Well, first of all, I think it's too premature to expect butterflies. You've not even met face to face yet. There's a certain excitement and nervousness that comes from getting to know someone online and the anticipation of meeting them face to face. But I don't think butterflies should be happening after 4 days of talking online. For ME, butterflies are part of the whole package of physical attraction.

Now here's something I CAN say....I've had 2 friends with similar stories as yours. When they first met their now-husbands, there were no major fireworks or butterflies. Both girls were just "eh" about the men when they first met. Thought they were nice guys, funny, etc. But didn't jump into those thoughts of "OMG he's the one!". My BFF, she actually told her now-husband, that she wasn't that interested and they had no contact for 6 months. Then she realized that she missed him - he'd made her laugh, he made her feel so good about herself. He was the most genuine person she'd met. So while she had no butterflies, she missed that in him and they got back together. They've now been married 10 years. And are happy as clams.

My ex husband - when we met (at a singles event) my heart went into my throat and my stomach did flip flops and I was so flustered I could hardly talk. I told my mom, later that night, I'd met the man I was gonna marry. Well, yes I had major butterflies and those butterflies lasted MONTHS each time we were going to get together. But guess what - we're now divorced. haha

SO while those butterflies feel great at the time, I don't think that it's necessarily a sign that it's a great thing. I think sometimes those TENSE initial feelings can cloud our judgement for seeing who the person really IS on the inside. We get caught up in that physical attraction and forget to really learn who the person is and what they're all about. Right now, I don't have those butterflies with the guys I've recently been seeing. I miss them, yes. I love that feeling. But it's the first time I've NOT had those feelings with someone and yet still totally enjoy our time together and genuinely love the feeling I have when we're together. So maybe not having those intense feelings right away is a good thing....?

Nonetheless, you haven't even met these people and meeting up in person can change things completely for the better or worse So just enjoy getting to know them and see how you feel once you've met up and maybe gone out a few times! Sounds like you're having lots of fun right now!

What is all this talk about butterflies? It's a novel concept to most guys. Guys never feel something that is called "butterflies". If someone is attractive, we want to be around them. If someone has a good attitude to match looks, we realize that is rare and even better. Because many good looking women have terrible attitudes and personalities. Even some not so good looking women have bad 'tudes. It is a common experience to see a woman who is cute, maybe just slightly above average value herself like a supermodel and take on those personality attributes, acting like a spoiled diva.

Besides, initial attraction is usually just physical. So what? Looks brings a person to the table, but what keeps them there are the internal qualities. A good attitude goes a long way. Reliability, honesty, trustworthiness, sense of adventure, those are the kind of things that keep someone around.

Women call it butterflies...but for men...I mean really you don't persue someone who doesn't make you excited sexually? Or do you? For me butterflies=initial strong chemistry in terms of I want to kiss him now. I can see myself in bed with him ect. How many men are going to continue dating a woman they don't want to sleep with?
That's the thing..does the spark have to be there right away of can it build?

Initial attraction is based on outward appearance. I don't think anyone will dispute that. Outward appearance is primarily a function of diet and exercise. Sure, clothing/accessories/makeup has relevance in creating an outward appearance, but women who need to lose weight to up the perception of their attractiveness amongst males aren't going to be helped tremendously by good accessorizing (though it doesn't hurt).

I believe that men generally (but not always) are better at compartmentalizing their attractions. Men can realize that some women are good for short term pure sexual arrangements and some have possibilities beyond just the sexual component.

I am a believer that the spark builds when the objective is longer term. Sure, there has to be something small to begin, but I really feel that there is a problem with certain people expecting the spark to be there 100% right away. Rather, I think it is better to look for something that is attractive and build around that. I look for someone who is good looking to bring initial spark, but the attitude is what grows the spark.

David my dear, you've confused me. First you said:

What is all this talk about butterflies? It's a novel concept to most guys. Guys never feel something that is called "butterflies"

then you said:

I am a believer that the spark builds when the objective is longer term. Sure, there has to be something small to begin, but I really feel that there is a problem with certain people expecting the spark to be there 100% right away.

So, does a man's stomach flip over/flutter (like a butterfly) and his heart melt when he falls for someone - either in lust or love - or not?? (This is a physical reaction we're talking about here. Not a practical one) :bigsmile:

And can you speak for ALL men, or just YOU have never felt it? :flowerforyou:

Can I speak for all men? No, I don't think so.

"Butterflies" is a semantical issue. Most guys would never describe initial attraction as butterflies. The idea of using that word is not something most guys would consider using. We feel initial attraction, it is just never referred to as butterflies.

David my dear, you've confused me. First you said:

What is all this talk about butterflies? It's a novel concept to most guys. Guys never feel something that is called "butterflies"

then you said:

I am a believer that the spark builds when the objective is longer term. Sure, there has to be something small to begin, but I really feel that there is a problem with certain people expecting the spark to be there 100% right away.

So, does a man's stomach flip over/flutter (like a butterfly) and his heart melt when he falls for someone - either in lust or love - or not?? (This is a physical reaction we're talking about here. Not a practical one) :bigsmile:

And can you speak for ALL men, or just YOU have never felt it? :flowerforyou:

Can I speak for all men? No, I don't think so.

"Butterflies" is a semantical issue. Most guys would never describe initial attraction as butterflies. The idea of using that word is not something most guys would consider using. We feel initial attraction, it is just never referred to as butterflies.

You are not sensing the female emotional reaction DM,it is just different then what we have as guys,for good and sometimes for horrific bad.

Initial attraction is based on outward appearance. I don't think anyone will dispute that. Outward appearance is primarily a function of diet and exercise. Sure, clothing/accessories/makeup has relevance in creating an outward appearance, but women who need to lose weight to up the perception of their attractiveness amongst males aren't going to be helped tremendously by good accessorizing (though it doesn't hurt).

I actually think that having a good fashion sense and doing a good job with your hair and makeup helps a lot, because it increases your confidence. I know it helps me when I've having a fat day to dress nice and put on makeup. I think it helps greatly. Wearing sweats isn't gonna help me feel better.

I lost nearly 50 lbs and I'll tell you that losing weight did not really up my perception of attractiveness to other men. I maybe have had a little more male attention, but not a whole lot. However, I know girls who are bigger than me that dress really nicely and do their makeup pretty and are good at accessorizing, and they get a ton more male attention, because I think they feel confident when they dress nice.

Shouldn't you at least feel SOMETHING in order to start the path of getting to know someone?!

Nope. You don't know them and have never met. Most of what people feel when they look at a profile is just attraction to a picture and a fantasy developed in their heads of what the person is like.

I'm talking with two very nice guys that I'm not even sure I find attractive and honestly feel no PULL towards wanting to get to know them. It's not exciting, it feels forced, but it's the only options I have right now, so I'm left wondering do I continue and hope that feeling changes, hence my initial question?!

Does it feel forced because you just don't feel a spark? Or do you really have nothing to talk about, no common interests, different communication styles, or something else a little more specific? If it's the latter, then maybe they just aren't good matches.

It seems to me to be a fine line between having an initial minimal interest and letting it grow (but at least some feeling of the desire to get to know someone) versus having NO interest and expecting that it might change because they're good people. Isn't that what we talk about on here all the time?! There are a LOT of good people out there, but I don't want to date them all.... so shouldn't I feel some desire to do so, some small level of butterflies, before heading down that path?!

I say give anyone a chance who is willing to communicate and has SOMETHING about them that appeals to you - a shared interest or hobby, the ability to make you laugh, an interesting mind. Don't count yourself as having absolutely NO interest until you've been in the same room and looked him in the eye. If you have zero interest then, it might be time to give up, but I would probably still even do one more date if everything else was okay about it since nerves can factor in a lot with a first meet.

Don't date them all - just the ones that look promising. You can be selective based on the information they give in the profiles and in your first conversations. I certainly have communicated or been contacted by men I know I don't want to date - that is based on the things they have said in their profile or to me, not on the lack of some feeling for a person I've never set eyes upon.