Um.... what to say?
Mellie289
Posts: 1,191 Member
I just got off the phone with someone from POF and we had a wonderful 2 hour conversation that actually killed his phone battery along the way, so he had to sit on the floor plugged into the wall for the last half hour. :bigsmile: He asked if I wanted meet (or just talk again or exchange emails because he never knows with online dating) and I of course said meet... then the problem. He asked me what I was doing. I am meeting the beach guy on Saturday already.
This has NEVER happened to me before. I have never had a date with more than one person in the same weekend... or week... or month for that matter and often not even in the same year!
I was honest and said I'm meeting someone else that day. I really didn't know what to say and I don't want to lie. Since he was free all week and weekend, I picked Friday to meet, so this one is first and I can always cancel the other date.
I know there are some people who do multi-date. How have you juggled things like that or how would you handle it? I tried to just say I have plans, but he asked me what I was doing. :ohwell: I highly doubt this situation will ever happen again, but I'm curious.
This has NEVER happened to me before. I have never had a date with more than one person in the same weekend... or week... or month for that matter and often not even in the same year!
I was honest and said I'm meeting someone else that day. I really didn't know what to say and I don't want to lie. Since he was free all week and weekend, I picked Friday to meet, so this one is first and I can always cancel the other date.
I know there are some people who do multi-date. How have you juggled things like that or how would you handle it? I tried to just say I have plans, but he asked me what I was doing. :ohwell: I highly doubt this situation will ever happen again, but I'm curious.
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It happened once or twice to me. It's hard because I am generally just a spit it out honest type but I don't elaborate unless I have to. Some people get really offended if you are talking to other people. A couple guys online really tripped about it, even if it was just implied that I was meeting another guy. It was weird and I called them out like "so you want me to be exclusive before we've even met?" They were threatened thinking I was just a serial dater or whatnot and I was told by at least one person that they didn't even want to meet me if I was talking to anyone else. Hellloooo? It's dating, most are one and dones. Anyway, I would just generally say that I had plans. You could have dinner plans with friends, or a work event, or volunteering. I'm bad if I am pushed for specifics and I always tell the truth but if it's generic, like "What are you doing Saturday, etc.?" Then I just say that I already have plans that day but how about Friday or whatever else days. So if he wasn't bothered, and you got a date for Friday then no problem. And like you said, if it goes well you may want to postpone/cancel Mr. Saturday with a "so sorry, something came up".0
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I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.0
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I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
That is what I would do.0 -
Yep.I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
Even though I know that you're dating other people, do not rub it in my face please.
Similarly, even though I know you've had sex before you met me, I'm not interested in hearing about it.
Etc.
As a general rule, humans want to feel special and by trivializing these things that have some meaning for us, you're hindering the creation of a connection.0 -
Yep.I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
Even though I know that you're dating other people, do not rub it in my face please.
Similarly, even though I know you've had sex before you met me, I'm not interested in hearing about it.
Etc.
As a general rule, humans want to feel special and by trivializing these things that have some meaning for us, you're hindering the creation of a connection.
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Your on a dating site, if he wants to meet you I'm sure he'll assume that other men want to as well.
Just say you are going to the beach with a friend which really isn't lie. Or tell him the truth..its a first meeting its not like he has any claim to you after talking for 2 hours.0 -
I know there are some people who do multi-date. How have you juggled things like that or how would you handle it? I tried to just say I have plans, but he asked me what I was doing. :ohwell: I highly doubt this situation will ever happen again, but I'm curious.
I would just tell him I already have plans Saturday and leave it at that.
I think it's ridiculous, but people seem to get REALLY upset to think you might be meeting someone else, even if a) you've just made contact with them and b) they're DOING THE SAME THING (unless no one is interested in them... which is a clue right there).
I would NOT tell him the plans are to meet another man unless he specifically asks. I would tell him we really had a connection and I can't wait to meet him but I'm also the kind of person that doesn't break existing plans without extenuating circumstances.
I've had a couple guys dig it out of me (I'm a chatterbox, it's not that hard) and most understood but some got upset. Two guys I remember for sure were dating other women and one guy turned out to be married. One got mad at me because he thought I was trying to make him compete with other guys. I told him I really enjoyed his company, but since he wasn't eager to fill up my time (and he was always on Match), I had to expect he was doing the same thing. And he was. I even told him I hope he'd eventually take me off the market and date exclusively, but he changed the subject.
Like FFF said, people want to feel special. I personally think it's unreasonable to expect that this amazing person you met online is going to have a super free calendar. Obviously other people think s/he's amazing too! So if I meet a guy and hte first month we are dating he still has dates lined up that doesn't bother me (if you've been seeing each other for 3-4 months that's different) but I'm not normal and it DOES bother most people (again, even if they're doing the SAME thing).0 -
I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
Definitely this.
I wouldn't say your meeting someone else because that comes off as rude. How would you feel if, after a 2 hour long phone call, he told you he was going out on a date with someone else this upcoming weekend?
There's nothing wrong with dating more than one person, but just don't tell the other person.0 -
Even if things go well with Friday guy, you still need to give Saturday guy a chance. You never know, he may be someone worth getting to know.0
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I fail to see why this is an issue. Almost everyone is seeing multiple people at the same time in the early stages. Especially when your means of finding dates is online, where there is an inherent focus on quantity over quality.I would just tell him I already have plans Saturday and leave it at that.
Yes, no need to go into any sort of detail. I would not ask a follow up to this line.Even though I know that you're dating other people, do not rub it in my face please. As a general rule, humans want to feel special and by trivializing these things that have some meaning for us, you're hindering the creation of a connection.
Exactly. Although it is assumed that you are seeing other people at least until there have been 2-3 good dates put in, don’t outright say it. It does make the guy feel insignificant and casts you in a light of being a serial dater.
I would recommending going on both dates before making any sort of plans for a 2nd rendezvous with either guy. Besides, they are likely footing real, direct monetary costs for it, so all you are committing to is time and gas to get to the dates.0 -
A few points, in no certain order:
1 - On the phone together for two friggin' hours!!!??? I haven't spoken to a girl for 2 hours since I was 16. Am I the only one who finds that very strange (from the guy's side)??
2 - I, for one, appreciated your honesty. I wouldn't mind at all if a potential date told me she had an intro meeting with someone else on that particular night. I'm not sure how we go from that to talking about "rubbing his face" in past sexual encounters. WTF? Get some perspective, people.
3 - Saying you already have plans is also fine. Just don't start making up detailed stories about meeting a friend, etc. You're going to be uncomfortable, and it's going to be fairly obvious you're meeting another guy. As someone already noted, if people expect you to be exclusive before you've even met, then they really need to grow up.
4 - Congrats on your popularity. Good luck!
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How would you feel if, after a 2 hour long phone call, he told you he was going out on a date with someone else this upcoming weekend?
I would say he's the rare honest man, and would appreciate that quality in him. IDK about you, but I've had LOTS of GREAT 2 hour phone calls with guys who were duds when I met them in person. One guy 4 hours of amazing convo and he stood me up for our date.
I wouldn't cancel a date after just one phone call, and I wouldn't expect someone else to either.
This is Shreveport, not podunkville. There are 1000s of guys here in my age group. 1000s of women. I've only met 1 guy that was a "one at a time" kind of guy. Everyone else was dating around (not that many places to date around here so it's easy to see, and plus I like to get on people's facebook before we go out too many times). The kind of guy I would probably get along with is probably also very social and probably also has a lot of women vying for his attention. So it would not bother me (unless he lied about it).
BUT, to OP, that doesn't mean you tell him. This is another one of those aggravating things where I wish people would just be honest but they're not. Even if he's doing the same thing, it makes you look less desirable in most guys eyes. Sorry.0 -
1 - On the phone together for two friggin' hours!!!??? I haven't spoken to a girl for 2 hours since I was 16. Am I the only one who finds that very strange (from the guy's side)??
Hmm, I never thought anything bad about it. I travel a lot for work and pleasure, so most of my long phone calls with guys have been while I'm on the road "hey, I can't go out with you b/c I'm traveling, but you can call while I'm on the road."
exactly!!As someone already noted, if people expect you to be exclusive before you've even met, then they really need to grow up.0 -
Thanks for all the replies. This is exactly what I tried to do. He pressed further and asked what I was doing - probably because it's a long weekend. He might have just been wondering if there was something cool going on. I just couldn't think of another vague reply that wasn't an out and out lie, and I need to be honest. I also tend to be a very direct person, so it's difficult for me to not just blurt everything out.I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
I am not intending to rub anything in anyone's face... and really, it's just two first meets. I'm really a "one at a time" kind of girl when it comes to dating myself, but I haven't even met these men yet! I'm pretty sure at least one of these dates will be a one and done deal.
Oh, well. I guess I'm pretty lucky that he still wanted to meet me after I spilled the beans - maybe because we really clicked and have a good connection (we're both Canadians living in Cali). If this topic comes up on our date, I'll let him know that I don't intend to serial date - it was just a fluke that I had two dates this weekend.0 -
A few points, in no certain order:
1 - On the phone together for two friggin' hours!!!??? I haven't spoken to a girl for 2 hours since I was 16. Am I the only one who finds that very strange (from the guy's side)??
2 - I, for one, appreciated your honesty. I wouldn't mind at all if a potential date told me she had an intro meeting with someone else on that particular night. I'm not sure how we go from that to talking about "rubbing his face" in past sexual encounters. WTF? Get some perspective, people.
3 - Saying you already have plans is also fine. Just don't start making up detailed stories about meeting a friend, etc. You're going to be uncomfortable, and it's going to be fairly obvious you're meeting another guy. As someone already noted, if people expect you to be exclusive before you've even met, then they really need to grow up.
4 - Congrats on your popularity. Good luck!
--P
My last relationship was long distance (California-Chicago) and we talked on the phone every single day when it was possible. The first few weeks, I think we talked on average for 4 hours every night (3-5 hours), and when I say we talked, I mean mostly HE talked - probably about 2/3 of the conversation. :bigsmile: It was a little better after the relationship was more established. Our phone conversations were more typically half an hour to an hour every night. When we broke up, I felt a big void not having these nightly conversations with my best friend to just chat about our days.
I like that this guy is really chatty. The previous guy I dated wasn't. It was pretty much one call each week to set up our date (with a little conversation). That made me feel like his communication style might not work for me if he didn't want to talk more frequently.
As for your #4, that really made me laugh. When I hear about how many messages and dates some people have from these dating sites, it's extremely funny to use the word popularity to describe me. :laugh:0 -
Hellloooo? It's dating, most are one and dones.
I like to see other people using the terminology that I introduced to the board.
:drinker:1 - On the phone together for two friggin' hours!!!??? I haven't spoken to a girl for 2 hours since I was 16. Am I the only one who finds that very strange (from the guy's side)??
I don’t necessarily find it strange, but I don’t necessarily recommend it either. If in those 2 hours, she does most of the talking and perceives me as a great listener that she wants more of, that’s ideal. But usually, in the early stages, the less a man says, the better.0 -
1 - On the phone together for two friggin' hours!!!??? I haven't spoken to a girl for 2 hours since I was 16. Am I the only one who finds that very strange (from the guy's side)??
Yes, I think my record is 8 hours!!! :laugh: With a guy, so from the guys' side, yes again!
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Yep.I would just say I was getting together with a friend and leave it at that.
Even though I know that you're dating other people, do not rub it in my face please.
Similarly, even though I know you've had sex before you met me, I'm not interested in hearing about it.
Etc.
As a general rule, humans want to feel special and by trivializing these things that have some meaning for us, you're hindering the creation of a connection.
agreed^^0 -
I was told by at least one person that they didn't even want to meet me if I was talking to anyone else.
I like to call that "Dodging a bullet". I love it when people reveal they're a waste of time before I waste my time!0 -
How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.0
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How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.
Be careful, you may get labeled as a serial dater. LOL :drinker: See other thread. :flowerforyou:0 -
How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.
Be careful, you may get labeled as a serial dater. LOL :drinker: See other thread. :flowerforyou:
Lucky for me I met my boyfriend on Match.com and I am super happy with him. I am hoping to not date again at the very least for some time!! 0 -
How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.
Be careful, you may get labeled as a serial dater. LOL :drinker: See other thread. :flowerforyou:
Lucky for me I met my boyfriend on Match.com and I am super happy with him. I am hoping to not date again at the very least for some time!!
YAY! Congrats!:drinker:0 -
This is another example of how online dating is weird and feels unnatural compared to meeting someone in person, then going out. We get a massive list of singles to search and sift through only to end up having some people getting upset that you might actually date someone else when you have never even met each other. On the other hand, if you decided to just see one person (whom you've never met before), you might come across as creepy and scare them off by being to intense too soon. It's like a minefield.How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.0 -
How can people on dating sites not assume you are talking to other people.?! That's the point. Meet a bunch of people until one of them pans out as something more! I didn't go on a lot of dates but when I had multiple dates in a week I would just say I had plans and leave it at that. No one was nosey enough to pry as to what my plans were. I think because I didn't elaborate they knew not to ask.
Be careful, you may get labeled as a serial dater. LOL :drinker: See other thread. :flowerforyou:
LOL0
