Online Dating TAKE 2
NCTravellingGirl
Posts: 717 Member
I just had to share since so many on here have given lots of advice, that even though I stepped away from online dating 2 weeks ago, I used that time to really step back and learn from it. I needed to figure out what to do differently. Obviously, I can't control people responding or not, and I definitely can't do anything about the crazy people, but there were some obvious issues on my end with not drawing a firm boundary early on as well as getting involved too quickly. I'm ready to go back in with that knowledge and do things differently...
I'm still not sure that online dating is the right way to go for ME, but I will say that the two weeks I took off made me realize that I definitely felt like AT LEAST I was trying to do something different when I was online as opposed to being a single complainer. It's all just learning experiences anyway, right?!
So I reposted on POF last night... and already have about 15 messages. Those of you online will appreciate the hilarious initial messages asking me for a late night rendezvous, another suggesting that my beautiful lips must mean that I'm an amazing kisser, and a third offering to have babies with me... WTH is wrong with people?! :noway: But hey, at least it's funny! There is a lot of junk to weed through, but I'm only looking for one person, right?!
Good luck to those of you out there searching, no matter what your method!
I'm still not sure that online dating is the right way to go for ME, but I will say that the two weeks I took off made me realize that I definitely felt like AT LEAST I was trying to do something different when I was online as opposed to being a single complainer. It's all just learning experiences anyway, right?!
So I reposted on POF last night... and already have about 15 messages. Those of you online will appreciate the hilarious initial messages asking me for a late night rendezvous, another suggesting that my beautiful lips must mean that I'm an amazing kisser, and a third offering to have babies with me... WTH is wrong with people?! :noway: But hey, at least it's funny! There is a lot of junk to weed through, but I'm only looking for one person, right?!
Good luck to those of you out there searching, no matter what your method!
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Maybe i'll rejoin OKC.0
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Congrats to you for giving it another shot!
Did you make any changes to your profile?0 -
Obviously, I can't control people responding or not, and I definitely can't do anything about the crazy people, but there were some obvious issues on my end with not drawing a firm boundary early on as well as getting involved too quickly. I'm ready to go back in with that knowledge and do things differently...
I think this is a good place to start! However a person feels comfortable putting themselves out into the dating world, right? Acknowledging the lack of control is super smart- good for you.
I don't have tons of experience with online dating, but it seems to require that you sit on your ego and ride it out. It also seems like there's an uncomfortable dichotomy between external validation and rejection that would be hard to deal with if you aren't somewhat prepared for it.0 -
Can't wait to hear your "success stories" (or not). :laugh:
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I am glad you are back out there.....it can be fun. Even, if you just talk to someone and then realize you aren't interested or they aren't interested....it is fun while it lasts, provided you just don't get too invested too early.
And, don't take it personally when they don't respond, and don't feel you have to respond to everyone--especially the inappropriate ones. I don't know which site you chose to go back--if just POF or another as well, but I think Match is almost as bad as eharmony in my experience---at least in this area.......
So, good luck!!0 -
I can totally relate to where you are coming from. I too felt like the rejections were pretty harsh, but then I realized that they are rejecting my picture, not me. There is no way to write a few paragraphs that would paint a complete picture of who I am (provided they even read the write up). And if a guy doesn't like my picture, then he doesn't care enough about who I am as a person anyway.
Rejection is tough, no matter how it comes your way. And it's even tougher not to take it personally. It's been hard on my ego, but here lately I've found myself just not caring anymore what they might or might not think about my appearance. If that's all they are judging someone on so be it.....they aren't the one for me. It still stings when I don't hear back from someone that I thought I could be compatible with because you never know if its your looks or something else. But I figure I'll just keep on living my life and becoming the person I'm ultimately supposed to be and enjoy the ride.
Good luck out there!! :flowerforyou: Oh and btw, that's where I met my guy.
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I really like your new attitude!! I totally agree that it isn't exactly fun all the time, but at least there is a sense that you are doing something constructive toward the cause... So, please tell us what is different about your profile?0
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I just had to share since so many on here have given lots of advice, that even though I stepped away from online dating 2 weeks ago, I used that time to really step back and learn from it. I needed to figure out what to do differently. Obviously, I can't control people responding or not, and I definitely can't do anything about the crazy people, but there were some obvious issues on my end with not drawing a firm boundary early on as well as getting involved too quickly. I'm ready to go back in with that knowledge and do things differently...
I'm still not sure that online dating is the right way to go for ME, but I will say that the two weeks I took off made me realize that I definitely felt like AT LEAST I was trying to do something different when I was online as opposed to being a single complainer. It's all just learning experiences anyway, right?!
So I reposted on POF last night... and already have about 15 messages. Those of you online will appreciate the hilarious initial messages asking me for a late night rendezvous, another suggesting that my beautiful lips must mean that I'm an amazing kisser, and a third offering to have babies with me... WTH is wrong with people?! :noway: But hey, at least it's funny! There is a lot of junk to weed through, but I'm only looking for one person, right?!
Good luck to those of you out there searching, no matter what your method!
I definitely commend you for getting back out there and giving online dating another shot. I think most people on here told you that you just need a couple of weeks to take a break from it all. Everybody needs a break from online dating every once in a while.
And don't sweat the whole rejection thing. These are total strangers, so screw them if they don't want to get to know you. Myself and pretty much everyone I know who tried online dating ran into the same issues with getting responses back. I found if I e-mailed girls that were right for me, I would have the best chance at meeting someone. If I e-mailed gorgeous, 21 yr old blonde on Miami Beach, chances are slim to none I would get a response. If I e-mailed someone around my age that I would look good with, my response rate was much, much higher. Just have to find your target male demographic. Good luck!0 -
Can't wait to hear your "success stories" (or not). :laugh:
Yeah, yeah, Flam, thanks :laugh: Even the crazy experiences are the most successful WTF stories to pass along, ha!
As to my profile, I mixed up the pics, and I rewrote the whole profile, taking bits from the other profiles I've used. I learned that I needed more detail on POF to hopefully weed out SOME of the wrong people (whereas on Match I needed LESS detail). So I'd say this profile has more info and is a little more specific in who I am/ what I'd like, since I was focused on drawing a line more. My profile name is the same as here so feel free to check it out...
And, because I know you'll ask Janie, I still put Plus a Few Pounds, haha....still not ready for about average!0 -
Good for you for giving it another shot. What about OKCupid? I actually found that site better than POF in terms of how it's set up/search function versus POF, and less creepy guys (although I only used both for a very limited time). I think it helps to think of them as introduction sites rather than dating sites myself.So I reposted on POF last night... and already have about 15 messages. Those of you online will appreciate the hilarious initial messages asking me for a late night rendezvous, another suggesting that my beautiful lips must mean that I'm an amazing kisser, and a third offering to have babies with me... WTH is wrong with people?! :noway: But hey, at least it's funny! There is a lot of junk to weed through, but I'm only looking for one person, right?!
I look forward to hearing more of the funny messages you get since I'm not looking right now. We can always help you compose an (in)appropriate reply. 0 -
And, because I know you'll ask Janie, I still put Plus a Few Pounds, haha....still not ready for about average!
haha I forgot about that... what was on my mind was whether you showed yourself off in red and not hiding behind anyone ;-)
But already the changes you made garnered more attention... just think of how the floodgates will open when you get in good enough shape that you can put "about average." Trust me, it makes a difference!0 -
haha I forgot about that... what was on my mind was whether you showed yourself off in red and not hiding behind anyone ;-)
But already the changes you made garnered more attention... just think of how the floodgates will open when you get in good enough shape that you can put "about average." Trust me, it makes a difference!
Still not ready for that either, though did try to get my friends to take pics of my on vacation to use in the future. Turns out they all hate cameras so I got hardly ANY. We'll try again! I need a more close up picture/ full body shot with nothing/ no one blocking me.
I agree that the changes have been good. Probably 30% of the initial messages were worth responding to so better! There has been one slightly weird guy I talked to but thankfully he shut down his profile after chastizing me so I didn't have to go off on him (I told him I was getting sleepy and would talk to him Tuesday. He said he wouldn't give me his number until Tuesday so I didn't lose it and not call. Weird, but maybe he was trying to be funny.... I logged off then got a message back from a guy that I really did want to talk to so I got back on for 3 minutes... AND THEN the first guy sent me another message reminding me that I had said I was going to bed so I needed to follow through and log off, WTH?! Thank God he went away!). Entertainment at its finest.0 -
He's sounds really controlling. I bet he'd be loads of fun to date. POF does draw the weirdos.AND THEN the first guy sent me another message reminding me that I had said I was going to bed so I needed to follow through and log off, WTH?! Thank God he went away!). Entertainment at its finest.0 -
He's sounds really controlling. I bet he'd be loads of fun to date. POF does draw the weirdos.AND THEN the first guy sent me another message reminding me that I had said I was going to bed so I needed to follow through and log off, WTH?! Thank God he went away!). Entertainment at its finest.
OMG I had one that kept messaging me and getting mad cause I flat out told him he wasnt my type. I told him (very nicely the first time) that he was to short for me. I'm 5'8.5 and this guy was 5'3 and would not get the point. Then he started messaging about how I was an uppity B!t(& and how I would lower my standards really soon if I wanted to snag a guy lol.. Yeah cause thats totally gonna make me go running to you..
edited cause I cant spell0 -
Can't wait to hear your "success stories" (or not). :laugh:
Yeah, yeah, Flam, thanks :laugh: Even the crazy experiences are the most successful WTF stories to pass along, ha!
As to my profile, I mixed up the pics, and I rewrote the whole profile, taking bits from the other profiles I've used. I learned that I needed more detail on POF to hopefully weed out SOME of the wrong people (whereas on Match I needed LESS detail). So I'd say this profile has more info and is a little more specific in who I am/ what I'd like, since I was focused on drawing a line more. My profile name is the same as here so feel free to check it out...
And, because I know you'll ask Janie, I still put Plus a Few Pounds, haha....still not ready for about average!
I never looked at your old profile, but I just looked and do like this new one. Fingers crossed for you to have more luck and fun stories to share! :flowerforyou:0 -
Good for you getting back in there! I just started the online dating thing a week and a bit ago and well; I don't think it is for me at all, in fact I already decided to get off OKC as of today.
Looking forward to hearing some success and some more updates on your journey; I admire your determination with this, I don't have the patience or self esteem for online dating!0 -
I feel you - I am jumping back into the online dating thing as well. I changed up my profile - but I have been too chicken to see if I have any messages lol
On another site I am on I have had men tell me I am too fat (shoot they should have seen me 145 lbs ago!!!)
Good luck to you and I cant wait to hear about your adventures!!! :drinker:0 -
I agree that doing 'something' is better than doing 'nothing'! I used to pass the time of day on them, especially if on a Friday night you have nothing better to do!
Just remember the rules:
1. Dont take it personally or use the 'rejection' word
2. Dont invest any time or emotion before meeting in person
3. Remember you deserve to be adored!
Good Luck NC :flowerforyou:0 -
^Awesome advice!I agree that doing 'something' is better than doing 'nothing'! I used to pass the time of day on them, especially if on a Friday night you have nothing better to do!
Just remember the rules:
1. Dont take it personally or use the 'rejection' word
2. Dont invest any time or emotion before meeting in person
3. Remember you deserve to be adored!
Good Luck NC :flowerforyou:
I'd add - if you meet someone, be careful but try not to be paranoid.
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Good luck this time around! I've been doing the online dating thing since the beginning of the year. I think it's a good tool. I met my current bf via POF.
I also made a great friend and met some cool guys.
And I also took breaks... Sometimes every week or so I'd just hide my profile and then when I felt ready, id go back so you're not alone there.0
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