How my second date went...
Laura_Suzie
Posts: 1,288 Member
So I went on my 2nd date tonight. It was fun, but awkward. I picked him up and we walked around the historic part of town and looked in the really cool boutiques and shops. In one of the shops, they have a "naughty section" and I smiled and said, "Have you ever been in there?" He said no and I said I had and went inside, he stood outside like he was scared to go in. NOW, before you think I'm a pervert, you should know all they have in there is stuff for bachlorette parties and maryjane cookbooks. Nothing too shocking, no "toys" or anything like that. I thought he would want to go in there though, because he said he appreciates a woman who wasn't afraid to be a little naughty. Oh and he's a nineteen year old boy...
Then, I said I was hungry and wanted to get something to eat and asked him where he would like to go. He gave me NOTHING. I ended up having to suggest a restaurant. At the restaurant it was VERY comfortable and we talked a lot.
After we ate, we met up with my friends (which he said he was okay with) to see my friend who was performing at this event. We got there too late to see her perform and there were no seats left. I found some folding chairs and asked if he wanted to sit with me and he said he was fine standing. So I sat in a chair and he stood behind me for a good 15 minutes. After it was over, I introduced him to my friends and my best friend's parents. He was polite but very quiet.
Then, we all went out to a restaurant and we didn't eat anything, but we all talked and had drinks and my friends did a good job making him comfortable and incorporating him into the conversation. I tried to focus on him too. He was still kind of quiet though. Then outside of the restaurant, my friend's parents wanted to take a picture of everyone and my BFF's dad (he is super funny and loves to embarrass people) said to us, "Oh you two need to stand next to each other!" So I put my arm around him and he kept his arms behind his back. THEN, my BFF's dad said to him, "You look like you're handcuffed loosen up a bit." He just put his arms by his sides. It's like he's scared to touch me!
Then, I drove him home and walked him up to his door and we were both kind of silent and so I looked at him and said, "I had a lot of fun tonight and I always have a great time hanging out with you!" He looked surprised and said, "Really?!" and I said, "Yeah, you're really fun to talk to and I like being around you."
I stared at him for the longest time and he just kind of looked off in the distance like he was scared to look at me... SO I just said, "Well, this was fun we should do it again!" Then, we hugged and I SWORE I felt his face on the side of mine. I don't know if he wanted to kiss me or thought when I went in for the hug that it was going to be a kiss or what. But it was AWKWARD.
He told me to drive home safely and I left.
I got the vibe he liked me, but he is just so shy and he is like scared to touch me. I touched him on the arm several times though. I could tell he was a little nervous just in the way he moves and his body language. Keep in mind HE is the one that keeps asking me out and he is VERY flirty when we texted. I try to over compensate and be really outgoing. I was REALLY cautious about him meeting my friends and I knew it would be a little uncomfortable at first since meeting new people is always weird at first. We met about 5 months ago and I talk about my friends a lot so I felt like it would be okay. I feel slightly annoyed, like he doesn't speak up and doesn't say what's on his mind. He told me it was important for him to find a woman that is opinionated and adventurous and I don't feel like he is either of those things. I really DO like talking with him and he is a gentleman. I just wish he was more intimate and not so afraid of me. I don't know why he is so awkward...
I don't understand men.
Then, I said I was hungry and wanted to get something to eat and asked him where he would like to go. He gave me NOTHING. I ended up having to suggest a restaurant. At the restaurant it was VERY comfortable and we talked a lot.
After we ate, we met up with my friends (which he said he was okay with) to see my friend who was performing at this event. We got there too late to see her perform and there were no seats left. I found some folding chairs and asked if he wanted to sit with me and he said he was fine standing. So I sat in a chair and he stood behind me for a good 15 minutes. After it was over, I introduced him to my friends and my best friend's parents. He was polite but very quiet.
Then, we all went out to a restaurant and we didn't eat anything, but we all talked and had drinks and my friends did a good job making him comfortable and incorporating him into the conversation. I tried to focus on him too. He was still kind of quiet though. Then outside of the restaurant, my friend's parents wanted to take a picture of everyone and my BFF's dad (he is super funny and loves to embarrass people) said to us, "Oh you two need to stand next to each other!" So I put my arm around him and he kept his arms behind his back. THEN, my BFF's dad said to him, "You look like you're handcuffed loosen up a bit." He just put his arms by his sides. It's like he's scared to touch me!
Then, I drove him home and walked him up to his door and we were both kind of silent and so I looked at him and said, "I had a lot of fun tonight and I always have a great time hanging out with you!" He looked surprised and said, "Really?!" and I said, "Yeah, you're really fun to talk to and I like being around you."
I stared at him for the longest time and he just kind of looked off in the distance like he was scared to look at me... SO I just said, "Well, this was fun we should do it again!" Then, we hugged and I SWORE I felt his face on the side of mine. I don't know if he wanted to kiss me or thought when I went in for the hug that it was going to be a kiss or what. But it was AWKWARD.
He told me to drive home safely and I left.
I got the vibe he liked me, but he is just so shy and he is like scared to touch me. I touched him on the arm several times though. I could tell he was a little nervous just in the way he moves and his body language. Keep in mind HE is the one that keeps asking me out and he is VERY flirty when we texted. I try to over compensate and be really outgoing. I was REALLY cautious about him meeting my friends and I knew it would be a little uncomfortable at first since meeting new people is always weird at first. We met about 5 months ago and I talk about my friends a lot so I felt like it would be okay. I feel slightly annoyed, like he doesn't speak up and doesn't say what's on his mind. He told me it was important for him to find a woman that is opinionated and adventurous and I don't feel like he is either of those things. I really DO like talking with him and he is a gentleman. I just wish he was more intimate and not so afraid of me. I don't know why he is so awkward...
I don't understand men.
0
Replies
-
He's 19. Sounds like he's new to the dating thing by the way you describe the date being shy and akward about things. I am kinda scratching my head over the performing event part of your date. He just chose to stand behind you instead of sitting? (-_-)a hmm......0
-
He's 19. Sounds like he's new to the dating thing by the way you describe the date being shy and akward about things. I am kinda scratching my head over the performing event part of your date. He just chose to stand behind you instead of sitting? (-_-)a hmm......
Yeah I actually asked him several times, "Are you sure you don't want to sit? I can get you a chair." He just would say, "No, I'm fine."0 -
I'm 35 and men confuse me more and more every day.
Get used to it.
Either way date # 2 done here is something I learned last summer. Don't keep dating a guy just because he keeps asking you out...lol I did that with a man..he wouldn't touch me but kept on asking me out..so it almost became alittle joke in my mind to see how long it would take from him to kiss me (I know not good). Anyway it took the guy 5 dates..for one kiss. I had liked talking to him when we met..but wasn't particularly attracted..he was good company. Then I did start to find him kind of cute...in the end he was the most asexual man I'd ever met....was terrified of physical intimacy and I think he assumed I was too..well he was wrong. I should have just cut it off when he made no moves...but he kept chatting and asking me out. So weird.
Basically if there are things that really bother you..then cut it off..friendzone him if you like talking..and then move on.0 -
I can't even remember as far back as when I was 18/19 (and also still a virgin) and what guys were like, or what I was like for that matter.......:laugh:
However,
I guess that, in general, the big difference between men and women on the dating scene, is patience. Women move fast. Men move slow. I'm still having this problem of time differential now, even though both me and the said guy are 40odd!
So, all I'm trying to say is, be patient IF you want the guy! If he begins to get on your nerves by his lack of decision making and adventure, then you're probably finding out you're not going to be compatible.
Even though most of the advice given here if for women to ask men out in this modern era, it can become a bit of a chore when the guy is naturally submissive and you ALWAYS have to do the asking!! Or always have to make the first move for a kiss, for sex, for everything.... :yawn: But some men are like that, and some women are more dominant. And really, you just have to decide if it will work out. That's what finding a partner is all about - do you two gel as people?
Good luck :flowerforyou:
ETA: Not many people are 100% compatible, so we all learn to live with compromises. I guess what I'm trying to say is: you will know sooner or later if this guy is worth pursuing because you're 'mostly' compatible, or if he is just hard work!!0 -
Hi Laura,
Your post is very content rich and descriptive, which I like.
1. There were many weeks between the 1st and 2nd date. Time is a momentum killer. No more than a week should elapse between early stage dates (first 4-6 weeks or so). There was no excuse for that.
2. He should have gone into the naughty section with you. Life is short. Live a little!
3. He was unprepared and non assertive in suggesting a place. It's not that difficult to suggest a place. A 19 year old should have enough competency to do so.
4. Introducing the friend element this early is a bad idea. He should have said no to that.
5. He should touch and kiss. You were touching him. He had his hints.
Men don't understand women either if it makes you feel any better.0 -
Hi Laura,
Your post is very content rich and descriptive, which I like.
1. There were many weeks between the 1st and 2nd date. Time is a momentum killer. No more than a week should elapse between early stage dates (first 4-6 weeks or so). There was no excuse for that.
2. He should have gone into the naughty section with you. Life is short. Live a little!
3. He was unprepared and non assertive in suggesting a place. It's not that difficult to suggest a place. A 19 year old should have enough competency to do so.
4. Introducing the friend element this early is a bad idea. He should have said no to that.
5. He should touch and kiss. You were touching him. He had his hints.
Men don't understand women either if it makes you feel any better.
I agree with all of these points, and now it's time to decide if it's worth further pursuit. It sounds like he was terrified. If you end up talking more with him, you could always try to deconstruct the date a little to get his perspective?
When I was that age, it was one extreme or the other. Totally insane risk taking or terror stricken panic. Zero ability to regulate it. My first real date (after breaking up with high school boyfriend) was at 19, and I didn't eat a single bite of food because I was sure I'd throw up. I don't think I spoke, either.
Ultimately, the date you describe (meeting friends, parents of friends, etc) would have killed me at that age so early in the dating process. I'd be soft on him.0 -
Laura, your dated sounded very.... strange to me. I don't understand why he wouldn't go into the naughty section of the shop. He sounds like he's wound up really tightly. I wouldn't think you're a pervert for wanting to go check it out, but perhaps he's a bit prudish and you frightened him off a bit with that? I am curious what was in there though, if not "toys". LOL!
If you really like the guy and he wants to see you again, I really suggest not including your friends in your plans. A date, especially so early on and with someone so obviously shy and nervous, should just be the two of you. I guess it's kind of difficult if he wants to see you on a night that a friend has some kind of special event thing that you want to intend, as it might be important to you, but if something like that arises again, you just say you can't do that night AND suggest an alternative night. Don't just turn down the date, let him know you want to see him but have plans on that particular day.
If I was kind of wishy washy about a guy, I have to say that his behavior on this date would have probably killed any interest I had in him. I dated someone recently with whom things just didn't seem to be going anywhere and it was hard for me to keep going out with him even though I like him a lot. Turns out he's not interested in kissing (his words). We're friends, but the lack of initiative on his part to kiss me (on the sofa watching movies) with me giving lots of touching signals for a couple dates kept confusing me why he wanted to go out with me again and making my interest wane. I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt because it's so hard to find someone with that much compatibility with me otherwise in your 40s. If I was 18, I wouldn't have waited him out so long since there are so many other single fish in the sea at that age.
You did say at the restaurant that it felt very comfortable, so maybe he was just overwhelmed with the friends and family. I hope that means he will man up and ask you next time with a very clear plan for what the date will be from start to finish.0 -
A question for overall context.
You have talked of being involved and active in a church,was this guy as well?
If so he may be very inexperienced coupled with some intensive teaching about NOT being to aggressive in any way with a lady.
Throw in possible guilt issues for having impure thoughts etc.
I am not in any way ridiculing anyones beliefs either,just pointing out how it can be affecting his behavior.0 -
A question for overall context.
You have talked of being involved and active in a church,was this guy as well?
If so he may be very inexperienced coupled with some intensive teaching about NOT being to aggressive in any way with a lady.
Throw in possible guilt issues for having impure thoughts etc.
I am not in any way ridiculing anyones beliefs either,just pointing out how it can be affecting his behavior.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
He went to an all boys catholic school and whenever he says anything flirty or sexual when we're texting, he apologizes for being "inappropriate".0 -
Okay... kind of having a panic attack right now, my friends added him on Facebook... god.0
-
A question for overall context.
You have talked of being involved and active in a church,was this guy as well?
If so he may be very inexperienced coupled with some intensive teaching about NOT being to aggressive in any way with a lady.
Throw in possible guilt issues for having impure thoughts etc.
I am not in any way ridiculing anyones beliefs either,just pointing out how it can be affecting his behavior.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
He went to an all boys catholic school and whenever he says anything flirty or sexual when we're texting, he apologizes for being "inappropriate".
Then tell him you want to jump his bones,give him a few minutes to pass out and revive then carry on. :smokin:
Okay,now to be serious...this is a thing for both of you so you must work with it and around it.
Talk,talk and then talk some more,about your faiths and lives.
Both need to be on the same page and don`t think that sitting back while he sorts out long held/indoctrinated views is going to work.0 -
I think a good idea would be to ask yourself how you feel about spending more time with him. Only you know how to answer that.0
-
I think your guy had a massive wank that evening.0
-
I think your guy had a massive wank that evening.
And where in the world did you get that idea? :huh:
Turns out, HE added my friends on Facebook. And he didn't text me at all today...0 -
He seems like a really shy guy indeed and he is probably really excited about you being so "into him" - excitation which I'm sure he could barely contain, so he's got to release the pressure one way or another! :laugh: :laugh:And where in the world did you get that idea? :huh:
Maybe he is homosexual mind you... And he's trying to not give you the wrong idea. (EDIT: read your thing again, and I don't think so)
Which on a side note leads me to this: don't push it too hard on him - he either wants or doesn't want. I think you played your part perfectly, the ball is in his court now!0 -
From the way you describe it, this guy reminds me a lot of myself at his age. I'm guessing he doesn't have much dating experience? Young guys are dumb when it comes to dating. He seems very shy and is dating someone he considers out of his league.
He probably thought he was being polite in not suggesting a restaurant, he wanted to be sure it would be something you'd like and the only way to guarantee that is by letting you choose. Again, young guys are dumb.
With the chair thing, were there other people standing? If so, I get the point. Why should he get the comforts of a chair when other people are standing? It's just another way of being overly polite/stupid.
Meeting friends is awkward at any point, but since he doesn't even seem to be comfortable with you yet, he was probably petrified to be around your friends. He's not going to tell you that though, even though you asked.
Because he doesn't think he's worthy of your company he's afraid to do anything (touch, kiss, etc) that might scare you away. I hate to say it, but you'll either have to wait until the switch goes off in his head or make your own moves, his brain is too young/inexperienced to pick up the obvious signals you've been sending.
If you like him, you'll have to find a way to make him comfortable around you. Good luck.0 -
With the chair thing, were there other people standing? If so, I get the point. Why should he get the comforts of a chair when other people are standing? It's just another way of being overly polite/stupid.
Good point, but EVERYONE (and I mean everyone) was sitting...0 -
1 - Not only was your story very descriptive (as noted), your grammar was impeccable. Excellent job! A 19-year old who can actually write coherent paragraphs! You are a great catch for this guy or any guy... ;-)
2 - Sadly, among the many negatives of Christianity, one huge one is its unhealthy relationship towards sex. Now, attending a Catholic school doesn't mean he actually listened to their indoctrination on the evils of sex. After all, when I was 19, I looked for girls who attended Catholic school. They were always the hottest, and seemed to be raring to go, if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). But I'm sensing that this is not your boy's situation. He seems genuinely repressed, which may mean he was a good pupil. This is a huge problem that may take years of expensive therapy to correct.
3 - We men can be slow, but this is just ridiculous. You nicely touched his arm a few times, you gave him many other clues. My guess is you could have taped a sign on your forehead that said "kiss me fool" and he still would have screwed it up.
4 - I suggest dumping this guy. You need to find yourself a "bad boy." If you haven't seen the movie Grease, please rent it and study it closely. Not sure if you can sing and dance? This is more optional at this point. The main thing is to get a kind hearted rebel to fall for you, and you for him. Start combing the soda shops and drive-in burger joints in your hometown. Leather jackets and souped up convertibles are a huge give away.
Avoid "nice" boys at all costs!
Good luck.
--P0 -
1 - Not only was your story very descriptive (as noted), your grammar was impeccable. Excellent job! A 19-year old who can actually write coherent paragraphs! You are a great catch for this guy or any guy... ;-)
2 - Sadly, among the many negatives of Christianity, one huge one is its unhealthy relationship towards sex. Now, attending a Catholic school doesn't mean he actually listened to their indoctrination on the evils of sex. After all, when I was 19, I looked for girls who attended Catholic school. They were always the hottest, and seemed to be raring to go, if you know what I mean (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). But I'm sensing that this is not your boy's situation. He seems genuinely repressed, which may mean he was a good pupil. This is a huge problem that may take years of expensive therapy to correct.
3 - We men can be slow, but this is just ridiculous. You nicely touched his arm a few times, you gave him many other clues. My guess is you could have taped a sign on your forehead that said "kiss me fool" and he still would have screwed it up.
4 - I suggest dumping this guy. You need to find yourself a "bad boy." If you haven't seen the movie Grease, please rent it and study it closely. Not sure if you can sing and dance? This is more optional at this point. The main thing is to get a kind hearted rebel to fall for you, and you for him. Start combing the soda shops and drive-in burger joints in your hometown. Leather jackets and souped up convertibles are a huge give away.
Avoid "nice" boys at all costs!
Good luck.
--P
Do I sing or dance? HA! I've been studying the movie "Grease" since the age of 3!
And I'm actually 18 by the way... haha
Good advice though.0 -
So, to continue with my story...
I just got done texting him and... umm... I think he might be crazy.
We were just talking about random things and life. I complimented him and said that he was very knowledgeable when it came to quotes. He mentioned that he had trained his mind, but now he needed to train his body to carry out justice against those you have wronged him. :ohwell:
I jokingly replied, "Oh, so you are going to beat them up..." , he sent this:
"No. I'm smarter than that. They must believe everything is fine. It's all the same, I'm still a broken shell of a man. It's not there bodies that must receive punishment but their spirits. Besides most of them have faced karma, its the more recent ones that need to learn."
:huh:
I asked who he believed had wronged him and he replied with:
"People that wanted me to think they were my friends, or made me believe they cared. It's a path I don't want to go down, it's the villain path. But I'm angry..."
I just said, "Yes there are people in my life I've been angry at but the best thing is to forgive them." And again he replied with this:
"I can let it all go, except maybe for one. That all depends on her. Perhaps in the future things will work themselves out and I don't have to become the monster I fear in myself."
:noway:
He then said he was tired and said goodnight and that was that... :ohwell:
Uhhh... I'm not sure what the hell that was. :indifferent: Anyone else want to take a crack at it?0 -
"I can let it all go, except maybe for one. That all depends on her. Perhaps in the future things will work themselves out and I don't have to become the monster I fear in myself."
This guy has Columbine written all over him. What are you waiting for, a CNN camera crew outside of your door?
Disengage. Abort. Eject.
--P0 -
"I can let it all go, except maybe for one. That all depends on her. Perhaps in the future things will work themselves out and I don't have to become the monster I fear in myself."
This guy has Columbine written all over him. What are you waiting for, a CNN camera crew outside of your door?
Disengage. Abort. Eject.
--P
haha he did mention he really likes the movies "Psycho" and "American Psycho". Oh God...0 -
The kid is full of hate... Let him sort this out himself.
Hope he doesn't think you guys are BFF already!0 -
Eek! Run away! And let your friends know that he is a little bit craaaazy... You don't want it to escalate.0
-
run run run and I don't mean on a treadmill.0
-
Uh-oh. Back away slowly. Don't make sudden moves. A kid that age who calls himself "...a broken shell of a man" could potentially be that. Yuck.
But really, lots of boys that age are angry about one thing or another (I hear statements like his all the time working with adolescents) and he obviously has very poor social skills, but it's too bad. Don't invest anything further, and be thankful your date was so weird.0 -
I think it is clear that there should be no third date.0
-
That actually sounds like a movie quote. You may want to ask him before you assume he's totally nuts.0
-
That actually sounds like a movie quote. You may want to ask him before you assume he's totally nuts.
I'm not sure it's worth finding out. It might be a possibility, but given his odd behaviour on the date, not worth giving a chance. There are too many other fish out there. Run, Sweetie :noway:0 -
I agree with just about everyone else, this guy is f'in bananas. Seems like the bad mix of immaturity, misdirected anger, and awkwardness.0
