcohol. :flowerforyou:
I've never drunk beer in my life!! I've tried lager though
Well, since you live in the UK, it's probably a good thing you don't drink beer.
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Grope them. That sends a message.
This poster has promise. Let's keep an eye on her. I'm expecting big things.
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Blah blah blah, words, words, words........ Look, the answer here is so simple it's hardly even worth mentioning. It's the sure fire, 100%, can't miss, way out of your predicament.
Alcohol.
You need to get drunk, and you need to get him drunk. Basically any guy you're slightly attracted to. If you're in a bar, order a drink, and order him one as well. Then order 4 more. Sure, touch his elbow and tell him you like his muscles, whatever. Just keep drinking. I guarantee you'll be all over each other before the place closes and they eventually kick you both out of the women's bathroom stall, locked in embrace.
After you've made out a few times drunk, you can move into the more advanced stage of making out while sober. However, don't rush this. Many married couples have still never made it to this stage, believe me...
So to recap:
1 - Forget everything you've read in this thread, it's a waste of your time. You're just going to be too nervous to follow their advice, anyway.
2 - Drink alcohol, and make sure your target is drinking alcohol, as well. As much as possible, without passing out.
3 - Next stop: make out city. Population: two.
4 - You're welcome.
--P
:laugh: :drinker:0
This discussion has been closed.