You're not second choice, it's a second chance to make a good impression. If you liked him before and the way things lined up it was... eh... well, if you want to go for it. If you're not interested then don't bother.

I'd definitely give it another shot. I don't think this sounds like a second choice at all.

Give it another shot. The worst that can happen is you spend a few awkward hours and then just walk away, but you never know - a second chance could turn out really well. It sounds to me like he's pretty keen. Could it be that he was ahead in communication/dating with the other person that didn't work out? Maybe it wasn't that you were a second choice, just the timing? If it turned out that you really clicked and things really worked out in the long run, who cares how it started off!

I just think sometimes in these situations people take themselves too seriously- "oh, I can't go out with him NOW, he'll think I'm not valuable enough; he'll think I'm a 'sure thing' and only call when his first choice isn't available." Who cares? Just have fun!

Good attitude!

Whose idea was the lunch date? Lunch dates have a reputation of being unromantic. That's a poor setup if it was the guy's idea.

Lunch date was my idea. I know most people on this forum don't like lunch dates, but I do for a several reasons:

1. I travel a LOT for my job, and when I'm home I *really* don't like to leave my son with a sitter unless it's necessary. So I try to do lunch or early dinner (where I can still get back to the daycare in time to pick up my son).

2. Honestly, I meet a lot of guys from Match, but it's obvious in the first 20 minutes that we're not going to see each other again. So I'm a big fan of lunch and coffee first dates as a "weeding out process"

3. Everyone wants a super-romantic first date but I really wanna get to know someone before getting all romantic/touchy-feely. I'd honestly prefer the first date or two to be more getting to know you" and then if things are going well a romantic third date. But that's just me. Most women aren't like that, I've learned.

I also like the idea of lunch or just coffee for a first meet. Before then, he's a total stranger. It's more a chance to make sure he is as he has represented himself in his profile and to screen out anyone with any huge red flags that are really obvious. I would rather have a romantic second date after we have at least introduced ourselves to each other in person once.

Whose idea was the lunch date? Lunch dates have a reputation of being unromantic. That's a poor setup if it was the guy's idea.

Lunch date was my idea. I know most people on this forum don't like lunch dates, but I do for a several reasons:

1. I travel a LOT for my job, and when I'm home I *really* don't like to leave my son with a sitter unless it's necessary. So I try to do lunch or early dinner (where I can still get back to the daycare in time to pick up my son).

2. Honestly, I meet a lot of guys from Match, but it's obvious in the first 20 minutes that we're not going to see each other again. So I'm a big fan of lunch and coffee first dates as a "weeding out process"

3. Everyone wants a super-romantic first date but I really wanna get to know someone before getting all romantic/touchy-feely. I'd honestly prefer the first date or two to be more getting to know you" and then if things are going well a romantic third date. But that's just me. Most women aren't like that, I've learned.

I agree with you. What if we don't even like each other? I'd rather keep the first date, especially if it is a first meeting, simple. I've had some successful lunch dates. I see nothing wrong with them.

Hi, DM.

Although I disagree with you more frequently than not, I usually appreciate your input. However, I have to say that if you don't have children, you are treading in dangerous waters to even suggest that you have any idea what might be best for a child. And when it comes right down to it, my children come first. And I would go through the rest of my life being single if it was better for their well-being. Each parent has to make his/her own decisions regarding the welfare of his/her children. Even as a parent, I don't criticize or judge anyone else's decisions regarding parenting styles. I may not agree with everyone, and that's okay. But when you start talking to someone about how they parent... and you have no children... not a good place to be. Just sayin'

All said with love, DM. :flowerforyou:

1. What is better for your son, you continuously putting yourself in a situation where the "one & done" is more likely, thus extending your time as a single person or him spending time with a sitter? I've never been a parent, so I don't really know how to answer it. But I think the former is worse than the latter. But the "one & done", no chemistry style wastes both your time and the time of the guy. If you find the love of your life, you are going to be happier sooner and won't that be better for him? Something to ponder.

2. This is a fundamentally wrong headed approach. The focus should be the screen in, not the weed out. The weed out philosophy creates a more defensive, uncomfortable date. You should be looking for reasons to be with someone, not reasons to ditch them.

3. Your response in #3 (along with your #2 response) would make me think that you are cold when you are on a date with someone. Granted, I am not your target market, so feel free to take my words with a grain of salt, but if a woman seemed rather cold and defensive in early dates, there's no chance she's getting to a 3rd date or more. I know I like to see some warmth and evidence of a high interest level from the woman, not someone who is going to be an analytical robot who creates a stereotypical job interview type environment in early dates.

I agree with DM here. I dont think he's being critical of the parenting style, rather, critical of the dating style!!

When I was internet dating I never viewed the dates as a 'one and done' or to 'weed' out. For me, the separation of wheat from chafe happened way before the date. I wouldnt meet anyone I didnt think I had rapport, chemistry and common ground with. I think that's a total waste of time to meet someone you know nothing about.

So basically, by the time I agreed to meet someone the meeting was just a physical formality. We had a great night out regardless of if the spark was there or not.

I've read on here that people go on a date before they even speak on the phone?? What's the point? :flowerforyou:

And@JJ - I totally think you should meet the guy again :bigsmile:

Hi SouthernSweetie,

Read my #1 above carefully. I said that I didn't have a definite answer, but it is something to ponder. I phrased things as questions for self reflection. The phrase "I would think....." reveals my own perspective, it is not a declarative statement of right and wrong.

My feeling is that parenting styles have become too child centric in the present, a sentiment that is partially a reflection of the perspective of my mother.

And you don't have to be a parent to have an opinion on parenting that has some degree of merit to it. I was a child at one point raised by parents and saw an approach to parenting. I also have seen the parenting styles of my friends' parents growing up and the parenting styles of other parents in the family. For any parent to casually dismiss my perspective on a parenting style is something that I feel shows a lack of respect for my intellect. Nor do I think for one second that I am the ultimate authority on parenting.

I do not mean to show lack of respect for your intellect, and I apologize for coming across that way. I understand that you were a child and you have seen parenting styles and you have probably formed in your mind how you want to parent, which I think is great. I'm not saying that you might not have some good ideas. But I also know that until you are in that position... until you've held that baby in your arms for the first time and realized that you helped to create this being...until you've stayed up all night with crying children because their biological father died and then the man they came to know as daddy left them... until you've kissed their booboo's... until you've taken into account every aspect of your life, choices that you make, because you have a responsibility to raise them and you want to do the best job you can... you may not fully realize all that comes along with being a parent. You may not fully realize the love, love that you didn't even think existed because it is so deep and so wide, the kind of love that would make you walk out in front of a speeding train if you thought it would save your children... I'm not saying you don't know that kind of love, maybe you do. But I've heard many people say, myself included, that you had NO idea how capable of love they (we) were until we had children. And, yes, I do believe that some people, not all, can love a child like his/her own even if they have never had kids. I have done it. I could do it again.

Even as a parent, I don't criticize or judge anyone else's decisions regarding parenting styles. I may not agree with everyone, and that's okay. But when you start talking to someone about how they parent... and you have no children... not a good place to be. Just sayin'

All said with love, DM. :flowerforyou:

With respect, I dont really get when parents think that just because they have a child that they know how to be good parents!! Or have the monopoly on parenting skills. And I bet you any money you like that you DO judge other parents!!!!! :laugh: All parents do!! I've seen some VERY BAD parenting in my life, my own father being the worst father in the world. Parenting is based on the personality of the parent. This factor makes every parent different in view and style. Just like anything I observe in the world, I think I have a right to an opinion! Whilst I agree that parents have the right to bring their child up in any way they see fit (hmmm to a point! Lets not forget abusive parents who should not have any rights at all!!) , it doesn't make them perfect or beyond criticism.

And besides, DM wasn't even being critical and went to a lot of effort to choose his words wisely. You 'parents' need not be so sensitive :flowerforyou:

That is a good question. I don't know how I would feel. Just imagining the situation if I were in it, I might be afraid to let any emotional attachments begin to grow out of fear that it won't be long before I'm replaced by someone else. Not that that couldn't happen anyway.

Having a lunch date versus dinner date is not going to make or break a relationship. No one ever though, "damn, maybe if we'd had a dinner date we would have gotten along better." Not true. I don't think it matters. Is dinner more romantic? Maybe, but lunch works just fine too.

Venue can make or break a first date. Also, many people feel that dinner isn't the right first date idea either, especially a first date from online.

Picking a first date venue is actually a lot harder than it seems.

Give it another shot. The worst that can happen is you spend a few awkward hours and then just walk away, but you never know - a second chance could turn out really well. It sounds to me like he's pretty keen. Could it be that he was ahead in communication/dating with the other person that didn't work out? Maybe it wasn't that you were a second choice, just the timing? If it turned out that you really clicked and things really worked out in the long run, who cares how it started off!

Agreed