I don't think it is worth breaking up over. The first thing to ask is what level of communication that there's been on this. Sometimes very forthright sexual discussions about preferences are difficult to have, but it is better that they are had.

Communication is key, talk about it. If she isn't willing to discuss the sexual issues, it does not bode well for future communications.

Sometimes sex is just awkward in the beginning phases of the relationship. Feeling out what the other person likes, doesn't like, etc.
But communication is key, especially to find out whether or not the other person is feeling the same way as you are about the situation. 'Cause they might think it's great. It has to be approached delicately.

This, more or less.

Sex can start a bit "slowly" sometimes, especially if you like it a bit rougher, it might take a while for both partners to "tune in"/adjust and be comfortable enough with each other to give in some control to the other partner (because it takes trust to have sex on a deeper level and when control is involved).
The thing though is that if you both share the same desire to be dominated or dominant (and are not really keen on swapping role, by what I mean you can only really get off in a specific situation) it won't work too well in the long run, as while you will be perfectly able to please the other person, you will not please yourself at the same time. So you will have to alternate, and this isn't going to be satisfying, also you will have to "fake it" a lot of the time - which is annoying.
In this case, I would break up over it.

Yeah, I guess communication is key, just so that you both know you fancy the same type of stuff - some people are just allergic to some specific things. It might be easier though to hint at what you fancy right in the middle of a session.

The medium quality could be because you both prefer to be the aggressive or passive one.
you like it a little on the rougher side while your partner likes it more gentle or vice versa, etc. How would you address it? Would you break up over it? If so, how many times would it take it you to be sure it wasn't going to work out and to break up?

These two (aggressive/passive, rough/soft) are the type of things you normally break up over. My personal estimate would be after 2-3 months, probably depending on the frequency at which you're having sex though (well that's normally when I feel the need of going farther).
If you're asking the question here, clearly it starts getting on your nerves, so you might want to discuss this now with the girl and explain that it might not work out because you two don't fancy the same type of stuff. Maybe she'll just accept this, or maybe she'll say she's OK to try.
It might just be a case of "make or break" since the relationship is probably fvcked anyway if you guys don't want the same thing.

The underlying idea is that yes it is fine to break up over sexual incompatibility, and the earlier you know the better. If the person is not curious about the type of sex you desire (and is not up for trying), then it's not worth it, it's just going to be unfulfilling, unsatisfying and more complicated as time goes by.

No, it's not worth breaking up over....my point....

I was in a sexually abusive marriage, I became ungodly modest and introverted when it came to that topic. Disliked it, and didn't really care to do the act. The then bf was dissapointed and wished for more in that area of our relationshp.

I then had a coming to Jesus meeting with myself after a deep (open and very honest) conversation with the bf, and I'm talking I did some real soul searching to understand why I felt the way I did about it, and was I justified to continue the way I had. I mean I would have called our sex life mediocre to good, and I hate to toot my own horn but....I am now a freak in the bed, and I find it fun, and I miss it a little right now, but looking forward to learning with the next guy.

So be patient!

Sex can start a bit "slowly" sometimes

Sometimes sex is just awkward in the beginning phases of the relationship. Feeling out what the other person likes, doesn't like, etc.

I think the idea that it takes time to develop sexual chemistry makes sense. There seems to be some degree of quality in the OP’s situation. It’s not without merit as he describes it.

Guess I'm going against the flow here but for me it's much like DM describes relationships, it should run smoothly.

I think sex should be easy and should feel natural. Yes, it'll be awkward (but should still be fun) and a learning experience but still, it should be easy. Ive talked about kissing before. If by the second time we kiss and we don't flow, it turns me off.

I don't know.. Sex is a very important part of a relationship to me. I wouldn't settle for mediocre and that can be different for each person. I want someone adventurous who can't keep his hands off of me and vice versa whom I feel fireworks with.

The idea that relationships should run smoothly and the idea in the 2 quotes above are not contradictory. Will sex be amazing the first time a new couple does it? For most, that is likely not the case. But there should be a solid foundation to build upon.

Let's say you're at the stage of a relationship where you start having sex. The sex is okay but not great for whatever reason. You and your partner both have orgasms but you wouldn't call it mind blowing by any stretch. The medium quality could be because you both prefer to be the aggressive or passive one. Size differences make it difficult to do certain things you like, you like it a little on the rougher side while your partner likes it more gentle or vice versa, etc. How would you address it? Would you break up over it? If so, how many times would it take it you to be sure it wasn't going to work out and to break up?

If all her other qualities were spectacular: Great Career, Fun, personable, very intelligent, interesting, great cook, dresser, great grade of hair, a nice 401k and all the qualities and intangibles that I like I would probably keep her but go the Chad Ochocinco route, except I wouldn't get a receipt, I mean who gets a receipt for condoms?



Hey I'm just being honest like women CLAIM they want men to do

If you're not sexually compatible its not going to work in the long run.

But I also think you can work at it if you aren't worlds apart!

It just depends on what the specifics are. If one of you is into BDSM/swinging/strangulation/watersports etc and the other one isn't, then there's going to be a problem long term.

I think sexual compatibility is very important.. If its not that obvious in the beginning, I would know in a few months if its not going gel :flowerforyou:

The thing about sexual incompatibility is it spills out in other areas of the relationship. If your significant other feels there are issues in the bedroom... that they aren't pleasing you in one way or the other I believe this will create tension in every-day life.

I agree with Mike... life is way too short to have anything be EPIC sex... will every time be that way? no... but if you're with someone that rocks your world 98% of the time .. .this would be ideal.

I would not continue a relationship with sub-par sex.

So I don't think it's a huge issue as long as both people are learning what the other enjoys. I certainly don't let my freak side come out the first few times... it might scare him away, haha :blushing:

Yeah, but why wait? If its going to be a dealbreaker then it's better to know sooner rather than later, isn't it? For both parties?

Is this a specific issue with your girlfriend, or is this purely a hypothetical, and has nothing to do with you?