Does needing space always mean s/he's not the one?
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JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
48 hours of travel gave me lots of time to think up questions for y'all... lol...
When I hear girlfriends say their bf "needs space," I think back to the (admittedly, very few) times I ever felt that way; where I felt like the guy I was seeing was too into me. I didn't want to cut him off completely (he was hot, fun, whatever reason), but I didn't want to keep getting closer- I would rather have just frozen the friendship/relationship in time, (with no progression in commitment or responsibility- just keep having fun! It always came down to knowing in my heart that "he's not the one" but not having the logic to back up my feelings or the guts to just come out and say so.
What do you think about that? Is "needing space" the kiss of death? Have you (or has anyone you know) ever "needed space" for a bit and the relationship actually worked out long term (15+ years)?
When I hear girlfriends say their bf "needs space," I think back to the (admittedly, very few) times I ever felt that way; where I felt like the guy I was seeing was too into me. I didn't want to cut him off completely (he was hot, fun, whatever reason), but I didn't want to keep getting closer- I would rather have just frozen the friendship/relationship in time, (with no progression in commitment or responsibility- just keep having fun! It always came down to knowing in my heart that "he's not the one" but not having the logic to back up my feelings or the guts to just come out and say so.
What do you think about that? Is "needing space" the kiss of death? Have you (or has anyone you know) ever "needed space" for a bit and the relationship actually worked out long term (15+ years)?
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Interesting question. I dated my ex for 5 years before we got married. We lived an hour away from one another and only saw one another on weekends for the most part. So 2-3 yrs into dating, he started being ok with us skipping a weekend together. I didn't think much of it at the time.....he traveled for a living and was away from home from Sun night till Thurs night so I figured he just occassionally wanted a weekend to be home and do absolutely nothing, etc. Then it became every other weekend. I was SO offended that he didn't want to spend all his weekends with me. I don't think couples need to necessarily spend every waking and/or free time together. But when someone is suddenly ok going a week or two at a time without seeing each other, I think that's reason to be a bit concerned. It's certainly a red flag.
Obviously in my case, he's my EX husband so it didn't work out long term for us. haha His desire for alone time continued into married life. He preferred to be in his study reading the newspaper and watching TV than spend time together.0 -
Everybody is different. Some people just need more "space" than others. Too much time with anyone is bound to create problems... When I need "space" it's usually something to do with me and not the other person.
I love spending time with my significant other, but I have bad anxiety and just need to be by myself sometimes. That's just who I am. It applies to family and friends, too.0 -
Depends on what kind of space is being asked for and most of the time the only person that truly knows is the one asking for it.
If I asked my guy for space it might be because I felt I needed to refocus and get my thoughts together (maybe I felt too invested). It could be because I need to figure out if I want to go further in the relationship.
If a guy asks for space I would assume I've been smothering him and he just needs breathing room (but has every intention of staying with me) or like you're saying, kiss of death. It could also be a way of saying slow down.0 -
Pretty much the kiss of death if anyone says that in the 1st year of a relationship. More understandable if its during a LTR and someone just needs a breather cos you're living together/ seeing each other 24/7.0
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If I asked my guy for space it might be because I felt I needed to refocus and get my thoughts together (maybe I felt too invested). It could be because I need to figure out if I want to go further in the relationship.
I guess the problem I'm having is, the only time I'm feeling like this is when I really don't think the relationship is going to be satisfying in the long term. Which means if I or someone else who thinks like me gets that feeling, we should end it for the sake of the guy/girl involved. When I think I've met someone I can eventually settle down with, I don't feel like "I need space," though I sometimes need quiet time/alone time.0 -
48 hours of travel gave me lots of time to think up questions for y'all... lol...
When I hear girlfriends say their bf "needs space," I think back to the (admittedly, very few) times I ever felt that way; where I felt like the guy I was seeing was too into me. I didn't want to cut him off completely (he was hot, fun, whatever reason), but I didn't want to keep getting closer- I would rather have just frozen the friendship/relationship in time, (with no progression in commitment or responsibility- just keep having fun! It always came down to knowing in my heart that "he's not the one" but not having the logic to back up my feelings or the guts to just come out and say so.
What do you think about that? Is "needing space" the kiss of death? Have you (or has anyone you know) ever "needed space" for a bit and the relationship actually worked out long term (15+ years)?
No. I need a lot of space cause I grew up an only child and I get into my moods where I just wanna bond with myself (not that kind of self bonding) my significant other cant really understand it but some men are just lone wolves, I don't like being in a wolf pack. What women should worry about the most is when a guy asserts how he may not want to spend anytime with you at all cause he wants to spend time with someone else. And women generally know when that time is cause they have women's intuition.0 -
48 hours of travel gave me lots of time to think up questions for y'all... lol...
When I hear girlfriends say their bf "needs space," I think back to the (admittedly, very few) times I ever felt that way; where I felt like the guy I was seeing was too into me. I didn't want to cut him off completely (he was hot, fun, whatever reason), but I didn't want to keep getting closer- I would rather have just frozen the friendship/relationship in time, (with no progression in commitment or responsibility- just keep having fun! It always came down to knowing in my heart that "he's not the one" but not having the logic to back up my feelings or the guts to just come out and say so.
What do you think about that? Is "needing space" the kiss of death? Have you (or has anyone you know) ever "needed space" for a bit and the relationship actually worked out long term (15+ years)?
No. I need a lot of space cause I grew up an only child and I get into my moods where I just wanna bond with myself (not that kind of self bonding) my significant other cant really understand it but some men are just lone wolves, I don't like being in a wolf pack. What women should worry about the most is when a guy asserts how he may not want to spend anytime with you at all cause he wants to spend time with someone else. And women generally know when that time is cause they have women's intuition.
I agree with this 100% I truly value my alone time, which is one of the reasons I've lived without roommates since I was out of college. Having some time apart is definitely important for me in a relationship.0 -
While I agree everyone needs alone time, that's different than telling someone that you "need space." When someone brings up "needing space" in the context of a relationship, that's a bad sign. To me, that's the kiss of death. That says to me, "I'm tired of being around you and I'm easing you out of this relationship." If someone says to me, "I would like some alone time, maybe we can hang out tomorrow instead" that's completely cool.0
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It depends on what kind of space. Women and men think completely differently, you have to know the person you are talking to. I personally am an affectionate person, but even i can't be around someone 24/7 it's just not going to work. Space is a broad term though, do you mean break? or just not wanting to hang out for a few days? its a difference0
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Typically it's a bad sign. But lots of people, myself included, need time to be alone to recharge the batteries. Perhaps you're in a relatively new relationship, and you're seeing each other whenever you have time. This has been going on for a few months. I don't think it's a bad sign for the partner to say, "I love spending time with you, but I also need some time for myself." Just to reset the expectations on how often they should meet to keep the relationship moving forward... Perhaps to signify a change from the "honeymoon" dating stage to the "we're a comfortable couple who don't need to spend every minute of our free time together" dating stage.
Agree, however, that it's all in the phrasing. A general statement of "needing more space/freedom/etc.," without any clarification, is a terrible sign.
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I need space 3-5 times per week.0
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Pretty much the kiss of death if anyone says that in the 1st year of a relationship. More understandable if its during a LTR and someone just needs a breather cos you're living together/ seeing each other 24/7.While I agree everyone needs alone time, that's different than telling someone that you "need space." When someone brings up "needing space" in the context of a relationship, that's a bad sign. To me, that's the kiss of death. That says to me, "I'm tired of being around you and I'm easing you out of this relationship." If someone says to me, "I would like some alone time, maybe we can hang out tomorrow instead" that's completely cool.
These two quotes make a lot of sense. Hearing that line early on is the kiss of death. Some alone time apart is good, as I have some interests that I like, but being excited to be with the other person is something I want.0 -
I've been living alone since I was 21 basically. A few room mates here and there but I do think if I ever get to the stage where I'm in a ltr. I will need someone who understands that alone time is important. As is time with friends ect. I certainly want to be with someone who I want to be with..alot but I need space.
If it's that "i need space" conversation then I would be feeling an ending is near.0
