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  • porcelain_doll
    porcelain_doll Posts: 1,005 Member
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    I personally don't see any easy way to ask someone about their teeth early on when you first meet. I think they would know right off the bat that it is a turn-off for you and will likely start feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious. It is such a delicate topic - anything to do with looks, esp. the face. Just be vague if you can't see him anymore over the issue. You might not have to spell it out for him to figure out the reason.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    I find it odd that people find it so rude to mention it but not bad at all to write him off over something like this without even finding out more details.

    You know, i would have thought that too... and if it were ME I'd appreciate someone telling me so I can be aware of this problem....

    but when I posted a "should I tell him why I'm not interested" question, most people in this forum told me that would be incredibly rude. That the best answer was to tell him not interested, and then (only if) if he asks why to gently tell him.

    I didn't mean say "Hey, I'm not interested cause your teeth are ****ed" I mean ask him what's up with his teeth. Honestly saying "Hey, I couldn't help but notice XYZ, is there an interesting story behind it? I hope if you got in a wrasslin' match with a tiger, you won!" or something (that's just off the top of my head, still probably too forward but it's funny). That way you can find out what happened and if there are plans to fix or if he's just gonna leave it.

    If he plans on leaving it as is and that bothers you then fine, yeah, you're not attracted. There's nothing you can do and then you can say "Sorry it's not gonna work" but to just write him off over a completely fixable problem?
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    I would think that if he did have "plans" on having them fixed he would have told you. There is no way in hell I could go on a date with missing teeth and not explain the reason of why they were missing. Like if I had a black eye from playing softball. Would I just go on the date and let him think I get into fist fights daily? Hell no - I'd tell him what really happened.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    I would think that if he did have "plans" on having them fixed he would have told you. There is no way in hell I could go on a date with missing teeth and not explain the reason of why they were missing. Like if I had a black eye from playing softball. Would I just go on the date and let him think I get into fist fights daily? Hell no - I'd tell him what really happened.

    Yeah, but you're a different person.
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    What I don't understand is why the guy didn't bring it up himself. We're not talking about a minor cosmetic issue (a pimple? a mole?). We're talking about a man missing a significant number of teeth!

    He is meeting someone for the first time. Doesn't he think that it's going to be a major issue???? It's like showing up to a date with a parrot on your shoulder. You'd probably want to explain right at the start why you have a parrot with you on the date....

    And quite frankly, he better have a good explanation for his lack of teeth:

    1 - "Having some dental work done, but unfortunately I'll be like this for a few weeks. Hope you don't mind? Trust me, I'll look even better with teeth! Ha ha..."

    2 - "I saved a family of kittens from a burning building, but I had to bite through a steel cable to free them before the house collapsed. In the process, I lost some teeth. Hope you don't mind? I'm planning to get that fixed, don't worry..."

    Something along those lines seems ok.

    Seriously, what kind of man shows up for a date in that condition and doesn't have a story at the ready???

    Sorry, but that is just wrong.

    However, when he doesn't mention it, why didn't you ask? That would have been my first question, as soon as I realized no info would be forthcoming: "Um, what happened to your teeth?" I don't view that as rude at all.

    --P
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    I would think that if he did have "plans" on having them fixed he would have told you. There is no way in hell I could go on a date with missing teeth and not explain the reason of why they were missing. Like if I had a black eye from playing softball. Would I just go on the date and let him think I get into fist fights daily? Hell no - I'd tell him what really happened.

    Yeah, but you're a different person.

    Um.....really? Aren't we all different people. Prahasaurus said the exact same thing as me - beat him up now.
  • catherine4211
    catherine4211 Posts: 944 Member
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    I would think that if he did have "plans" on having them fixed he would have told you. There is no way in hell I could go on a date with missing teeth and not explain the reason of why they were missing. Like if I had a black eye from playing softball. Would I just go on the date and let him think I get into fist fights daily? Hell no - I'd tell him what really happened.

    Yeah, but you're a different person.

    Um.....really? Aren't we all different people. Prahasaurus said the exact same thing as me - beat him up now.

    And yes I'm being childish - every single time I post on here you are a b**ch to me. I don't know why. Do I know you in real life?
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    What I don't understand is why the guy didn't bring it up himself. We're not talking about a minor cosmetic issue (a pimple? a mole?). We're talking about a man missing a significant number of teeth!

    Honestly, any number of reasons could explain why he didn't bring it up - from embarrassment to hey, he may have literally forgotten. It's unlikely but possible.

    2 - "I saved a family of kittens from a burning building, but I had to bite through a steel cable to free them before the house collapsed. In the process, I lost some teeth. Hope you don't mind? I'm planning to get that fixed, don't worry..."

    I would marry that man on the spot, haha!

    However, when he doesn't mention it, why didn't you ask? That would have been my first question, as soon as I realized no info would be forthcoming: "Um, what happened to your teeth?" I don't view that as rude at all.

    --P

    At least we can agree on that :)
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    I would think that if he did have "plans" on having them fixed he would have told you. There is no way in hell I could go on a date with missing teeth and not explain the reason of why they were missing. Like if I had a black eye from playing softball. Would I just go on the date and let him think I get into fist fights daily? Hell no - I'd tell him what really happened.

    Yeah, but you're a different person.

    Um.....really? Aren't we all different people. Prahasaurus said the exact same thing as me - beat him up now.

    And yes I'm being childish - every single time I post on here you are a b**ch to me. I don't know why. Do I know you in real life?

    I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I am utterly baffled at how what I said could be interpreted as *****y in the least.

    But yes, that's exactly my point. We are all different people. So my comment was in response to you saying "I would have done X" and I was simply trying to say that then I guess this guy doesn't handle things to way you do.
  • Moe4572
    Moe4572 Posts: 1,430 Member
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    I couldn't just ask him what happened to his teeth...it didn't look like they got knocked out---kind of looked like they may have rotted out....wasn't like all upper teeth were missing...in the fron where you normally have 4 main teeth...he has 2 and they are in screwy positing...like one big one in the middle where the middle of the two big ones would be if that makes sense, so seems like it may have been that way awhile. Guess partly my own fault because I knew his pic was a few years old.....well, I am going to take the advice of some and just tell him no spark/chemistry.
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    I couldn't just ask him what happened to his teeth...it didn't look like they got knocked out---kind of looked like they may have rotted out....wasn't like all upper teeth were missing...in the fron where you normally have 4 main teeth...he has 2 and they are in screwy positing...like one big one in the middle where the middle of the two big ones would be if that makes sense, so seems like it may have been that way awhile. Guess partly my own fault because I knew his pic was a few years old.....well, I am going to take the advice of some and just tell him no spark/chemistry.

    I'm not a dentist but that does kind of change things. Teeth rotting out takes a long time of neglect and is indicative toward a complete disregard for hygiene. I still would have said something, personally, but in this instance I can't blame you for wanting to just move on. Especially since I think the time to bring it up may have passed. Good luck!
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    What I don't understand is why the guy didn't bring it up himself. We're not talking about a minor cosmetic issue (a pimple? a mole?). We're talking about a man missing a significant number of teeth!

    Honestly, any number of reasons could explain why he didn't bring it up - from embarrassment to hey, he may have literally forgotten. It's unlikely but possible.

    But not bringing it up is really the main issue, more so than the lack of teeth. Hell, anyone can have some short term issues. It happens.

    But how can you meet someone for the first time and assume that your missing teeth will not be an issue? Clearly it is a major issue for a significant number of women. If you had a first date with someone, but you were hit with a baseball bat by mistake in the morning, and were missing 6 teeth, please don't tell me you wouldn't mention it immediately.

    Embarrassment? Um, ok, but all the more reason to have a story at the ready. If he's embarrassed, how does he think the woman is going to feel?

    He forgot?? I'm reminded of the Steve Martin joke for getting out of any crime: "I forgot." As in, "Sorry officer, I forgot armed robbery was illegal!"

    --P
  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
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    I could only handle bad teeth if #1 I was told PRE-date and #2 there were plans to get them repaired. I also don't do halitosis. If someone's breath is so bad I can smell it across a dining table it's game over. Yeah, I'm probably horrid, but I can't kiss someone that doesn't smell wonderful. I'm very scent oriented. I often tell guys when I'm talking to them and they ask about weight - that I'm a diamond in the rough... give me a few more months.

    Moe - I think you're right... just tell him no chemistry...
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    I couldn't just ask him what happened to his teeth...it didn't look like they got knocked out---kind of looked like they may have rotted out....

    Well, it looks like my theory of him saving kittens from a burning building by biting through a steel cable seems much less likely now...

    --P
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    What I don't understand is why the guy didn't bring it up himself. We're not talking about a minor cosmetic issue (a pimple? a mole?). We're talking about a man missing a significant number of teeth!

    Honestly, any number of reasons could explain why he didn't bring it up - from embarrassment to hey, he may have literally forgotten. It's unlikely but possible.

    But not bringing it up is really the main issue, more so than the lack of teeth. Hell, anyone can have some short term issues. It happens.

    But how can you meet someone for the first time and assume that your missing teeth will not be an issue? Clearly it is a major issue for a significant number of women. If you had a first date with someone, but you were hit with a baseball bat by mistake in the morning, and were missing 6 teeth, please don't tell me you wouldn't mention it immediately.

    Embarrassment? Um, ok, but all the more reason to have a story at the ready. If he's embarrassed, how does he think the woman is going to feel?

    He forgot?? I'm reminded of the Steve Martin joke for getting out of any crime: "I forgot." As in, "Sorry officer, I forgot armed robbery was illegal!"

    --P

    Some people handle embarrassing/anxiety situations by ignoring them. I myself am guilty of this which is why I can say, as odd as it may be to others, embarrassment is a possibility he was hoping to just ignore it and it might not be an issue, or it if is he could win over the first date with his personality.

    I mean it, he could forget! I'm not saying that at no point did it come up, but it could be one of those situations where he was thinking "Oh, shoot, I should mention this" and then the subject changed and didn't get a chance to bring it up and he forgot until another opportunity passed, etc. Like I said, it's not the most likely of scenarios but a lot of people do forget things like this since it's not staring THEM in the face constantly.
  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
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    I'm guessing the guy doesn't think his teeth are a big deal. If I had something like rotting teeth and was embarrassed by them or concerned in any manner, I wouldn't be dating until I got them repaired.

    He probably views dental hygiene as a low priority which is one of the reasons I'd pass on this guy.
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    I'm not sure why you would expect someone on a date to bring up potential short comings. It seems counter productive. Most people here have some sort of issues with their weight. Size certainly affects attraction between people. How many here would say You can obviously see that I am fat but I am working on losing weight? I doubt anyone of us would do that. Most would say, if (s)he doesn't like me as I am, then we aren't meant to be together. Why on earth would anyone expect the guy to say I realize my teeth are missing. Here's what happened. It's a pretty ridiculous expectation.
  • Daisy_Cutter
    Daisy_Cutter Posts: 774
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    I'm not sure why you would expect someone on a date to bring up potential short comings. It seems counter productive. Most people here have some sort of issues with their weight. Size certainly affects attraction between people. How many here would say You can obviously see that I am fat but I am working on losing weight? I doubt anyone of us would do that. Most would say, if (s)he doesn't like me as I am, then we aren't meant to be together. Why on earth would anyone expect the guy to say I realize my teeth are missing. Here's what happened. It's a pretty ridiculous expectation.


    I do it all of the time. I want the guy I'm going to be meeting for the first time to know that yeah, even though I'm a bit pudgy, I'm working on it. My mind is in the right place and I'm stronger than an ox so don't mess with me... Okay, I don't tell them I'm an ox...

    So yeah... I bring up potential shortcomings BEFORE I meet a guy that way he can elect NOT to meet me if he deems he can't get past that. So far, I haven't had anyone unhappy with my appearance.
  • Prahasaurus
    Prahasaurus Posts: 1,381 Member
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    I'm not sure why you would expect someone on a date to bring up potential short comings. It seems counter productive. Most people here have some sort of issues with their weight. Size certainly affects attraction between people. How many here would say You can obviously see that I am fat but I am working on losing weight? I doubt anyone of us would do that. Most would say, if (s)he doesn't like me as I am, then we aren't meant to be together. Why on earth would anyone expect the guy to say I realize my teeth are missing. Here's what happened. It's a pretty ridiculous expectation.

    Um, if you've seen a pic beforehand, you know he/she is fat. So no surprise there. Also 64% of Americans are overweight. So again, showing up fat is like showing up in your car. Fairly standard...

    But showing up without teeth is something else entirely.

    If you arranged a date on-line with an attractive woman, and she arrives with half her teeth rotted out, your response would be what, exactly? And the fact that she failed to mention this little detail would be an issue to you, or not?

    --P
  • dbrightwell1270
    dbrightwell1270 Posts: 1,732 Member
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    I'm not sure why you would expect someone on a date to bring up potential short comings. It seems counter productive. Most people here have some sort of issues with their weight. Size certainly affects attraction between people. How many here would say You can obviously see that I am fat but I am working on losing weight? I doubt anyone of us would do that. Most would say, if (s)he doesn't like me as I am, then we aren't meant to be together. Why on earth would anyone expect the guy to say I realize my teeth are missing. Here's what happened. It's a pretty ridiculous expectation.

    Um, if you've seen a pic beforehand, you know he/she is fat. So no surprise there. Also 64% of Americans are overweight. So again, showing up fat is like showing up in your car. Fairly standard...

    But showing up without teeth is something else entirely.

    If you arranged a date on-line with an attractive woman, and she arrives with half her teeth rotted out, your response would be what, exactly? And the fact that she failed to mention this little detail would be an issue to you, or not?

    --P

    If you've experienced dating sites you'd realize just how little information is gained from pics. Most are rather old. Even if they are not, they are all taken at favorable angles.

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