Embarrassed to tell people?

veggibus
veggibus Posts: 34 Member
Is anyone else struggling with being embarrassed to tell people about having bariatric surgery?

My psychologist and team have told me that I shouldn't be and deep down I know that I shouldn't be - but I'm still having a hard time talking about it.

So far, I've told my husband, my Mom (not my Dad), and one colleague who is my workout buddy.
I'm only in the initial stages of the program (still meeting with my nutritionist and surgeon and all), but I have missed work and I will be missing much more. Add that to the whole looking drastically different part and I know that I can't keep it secret. :/
Yet, I'm having a really hard time convincing myself to tell more people.

Also, I walked to a Vitamin Shoppe today for my lunch break to start trying some of the protein shakes/multivitamins/etc. I started describing the type of protein shake that I was looking for to the sales clerk and he said, 'Oh, are you getting gastric bypass?'. I don't know why, but I was so embarrassed that I blushed.

I know that I shouldn't be feeling this way... but I can't seem to feel comfortable about it yet. Any suggestions?

Replies

  • Susann1963
    Susann1963 Posts: 126 Member
    Personally I have no issues with people knowing. If they ask, I tell. Too hard to remember who I told and who I didn't otherwise. I feel proud of myself for making the decision to save my life and improve my future. It is hard work and permanently changing your body, so I think you should be proud of yourself.
  • ragslittle
    ragslittle Posts: 176 Member
    I understand where you are coming from. I didn't tell too many folks during the first couple of months of my pre-op phase, but after that I started telling people and the reactions you get are varied. Some happy some concerned, but now I wear it as a badge of honor and I work at a large hospital (where I also had the surgery) so I have people stopping me asking me about it EVERY DAY and saying how great I look and they are happy that I chose to go that route because they can see how much happier and healthier I am. I am practically a poster child for the surgery here at work. So be proud that you made a decision thats going to make you a happier and healthier person and dont be embarrassed. We are here to support you!!!
  • Chelsrf
    Chelsrf Posts: 194 Member
    I chose to tell only a few select family members and a friend that I was having it done. All of my family now knows and I am starting to tell others (people at work, etc) if they ask about my weight loss.

    I think its everyones personal choice I know a member of my support group, her husband is the only one that knows. To this day she's never told anyone else.
  • cbbarge
    cbbarge Posts: 250 Member
    I didn't tell anyone other than a few close friends and family what I was planning before surgery, but during the pre-surgery phase I managed to lose 40 pounds so everyone saw that I was already losing. I told my boss and work collegues that I was having surgery but didn't say for what. They sent me a gift card from Texas Roadhouse as a get well gift. LOL! Once I got back to work after surgery I pretty much told everyone because by then it was a done deal and nothing anyone could say would change my mind. Now, six months post-op and 90 total pounds down, I have no problem telling people I had WLS.
  • pljohnson001
    pljohnson001 Posts: 50 Member
    At first I had so much shame that I couldn't lose the weight and keep it off alone, that I refused to tell anyone at all. I didn't even tell my husband I had gone to the informational meeting! My attitudes were completely outdated and negative, and I didn't want to think of myself as "one of those people" who "resorted" to an "easy way out".
    I'm happy to say that I've done a complete 180. This was no easy way out, and I've earned every success. I'm proud of the work I've done to improve my health and my appearance, and although I don't offer the information to everyone, I readily answer sincere questions. Furthermore, I don't spend any energy wondering if people who know have told others. Truthfully, most people react with simple joy for me that I'm better able to walk and am so much happier, and I'm only half way to my goal. I expect it to just keep getting better and better.
    Also, and this is important, I got the idea for surgery from a woman who plainly explained her 130 pound loss as "RNY, the best thing she'd ever done in her life." I would not have considered it for myself if not for her example, and this makes me realize how important my honesty could be to someone else out there who's hurting.
    Hope it helps.
  • annalobdell
    annalobdell Posts: 201 Member
    I feel the same way. So far only my husband and my parents are aware that I am planning on surgery in December. I feel like a failure because I couldn't lose the weight and keep it off. I am still very nervous. I feel alone in my descision most days.
  • Before surgery, I told my immediate family, close friends and close co-workers (we eat lunch every day together and they would quickly notice a change in habits when I went on my required pre-op liquid diet). I work in a hospital, so much people understand what RNY is (I did not have surgery here though)

    I don't regret telling any of those people, they were an amazing support system to get me through the long 7 months it took to get approved.

    I'm almost 6 months out from RNY now. Since surgery, if someone asks what I'm doing to lose weight, I tell them I had gastric bypass, I eat a high protein diet and work out 6 days a week. I'm not embarrassed one bit, I'm proud that I made such a huge, life changing decision and living an incredibly active life. I haven't received one negative or rude comment back from anyone I tell. They all say I look great and happy, and I agree with them.

    It's a personal decision and eventually you'll get to a place of knowing what you're comfortable sharing with others.
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
    first let me say that I only told a few people but my reasons didn't stem from embarrassment which I think is why your psychologist is concerned. As a therapist myself these are the things that go through my head when I read your post.

    The reasons you choose who and who not to tell are worth exploring as you are going to be making some big changes in the short and long term future and you want them to be sustainable and not tripped up by any unexplored and underlying psych issues. Ask yourself why you are embarrassed, what are the first thoughts you have "the automatic thoughts" that pop into your head when you consider telling someone. Basically get past the "feeling" and get to the "thought" also called a core belief and that's where you are going to be able to change or at least better define "Embarrassed". You may discover that those underlying thoughts are very reasonable and rational, in which case no worries if they are associated with a lot of stereotypical negative maybe even outdated beliefs you are probably still okay because as you gain confidence and your body image changes and also realize how much hard work you've but in you'll shift your thinking similar to pljohnson's story. The important part for most us mental health professionals is that you know why, have considered the pro's and con's of your decision and have not let your emotions run amok because in the end emotions can be a dieter's bane and lead us right back into bad eating habits.

    Best of luck on your journey, sorry I got all work mode in my post. Besides the way I see it you've already told a ton of people look at all of us who are offering support on MFP, seems like a great first step. :smile:
  • I chose carefully who I wanted to know and who I did not want to share with. Having lost and gained weight several times in my life, it's hard to know that people are in my corner when I'm losing and feeling they are disappointed in me or for me when I'm gaining. Further, it's hard to tell people that I had a lapband because I think others see this as the cause for me losing weight, not simply another tool to help. I'm walking five miles a day and eating 1,200 calories, so I feel like I've lost the weight on my own effort, not just because of a band. It would be a common misconception for most people that bariatric surgery is in itself the cause of our success when it is not a magic bullet.

    Further, I just didn't share much prior to surgery because I didn't want to hear friends or acquaintances tell me that I didn't really need to do that! I only shared my intentions with people who I knew would be encouraging of my choice. So, my dad and husband know, just a few other people in my inner circle and the bulk of my family does not know.
  • Onaughmae
    Onaughmae Posts: 873 Member
    I think its a personal decision and neither way is right or wrong. Just do what feels right to you. I had no issues with telling anyone. I figured when I took off 5 weeks from work and came back losing weight people would figure it out anyway. People have been very supportive..at least to my face. I figure also i I can inspire someone to take that step that needs to...then thats a good thing.
  • Mrbusterb
    Mrbusterb Posts: 114
    I understand how you feel.I had my surgery back in May and i've lost 106lbs so far and still only my close friends and family know and they have been very supportive.Of course people notice the weight loss,but if they don't ask i won't tell.I think in my case i just don't want to deal with the negative comments that people i know will say if i tell them so i just don't say anything
  • I only told a select few until surgery was scheduled. I told all my co-workers the week of surgery because I didn't want people guessing or spreading rumors why I was out for 4 weeks. You will get stories (good & bad), but remember this surgery is different for everyone. I have found most people know very little about the surgery and I had to educate them. Remember you co-workers, friends, family will all be part of your support group.
    I am now 4 months out and I tell everyone.

    I know I made the right decision for myself to have this surgery and am HAPPY I did it.
  • ruby_brewer
    ruby_brewer Posts: 26 Member
    I tell anyone and everyone who asks! LOL---For me, I didn't want to feel like I was 'lying' to anyone when asked about weight loss --even though I know I could have just said 'I'm eatting better and exercising more'. Also, the individuals who think that WLS is the 'easy way out' drive me INSANE! This surgery is hard----when you have 160 lbs to lose like I do you need every tool available :) I am now 4 weeks out and am down a total of 38 lbs......I haven't lost anything this whole last week but I am losing inches and it is very true that getting in enough protein is hard when you can't eat much.

    You will want the support of your friends and family through this entire process! One of the hardest thing for me is smelling the yummy food that others are eatting and only being able to have liquids or pureed foods at the moment. Support systems are needed for your nutritional needs and your exercising routines. You don't have to tell people if you do not want to----but you will want to tell those that can be the much needed support for you! Even though some friends and family may feel insecure about the new you, your support for them will only help them help you :-)

    Good Luck!
  • JillSara
    JillSara Posts: 5 Member
    At first I was really embarrassed. Pre-op when I started to cut things out of my diet and monitor everything I kept asking myself.. "Do they know I'm having RNY... Are they looking at me different?" etc.

    I am a little over 15 weeks out and down a total of 76 lbs and when people ask how I have lost the weight I tell them that I had gastric bypass surgery, I track everything I eat, and because of the weight I have lost, I am now physically able to exercise 6 days a week which was impossible and very painful before! I haven't found a single person who didn't congratulate me on making that decision for myself. I guarantee there are a few people that don't agree with the surgery but I respect their congratulations for making the decision to better my life, whatever the way I chose was.

    Add me on here if you want, I love the support that I get from people! I love giving encouragement as well :)
  • babymine55
    babymine55 Posts: 127 Member
    It's funny...I've had NO problem telling people that I had a gastric sleeve done...UNTIL I joined this site. I'm 34 months out and I have worked hard for EVERY pound I've lost, yet, I find myself not announcing that I've had it done on my profile or anything. When asked specifically, I tell the truth, of course, but, I just don't have it plastered on my page.

    It may be my perception...but, to me, those that haven't had to deal with being super morbidly obese...don't understand. And those that have gone through bariatric surgery soon understand, that it's not a magic solution-you still have to work for it.

    This far out after my VGS my surgery really, does no more than help me with portion control. I still have to manage my choices, daily. I still have to deal with the emotional battles daily. Yet, I've had conversations with people who truly believe that I cheated, or, if I had just worked harder...I could have done it without surgery. The one benefit they miss...is that, I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt-I will NEVER be 370 pounds again. :D


    May I say, best wishes to you on your journey, and know that you are not alone.

    :)
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    I think it's a very personal decision and depends greatly on the support, or lack of, you are going to receive from those people you tel. As you may have already noticed there are many ill informed and even hostile people on here when it comes to surgery. These are the kind of people best to avoid.

    Personally I am in the beginning of surgery "prep" if you will and need to drop close to 70 pounds before I can actually get it. I have no issues telling people what I'm doing and why and if they don't like it, they can stuff it in an orifice of their choosing. If you are like me and don't care about the negativity of others cool. If you are slightly more sensitive than I and worry about reactions and the negativity then I completely understand why you wouldn't want to tell people. Just remember one thing, you can't get the support many are more than happy and willing to offer if you don't share with them what your plans, needs and wants happen to be.

    Good luck to you.
  • troy667
    troy667 Posts: 4
    I have no issue people knowing i am going to gastric sleeve bypass, i think its better people know.
  • authormarieskye
    authormarieskye Posts: 64 Member
    I think i was going the route of trying not to tell people but when I had to start my 2 week liquid diet before surgery it was pretty much out there. They all handled it well and was very supportive. It's other friends I have i'm not so sure about telling. Close friends yeah, but those friends i talk to just a few times a year i won't unless they actually ask. I get the whole "what are you doing to lose weight" and i just smile and say putting in lots of hard work, good diet and exercise. cause technically i'm not lying.